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Ask Mistress Justine

Mistress Justine will answer questions and give advice from the Dominatrix perspective.

How do I get the blood stains out of leather?

Never let the blood dry. It should always be licked off thoroughly when fresh. If it dries first, beat wearer until they bleed in the same place, thereby moistening the dried blood, and insist they lick off both layers. If this fails for some reason, beat wearer until they bleed all over the garment. Stitch around a pair of boots. Sell to kids in the Inland Empire as a set of Oxblood cowboy boots.

My cakes keep falling in the middle, what should I do?

Why this happens and how to prevent it in the future: Most likely, some greedy pig with no self-control keeps opening the oven to gratify his senses--most likely a domestic slave. He needs to be punished. Next time he wants to role play, suggest the classic German oven game (Hansel and Gretel of course) and gas him until he promises to never to it again or dies--whichever comes first.

If you have guests arriving shortly and you need to salvage the cake to avoid punishment, there are two options.

  1. sit on it
  2. inflate it. Since you don't have time to make another one, you need only look around you for suitable inflation equipment lying around the dungeon. I frequently fill the enema bag with liquid fudge, insert the nosil into the cake, and squeeze until the top has levelled out. Make sure to frost over the tell tale puncture however. And always, sterilize afterward(s?).
  3. if you don't need the flat cake but hate to throw away food when people are starving in India or because you feel as if it would be a pity to waste all the money you spent on flour:
    Cut out the middle. Freeze overnight. Stand outside--pick a trendy nightclub with lots of kids attending--and sell to the Shampoo planet eco-goths as as leather-free, biodegradeable alternative to dog collars. Feel free to make a version for the "tops" by adding those silver candy balls as a kinder, gentler spike simulation.
much love,
Mistress Justine

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“My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him.”

Angela Chase, Episode 1: "My So-Called Life (Pilot)"