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If you want to share some events in your life or thoughts about life in general with other MSCL fans or if you just want post a rant to let some steam off - this is the place.
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emmie
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Post by emmie » Oct 21st 2004, 10:12 pm

Kristin wrote:
This same thing happened to me this past summer. I worked with this one guy all summer, and about a week before I had to leave for school this guy started showing a lot of interest. I told him I wasn't interested in just a little fling, I think of you as a friend/co-worker, why didn't you come up to me earlier in the summer so we could have been friends? blah blah blah. He said that he didn't approach me earlier because I intimidated him. You know, I love men, but I get the impression that the whole "I was intimidated" thing is just a line they throw at you to make you feel like you're powerful, confident, amazing, stunning, more beautiful than they think they deserve to be with. I think it's just a line. Of course, you've known the guy who said that to you for a while, so... in that case I'm not sure. But I think he can't be intimidated by you because you are friends. If he was intimidated, you two would have never developed a friendship in the first place. I'm skeptical about guys saying "I was intimidated by you."
Sorry to be negative about that phrase!
I totally understand why you would be skeptical. that's why I mentioned it. because there are those guys that will say anything to try and get what they want. and of course, there are manipulative girls as well (don't want to discriminate).

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emmie
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Post by emmie » Oct 21st 2004, 10:29 pm

Nothingman wrote:
emmie wrote:I'm extremely frustrated right now. I'm interested in this guy in my class and everyone loves him and he's very funny and outgoing, blah blah blah. and even with my bad perception, I really do think he is flirting with me. whenever we work together, he always joins my group. and he's always touching me somehow, like playing with my hair clips or arm or shoulder. and in the past week, he'll just give me random hugs. things he's not really doing with the other girls. yet, the other day he was telling me about a party he went to, and how he was shot down by a few girls. so, if he's flirting with me, why the hell would he talk to me about asking out other girls? blarghh!!!
He IS interested in you! When he touches you, touch him back. Let him know you’re ok with his presence. It’s called Kinesthetics and its powerful stuff. Starbug nailed it, he told you about being shot down by other girls because he wants you to know he’s looking for someone, hint, hint. He did a horrible job of demonstrating market value though, kind of like saying “My car is a lemon. Want to buy it?” Get him talking about movies he wants to see or restraunts he’s been meaning to try, then show mutual interest in those things, whether you are or not. Or ask him what his big plans for the weekend are, and when he doesn’t have any, tell him you don’t either, and you get tired of doing the same stuff with the same people. Give the poor kid a window to ask you out.

(This has become my new favorite thread.)

edited for spelling
yeah, maybe he was trying to get me to laugh at him or something. I did, but I was totally annoyed while doing it! ha. it's funny that you and starbug say he's letting me know that he's available. that thought had literally never occured to me. I guess I was blinded by my frustration. and it certainly did not make me jealous or more interested. in fact, it made me question if he was interested in me. so that's not such a great plan.

remember how I mentioned that I can't recognize come-on signals? well, I'm even worse at giving them! not to mention I'm quiet. but thanks for the tips. I've really been working on being more open with people so that I'm not so unapproachable, or intimidating! :-P

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Post by SanDeE* » Oct 22nd 2004, 12:18 pm

emmie, I think you and I should go out cruising for guys sometime! :P
It seems like we have a similar style. Of course, I'm more of the JUST GO DO IT sorta gals. Not too subtle, not very shy. But like you, I can't figure out when a guy is coming on to me until until it's kinda too late.
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Oct 23rd 2004, 12:38 am

I spent my planning period today subbing for another teacher ... when I corrected a student that it's "Miss" not "Mrs." because, "I'm not married", she was shocked: "What? You're not? How old are you?"
Me: Twenty-four.
Her: Oh. Well, I guess you still have time.

Gee, thanks. I love condescending romantic advice from fourteen-year-olds.
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Post by Nostradamus » Oct 23rd 2004, 9:51 am

Ouch! Heh heh, could of been worse though...
Her: What? You're not? How old are you?
Me: Twenty-four.
Her: Oh. Well, you look much older.
:wink:
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-- Mark Twain

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Post by SanDeE* » Oct 23rd 2004, 1:06 pm

I didn't know 24 was so old. I'm 21 now, so I guess I better start badgering my boyfriend into proposing to me, before my life is over. :wink:

On a related note, a lot of people at my school (granted, I'm in college, not middle school like Jody's students!) are getting engaged/married very young in my opinion. The roommates I had last year would talk about their plans for their weddings (one was 19 and the other was 21). They also would say they were ready to have kids now, they just need the guy. I thought, good luck getting a guy with that kind of mindset! Also, some guys I know around here (ages 19-22) are proposing to their girlfriends. Anyway, it's just kinda weird to me... getting married so young. My parents didn't get married until they were 29, my cousin is getting married next summer and she'll be 30 (her fiance is 35), a couple of my mom's sisters got married in their early 30s. So, having these people in my life that didn't get married young makes me not feel the need to rush into that. Of course, I know a few people who were married young and it's great, they are so happy and still in love. If it works for them, that's awesome. I guess it just bugs me when people ask me, when are you and your boyfriend getting married? Um.... never? I don't know? We don't really think/talk about it? I think it might be a regional thing, because where I'm from (WI), people don't get married so early. They don't think about it so much. But here in MO, even just a little bit south, there is this huge emphasis on getting married young. Does anyone else think it's sorta regional?
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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Nothingman
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Post by Nothingman » Oct 24th 2004, 10:53 pm

I don’t think 24 is old at all. Women don’t start hitting their expiration dates till about 30 anyway, so at 24 you still have plenty of time. And even after 30 there are plenty of stable men from the IP department that have been saving their money and are ready to put down roots now that you’ve had your fun. I’d say now is the time to have your fun and experience whatever your desires are so that when you settle down with Mr. Dependable you won’t be thinking about all the fun you could have.

I think that getting married before 25 greatly increases the chance of divorce. I heard countless stories of young couples being trapped in a codependent relationship they don’t understand how to get out of. I was one of them for the last 5 years. I think we all need to go at it alone and learn who we are before we can really offer that to another person. Getting married at 21 and waking up one morning at 29 and realizing that you missed out on things you need is a dangerous thing. Then you end up being miserable, or cheating on your spouse because you can’t just divorce them because of the kids, the house, the cars, and the joint checking account. Live life now while you are free and don’t even think about marriage until you are 25. Even 25 isn’t always enough. Rule of thumb for guys is don’t get married until you’ve reached your maximum earning potential. That means until you are in the job field you set out to do and are on your way up the pay scale. The reasoning behind this is based on two things. First, that men are with the hottest girl they can afford, and women are with the richest man they can attract (in general). And second, women are anchors for men trying to put in long hours trying to make something of themselves. Once your on your way you’ll be able to get the 9’s and 10’s that won’t give you the time of day when you’re the college intern, so it pays to wait and just have fun in the meantime.

I’m from a rural state, and people tend to get married young. Kristin since your parents weren’t married till they were older, you have had a different example set for you. Rural towns are full of high school, and college sweethearts that are married young. Rural towns are full of mechanics, teachers and restaurant managers by their very nature, that is what the town supports. Many of the people work at jobs they can find because they don’t want to move, the idea of a long term career plan isn’t that common. Because it doesn’t take very many years to become the mechanic at TireRama, people get married because they think they’ve got a steady job and town it’s time start a family. If that’s all the further you’ve planned ahead, then by all means do it, but if you’ve planned on doing bigger things, don’t get married young.
"To come to your senses, you must first go out of your mind." - Alan Watts

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Post by SanDeE* » Oct 24th 2004, 11:28 pm

Nothingman wrote:...if you’ve planned on doing bigger things, don’t get married young.
I totally agree. I don't even think of marriage as an option for myself until I am at least 25. I do have a boyfriend right now, and we've been together for a while. I think he's great and I can tell he'll be a wonderful husband and father someday, but we are not thinking about marriage. I have other things to think about (and he does too) - like graduating college, deciding on grad school/traveling/working after college, finding a city I want to live in, finding a "real" job, etc. I have to figure that stuff out before I can even fathom marriage. When I graduate, wherever I end up... I'd rather have a long-distance boyfriend than a long-distance husband. I know a few people whose spouses are at different colleges than they are because they decided on different grad schools, or one graduated first and moved away while the other one still has a few semesters left. That just seems like it sucks worse than your boyfriend/girlfriend moving away.
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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Post by schris » Oct 25th 2004, 11:10 am

I agree that it is a regional thing. Where Im from everyone is married young and its accepted. At 23 Im feeling old not even having a boyfriend. My younger sister got married this spring (at 18 almost 19) and everyone had to point out to her two older sisters that they weren't even close to getting married..... It's like that here though, all my girlfriends are married and just about all my guy friends are too! It's tough. I just hope that my chance comes soon!

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Post by lance » Oct 25th 2004, 10:58 pm

Kristin wrote:I didn't know 24 was so old. I'm 21 now, so I guess I better start badgering my boyfriend into proposing to me, before my life is over. :wink:

On a related note, a lot of people at my school (granted, I'm in college, not middle school like Jody's students!) are getting engaged/married very young in my opinion. The roommates I had last year would talk about their plans for their weddings (one was 19 and the other was 21). They also would say they were ready to have kids now, they just need the guy. I thought, good luck getting a guy with that kind of mindset! Also, some guys I know around here (ages 19-22) are proposing to their girlfriends. Anyway, it's just kinda weird to me... getting married so young. My parents didn't get married until they were 29, my cousin is getting married next summer and she'll be 30 (her fiance is 35), a couple of my mom's sisters got married in their early 30s. So, having these people in my life that didn't get married young makes me not feel the need to rush into that. Of course, I know a few people who were married young and it's great, they are so happy and still in love. If it works for them, that's awesome. I guess it just bugs me when people ask me, when are you and your boyfriend getting married? Um.... never? I don't know? We don't really think/talk about it? I think it might be a regional thing, because where I'm from (WI), people don't get married so early. They don't think about it so much. But here in MO, even just a little bit south, there is this huge emphasis on getting married young. Does anyone else think it's sorta regional?
I don't know. I was under the impression that in general couples in the US are on average getting wed in their late twenties/early thirties. Certainly much older than my parents generation. Mom got married at 20.

-LanceMan

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emmie
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Post by emmie » Oct 25th 2004, 11:39 pm

yeah, I have no desire to get married right now. I can't even fathom it. I guess if I was in love, it would be different. but for me, I'm so independent. like, I've hardly had boyfriends for very long. and many of my friends have to be with someone constantly. they move from one person to another out of fear of being alone. but I would much rather be alone, than with someone that is only mediocre for me. and in the past year or two I've really become the person I want to be. I've found my place in life and I'm really comfortable and confident in who I am. so now, I'm just looking for someone who wants the same things out of life. like I mentioned in a way earlier post on this thread: I was in love with my best friend for about 4 or 5 years now. I think we would be perfect together in every way but one. he really values all of his family and friends back in alabama. but for me, though I love all of my friends and family, it's just not enough to keep me there. I feel like there is so much more out in the world. I want someone who has the same passion for life that I do and wants to travel and be creative and all that. and I would never settle down with someone out of convenience or obligation.

being from the south, like others said, it is expected to get married young and start your life. but my family is slowly coming to the conclusion that I won't be like the rest of my cousins. my best friend is only 25 and she is already divorced. mainly because she is a completely different person than when she met her husband. one exception to the rule is my parents. my mom was a month out of high school when they married. he was much older at 24! yikes! tee hee. but things were differen then. my mom at 18 was much more mature and had had a completely different life from 18 years old in this generation. and my parents are still together, 26 years later.

for the longest time, I had a huge regret that things didn't work out with my first love in high school. but in recent years I've realized that my life has worked out exactly the way it was supposed to. if we had gotten together, I would now be the wife of a pharmacist and living in an upscale community in Ohio. not only would my situation be different, but I would be different too.

so to sum up.....I'm very happy that I haven't become part of a couple. I am my own person and I've had plenty of time to find myself and really discover what I am capable of. plus I've had the opportunity to have some really great adventures that a husband and child would hinder. one day I will have that, but for now, I'm enjoying discovering life on my own. wow, that sounds really cheesy huh? :oops: ha ha. :wink:

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Post by SanDeE* » Oct 26th 2004, 12:36 am

emmie wrote:.....I'm very happy that I haven't become part of a couple. I am my own person and I've had plenty of time to find myself and really discover what I am capable of.
See, I've always had boyfriends, since I was 14 years old. The first boyfriend I had from 8th grade through 11th, my second boyfriend was from 12th grade through sophmore year of college, and my current boyfriend I started dating in April 2003. And I've had my little flings between those three main boyfriends. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have had those serious boyfriends in high school, but another part feels like I wouldn't be who I am without that experience. Even though I've grown a lot since I was 14, as everyone does, I've always been very secure with who I am and never felt like I needed a boyfriend to be whole. I never took much crap from those boyfriends either.

Part of me would have loved to be without a boyfriend for a while... longer than three months, at least. But I don't feel like I need to be without a boyfriend to find out who I am, gain independence and confidence, travel by myself, any of that. The thing I hate about having a boyfriend, though, is that if I want to travel by myself somewhere, I have to sorta be obligated to invite him along. That sucks. Or I have to explain why it's going to be a girls night with my cousins in Chicago and he can't come. I don't like feeling guilty because it seems like I get out and have more fun than he does. I can't help it! For example, he's already talking about New Year's Eve, and that might be the night of my cousin's bachelorette party, so I have to keep that open for a while until I find out about that. He says, "okay, I guess I'm not seeing you at all over winter break. Okay." ARRGH! If the party's not happening, I'll gladly spend New Year's with him, but come on! It's two months away! MSCL men, what does this mean?

Okay, if I can't make solid plans for two months from now, I'm really not ready to be married.
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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Post by starbug » Oct 26th 2004, 5:17 am

I suppose I got married quite young...when I think about it. (I was 26 - so, practically yesterday). Part of that I think is because none of my friends are married - Mr. S's are, but then he's that bit older than me. Also, in comparison to the rest of my family, I was practically reducing into dust in my grave! My parents were married at 21 (2 weeks after my dad's 21st, since that was the 'rule' imposed by their parents... or I truly think they'd have done it earlier). They're still together after 34 years. One aunt was married at 19, which I could hardly fathom... oh, and I have a cousin in his mid-30s who is on marriage number 3. Eeek. I don't know if it's a regional thing or not, but my cousins who essentially grew up in the deep south, did get married younger than the mid-west contingent, now I think about it. But there really isn't a lot in it; a couple of years at most.
Kristin wrote: The thing I hate about having a boyfriend, though, is that if I want to travel by myself somewhere, I have to sorta be obligated to invite him along. That sucks. Or I have to explain why it's going to be a girls night with my cousins in Chicago and he can't come.
Yeah, I think this is a common complaint among women. Leave him behind when you go out sometimes - he'll have more fun (he doesn't need to make smalltalk with your friends), you'll have more fun (you don't have to constantly be checking he's OK). Thankfully Mr. S really doesn't do this which is part of the reason we go so well together; I couldn't cope without my space.

But this brings up another interesting point... when is it OK to bring your partner to a 'friends' gathering? I've got one friend who is gradually alienating people because of his tendency to always bring his girlfriend. We feel like it's nice to see her, of course, but not every time we go out. I think it's because it kind of cramps his style to have her along, and he very obviously feels the need to make big PDA's (which is something I find fairly repulsive - there's a fine line, and it's crossed if you're content to spend the entire evening nuzzling someone's neck and loudly declaring how attractive you find them). Also there's a tendency to blame her, because as (mostly) women in the group we find it impossible to believe that he would actually always want her there - therefore, she must be doing the whole emotional blackmail 'don't you want me to come?' thing, which is clearly unfair on him, and us. We're quite a tight-knit group who've known each other for years, and she's a person who simply wasn't around when many of the sort of 'in-jokes' we have, as a group, originated. it's not her fault, but it is irritating to have him try to 'explain' all of our little group foibles and dynamics, lest she feel left out.

Anyway, do you always take your partner along to these things? Would you want to? I wouldn't and don't... the way we deal with it is that if it's definitely a big night out with lots of partners attending, it's usually pretty clear that that's the plan. If nobody mentions bringing partners, there's a sort of unwritten rule that it's not done. Currently, someone's messing with the equillibrium, that's all :?

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emmie
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Post by emmie » Oct 30th 2004, 6:23 pm

alright, so i found out why that guy hasn't asked me out, due to the fact that it is so obvious to everyone (including myself now) that he likes me.

we were all on a film shoot today and I was helping with the camera crew build the camera. I walked to my car to get something and when I came back, I totally walked into a conversation about me. the two guys had their backs to me and didn't hear me join them. (they are friends of the guy in question).

friend #1: why doesn't he ask (me) out?
friend #2: I guess it's because he's leaving soon.

it was funny though to see the guys get all awkward when they realized I was behind them. I acted like I didn't hear and continued to mess with a piece of equipment. so alas, even though he may be interested in me, he's graduating next month and going back home. :(

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Post by SanDeE* » Oct 30th 2004, 7:15 pm

That's rough, emmie. So you like him back, huh? That's cool. How far is he moving? If it's not that far maybe it could still work out.

Something just happened to me recently too. There is this guy in a class of mine, and he's a doctoral student (I'm undergrad), so I don't really find myself around him much except for that one class. I don't have this "Jordan Catalano"-sized crush on him, I just think he's cute and interesting. Well, he threw a party this week and I went. Sans boyfriend. I ended up having a really fun time, and I talked with this new guy for several hours after the party ended. He told me he was attracted to me too. So now, I can't stop thinking about it! I don't think I'll leave my BF for this guy, but there's no harm in having a new friend, is there? I just feel like a s*it because now I know he likes me, and I'm not leaving the BF for him... is being his friend just teasing him or leading him on? I don't want to do that. This is not the first time this has happened to me, either. ARGH!
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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