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The Fifth Day Of Christmas (Jordan)

written by Shannon Bryan

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Published: 1997 | Size: 4 KB (772 words) | Language: english | Rating: PG-13
Average: 3.2/5   3.2/5 (15 votes)

based on stories and characters created by Winnie Holzman

Hey, you know that guy Jordan who's always leaning against stuff? He has something to say.

Christmas blows.

The crappy music, the crowds, those guys ringing the bells for money or whatever. All of it just... *blows*.

I don't feel like talking about Christmas. So find somebody else, okay? Like Brain.

No, wait.

There's one Christmas that was kind of...okay. Maybe, like, a couple of them. That didn't, you know, totally suck. When I was a kid. Before my Mom died. Like this one year, she bought me this cheap guitar or whatever. Acoustic. I mean, it wasn't, like, a piece of junk or anything. It was just...more like a toy than an instrument. But it was cool. One of my friends taught me some chords. I'm not that good at reading music, but I do okay. I play in a band, you know? It used to be Tino's band, The Frozen Embryos? But he bailed. So I guess it's my band now.  And now we're Residue. Whatever.

My Mom used to bring me to church sometimes. Only on Christmas Eve. Just her and me. And, like, a bunch of other people sitting around praying and stuff, but it kind of felt like...just the two of us, or whatever. And she always lit a candle. I never really knew what for. When I got a little older she let me light the candle sometimes. But then she died. And lighting a candle didn't seem to, you know, *matter*. Not anymore.

My old man ruined Christmas for me. He, like, couldn't deal without my Mom. He had to turn every holiday into some big *thing*. Open your presents now. Get ready to go here now. Go there, *now*. I mean, that totally sucked, man. And if I didn't move fast enough, sometimes he'd whack me. The last time he tried to hit me I threw a chair at him. That was a few years ago. Now he just leaves me alone. Which is cool. Because I have, like, this theory or something about Christmas. About everything, really. Whatever happens, happens. That's better than making plans.

Although last Christmas was sort of okay. There's this girl I, like, know. Angela. She's, like...different. But in a good way or whatever. And her friend Rickie needed a place to crash. So I helped him out and stuff. Angela got all worried about him so I took her to see him. And she was, like, so happy, just cuz I drove her to this big warehouse. And it was kind of cool to make her happy. Like maybe I could, you know, get used to it or something.

That kid Rickie kind of knows about the stuff that happened with my old man. I mean, I kind of told him or whatever. And he said he was gonna light a candle for me on Christmas Eve. And I sort of made fun of him. I guess I shouldn't have done that. I don't know if he lit one for me or not. But I ended up lighting one. I still don't really know what for. Maybe for my Mom. It didn't quite feel the same. Lighting it on my own. Maybe it was never about church, or lighting the candle at all. Maybe it was about sharing that with someone. Someone who, you know, *matters*.

So, anyway, I hafta go. Joey and Stan are waiting for me. We might get a gig at Let's Bolt this weekend. I could use the cash.

Maybe this Christmas will be okay. Maybe it won't. I think I'm gonna ask Angela if she'll go to church with me though. She seems like she'd know what lighting a candle is for. But maybe she doesn't know either. Maybe she won't even wanna go.

Whatever happens, happens.

Okay everybody, sing along!
That's right, even you guys sitting in the back!

(music = ON)

On the fifth day of Christmas, Patty Chase gave to me...
...five cotton swabs...

four invisible cats,
three yummy lollies,
two free Dead tickets,
and one out of state fake ID.

Have you heard? Cherski's up next. Puh-leeze! It's like, totally known!

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The Sixth Day Of Christmas (Sharon) by Shannon Bryan and E.R. Holdridge (Shobi)
Published: 1997 | Size: 6 KB (1039 words) | Language: english english | Rating: PG-13
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Rating Distribution:
Average: 3.2/5   3.2/5 (15 votes)
  • anonymous author commented on 06 Aug 2003:
    I love your stories but i do think the christmas thing is a little to much. It just isn't like the series.

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