Fanfiction

Episode No. 21 - Religion and regrets

written by Lady Guinevere

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based on stories and characters created by Winnie Holzman

Angela VO: “I am not raised religiously by my parents, so basically I'm not sure whether I believe in this *God*, or whatever.  So, is it like wrong to ask him for help now? To have him help me forget about what happened between my best friend and the boy I obsess about? To have him help me decide whether or not I should *really* give Jordan Catalano and Rayanne another chance? To have him help me stop my mom from embarrassing me all the time? To have him help me get through high school, in general?”



[In the kitchen]

Graham says, “Patty, remember, I may be home late, because the workers are coming to the restaurant.”

“That’s right, I almost forgot! Oh Graham, I’m so thrilled your dream is finally beginning to take shape!” Smiling, Patty kisses him on the lips. “So, is Hallie going to be there too?”

“Of course, we’re partners, so I guess that means she has *some* say in it too.” Graham grins.

“Oh honey, I know that, but she still hasn’t quit her actual job, has she? So I figured…”

“She won’t be around all day, but she’ll stop by during lunch and after work.”

“Okay. I will make sure to be home on time then. If the chef’s away boring old Mom will have to fix some dinner instead.”

“If things get too late I might grab a bite on the way home or so. Thanks honey, for being so supportive.”

“Your happiness is all that matters to me, you know that.” Patty strokes her husband’s face.



Danielle and Angela walk into the kitchen. Danielle makes a disgusted face and asks, “So *Mom* is cooking dinner tonight?”

“What’s wrong with my cooking? I used to cook all the time before your father discovered his talent!” Patty looks at her youngest daughter incredulously.

“I know, it’s just, it tastes better when Dad does it!”

Patty replies indignantly, “Why thank you, dear, for your support…”

“I’m just saying…” Danielle raises her shoulders and walks out of the kitchen.

Angela follows her example while mumbling to herself, “She’s right…”




[School hallways]

Jordan approaches Brian who stands by his locker, getting out some books. “Brain, you like, gotta help me again!”

“I have helped you enough, Jordan.” Brian doesn’t feel the need to look at Jordan and just goes on with his business.

“You see, Angela, she’s like, not sure yet, or something.” Jordan eyes Brian with expectation.

“What’s any of that got to do with *me*?” Brian pauses, holding up a book, giving Jordan a short stare.

“Well, you like, helped me last time, and it’s like, so hard, to tell her stuff, you know?” Jordan has assumed his regular position, leaning against the surrounding lockers.

“You’re such a terrific songwriter, write her a freaking song or something! You’re not getting any more help from me.”

Jordan falls silent for a while.

“I was kidding! You got that, right?” Brian can’t believe Jordan's taking his advice seriously; he was just saying something to get rid of him.

“That’s like… wow… Thanks, Brain!” Jordan takes off in his usual nonchalant manner, leaving Brian behind hating himself for putting this idea in Jordan’s head.

The idea is so good, it might actually *work*. It might get Angela to totally forgive Jordan in the end, and who knows, even have sex with him. And the idea is so cool, that it’s something Brian could never pull off. Sure, he can play two musical instruments, but somehow they’re not the type of instruments that get girls to drool all over you…

He bangs his head into his locker several times and wonders what he has done wrong to deserve this punishment. He must have maddened God somehow…




[Girls' restroom]

Sharon and Rayanne are talking when Angela walks in, pretending not to see them.
Sharon nudges Rayanne in the side and mumbles: “Ask her!”

“So, Angela, are you coming to the play?” Rayanne fumbles with her hair.

Wondering if she should say anything to Rayanne, Angela stops and turns around. It only seems fair to give her a chance as well, since she’s already forgiven Jordan.

Rayanne grows impatient while watching Angela’s blank face. “Well? *You* wanted me to audition!”

“I’m not sure yet.” Angela walks into the toilet stall.

Angela VO: “How long can you stay mad at your best friend for hurting you? Especially when you have kind of forgiven the other person who hurt you along with her? How long can you stay mad at someone with a serious drinking problem? Someone, who nearly *killed* herself because that problem? Someone who just uses people for sex, because she well, like, doesn’t know any better?”

Rayanne talks to the closed door of the stall. “It would mean a lot to me if you would come. Bring Catalano, if you like.”

Sharon casts Rayanne a surprised look. Rayanne murmurs an almost inaudible “Shit!”-

Rayanne tries to talk over her remark. “I mean, not for me, obviously--”

Angela interrupts her from inside the stall, “I know what you mean, Rayanne.”

Rayanne can’t think of anything else to say to Angela any more. She’s afraid Angela will get angry or something and decides not to stick around and wait for that to happen. She dashes out of the girls’ restroom, mumbling something to Sharon on her way out.

Angela comes out of the stall, and Sharon says to her, “She didn’t mean--”

“I know what she meant. But you’re not on her side, are you?”

“No, no, of course I’m not. It’s just, well, she’s kinda my friend, and you’re my friend too, so, it’s difficult being in the middle.”

“It’s just, I know I forgave Jordan and all, but I just can’t forget what she did, you know? Whenever I’m in Jordan’s car, these images of them flash through my head, and they’re like, making me *sick*…” Angela washes her hands vigorously, like that will make the visions imprinted on her brain go away as well.

“I totally get it. But like you just said, you’ve forgiven Jordan, right? So, maybe you should try to forgive Rayanne as well…”

“Yeah, I know. But I’m still not ready to forget the whole thing. Somehow it’s harder for me to face Rayanne, than to face Jordan.” Angela’s hands shake off the excess water and wipe themselves dry on her flannel shorts, since paper towels are nowhere to be found again.

Sharon gets passionate. “Why is it so hard with friendships and relationships? Why is it so hard as soon as *sex* is involved? I mean, sex is just sex, right? What’s the big deal?” She lifts up her arms to the heavens as if expecting an answer.

“To me it *is* a big deal. I love Jordan, and I loved Rayanne. I wasn’t ready to have sex yet, so he dumped me and just went off and banged my best friend!”

“Wow, Angela, that’s probably only like the second time I've seen you all worked up about it, instead of catatonic!”

“I know, it just hurts so much! It pisses me off! I still don’t understand how they could do this to me!” A grim expression crosses Angela's face when she thinks of the betrayal.

“Well, they both didn’t think it through... They never meant to hurt you, Angela, I know they didn’t. Maybe they were just, lonely, and missing you, and the alcohol made them lose their senses. I know, they’re all lame excuses, but who knows what made them do it!”

Angela leans against the bathroom wall. “I know they didn’t mean to hurt me, but they did it anyway. And I wouldn’t know about losing control after having too much alcohol, since I’ve never been drunk.”

Sharon gets excited all of a sudden. “We could try it sometime? I mean, we could just go out and drink and have fun?”

“Sure. Whatever.” Angela steps away from the wall and walks through the door; Sharon follows her into the hallway, both on their way to their next class.





[After school, drama room]

Enrique and Angela are quietly painting trees as Delia walks up to them.

“Hi Angela, hi Rickie.” Delia smiles at Rickie, like a fool in love, and rocks her upper-body gently from left to right.

Angela and Rickie share a look and both answer her. “Hey…”

“So, Rickie, remember when you asked me to go to the movies?”

Rickie raises his eyebrow at her. “Umm, yeah…”

 “How about tonight then? It’s Friday night, so.” Delia can’t stop smiling.

Rickie’s eyes follow the strokes of his paint-brush on the wooden tree as he answers, “I’d have to check with Mr Katimski first…”

“Oh, right, of course. Let me know then?” Delia hops up and down like a wind-up bunny with new batteries.

Rickie takes his eyes off the tree for a moment and smiles at Delia. “Sure thing, Delia.”

“Okay, bye then Rickie!” Delia twirls off.



Leaning in, Angela says quietly, “She’s really got it bad for you, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah… It’s a shame I’m not straight…” Rickie’s eyes are fixed upon the tree again.

“So, do you *really* wanna go to the movies with her?” Angela can’t imagine why Rickie would want to hang with Delia. She’s totally not his type, regardless of her gender.

“We could hang, right? Like, friends?” Rickie’s eyes seem to ask Angela for her approval.

“I guess so.” Angela shrugs.

“I mean, she *knows* I’m not into girls, so…” Rickie stares at the tree without seeing it.

“No point in hurting her, but I mean, if she *knows*…”

When Corey walks in the room Angela averts her eyes. Her cheeks demonstrate a vibrant red colour immediately. She acted like a fool around him, trying to come on to him. She wasn’t even interested in him that way, but she *knew* Rickie was. So technically she wasn’t really any better than Rayanne or Jordan…

Corey greets them enthusiastically. “Hey you two!”

Angela keeps her eyes fixated on the tree, mumbling, “Hey.”

 “Hey you!” Rickie’s face lights up at the sight of Corey.

“So, still working on the props?” Corey takes a look at the piece of wood that is beginning to look more and more like a tree.

“Yeah, I love being artistic! Playing with paint and all…” Rickie sways his paintbrush around nervously.

“You don’t have to tell me… I have a love-affair with my paint, it’s like the only steady factor in my life.” Corey walks away, seemingly not aware of Rickie’s eyes on his back.

“Why stick to paint, when you can like, have *me* as your steady factor?” Rickie looks away dreamily. “Just imagine…” Then the truth seems to hit him again. “Why does God send Delia to chase after me, and not like, Corey?”

“Rickie wants to be Corey’s paintbrush, how romantic! And umm, I just don’t think God’s that much into the whole same-sex-thing…” Angela smirks.

“That’s probably ‘cause he never tried it!” Rickie raises his eyebrows.

“Have you…?”

“No, of course not, I mean--” Rickie’s cheeks flush.

“Hey, come on! Our time will come!” Angela tries to comfort Rickie by reminding him of her own lack of experience. And how that can change overnight…

Rickie replies sadly, “Yours probably sooner than mine…”

“Don’t say that!” Angela slaps Rickie’s arm. “You will have your Corey, someday.” Her arms wrap themselves around Rickie’s neck and give him a hug. “If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.” Sometimes she still can’t believe Jordan is *hers*, and the thought makes her smile instantly.




[At the restaurant place]

Graham is supervising the workers and chipping in wherever he can. His overall is smudged with paint, just like his face and hair. The door opens and Hallie enters.

Graham puts aside his paintbrush and greets his partner. “Hey!”

“Hey. Sorry I’m late; you would not *believe* the traffic again! Every decent parking space was already taken again, of course. We’re gonna have to get private spaces here, or we’ll be late to our own opening hours!”

“Let’s see if that’s an option. Who knows? So, do you like what you see so far?” Graham smiles at her.

Hallie looks around, taking in the sight. “It’s beginning to take shape, yeah! I can just imagine this restaurant filled to the brim with guests; maybe we could even have the fountain filled with champagne for our opening night! Wouldn’t that be something?”

“You know, that actually sounds like fun! We shouldn’t let Patty near it though…”

Hallie cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? Is she fond of a good drink every now and then?”

“Actually, she *never* drinks, but when she *does*…” Graham shakes his head when he recollects Patty’s behaviour at the lodge, the other weekend.

“She’s all *wild*?”

Graham answers light-heartedly, “Well, she’s a lot looser then, and that’s putting it mildly.”

Hallie mumbles, “I’d like to see her not so stuck up for once…”

Graham walks up to her and replies fiercely, “What did you just say?”

“Nothing! What did you think I said?”

Graham reacts angrily, “I thought you called my wife stuck up!”

“Well, I may have said something along those lines…”

“You don’t even know Patty that well! I am glad she’s not such a big whirlwind like you, storming through life!”

“Well excuse me for not being Little Miss Perfect like your wife! Don’t hold it against me or anything!” Hallie gestures wildly.

“I don’t care if you’re anything like her or not, I just won’t let you call my wife stuck up! Patty can be very passionate and wild too, thank you!” Is Graham trying to convince himself or Hallie?

“Yeah, when she’s drunk!” Hallie’s voice squeaks with excitement.

Graham points his finger at her chest, walking over to her, causing Hallie to take a few steps back. “That’s completely untrue! Our sex life happens to be very good, even after all these years! You can’t even stay committed to one person, so what would you know!”

Hallie keeps walking further back as Graham closes her in. “I can’t help it guys can’t keep up with me! And if your sex life is so good, why is there so much tension between us…?”

Graham stops dead. “Tension? You mean these arguments?! And that one brief awkward moment we had?”

“That moment Graham, yes. That one, precious, moment.”

“I have had it with you. There is *nothing* going on between us, and you know it. I am sick of listening to your fantasies.” Graham stomps away and slams the door shut, the hammering sound echoing through Hallie’s body like a drum.

She is left behind feeling ashamed, surrounded by the workers who got to hear every word of their argument and stare at her.



[After school, hallways]

Katimski walks past Rickie and stops him. “Enrique, ah, Enrique! Your guidance councillor just informed me that… um, well, you see, it’s gonna take a few more weeks before there will be any opening at the Pride House. Yes, that’s right.”

Rickie looks slightly disappointed, but understanding. “Oh, okay. I like, hope it will be worth the wait. Ah well, it’s not like I have anywhere else to go…”

“Gee whiz! You can still stay umm, with me as long as you need! No problem!”

“Thanks Mr Katimski. I really appreciate it. I’ll be out of your way as soon as possible…”

Katimski’s mind seems to have trouble focusing. “Gee whiz Enrique... don’t you worry about it, no no no! You just go out and have some fun tonight, with your friends! Promise?” He waves Rickie away.

Rickie smiles at the absent-minded man before him. “Sure thing, Mr Katimski, I sort of had plans already anyway. I promise I won’t be home late.”

“Enrique, just enjoy yourself. And try not to worry so much!” Katimski pats Rickie’s shoulder.

“Thanks Mr Katimski. For everything…” Rickie is grateful to him, for taking him in, no questions asked.


Rayanne walks up to Rickie from across the hall, having heard bits of their conversation. She tries to address Rickie several times, but seems to change her mind. She finally decides to strike up a conversation, “So, Rickie, going on a date?”

“Well, it’s not really a date… So, what’s up?”

Rayanne twists and turns her hands in front of her, answering, “I asked Angelica to come to the play, and she said she’d think about it.”

Rickie’s face lights up immediately. “So, she like, *spoke* to you? That’s a step forward!” He would be so happy if he wasn't stuck in the middle any more, caught between his old friend, the betrayer; and his new friend, the betrayed.

“I guess…. So, how are things with her and Catalano then? I mean, I can see they’re all kissing and smooching, but are things really okay again?” Rayanne wants to know her friend is okay, after what she did to her. She wants her to be happy, that’s all.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Rickie’s not quite sure he wants to discuss Angela with Rayanne, yet. He feels the need to protect Angela from Rayanne, knowing what she's capable of. Friend or no friend, she has never been an easy person to hang out with.

“We’re not like *that* close… yet. I gave up that right when I screwed her over, I guess…” Sighing, Rayanne rests her head against her locker.

Rickie eyes Rayanne closely; her regrets aren’t hidden to him. “Well, you’re not the only one she blames, you know. She like, can’t seem to forget totally what Jordan did to her. They are together again, yes, and they're in love, I guess, but it takes a while for the trust to come back, you know. And the letter he wrote her, you know, he didn’t *write* it.”

“Yeah, it’s like, understandable, I guess. It'll like, take time. Oh and I think I kinda overheard that letter-part in the girls’ restroom. Krakow wrote it, or something, right?” Rayanne seems to liven up now the attention is shifting from her to Brian.

“Right, the poor guy’s got it bad for Angela! He like, seriously *hates* himself for writing the letter in Jordan’s name.” Rickie wonders if he hasn’t told Rayanne too much already about Brian’s feelings. She doesn’t show any respect for him, and he doesn’t want to betray Brian’s trust.

Rayanne responds sarcastically, “Now there’s a tough choice: Krakow or Catalano… I know who *I’d* pick…”

“Yeah, Rayanne, we know that already.” Wondering if Rayanne realises what she just said, Rickie looks at her.

Rayanne flushes immediately. “I didn’t mean it like that, and you know that. It was a mistake Rickie; you don’t have to keep reminding me.” As fast as humanly possible, Rayanne vanishes out of his sight. She’s tired of being reminded of her mistake, she’s tired of being judged by her friends, and she’s tired of being alone…




[After school, outside]

Jordan is hanging around under the bleachers having a smoke with Shane, waiting for Angela. When he finally spots her he raises his voice, but not enough to sound uncool. “Angela!”

Shane thumps Jordan against his arm and takes off, his drumsticks clutched tightly in his hand.

When she hears Jordan’s voice call out her name, Angela’s heart rate speeds up. She reaches the bleachers and meets Jordan underneath them. “Hey…”

Sincere happiness beams from his eyes. His hands wrap themselves around her waist and draw her near. His lips eagerly seek hers out in a kiss, and are met enthusiastically by hers. They tease, taste and explore each others mouths, never lacking any passion.

Angela VO: “Sometimes I miss our secret meetings in the boiler-room, you know--just the whole sneaking-down-into-the-basement-to-make-out-thing, not the part where Jordan Catalano was actually *embarrassed* to be seen with me in public. There’s something so immensely thrilling about kissing in that forbidden and normally cold and abandoned place; and heating the atmosphere up by getting all hot and turned on, without ever getting caught. Maybe it’s just because I have never been down there before, or maybe it’s simply because I have never been really kissed before… I don’t know what it is, but it’s like kinda kinky or something…
"But I have to admit, being able to kiss Jordan Catalano out here in the open, is such a big improvement! I am so happy to be seen with him and so equally happy that he finally wants to be seen with *me* as well. But one of these days I’m definitely leaving him a note in his locker, to meet me in the boiler-room.”

Jordan backs out of their kiss. He caresses Angela’s cheek softly and locks his blue eyes onto hers, studying her expression. “I’m glad you came.” His hand seeks out hers.

Angela enjoys the feeling of warmth caused by that little gesture washing over her; she puts a lock of hair behind her ear with her free hand and stares back at Jordan, amazed. “Why wouldn’t I come? You asked me to meet you here, so…”

“Yeah, I know. I just thought, like, you wanted to take things slow, so.” Jordan’s eyes wander from their hands to her eyes again, somehow expecting them to take away his insecurity.

Angela can’t get over how much Jordan has changed towards her. Here he is, looking at her so fragile. Like anything she will say to him can make or break him. She never knew there was so much sensitivity behind his cool posture. She could have guessed his attitude was merely to hide his insecurities, but now she can actually *see* it in his eyes.

“Taking things slow doesn’t mean I won’t hang out with you, or make out with you.” She cups his face in her hands so it has no choice but to close in on hers, showing him she wants to be kissed by him, over and over again. “Now, was there a special reason you wanted me to come here, or was it just so you could kiss me again?” She gives him a smirk.

“No, no, not just for kissing.” Jordan laughs a little. “I wanted to tell you, like, some good news. Our band landed a gig at this café.”

“Wow, that's so cool! Good for you!” A proud feeling takes over Angela.

Jordan smiles shyly. “Yeah, I know. So, you umm, like, wanna come watch us play?”

“Sure, I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

Angela VO: “Sometimes, I still wonder how things turned out like this. Sure, Jordan hurt me, but right now he’s doing everything he can to make it up to me. In the past, when I would show up anywhere he happened to be, his reaction was always a big surprise. I’ve been ignored, kept a secret and even told I was like, crowding him. But right now, Jordan Catalano is *asking* me to come and watch his band play, because he *wants* me to be there. I’d be like, stupid to turn him down now, you know? It’s like, the nightmare is finally becoming a dream.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll pick you up then.”

“Okay, that’s great! Oh, but, when is it?”

“It’s this Saturday.”

Angela wrinkles her nose. “Let me check with my parents first…”

“Just like, remind her of her old boyfriend.”

“What? How do you know--? What do you mean--?” Angela’s mouth hangs open, displaying her surprise.

Angela VO: “How does Jordan know about my mother’s old boyfriend? Oh, wait, they must have talked about him, the other night. It’s weird that my *mom* and Jordan Catalano had an actual conversation, not to mention one about my mother’s old boyfriend. It’s totally disturbing they share some sort of secret together I’m not in on…”

“I just… she…. We talked. And I seem to remind her, like, of her old boyfriend, you know? He was like, a dangerous driver, or something.” Jordan’s perfect teeth show while he grins at Angela. “What?!”

“I still can’t believe you had an actual conversation with my mom. What did you guys like, talk about? You know, she never told me anything. Then again, I didn’t *ask* her.” Angela keeps staring at Jordan.

Angela VO: “I keep thinking of the conversation I should have had with my mom. I can’t wait to get home and ask my mom what Jordan and she talked about, and why Jordan reminds her of her old boyfriend. Sure, I saw the pictures; and he looked cute, rode a bike and they were like *totally* crazy together. He makes Jordan look like a wimp, come to think of it.”

“She’s like, not so bad. Your mom, I mean.” The uncertainty shines through Jordan’s eyes.

“I know… I guess.”

Angela VO: “So, maybe God was listening to me after all, and sent Jordan Catalano along so I could have like, a *normal* relationship with my mom. Or, he sent Jordan Catalano to her, so my mom would see he’s just like her old boyfriend. ‘He works in mysterious ways,’ that’s like what they say about him, isn’t it? That phrase is starting to make sense now…”

“So, can you give me a ride home? I’m like *dying* to talk to her…” Angela holds on to Jordan’s hand as she pulls him away from the bleachers, in the direction of his car.

Jordan walks alongside Angela and fixes his eyes onto hers. “Just tell her, I will, like, take good care of her daughter, you know.”

Tying to express her happiness through words would never do justice to the feelings of complete bliss flowing through her entire body and soul right now; so instead Angela pours her entire being into the kiss she shares with Jordan. She can only hope the warmth and happiness he makes her feel will be transferred into his soul. 




Author's note: Thanks to: Kenny for doing the beta!!!