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Chapter 13: "And Throughout all Eternity, I forgive you, you forgive me."

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Chapter 13: "And Throughout all Eternity, I forgive you, you forgive me."

written by Ingrid

added on: 08 Feb 2006 - based on characters created by Winnie Holzman

Angela lies on her bed, looking at the ceiling. She seems in deep thought and her face is clear of expression.

Angela-I had no response or answer to what was happening. It was as if someone suddenly decided to make my life harder by doing this. I couldnt answer to Brian the way that he wanted me to answer him. I did felt sympathy and I guess it was my own fault for being so selfish. I thought of Jordan Catalano the most he was the one guilty of all my pain. He was the one that was the responsible for my life to get so complicated. The only person that I blamed the most was myself. I was the one that fell in love in the first place. I came to realize that I started this whole thing, by being so blind to what the reality around me was. It was true that I finally had whom I wanted, but it cost me so much. I lost a best friend. And I suddenly didnt think of Rayanne Graff as bas as I thought that I could. I mean I did never hear her side, but she also knew how much Jordan meant to me. As in Brian, I just couldnt stop thinking about all the things that I said to him. But I knew that I could never feel the same way, he wasnt the best neighbor, I didnt see him as a brother either, or a friend, he was just this boy that I used to be friends with when me and Sharon were little. I guess that I knew all along that he had feeling, but it was easier to just not think about them. I hadnt taken any phone calls from Jordan I didnt want to talk to Brian. Rickie was worried about me because all I did was avoid Brian and Jordan. It was harder to avoid Brian he was in three of my classes. He was also my lab partner, so I begged my teacher to let me switch with Sharon. She agreed but she wasnt sure why she let me though. Then it was English, where the only way I could go through it was to talk to Sharon and to try to listen to Mr. Katimsky. Jordan tried to talk to me. He left me notes on my locker, he waited too, but I hardly went to my locker because he was there sometimes. But Rayanne was impossible to avoid. She was always with Sharon, and well I had to talk to her in some manner, but I usually just tried to be home to avoid all of them. I was tired of running away, it was getting boring, and I was tired that my mother was being so nice to me. She like became a different person to some sort. She and dad were always going out. Therefore, I was fine with it because it gave the excuse to stay home and baby sit Danielle.

Danielle: Do you think I could have some ice cream? Angela?

Angela looks in Danielles direction with an annoyed look.

Angela: what do you want Danielle?

Danielle: I want ice cream, but you are like too busy in your little mind world to put any attention to me.

Angela: well I dont care if you have any as long as you dont tell on me. You know how mom gets.

Danielle: I know not to tell her. I am not a four year all. After all, you should be thankful that you have some company you are always so lonely.

Angela: Danielle! Get out of my room.

Danielle: well excuse me for telling you the truth.

Angela: whatever, go do something. Just leave me alone.

Danielle: Fine! Go back to your sad little world. You are so pathetic. You know that right.

A pillow hits Danielle and she gets the message to get out of the room. You can hear the sound of the steps as Danielle goes downstairs.

Angela: She is right I am pathetic. When did I become this person? I cant even bring myself to talk to any of the people that made this situation start in the first place. The only thing that I know that I should do is stop avoiding them. All of them and try to fix things. But I am still scared of the outcome of how things will get.

Angela gets up from her bed and goes downstairs to follow Danielle. The angle that she gets out of is in the door. She can see part of the hallway, and then the screen turns black as it starts to go into a new scene.

Jordan: so she like knows about the letter?

Brian: yes. Rickie told her. Because he thought that, it was fair for her to know and he didnt want to see her hurt anymore.

Jordan: So you told Rickie.

Brian: Look, I know that I shouldnt have said anything. However, Angela did have the right to know. I just couldnt tell her myself. She is after all my neighbor, and I

Jordan: I know. I am not blaming you. I blame myself. She must really hate me. I mean I have been trying to talk to her. But

Brian: I know. She is avoiding you too she is avoiding everyone. She hardly talks to Rickie. He told me that she said that she was fine and didnt want to get into any more discussion.

Jordan: I should really try to talk to her and explain. I mean it is the right thing to do. Right?

Brian: I dont know, this wouldnt have happened in the first place if you wanted to talk to her from the start.

Jordan: Whatever I dont, need this. I will see you around.

Brian: Look, just

Jordan leaves when Brian is about to say something. They were both talking in the tutoring room, sitting one in front of the other. Brian sighs, puts his hands in this face, and rests his head in the desk. Fade out to a different part of the school.

Rickie: so have you decided what to do?

Angela: I guess I will talk to them.

Rickie: and by them, you mean Brian, Rayanne and Jordan?

Angela: Yes I do. I was contemplating, but I wasnt so sure what to say to any of them. The person that I wanted to talk to most with was Rayanne I was starting to really miss her. I mean it was easier in the beginning when I was really mad at her, for like doing it with Jordan, but I guess that I have come down to some level. I was tolerant, but not completely over it.

Rickie: Angela? Angela did you hear what I said to you?

Angela breaks out of her gaze and looks at Rickie with a what were you saying look.

Rickie: I was asking you if you wanted me to go to your house after school so I could you know, keep you company.

Angela: yes, of course. But as long as you promise to not bring Delia Fisher.

Rickie: I still dont understand why you dont like her you know she is very nice.

Angela: I dont mean it that way, its just I know you better and she well, I dont know, I guess I just dont really want to bring her around so she can know all the problems that I have, and after all. Krakow lives next door, and you know how she feels about him.

Rickie: Point taken. Dont worry I wont bring her,

The bell rings, Rickie, and Angela both kiss each other and go class. Rayanne comes out of the girls bathroom and bumps into Jordan. He looks at her and tries not to make things weird, but they both fail, knowing that what they both did will hunt them forever.

Rayanne: She is not in the bathroom if that is why you are waiting here for.

Jordan: oh, so is she talking to you or does she hate you as much as she hates me?

Rayanne: she will never hate you, you mean to much to her as you can see or else she wouldnt be avoiding you.

Jordan: what do you mean?

Rayanne: you know what I mean!

Jordan: well she is mad at you too. Isnt she?

Rayanne: what do you think? I never really thought that I would lose her over something that never meant anything to me.

Jordan: I never really wanted to lose her in the first place. So I guess we both have something in common.

Rayanne: well I guess you should thank your tutor for finding out.

Jordan: what do you mean?

He looks at her with curiosity and confusion.

Rayanne: Well thanks to him, everyone found out about it. He like videotaped it, so he told Cherski and Rickie and well you know how things go around. But Angela was the last one to find out. I never you know, go the chance to tell her like I wanted to in the first place.

Jordan: why were you going to tell her?

Rayanne: because she is or was rather, she was my best friend. She always cared about you more though, she always did. I remember all the beautiful things that she will say about you. Like there was no one else in the world like you.

As Rayanne talks to Jordan, you can see that she is regretting things. She looks hurt, but she smiles as she tells Jordan how Angela used to say.

Jordan: what did she say?

Rayanne: you know. Like how it was, unfair that you never really had to think about her, but her that always thought about you. She said that you were like this beautiful obsession and addiction she could never seem to overcome. It was like when you were with her she forgot about everything and everyone. She was never the same when she was around you. Like Angela switched into someone else. But Im sure you dont want to hear about it. You were never really the type to tell her anything at all.

Jordan: No, Im not good with words. I never say anything right when I am around her. Like she is too good for me to even think about or something.

Rayanne: well she is too good for you. She is this Angel, like if you meet her you want to be better, because she is perfect.

Jordan: I know. Like she wants to help everyone even if she needs the help herself. Like if she has one piece of bread left, and it was her only thing to eat, she will probably give you half of it or all of it, or whatever.

Rayanne: yeah, she is a helpless romantic. I never heard a person talk about another parson the way that she spoke about you. It was like a different language, you know, like it meant so much when she said so little.

Jordan: hmm, you know, no offense or whatever, but I wish that I never met you, I wish that I had met there that night, I wish that I was able to explain to her what I really wanted to say to her.

Rayanne: None taken. I wish that you never came into her life, because she would still be friends with me and have fun. I mean that if it wasnt for her I would have never been here, I would probably be dead.

Jordan: oh, you mean about the night you O.D.

Rayanne: yeah, she came to my party. I dont even know why she did when she had something else to do with her own family, but she still did.

Rayannes eyes can tell that she loves to talk about Angela and that she truly does miss her. Jordan thinks as well, hard, like he is remembering things that he and Angela did while they were going out.

Jordan: you know she that got you the place in the band.

Rayanne: I know I asked her to ask you, she was scared to tell me that you thought that it was a bad idea. So she avoided me the whole day, she didnt have the heart to tell me. She didnt have the heart to tell me either that she didnt want to come to hear me in the band.

Jordan: yeah, I mean, I know what you mean, she does things for you, like really nice things, like tell you to get a tutor, and she knows that you wont so she signs you up, and the only reason why you do it, is because you want to prove to her that you are smart or whatever. But there are things that she will never do, like losing her innocence.

He smiles as he thinks of her. Rayanne notices the smile as they are both sitting on the floor talking.

Rayanne: you do love her. You love her that it hurts you to let her go. This is so weird. If Angela and I were in speaking terms, I would probably run down and drag her out of class just to tell her the news. Like that day when I convinced you to get her the fake I.D.

Jordan: Did you do that for her?

Rayanne: of course I did. She was so nervous. It was like watching a cat getting near water not sure to touch it because it was afraid of what might happen.

Jordan: I thought that she hated me after that day, I mean she wouldnt let me kiss her, and that never happened to me, she was like the first girl that ever pushed me away. Like she knew that, she could have me and I knew that she wanted me to, but she wouldnt be like any other or something. Like she wanted it to be so much more. To have a meaning, for it to have feeling. I guess that is why she didnt have sex with me.

Rayanne: she didnt have sex with you because she wasnt ready. She was also nervous because it was her first time with a person that she truly loved. She was scared that you wouldnt like her, because she wouldnt be good enough, and she was scared that you might leave her after you had sex with her. She analyzed it repeatedly. It was so weird to see a person think about something so meaningless, like virginity, or whatever.

Jordan: I never really thought of it that much. I guess that is why she differs from the both of us.

There is some silence in between them.

Jordan: God, I wish I really wished that if I had a chance to take it all back I would. But I guess that is impossible to accomplish.

Rayanne: You and me both. At least you can still talk to her, I wish that I could find the perfect apology but you know I rather know that she is happy than to see her so miserable that it hurts to know that you are the one that caused her that pain.

Jordan: I know.

The bell rings and they both leave to their own way. Jordan sees Angela exiting her classroom, and he follows her.

Angela: I wonder when it will be better for me to talk to Rayanne about the whole situation.

Jordan taps her shoulder as she is looking in her bag she turns around and sees Jordan standing in front of her.

Angela: I guess the Rayanne thing is going to have to wait.

She looks a little nervous, and politely smiles.

Jordan: can we like talk. Like in private?

Angela: Sure.

Jordan takes her hand and leads her to the Broiler Room. Angela looks unsure about it, but still enters the room.

Angela: I cant stay too long I have to go to geometry after this.

Jordan: I just want to like talk to you about you know us.

Angela is a little surprised that he said us. She looks at him in the eyes and sits down to listen to what he has to say.

Jordan: Look, Im sorry, I didnt write the letter. I know that it wasnt the right thing to do but I did mean those words. I really care about you, and I didnt want you to hate me, I need you like in my life.

Angela looks away, she looks like she wants to cry, but she doesnt want him to see the effect of his words.

Jordan: Angela, look at me

Angela turns and looks at him in the eyes. A small tear is falling down her cheek and she tries to hide it.

Jordan: I hate the fact that I am the one that cause you all the pain, I never knew that I could care so much about someone like I care about you. I have been sorry since the night that you and I know.

Angela: No, I dont know, or want to know what happened with you and, and her. I only want to know why you did it? You knew that she was my best friend, and you both didnt care about it, you both could have stopped yourselves but you didnt. I mean when I found out, I felt like death will be less painful than this. You both dont know anything of what and how I felt.

Angela is clearly upset now. She is crying and as much as she wants to stop the tears from forming. She knows that it is not possible.

Jordan: Angela, if I could take it all back I really would. I never meant for it to happen. It was all so complicated, and you didnt even wanted to talk to me that day, I mean you seemed like you moved on. You seem to have found someone that was better than me, someone that will make you happy, I was jealous, I was jealous to lose you to anybody. I didnt want to, but that night, beer was more into my system than I was. I never meant for it to happen. Angela, *I am* sorry. I am sorry that I hurt you, I am sorry that me and Rayanne did something that is impossible to fix, I am sorry that I didnt write the letter like I was supposed to, like I should of from the beginning. All I wanted was to have you back.

Angela: you think that I will just forget about it and move on. You think that the two people that meant the most to me. Both of them had sex. That they both couldnt have the guts to tell me themselves, that I had to find out from Sharon and Rickie. That Krakow had a tape, and I was unaware of all. Jordan, you were the one that did all of this, you and Rayanne, you were the one that pushed me away because I wouldnt have sex with you. I cant forgive you, but I cant hate you. You wanted me to forgive you but all I can give you is one more chance, and no I dont want you to be with me but I want to start from the beginning like a second chance should be like. All I can give you is a friendship for now. I dont want to get hurt, and then left there to pick up the pieces once more. I have to learn to trust you and you have to gain that trust. I just can give in and forget all. I have to learn to live with things and deal with them. And I am not over it yet.

Jordan: I dont blame you.

She smiles a little and Jordan returns it with smirk. Angela gets up from where she was sitting her wipes her tears and kisses Jordan on the lips gently, Jordan closes his eyes and holds her close to him. She pulls away smiles, gives him a hug. She breaks away to start leaving the broiler room. Jordan is still standing there.

Angela: I see you in English.

She leaves the Broiler room.

Angela: I feel like so many things fixed there. Suddenly I felt so much better and I knew that things were starting to work out. They werent perfect, but what is? I know that I shouldnt have kissed him on the lips but I still love him, I love him more and more everyday, and all the hate that I had for him before, it all added to the love that I had or still have for him.

Fade to black.

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“Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas.”

Danielle Chase, Episode 15: "So-Called Angels"