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special_k
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[/alone]

Post by special_k » Sep 25th 2004, 12:30 am

This is so weird. I feel alone tonight. I mean, I'm always very busy with the office, training classes, the gym, spending time with the folks... Had dinner with buddies from class. Went to the cinema. Much later, as I was checking my messages, it hit me. At first, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Then I knew. I felt alone. Not the kind of alone that I crave. A beast of another name. I'm not sure what this means. How can a person with such a full life feel lonely? It doesn't make sense. I declined an invite to hang with a semi-cool guy tonight. I shouldn't be feeling this. *Sigh*
Last edited by special_k on Sep 25th 2004, 3:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life."

Jessie, "Once and Again"

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wicked
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Post by wicked » Sep 25th 2004, 12:43 am

((((((HUGS))))))))))
well your not alone
. I get that feeling in my house with kids.I can be lonely in a crowd.

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special_k
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Post by special_k » Sep 25th 2004, 3:47 am

((((((Hug))))))

Thank you. I have a great job. My beloved 93 year old Gran is still with me. Mom is doing great. There is so much I am grateful for. I'm not sure where this gnawing comes from.
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life."

Jessie, "Once and Again"

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emmie
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Post by emmie » Sep 25th 2004, 9:11 am

I think it's perfectly normal to feel alone even though you are with plenty of people. I've felt this quite often. and for me, it was because even though the people around me were great, they weren't what I needed. meaning, I wasn't satisfied, or felt understood. and sometimes I felt like these interactions were shallow. like going to bars and hanging out at clubs. sure, we were having fun, but it's not what I needed emotionally at the time. but that's just me.


hopefully it will pass.

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special_k
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Post by special_k » Sep 25th 2004, 12:40 pm

I am so relating to what you said. Thing is, I grew up the odd little duckling, feeling loneliest in crowds. With time, I found my own voice and never again settled for less, for people with eyes that revealed little to no warmth or life. Shark eyes. I've spent the last week in some intense team building sessions, only to now return to a unit I've realized is smaller in a sense I'd not been in touch with before. I've known them for months, yet not had an opportunity to really bond with my colleagues. The sad thing is, almost everything about me seems weird to them. It's okay. I'm used to the outside. I just think I'm really going to miss being able to function in an environment where dialogue exists as more than an abstract concept. Your words made me realize this was part of what I'm feeling. The rest of it I'm hesitant to name. Like, belief will make it real.

Thanks, Emmie.
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life."

Jessie, "Once and Again"

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lance
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Re: [/alone]

Post by lance » Sep 26th 2004, 7:19 pm

special_k wrote:This is so weird. I feel alone tonight. I mean, I'm always very busy with the office, training classes, the gym, spending time with the folks... Had dinner with buddies from class. Went to the cinema. Much later, as I was checking my messages, it hit me. At first, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Then I knew. I felt alone. Not the kind of alone that I crave. A beast of another name. I'm not sure what this means. How can a person with such a full life feel lonely? It doesn't make sense. I declined an invite to hang with a semi-cool guy tonight. I shouldn't be feeling this. *Sigh*
'Been there, definately felt that. Your feeling is not unique. One can definately have full social life and yet feel quite alone. Hugs are definately in order.

As a side note to your post, I empthasize with your situation. Being new in town and having to make new friends has turned out to be a lengthy, ardous process, at least mentally.

-LanceMan

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special_k
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Re: [/alone]

Post by special_k » Sep 26th 2004, 7:27 pm

lance wrote: 'Been there, definately felt that. Your feeling is not unique. One can definately have full social life and yet feel quite alone. Hugs are definately in order.

As a side note to your post, I empthasize with your situation. Being new in town and having to make new friends has turned out to be a lengthy, ardous process, at least mentally.

-LanceMan
Thank you, Lance. I think I'm needing some type of interaction that is lacking for me right now. Perhaps just the quality is at issue. I know what it's like to be alone in a big city. It really does take awhile to make friends of a certain calibre. Where have you moved to? Hang in there. You're going to be alright. *Hug*

~K
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life."

Jessie, "Once and Again"

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lance
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Re: [/alone]

Post by lance » Sep 26th 2004, 7:50 pm

special_k wrote: Hang in there. You're going to be alright. *Hug*

~K
Thanks, needed that.

-LanceMan

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special_k
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Re: [/alone]

Post by special_k » Sep 26th 2004, 8:04 pm

lance wrote:
special_k wrote: Hang in there. You're going to be alright. *Hug*

~K
Thanks, needed that.

-LanceMan
Anytime, Lance. If you ever need to talk... :)
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life."

Jessie, "Once and Again"

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Post by Nothingman » Sep 27th 2004, 1:57 pm

I think friends are a huge part of your life being that they are a support base. We all like to feel that we are understood, and that the value we place on our relationships with people is recipocated. But I think often times when we have good friends around and still feel lonely it really has to do with ourselves. Of course there is loneliness if you can't find someone to hangout with on friday night, but that's really just a symptom of a bigger problem. Most often when if feels like something is missing in our lives, we try fill the void with outside sources when what we needed all along was really inside of us. The point I'm getting at is being lonely is often an indicator that it's a time you need to deal with you, and being alone is a neccessity in doing it effectively. I think you have to be comfortable sitting in a room with yourself without music, tv, or distraction and just be comfortable with you.

I say this not a critisism, but as encouragement after recently taking 6 months for myself. I certainly have not found all the answers yet but it amazes me how much different people respond to me, new and old. Things are falling into place where before I would forcefully try to put them there and now it just happens. Bottom line is being alone can be a very positive thing.
"To come to your senses, you must first go out of your mind." - Alan Watts

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Natasha (candygirl)
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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Sep 27th 2004, 4:47 pm

Most often when if feels like something is missing in our lives, we try fill the void with outside sources when what we needed all along was really inside of us. The point I'm getting at is being lonely is often an indicator that it's a time you need to deal with you, and being alone is a neccessity in doing it effectively. I think you have to be comfortable sitting in a room with yourself without music, tv, or distraction and just be comfortable with you.
I totally agree with you. Filling your days and nights with endless activities and noise is a way of avoiding yourself. It's similar to people who must always have a boyfriend or girlfriend - you have to learn how to be happy with yourself first and foremost. I remember the days when I had no spare time whatsoever - I was a full time college student with a full time job, a boyfriend, multiple extracurricular activities, and an active social life. I don't regret expending my energy during that time, but now I don't feel compelled to spend every second of my day going from one place to another. I cherish the time when I can just sit and think, not just about what happened that day but about who I am, where I'm going, etc. In a Joan of Arcadia forum, I read that people who hear voices often wear headphones to try to drown out the sound of the other voices. I see the frantic compulsive need to always be out and about (meaning never alone) as a similar attempt to avoid. As Nothingman said, I don't mean this to be critical or judgemental - I understand that this process isn't easy because I've been through it too.
Natasha aka candygirl :: MSCL.com

Look, if this is weird for you, being tutored? I don't mind helping you a little longer.
You could have sex with me if you really want to help...I guess that's a "no"?

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