My Fan-Fic...Episode 20: Moving On

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Nicky Driscoll
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My Fan-Fic...Episode 20: Moving On

Post by MSCLfan00 » Aug 22nd 2004, 8:24 pm

We see Jordan Catalono’s red car pull up to the Chase house.
Angela steps out and waves good-bye. We see her face as she walks into the house, it is obvious she has been crying. The next scene is in the early morning, Angela is sitting on her windowsill with the letter open on her lap. She looks over to the Krakow house.

Angela (VO): Now that I honestly think back on it, I knew Brian had written the letter. I just didn’t want to believe it. And even after Brian accidentally admitted that he had written it, and after Jordan told me last night that he *hadn’t* written it…I still can’t accept the fact that Brian Krakow…like, loves me.

The camera fades away from Angela and enters the Chase kitchen. Patty is getting the girls’ lunches ready and Graham is pacing.

Patty: What is wrong, Graham? I have never seen you like this before. You’re making me nervous!

Graham: (with a sarcastic tone) Well I’m sorry, Patty, but I’ve got a lot on my mind right now. It’s too bad I’m making you “uncomfortable”. This restaurant thing isn’t a piece of cake, you know.

Patty: (noticed the sarcasm) What are you getting at? You’re always snapping at me when you’re around, which may I add isn’t very much. I know the restaurant is hard for you, but it’s hard for the girls and me too!

Graham: How can you-

Danielle: Could you two stop fighting for like, two minutes?

Graham: I have to meet Hallie at the space at eight, so I have to go.

Patty has a look of deep concern on her face while Graham gets his coat and walks out the door without saying good-bye. Danielle grabs her lunch and leaves for school, earlier than usual. Angela walks in and Patty fakes a smile.

Patty: Good morning, Angela. How did last night go?

Angela: Hi. It was okay, I guess. What exactly did you say to Jordan Catalono?

Patty: We just talked…about things. About you. And I gave him some milk.

Angela: Oh, well thanks, for like, whatever you said to him. He seemed like he had changed a little.

Patty: Well your welcome. I’m just glad I got to meet him.

Angela: Can I ask you a question?

Patty: (surprised) Of course.

Angela: Say, you’ve liked someone forever, and you never thought that they’d like you back. But suddenly they do…and you’re really happy but they still aren’t what you expected them to be. And then you find out that someone that you’ve known for like, your whole life, likes you in more than a friend way? How are you supposed to decide who is right for you?

Patty: Well…is it safe to assume this is Brian Krakow and Jordan Catalono that you’re talking about?

Angela: It could be.

Patty: I wish I had a great answer to give you, but unfortunately I don’t. You’re the only one who can decide who makes you happy.

Angela: Thanks, mom. I’ll see you tonight.

Angela walks over to Patty and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She then grabs her lunch and leaves for school also. We see
Angela walking outside to the bus stop with a look of confusion on her face.

Angela (VO): I never imagined I’d be confused about whether or not I should like Brian or Jordan. I’ve never even thought of Brian like that, before.

Brian (OS): Angela, wait up!

Angela (VO): I told myself last night that I was going to talk to Brian first thing in the morning. But now that he was like, right there, I felt like running away and hiding. (aloud) Oh, hey.

Brian: We should talk.

Angela: Umm, yeah. Jordan like told me everything. About how you wrote the letter.

Brian: He did?

Angela: Yes…(long pause) Did you mean it?

Brian: Well, um, I, you see. (pause, looks down) Of course I did.

Angela just stares up at Brian. There are tears in her eyes as she realizes what this means.

Angela (VO): I had never realized it before. I always thought that Brian was just…there. But now I know he was there because I was there. (aloud) I don’t know what to say.

Brian: You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.

We see the bus pull up to where they are standing. Brian walks fast ahead to get on first. He goes and sits at the very back and starts to read a book. Angela gets the hint that he doesn’t want to talk about what he just admitted to her. So she sits two seats ahead of him by herself. The scene ends and we enter Liberty High where Delia and Rickie are talking at his locker.

Delia: So do you want to go see a movie or something tomorrow night? We could go see that new horror movie that just came out, if you want.

Rickie: You still want to after what I told you last night?

Delia: Of course! I’m so glad you told me…but, it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re my bud, Rickie! Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out!

Rickie: Why don’t you just tell the whole school, Delia! I told you but I’m not ready for the whole world to know, just yet.

We see Sharon and Rayanne walking together in the hall. They see Delia and Rickie together laughing. Rayanne gives Delia and dirty look and smiles at Rickie as her and Sharon enter the girls’ bathroom.

Sharon: I know for a fact that Brian wrote that letter! He told Rickie and Rickie told me!

Rayanne: So does Angela like, know Krakow wrote the love letter?

Sharon: Well, Rickie told her. He said she looked surprised. Which means she had no idea, she really thought Catalono wrote it.

Rayanne: DUH SQUARED! I mean, come on! Krakow is the last person she would have expected to write her a love letter.

Sharon: I always wondered if he had a thing for her…I mean he blew off Delia Fisher for her, but I just thought he did that because he didn’t like Delia. But he actually just wanted to spend time with Angela!

Rayanne: I bet she’s miserable. I hope she’s all right.
Sharon: I *knew* it! You’re the miserable one, Rayanne! You seriously need to think about finding a way to show her you’re really sorry.

The bus has just arrived at the school and everyone is getting off. As Angela gets off Brian quickly runs out so he doesn’t have to face her. Angela notices and looks sadly after him. Just think Rickie walks up to her.

Rickie: Hey!

Angela: Rickie, you will not believe this…

Angela begins to tell Rickie everything that happened last night, and how Brian finally admitted to her this morning that he was the one who wrote the letter.

Angela: So now, Brian is avoiding me, Jordan thinks I’ve completely forgiven him when I don’t even know if I really have.

Rickie: I really hope you’re not expecting me to figure this all out for you. Because that is one thing I will *not* do! Maybe you should talk to Rayanne?

Angela: What? No way.

Rickie: Just think about it, please?

Angela: Sure.

The next scene is at the restaurant. Hallie isn’t there yet and when Graham looks at his watch we see that it’s 8:30. Graham is looking upset. Just then Hallie storms in.

Hallie: Yes, I’m sorry! I know I’m late. And I’m sure you don’t want to hear my lame excuses for why I’m late so het’s just start cleaning up and not talk about it.

Graham: (shocked by the sudden outburst) Alright…

Hallie: But, I must say, you were incredible last night! I’m really proud of you!

Graham: (smiling broadly) Well, thank you. It felt good.

Hallie: Was Patty just as excited?

Graham: Actually, I didn’t get a chance to tell her.

Hallie: How come? You were ecstatic last night!

Graham: (awkwardly) I don’t know. I just didn’t feel like bothering her about it.

Hallie: (sees he doesn’t want to talk about it) Oh. Well, it was a great night!

Graham and Hallie both pick up the same plate and their hands touch. Neither one moves away as they look into each other’s eyes. The scene fades and enters next to when school is over and Angela is about to get on the bus.

Jordan (OS): Angela!

Angela turns around and sees Jordan. She forms a huge smile on her face and she walks over to him. In the background we see Brian sitting on the steps looking over to where they are.

Jordan: Hey.

Angela: Hi…hey.

Jordan: Do you need a ride?

Angela: Oh, sure. Thanks.

Angela steps in Jordan’s car and he pulls away. Brian is still sitting on the steps with a look of sadness on his face. The next scene is Jordan driving and Angela and him are talking.

Angela: So are you still going to have Brian tutor you?

Jordan: Well, yeah. It’s helping a lot, or whatever.

Angela: Wouldn’t it be awkward though?

Jordan: Why?

Angela (VO): As much as I like Jordan, I cannot believe how ignorant he is to some things. (Aloud) I just thought it’d be weird since we are like “together” now, and Brian wrote the letter.

Jordan: So?

Angela: So…he meant every word and I just thought it’d be weird for you to be around him because he has feelings for me.

Jordan: If you want me to get a different tutor, I will.

Angela looks stressed as she turns her head from Jordan to the window. Jordan pulls up to the Chase house and Angela gets out. She doesn’t look back at Jordan as she walks into her house. He sits out in his car for a short time before leaving. The camera cuts to Sharon talking to Kyle in the hallway. She l looks as though she’s on the verge of tears, but her voice is steady. Kyle looks angry. Students are standing around listening to their conversation.

Kyle: How can you just end it like that?

Sharon: I’m sorry, Kyle! It’s just not working anymore, and you know it! Things have been different lately.

Kyle: I love you, Sharon. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?

Sharon: That just it. I *used* to love you. It’s over, Kyle.

Sharon walks away. We see her face and the tears that were l lingering in her eyes finally fall. She quickly wipes them away and pushes her way through the other students to get to class. Kyle stands in the middle of the hallway looking shocked. The scene ends and we enter Angela getting into her locker. Rickie is beside her. Rayanne doesn’t see Angela is right there so she starts talking to Rickie.

Rayanne: Vasquez! Long time no see! You’re coming opening night right? You like…HAVE TO!

Rickie: Of course I will Rayanne. I *am* assistant director!

Angela starts to walk away, she is obviously wanting to avoid any conversation with Rayanne. Rayanne gives Rickie a, “I- can’t-believe-she’s-still-avoiding-me” look.

Rickie: Talk to her…now!

Rayanne: Angela! Hold on, please. Listen to me, I’m really sorry.

Angela: (annoyed) Don’t you realize “sorry” isn’t ever going to make things better?

She turns to walk away down the hall of crowded people. Rayanne is now crying but she is determined to get Angela to forgive her.

Rayanne: (yelling) He called me “Angela”.

Angela: What?

Rayanne: He called me Angela. Y’know, when it happened.

Angela: Oh. My. God.

Rayanne: I tried to tell you, I really did. But you would never listen. I know that me saying I’m sorry isn’t going to change what happened. But I want you to know that if I could go back and like, change one thing in my life, I wouldn’t have gotten in that car.

Angela is now crying, too. She runs over and hugs Rayanne. They stay in an embrace fopr a few moments.

Angela: I wanted to forgive you so bad sometimes. But I was so afraid you would hurt me again. Let’s go to the bathroom and talk.

Rayanne: Okay.

Angela and Rayanne walk to the girls room, they are hooked by the arm. We then see Brian sitting in class, except for once he is looking out the window. We vaguely hear the teacher explaining the difficult math problem.

Brian (VO): It is a known fact that I *never* miss class. But even though I’m sitting in this desk at this class, for the first time I’m not paying an ounce of attention. All I can think about it Angela. The way she always tucks her hair behind her ear. Oh, and the fact that she will like, never even consider having the same feelings for me the way I do for her. I keep wondering what would have happened if I would have asked her to not get into Jordan’s car last night. I probably would have made a fool of myself for like, the billionth time. But at least she would know how I truly feel.

Teacher: Brian?

Brian: (snapping back to reality) Yes?

Teacher: The class is in here. Now out the window.

Brian: Sorry.

Scene fades back to Hallie and Graham at the restaurant. They’ve just finished up cleaning. They both look exhausted, but satisfied with their work.

Hallie: Well, now that that’s over with, we really need to start thinking of a name. Everything is set, except that. So if we think of a name soon I’m hoping we can open in at least two weeks!

Graham: Oh, I figured you had already done that. Maybe you should decide. It seems like your kind of thing.

Hallie: No, no. I think we should decide together. So we’re both happy. How about something romantic?

Graham: Yeah, something to make people think of a moonlit dinner.

Hallie: That’s it! You’re a genius! We should have the name be “Moonlight”.

Graham: Sounds like a plan.

The two embrace, they find each other’s arms very comfortable. They stand together for quite some time, before slowly pulling away from each other. They look at each other and slowly lean into a kiss. It becomes polite at first but then becomes passionate. The scene ends and cuts to Rayanne and Angela still sitting in the restroom discussing things.

Rayanne: The only reason I even got in the car was because I wanted to be you just one time. I never thought it was going to end up like it did. But after he called me Angela it made me realize I had made a huge mistake, because he was pretending I was you too.

Angela: Rayanne, you didn’t have to pretend to be me.

Rayanne: I know. But I was just so jealous of the fact that you had everything going for you. And I had nothing. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved
Angela: Oh, Rayanne…

They embrace once again and tears stream down both of their faces. But Rayanne suddenly smiles and leaps up.

Rayanne: I’m so happy! How about you come over tonight! We need to catch up on things!

Angela: Wait, Rayanne. I need you to promise me that you’re going to stop drinking, because if you ever get drunk again I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to forgive you.

Rayanne: I will, for you. If you help me.

Entering the scene with Brian and Rickie.

Brian: So Angela forgave Rayanne?

Rickie: Yes! It’s so great. I don’t have to be in the middle anymore, it’s like old times again.

Brian: But after what she did to her I can’t believe she forgave her.

Rickie: I know you like her a lot. But you really need to stop revolving your life around her.

Brian: I do *not* revolve my life around her! Maybe if she did know how I really felt she’d realize how much Jordan’s really hurt her.

Rickie: I thought you said you told her you had written the letter.

Brian: Well, I did. But, she still doesn’t realize that those words came from my heart. I don’t just like, like her. I love her.

Rickie hits Brian on the shoulder. Brian winces and looks at Rickie like he really did hurt him. Rickie just smiles, he turns to walk away but then turns back around.

Rickie: Talk to her.

The camera spans back to Brian who is looking sick. The next scene is after school and Angela is in the car with Jordan.

Jordan: Tino wants to rejoin the band. But I’m not sure if I want him back or whatever.

Angela: Oh, why not?

Jordan: I don’t know. It’s like our band is Residue, without Tino. We’ve worked without him and he might just screw it up again, or something. So do you want me to take you home?

Angela (VO): Just when I thought that Jordan was actually going to open up to me, he shuts me out again. I feel like I’m constantly starting over. (aloud) Sure.


The two are still kissing when Patty walks in, she has lunch and has her fake smile on until she sees Graham and Hallie across the room. Neither of them hears her walk in. She quietly turns around and walks out.

Graham: (pulls away from Hallie) Wait, I can’t do this. I have a family…that I love. We’ve been having some trouble but I can’t do this just because of that. This was a mistake, I still love Patty.

Hallie: (hurt) I understand.

Graham grabs his coat that’s sitting on the nearest table. He looks back at Hallie before he leaves.

Graham: This doesn’t change anything right? We’re still going to go ahead with this restaurant?

Hallie: Of course, we can’t go back now.
He quickly turns around and heads home. Hallie watches him through the front window with tears in her eyes. She touches her lips and the tears fall. Scene fades and we see Graham pulling up to his driveway. He walks inside and sees Patty on the couch crying.

Graham: Honey, what’s wrong?

Patty: (quivering voice) I want you out.

Graham: What? What are you talking about?

Patty: I was there Graham! I came to bring you lunch so we could talk about what was wrong with us but I guess I figured out what was! I’ve already packed most of your things, please just leave.

Graham: But you don’t’ understand! I pulled away and told her I couldn’t do this because I still loved you!

Patty: Well, from what I saw you two looked pretty cozy. Just answer this, did you kiss her back?

Graham: (pained look on his face, long pause) Yes, but--

Patty: (looking away) Leave.

Patty gets up and walks up the stairs without looking back. We hear the bedroom door slam. Graham grabs the suitcase Patty had packed for him and leaves his home. When he gets outside he sees that Jordan is just dropping off Angela.

Angela: Thanks, again. Okay, see you tomorrow. Oh, hi dad!

Angela sees that he is about to leave and she assumes he is going to the store to pick some things up.

Angela: Oh, um, if you’re going to store could you get some more of that juice stuff you got last time?
Graham: I’m not going to the store. (seeing her looking at his suit case) I’m going to be staying at your uncle Neil’s house for a while.

He walks over to her and kisses and hugs her. We see his face and silent tears are on his cheeks.

Graham: I love you. Tell Danielle I love her too. (just about to step into his car)…And tell your mother too.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Please give me some feedback on my story! I’d really like to know if you liked it or not! If you liked it I’ll add another story soon! Thank you for reading!
"You have the option of insanity. I do not! And that makes me CRAZY!"



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Nicky Driscoll
Posts: 21
Joined: Aug 22nd 2004, 7:53 pm
Location: USA

Post by MSCLfan00 » Aug 23rd 2004, 8:16 am

someone [/b]PLEASE tell me what you thought of my fan fic!

i'm dying here!
"You have the option of insanity. I do not! And that makes me CRAZY!"



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Jody Barsch*
Posts: 1179
Joined: Jun 30th 2003, 1:30 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 23rd 2004, 3:16 pm

:lol: You're going to have to be little more patient, I know it can be hard. If you want others to read and comment on what you've written, you might want to read and comment on what others have written and posted, :wink: it's only fair.

I enjoyed reading your story. I do. however, disagree with what happens with Patty, Graham and Hallie. But going along with your storline, I find it hard to believe that Graham would move out so suddenly.

My responses:

I like the idea of Rayanne being jealous of Delia. That might be interesting to pursue.
Graham: (shocked by the sudden outburst) Alright…
Hallie: But, I must say, you were incredible last night! I’m really proud of you!
Graham: (smiling broadly) Well, thank you. It felt good.
Hallie: Was Patty just as excited?
Graham: Actually, I didn’t get a chance to tell her.
Sharon: I know for a fact that Brian wrote that letter! He told Rickie and Rickie told me!
I liked both of those.

I don't think that Angela would call Jordan "ignorant"

I'm a little confused about your time frame. It seems like Jordan drives Angela home from school, and then they're immediately back at achool, seemingly the same day. Clarify the time aspect.

I don't think the girls have to say "let's go to the bathroom and talk" they can just do it

"paying an ounce of attention" sounds strange, I don't think Brian would add the "an ounce"

Rayanne calling out that jordan had called her Angela really grossed me out. I actually don't think it's realistic, but even if Jordan did call out Angela's name, I don't think that this is in anyway something that would make a person feel better and likely to forgive someone. I think it's weird that Rayanne would share this with Angela, especially in the mind frame that this would make things better, especialy in the school hallway. I am really uncomfortable with this being the reason they make up. And then the make up happens so quickly -- Rayanne shares this lurid detail, they cry, they're best freinds. It doesn't feel right to me.

Also, while I agree that Rayanne and Jordan parlty slept with each other as a way of being, or being with, Angela, but I'm not sure that Rayanne would have enough distance from her acions to be able to explaint hat to Angela. I did like the line when she said something like "I just wanted to know what it was liked to be loved"
Rickie: I know you like her a lot. But you really need to stop revolving your life around her.
I liked that line.

Anyway, thanks for sharing yourstory, good luck working on it! I look forward to seeing what you have in mind next.
Sometimes I write a little MSCL fanfiction:
Also, after multiple V. Mars reiterations, and finally a Deadwood movie, still wishing for some continuation of The Riches !

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