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The Interactive FanFiction Story

One of the longest-running fanfiction stories on the 'net.

Chapter 39: Never Had a Chance to Say Goodbye

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Chapter 39: Never Had a Chance to Say Goodbye

written by Michelle

added on: 14 Aug 2004 - based on characters created by Winnie Holzman

Angela is walking into the Chases house. She see's her mother on the phone, and knows that its her cousin Rachael, calling about Nicole. After a few minutes watching her mother on the phone she witnesses her mother burst into tears and sits down in the chair, from her knees becoming weak of the bad news.
Angela walks into the kitchen where her mother is on the phone, she takes a sit next to her mother, who mouthes the words"i'm sorry" to her. Angela stares at mother as if she's about to breakdown. Angela starts to breathe extremely hard, her chin starts to tremble, she swallows as tears come rushing down her eyes. Angela runs up to her room to see Danielle, in her bed on the phone listening to her mothers and Rachaels conversation. Danielle hangs up the phones and starts to cry. Angela rushes over to her to try to hug her but Danielle runs out of the room and into her own room, she jumps into the bed and crys silently with her face in her pillow. Angela sits her on her bed with tears streamimg down her cheeks.

Angela-vo-I cannot believe this. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to her. I'm missing her already. She was sister, my strength, and my pride. Now i actually know what that song means, when they say their loved one was their sister, strength, and pride. Now i actually get it. Because she really was. Every other day i looked forward to calling her, just to hear her voice. This is too much...GOD, why Nicole? She was only 18, her life hadn't even really started yet. Can't believe we never said goodbye. Nicole will always be in my heart, always.oh GOD, she never did anything wrong, she was a great person, why did you take her. I know i'm not supposed to question you, just like Aunt Rachael said, but i really just need to know why. And why did i have all those dreams and stuff about her, if i wasn't going to be able to like help her. Everyone said she'd be safe, i feel like, they all just lied to me, they shouldn't say people are going to be okay when they're going to die just hours later. Never forget what she means to me.(smiles as she remembers the good times she and Nicole had, when they were little. She remembers when Nicole was 14 and had a crush on a 12 year old, Brian Krakow.) I'm glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I guess it was her time to go...How am I going to cope with all this pain, i'm so depressed right now. Seems like yesterday she used to play tea party with me when she came to visit with her family. I'd give anything to hear you voice again Nicole. every move i make, i'll think about her, there won't be a second where i won't think about her. It's going to be hard knowing you're...gone. I can't believe you're gone nicole. Why did you have to go out. Why didn't you leave the resturant maybe 2 minutes later than what you did, maybe you wouldn't have come in contact with that drunk. I remember when sharon, me and, you were homealone, and i fell outside and skinned my knee, you acted like a big sister to me. you cleaned it up and told me everything was going to be okay. you said i would be fine and no harm was really done. I wish you were hear to tell me that right now. Miss you already Nik. Just..can't believe we never said goodbye....

*The next morning at the chases* Angela is in the kitchen drinking orange juice when her mother comes in to start breakfast.*

Patty:Honey, how are you? You don't have to go to school today if you don't want to, I'll understand.

Angela:(vo-how am i? my favorite cousin just died, how do you think i am?)tucks her hair behind her ear:No it's fine, life goes on right? I'll be okay.

Patty:Are you sure honey, because i know how you're feeling. i felt the same way when my roomate in college died, she was like a sister to me.

Angela:Mom, i'll be fine. Where's Danielle?

Danielle:(coming into the kitchen):Right here.

Angela:Hey(hugs her)how yah doing.

Danielle:I'm fine, I wish everyone would stop asking me that. Plus, I should be asking you that question, since, you know, you were closest to her than anyone. So..

Angela:(half smiles):I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me. After all, she's in heaven right?

Danielle:(puts her head down and looks at the floor):yeah

Angela:(Tilts Danielles head up, who is starting to shed tears, she looks her straight in the eye):Hey, all is well. Nikkie's in heaven, resting, (starts to smile) chillin', she's hanging out with GOD, Jesus, the Angels. Maybe she's up there chatting with our Great Aunt. Or maybe she's in the choir. Or maybe she's asking Adam and Eve why they ate the forbidden fruit.(Danielle smiles at that remark) Or she could be smiling down on you right now, wishing you wouldn't be sad, wishing you were happy for her, hoping that soon you'll be able to look up in the sky and her. Wanting you to know that, maybe you won't hear her or see her right now, but you'll see her again, when the time comes. okay?

Danielle:(smiles from ear to ear)Okay, thanks Angela.(Hugs Angela. Patty smiles at Angela, proud of what she's just said to her little sister, she goes over there and hugs both of them. They all jump as they hear a car beeping its horn. They look at eachother and laugh at themselves for being so jumpy.)

Amgela:Well, thats Jordan, i guess i'd better go. Remember what i said Danielle. Bye!(walks out the door headed towards Jordans car on the curb)vo-I can't believe i actually said all of that to Danielle. I wish it could have affected me as much as it did Danielle. I don't think i'll ever get over her. I'm sure Sharon already knows, Mom probably told her mom who probably told sharon, who will probably tell Brian before I do. I wouldn't even be surprised if Jordan knows, Sharon was bound to call him maybe this morning or last night, just to tell him. She's like that, all the time. I'm kind of glad, that way i won't be bothered with telling everyone and then breaking down and crying in front of them. Thank GOD for Cherski.

Angela gets into Jordan's car who gives her a kiss and starts to drive towards school.

Jordan:So, Sharon called me, late last night. she told me about you cousin. I'm really sorry. How you doing?

Angela:-vo-why do people always ask, how are you doing, when they already know the answer. i mean how do you think i'll be doing after my cousin who was like a big sister to me just died and i didn't get to say goodbye to her. Who decided to have like everyone say that after something tragic as happened, thats like asking a person who just fell off a building if their okay-(out loud):I'm fine, thanks.

Jordan looks over a Angela is is fumbling with her ring thats on her right ring finger.

Jordan:No, you're not.

Angela(vo-where did that come from, never fails for him to see right through me)

Jordan:I know you're not fine, because my uncle just died the beginning of this summer and I know how you feel. I mean i felt like i wanted to die when he died, because i never got to say goodbye to him. So, I know what you're feeling like, it's rough going through this kind of situation, so if you need to like talk or whatever, go head, i'll listen.

Angela:vo-I dont wanna talk right now, but then again i do at the same time.


Angela:I just miss her already, and it hasn't even been a whole day. Everyone was saying she would be okay, i just feel like they just lied to me. I mean if you don't know someone..(chin starts to tremble and tears stream down her face) is going to be okay, then don't say it.

Jordan nods his head, takes one of his hands off the wheel and pulls Angela close to him. She lays her head on his shoulder and continue's to talk.

Angela:She was only 18, like you, and some idiotic fool crashed into her, and killed her, and all he got was a stratch on him. It's not fair, I mean it really isn't fair. She has a 5 year old sister who probably doesn't even completely understands whats going on. It'll probably take a while for her to figure out that her big sister isn't coming home. I just..i wish...seriously, i would do anything to hear her voice again.

Jordan:Yeah, I know how you feel, i'd do anything to hear my uncles voice again too.


Jordan:Are you, you know, going to st.louis, for the, funeral. i mean, like, when is it, cause i can come with you.

Angela:No, its strange, their having one in st. louis, then going to have one here in pennsylvania, because most of the family is here, so.. its next week thursday, here, and next week wednesday in st.louis...I have like this talent that only like a few of my family members know about, and one of them happend to be..nicoles mom.

Jordan, very interested, being this is his first time hearing about her hidden talent.

Angela:So basicly, i play the piano, and can sing like really good, and her mom wants me to sing at the funeral.

Jordan:Wait a minute, you can sing(eyes wide open, short laugh)

Angela tucks her hair behind her ear and half smiles:yeah, a lot of people don't know. She wants me to sing TWO songs too, but i'll do it for Nicole though.

Jordan:And play the piano, and like the keyboard too?

Angela(licks lips, takes in breath):Yeah

Jordan:You mean to tell me, that, all this time, you could sing and you didn't tell me. That time when Rayanne was in my band, she like freaked out on the stage, you could have been the one singing instead of her?

Angela(nervous laugh):yeah

Jordan:Wait til Shane hears this.(laughs to himself)

Angela:No! don't tell him.

Jordan:Angela,he's going to find out anyway, he was at my house when, you know, Sharon called, he was going to come to the funeral and everything.

Angela:Really? Why?

Jordan(shrugs his shoulders):He likes you, wants to make sure you're, okay i guess. but are you, like , feeling better now that you've kind of talked about it.

Angela:(smiles):Yeah, thanks for listening.

Jordan(smiles)Anytime...I wonder how the guys would feel if we had a girl singer again.

Angela(play punches his shoulder):Shut up!, thats like never going to happen.

Jordan:I'm just playing, i know you're only doing this for your cousin, I understand.

Angela:Yeah(fumbles with her ring again)

Jordan:Nice ring, never seen you wear it before. Can i see it.(takes the ring, its silver and has words carved into it in cursive, which says"Nicole Angela BFF") Oh...Your cousin Nicole, gave this to you didn't she?

Angela:Yeah, she sent it to me on my 15 birthday, i gave her a necklace with with a heart that said the same thing on her 17th birthday.

Jordan nods his hand and puts it back on Angela finger, tilts her head up and smiles at her, then gives her a long hug. They hear the bell ring inside school, and head for the building with his arm around her shoulders.

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“Lately, I can't even look at my mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly.”

Angela Chase, Episode 1: "My So-Called Life (Pilot)"