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I-4 - All Apologies

written by Collin J.H. Chang

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About this story

Published: 1997 | Size: 13 KB (2357 words) | Language: english | Rating: R

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Abstract:
A MSCL and "John Constantine, Hellblazer" crossover

based on stories and characters created by Winnie Holzman

FADE IN:
INT. RESTAURANT HOLOGRAM - NIGHT

TWO LARGE, ANGELIC WINGS
flap thunderously, as if attempting to reach the heavens.
A LIVE GOOSE
beats its mighty, white wings in a vain attempt to take flight.
HALLIE AND GRAHAM
stand in the kitchen of their soon-to-be-opened restaurant. The spacious storefront lot is darkened except for the light from the overhead tracking. Graham wrestles with the goose as he holds it over the large kitchen sink.

GRAHAM
If I faint, rub some of that rock salt under my nose, will you? I hate this part.

HALLIE
You mean, bleeding them?

GRAHAM
That's a pleasant way of saying it. If the girls were to see me doing this, Hallie, I would never hear the end of it. I'd be--I'd be pronounced guilty as charged, and sent straight to prison, no trial, no jury, straight to Sing Sing.

HALLIE
I have a theory--

GRAHAM
Oh, no...

HALLIE
Deep down, somewhere in our DNA, we're all still hunters and gatherers. Which explains why man goes to war, and woman stays back and does all the shopping.

GRAHAM
There are any number of womens's groups who would crucify you for saying that.

HALLIE
You're a hunter, Graham. It's your God-given duty as a hunter to kill the prey.

Graham shifts his hands, gets a tight grip on the neck of the struggling goose.
GRAHAM
Just where was it ever written that the man has to do all the dirty work? I mean, when, in history, did we ever get saddled with the tough job?

HALLIE
Tough job--?! Hey, buster, you are venturing into uncharted territory. When was the last time _you_ tried childbirth?

Graham lifts a hand from the struggling goose, makes a conciliatory gesture.
GRAHAM
"No mas," he said, as he graciously backed down...
Hallie smiles with satisfaction.
HALLIE
But you bring up a good point--
(squints in deep thought)
If we were to, say, cut her liver out...
(she points to the goose)
No, wait, for illustration purposes, let's just say we were to cut her heart out. It would be absolute cruelty to force her to just sit there, watching us eat her heart. Don't you agree?

GRAHAM
Sure...I mean, of course, Hallie, but what's your point?

HALLIE
My point, and follow me here, is it's something that just has to be done. No two ways about it. We want to start something wonderful here--we want to open a restaurant that serves the best damn pate in town!

She grasps the struggling goose by the neck, stretches it out while Graham secures its writhing body and flapping wings.
HALLIE
A few sacrifices will have to be--!
(the goose begins flapping wildly)
Whoa!!! We got a live one here!
Hallie squeals as water is flapped into her face.
GRAHAM
Hang on--!
Graham reaches to his right, lifts a long, razor-sharp butcher knife from the counter, and proceeds to slice through the doomed animal's neck.
GRAHAM
How in the world can I argue with that kind of logic. All I'm saying is, there must be _some_ way to make this whole thing a lot less--Owwww!!!
A DEEP RED SLICE
appears on Graham's LEFT RING FINGER, just below his WEDDING BAND. He grits his teeth, winces.

HALLIE
Ooooo...did you...?

GRAHAM
Quick, grab me a napkin--Hurry--!

Instinctively, Hallie grasps Graham's wrist, lifts his left hand to her lips, and sucks on his finger.
GRAHAM
Hallie--!

HALLIE
I love the taste of blood. So, sue me!

GRAHAM
The taste of--?! Hallie, come on, get me a--!

HALLIE
(cutting him off)
See?

She lifts the already dead goose by its languid neck, as its life flows out in a dark red ribbon.
HALLIE
She's dead already...quick...and painless.
Hallie and Graham lock eyes for an awkwardly long beat.
HALLIE
We are going to make such delicious pate.
She purses her lips into a tight smile while continuing to suck the blood from the gash below his wedding band.

EXT. LIBERTY HIGH AUDITORIUM - DAY

A RING POP
is firmly between Rayanne's lips, as she intensely watches something.
MR. KATIMSKI,
wrapped tight in a HEAVY WHITE STRAIT JACKET, is lead away by TWO ORDERLIES. He flaps around like a wounded bird, SCREAMING at the top of his lungs as he's loaded into the waiting ambulance.
CLOSE ON RAYANNE
There's a profound look of fear written on her face. Suddenly, she doubles over, holds her stomach and spits out her ring pop.

INT. GIRL'S RESTROOM - DAY

Rayanne races inside, lunges for the sink, tosses her wad. She doubles over in pain, still holding her stomach. Something's wrong. As she slowly stands, she sees a FIGURE pass behind her in the mirror. It's blonde, with shoulder length grungy hair. Where most of its face was is a SHOTGUN SHAPED HOLE. We only see fleeting glimpses of his face.
She washes her face, rinses out her mouth, catches her breath.

RAYANNE
So...how're thing's hanging down there?

SHOTGUN FACE
Smmm oll shttt. Bsss's bnnn a btt toood, ltttlee.*
*(Same old shit. Boss's been a bit tooled, lately.)

RAYANNE
Yeah, I was gonna ask about him... Just how tooled is tooled?

SHOTGUN FACE
Aiinn nuttthn tuh jokk abottt, Grfff. Yhh bsssttd a bottto againnns hss fcce, ann yuh cfffed hmm tuh a sinnkng crrr. Hhh aiinn gnnna hvvv a sennnss uff hummmr abuttt thhtt. Whtt thhw fukkk whrrr yuh thhnkkkng?!*
*(Ain't nothing to joke about, Graff. You busted a bottle against his face, and you cuffed him to a sinking car. He ain't gonna have a sense of humor about that. What the f*ck were you thinking?!)

RAYANNE
(a beat)
Do you think...do you think maybe you could tell him...

SHOTGUN FACE
Fuhhnn ghhh muh a brrkkk...*
*(F*ckin' give me a break...)

Rayanne shuts her eyes, lets out a deep breath.
RAYANNE
That's it, then. I'm screwed.
A long pause. She turns back to Shotgun Face.
RAYANNE
Look, I'm being totally honest here, which is, like, a completely rare condition for me.
(a beat)
Could you please just tell him that I'm, like, really, really--

SHOTGUN FACE
Evvrthhng uss awwwl apowwageees...*
*(Everything is all apologies...)

RAYANNE
But he hasn't even heard MY side.

SHOTGUN FACE
Hhuh noewss yyurrr kckkkn ut Grfff. HH noewss yyurrr diinhhn frrmm thttt narrry dsseess. Hss watttee frr yu tuh shwww upp. Hss gtt a holl wnngg uff Hel duvtttdd tuh evvryy dfferrnt istramntt hss gnnnn tuh usss tuh taaar yurr sooll aprrtt. Ann hss nttt evvnn dunnn wtthh thhh evvssserashun wnnggg, yttt...*
*(He knows you're kicking it, Graff. He knows you're dying from that gnarly disease. He's waiting for you to show up. He's got a whole wing of Hell devoted to every different instrument he's going to use to tear your soul apart. And he's not even done with the evisceration wing, yet...)

Rayanne shuts her eyes, shudders, regains control.
RAYANNE
I've never really, ever pissed someone off this badly before;
(nervous laugh)
Hard to believe...

SHOTGUN FACE
Yuh maayy hvvv wunn lssh chnsss.*
*(You may have one last chance.)

RAYANNE
(interested)
Yeah? Wanna give me a hint? Can I buy a vowel?

SHOTGUN FACE
Dulivvrr thhw Chhaasss grrrl, ann hh maayy knnsidddrr a trayydd.*
*(Deliver the Chase girl, and he may consider a trade.)

Suddenly the bathroom door swings open. Rayanne spins.
SHARON
steps inside, pauses, smells the air. She crinkles her nose, then sees Rayanne.

SHARON
Hey.

RAYANNE
Hi--!

Rayanne spins towards the mirror, takes out her lip gloss, and pretends to be applying it.
SHARON
Really weird, huh?

RAYANNE
What?

SHARON
Mr. Katimski. Jody Barsch says he's been telling everyone he's an Archangel.

RAYANNE
Oh, yeah. Tough break.
(a beat)
I kind'a wish he was.

SHARON
He's even been telling everyone that he saved you from that sinking car.

A puzzled expression glances across Rayanne's face for a brief moment.
SHARON
You do know it was Tino...don't you?

RAYANNE
(mildly surprised)
Yeah, sure...sure I did...I knew that.

The two friends are silent for a moment.
SHARON
I wonder how Rickie's taking it? I mean this whole Katimski thing. You know how Rickie is...
Sharon catches herself, but too late.
RAYANNE
Yeah, he...kind'a holds grudges...
Sharon purses her lips at this little faux pas. Rayanne walks past Sharon, begins to leave the restroom.
SHARON
Who--who were you talking to--? I heard you talking to--

RAYANNE
(as she leaves)
Nobody...Nobody you'd know...

Sharon crinkles her nose again, smells the air.
SHARON
(to herself)
What's that weird smell? Smells like... smells sort of like Teen Spirit.

EXT. ANGELA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

JORDAN'S PLYMOUTH
pulls to the curb in front of Angela's house.

INT. PLYMOUTH - NIGHT

Jordan and Angela kiss in the front seat. Angela pulls back.
ANGELA
Jordan...I--I don't want to--I mean, I don't feel, really, you know, comfortable...here.

JORDAN
You mean, in a car?

ANGELA
No...I mean, yes...I mean...in _this_ car...you know...?

Jordan stops kissing her, pulls back and looks at her with his melting stare.
ANGELA (VO)
It's really weird how it's supposed to be, like, the boy who wants sex more, but it's, like, up to the girl to decide when and where "it" happens...?
Angela kisses his forehead, then his eyes, one by one.
ANGELA
I think my parents are sleeping.
(deep breath)
Let's go up to my room...
Jordan looks at her long and silent, then turns and slides back behind the wheel.
JORDAN
I gotta go.
He ROARS the Plymouth to life. Angela looks at him in disbelief.
JORDAN
There's this thing...you know, with, uh...Tino.

ANGELA
No, I, I understand. I mean, if Tino's waiting for you, you wouldn't want to-- you know, keep him waiting, or, anything.

She slowly steps out of the car.
ANGELA
So, I'll--I'll talk to you tomorrow, I guess...
Jordan aims his empty stare at the road ahead.
JORDAN
Yeah...whatever.
He takes off, leaving Angela to ponder. She watches the Plymouth's tail lights vanish, then turns and walks up the porch, and into the house.

INT. ANGELA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Angela quietly climbs the stairs, creeps through the hallway, and shuffles off her boots at the foot of her doorway. Her room is spiked with jagged shadows and the silhouette of monstrous trees. She takes off her sweater, folds it and pushes it into her dresser, then flips on the lamp.
RAYANNE (O.S.)
Angela...
Angela nearly leaps out of her skin. She turns to see Rayanne sitting in a chair by the window, the outline of her body swathed in shadow.
ANGELA
Oh, god--! Rayanne--! What are you--? You scared the hell outta me!
(whispers)
Do my parents know you're here?

RAYANNE
(shaking her head)
No.

ANGELA
(cold)
What do you want? Why are you _here_?

A long pause. Rayanne builds up her courage.
RAYANNE
I--I need your help. Like...real badly.
Angela stares at her friend a beat, then shuts her eyes, sighs. If she only knew what she were getting into.

NEXT: EPISODE #5 - AND THE SEED OF CATALANO SHALL SAVE THEM!

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I-5 - Goodbye, Cruel World by Collin J.H. Chang
Published: 1997 | Size: 46 KB (8550 words) | Language: english english | Rating: R
Average: 2.5/5   2.5/5 (6 votes)
A MSCL and "John Constantine, Hellblazer" crossover

Read this story now: I-5 - Goodbye, Cruel World
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“My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him.”

Angela Chase, Episode 1: "My So-Called Life (Pilot)"