Help developing certain character storylines

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 19th 2004, 5:16 am

Made my decision.
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Aug 21st 2004, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 19th 2004, 7:19 am

Jody Barsch* wrote:Here's where I make my shoutout to Tomspeed: seems like the past few years of reading your ideas about Brian, Angela and Jordan, and their future interactions, really influenced me in this one -- thank you.
Specifically what I am referring to is Tom's vision that it would take years for Angela to really end things with Jordan, that there would be countless relapses during vacations etc. Also the belief/hope that Angela would eventually end up with Brian (1 of the places Tom discusses this is here (the first page)). I had never really thought that would happen, Brian and Angela, that is. I always envisioned that she would leave both Jordan and Brian behind and find someone new; but yesterday, as I was writing this, Brian just kind of appeared. In all honesty, I am just now finishing reading my first story by Tom (which is amazing!), and am surprised in some places of the similarities (at least as they stand in my mind), but I guess that is the natural outcome of discussing things in a forum-- considering new points of view and allowing that to shape your thoughts and opinions.
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Post by TomSpeed » Aug 19th 2004, 4:14 pm

Thanks, Jody. I'm always glad that people like my stories. I'm partial to my first story. It seems to be more concise and less ambitious than my second one. I'll eventually finish the second story. Unfortunately, it just hasn't caught fire yet.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 19th 2004, 10:46 pm

The concept: The story is the actual encounter in the bar. As they sit for those couple of hours and catch up, being with one another reminds them of the events of the past ten years. The silences, the smiles, the innuendos, they’re all connected to their past. When you read the actual bar scene, just as some words are attached to photos, others will be attached to whole scenes an back stories.
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"Oh, Mexico"

Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 19th 2004, 11:39 pm

The Mexico story line is broken into three parts.

1. “Oh Mexico, It sounds so simple I just got to go”

[the context is the end of Angela’s sophomore year at college. She is in her apartment studying for finals.]
A: Hello?
J: Angela.
A: [smiles] Hi.
J: Listen, you’re done next week right?
A: Mm, hm. My last final is on Thursday
J: Got any plans?
A: For the weekend? Oh, I don’t know-
J: For the summer.
A: How do you mean?
J: Look, I’m driving down to the Gulf of Mexico. Come.
A: [She laughs.] Mexico? You want me to go to Mexico? Why would I go to Mexico- Why are you going to Mexico?
J: You should come.
A: I don’t think so.
J: Angela, it’ll be great.
A: Mexico? For how long?
J: I don’t know. A summer, a year, whatever.
A: How did this come about?
J: Tino knows this-
A: [She’s heard this beginning a million times]Right- Tino.
J: So could you leave Thursday?
A: I’m not going. I mean, what about money, how would we live? What about us? We’re not exactly… I mean… Living together? For a summer? I don’t know if that’s such a –
J: [Sighs, un-amused with her hesitation, but not irritated] Ah, god. That’s such an excuse. [Calling her out on what she’s doing (he’s not pleading)] Com’on, don’t do that.
A: Anyway, my parents would kill me.
J: Angela. You’re almost 19. Just come.
A: Jordan.
J: I’ll be at your place around five.
A: I’m not going.
J: I think you are. Later. [hangs up]
A: Bye. [rolls her eyes and smiles]


[Angela picks up the phone and calls Sharon in her dorm room, where she too is studying for finals.]
S: Hello?
A: Sharon?
S: Angela! How are finals? Still alive?
A: [shoving a pile of books aside] Barely.
S: God, I know what you mean. I have two term papers, a take home final, a-- Sorry.
A: That’s okay.
S: What’s going on?
A: I just got a really weird phone call.
S: Catalano?
A: Mm hm. He wants me to go to Mexico with him for the summer.
S: Excuse me? Um. No. Where is this coming from? I didn’t think you were, that – …with him. Didn’t you say you lost contact?
A: We didn’t lose contact. For a while. I mean, we’re definitely not together, you know, as a couple. But we still see each other. He’s come up for weekends several times.
S: Angela, why am I hearing about this now.
A: That’s not the point.
S: No. You’re right. The point is that this guy, who you have a totally unhealthy relationship with, is making this totally inappropriate request. I can’t believe him. What is he thinking? Well, you’re not going.
A: But I mean, if you think about it, what do I really have planned this summer? Coming home to Three Rivers, hanging out with my parents and Brian Krakow? It’s not exactly exciting.
S: You’re not considering this. How would you live? Does he have any money?
A: I don’t know. He must.
S: I wouldn’t count on it.
A: Sharon.
S: Angela, I love you, but you going away for the summer with Jordan Catalano, is like, the worst idea, I have ever heard.
A: It might be fun.
S: It might be the worst decision you’ve ever made. He’s not good for you Angela.
A: Oh, that stuff is so old. It’s over. We’re fine. We’re friends. I feel safe around him.
S: Until something goes wrong, and then you’re stranded down there in Mexico, with this guy, who never fails to f*** your life up.
A: That’s really not fair. And I did things to him too…
S: Two words Angela: Patty, and Graham. *
A: I know.



[Angela is on the phone with her mother, the conversation is already in progress]
P: No.
A: Mom.
P. No.
A: Please listen.
P: I’ve listened, I’ve heard. The answer is no.
A: Can I speak to dad.
P: You’re father is going to say the same exact thing Angela.
A: Mom. Please-
P: It’s out of the question. I wouldn’t give you permission to go to Mexico with someone like Sharon. I’m definitely not allowing you to go with Jordan. Frankly, I’m shocked that you would even think to ask.
A: It’s not that shocking. [Trying to plead her case] We’ve gone camping together.
P: With groups of your friends.
A: [As if to say, “get a grip”] Mom. [Continuing] He’s stayed weekends with me at school. This isn’t that different.
P: Only it’s not a weekend, it’s three months. And it’s not at school its in Mexico. And we still have a say in what you do during the summer.
A: That’s such a double standard.
P: Maybe, but that’s how it goes.
A: Mom, please consider it.
P: This is not a wise choice Angela.
A: But ultimately, it is mine to make.



[That Thursday Angela sits on the couch in her apartment. She wears old jeans and a small white blouse; her shoes are off and she is drinking a Newcastle as she reads Harpers. Jordan opens the door and walks in. He wears jeans and an old faded hood sweatshirt.]
J: Hey. You ready?
A: [Angela looks at him wryly]
J: Ok, [he sighs, but is not irritated] What is it? [He sits and takes a drink from her beer.]
A: Why did you ask me to come?
J: [Clarifying what it is she actually wants to know] Why did I ask you to come, or why are you coming?
A: [slowly] I guess I’m coming, because you asked.
J: [Smiles at what he knows to be true] And I asked, because I knew you’d come. [He drinks]
A: [Thoughtfully, and a little distant] Jordan, I don’t want this to be a mistake. I want-- I need for us to stop making mistakes.
J: [He smiles at her, acknowledging, and agreeing with this sentiment] I know. [He finishes the beer and puts it down decidedly] Let’s get out of here.



2.”The sun's so hot I forgot to go home”
[In Progress]


3. “Guess I'll have to go now”
[The beginning of part 3 is in Progress]


[Jordan is on the beach working on an overturned boat set on sawhorses on the sand. He is sanding the hull, and wears no shirt, only a pair of shorts. He is very tan, and is sweating from standing so long in the sun. Angela emerges from the cottage and walks across the sand to him. She wears a small sundress over a bikini. She brings him a beer but does not hand it to directly to him, but rather sets it on the hull of the overturned boat.]
J: [Continuing his project] Thanks. [She stays there, her hands resting on the boat, picking at the peeling paint. She is focused on her fingers but occasionally studies him from the corner of her eye. She isn’t sure how to say this, or if she definitely wants to] I’m gonna go home. To Pennsylvania. [Jordan looks at her, then continues to sand. Now she bends slightly, leaning across the boat with her elbows, holding her hands together in front of her, slowly moving them from her forehead to the boat and back again. She looks at him] Was it a mistake for me to come?
J: [Jordan stops sanding. He take a slow drink and then puts the bottle down again. He wipes sweat from his brow with his forearm] I don’t think so.
A: [pause] Can I help do something?
J: Yeah, uh, wet the rag and then kind of wipe off all the shavings. [Slowly she takes action, taking the rag down to water and dunking it a couple times. She doesn’t wring it out as she turns back so it hangs heavy at her side dripping all along the way. When she returns she wrings the water out on the back of Jordan’s neck and back. This clearly feels good, and he winks at her as she rounds the bow and begins to wipe it down. After a few minutes of working silently]
J: Can you get back alright?
A: Yeah, __ I brought my credit card, I should be able to get a flight.
J: You can stay, you don’t have to leave. [Angela flicks a particularly large shaving to the ground. Jordan half grins then returns to work. They work silently for a while. Jordan hands her his beer and she drinks. He holds onto her fingertips as she again sits the bottle on the hull. She catches him looking at her and takes his hand, squeezes it, and leads him back to their place, holding the beer in her other hand. They make their way slowly up the beach, and Jordan moves his hand to her head, musses her hair, then wraps his arm around her as they make their way to the bedroom.






* When Sharon says 2 words: Patty and Graham, I’m going back and forth about it maybe reading: Patty Chase.


* Edit 1 - changed destination
* Edit 2 - minor changes to spelling and italics
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Aug 20th 2004, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 20th 2004, 2:30 pm

Any reactions? Anyone?

For Example:
__ Groaning – “Oh, no! Not another one of those types of stories”
__ Blushing and rolling of the eyes – “Poor Jody, I’m so embarrassed for her”
__ Vomiting and or the development of a rash – enough said
__ Tirades – “G@# D@*& it! Why the F&#@ do people keep writing this S#*%?!!”
__ Printing – It was just that fabulous you need to walk around with a copy of it
__ PM-ing – Contacting other user users, just to clarify how really awful it really is
__ Breath Holding – Anxiously awaiting more
__ Unplugging – The stories are just that bad, you couldn’t even stand to be on the internet that enabled such a travesty to reach you in your own home or office
__ ReAiring – The stories threatened to tarnish that which is MSCL and you needed to call an emergency marathon to recover
__ Background Check –“Wait, is this Jody Barsch* actually Winnie Holzman?”
__ Logging Out – ‘Can’t be online at the same time as someone who writes that crap”
__ Avoidance on Principle – “I don’t do FanFic”
__ Specific Avoidance – “I don’t do your FanFic”
__ Other (please elaborate)
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Post by TomSpeed » Aug 20th 2004, 3:26 pm

I don't think Angela would ask Patty and Graham if she could go to Mexico when she's 19 years old. She'd probably just mention that she was going in passing.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 20th 2004, 6:12 pm

[This is the summer after Angela’s first year of college. She’s 18, Jordan is 21. Angela is in a small stairwell that leads up to two apartment doors on opposite sides of the landing. She knocks and after a few moments the door is answered. Jordan stands and grins in the doorway of his studio.]
J: I thought I might see you this week.
A: [Looking past the open door] Busy? [He shakes his head and opens the door for her to pass. She smiles at him and steps into the room. As she passes by he pulls her to him, she hugs him]
J: [Walking into the room] How’d you year turn out.
A: Fine.
J: Things work out with that roommate?
A: Uh huh.
J: [Pause] Listen, sorry I never made it up that one weekend.
A: No problem.
J: Cuz, what happened was, -
A: It’s not a big deal So, how’s life?
J [As he answers her, he moves to the coffee pot on his kitchen counter and gestures to offer her a cup] Good.
A: [shaking her head] Beer?
J: [He takes two bottles from the fridge and opens them as he continues to talk] My band--
A: Cerebral Suicide [she jumps in, taking pleasure in slightly mocking the name]
J: -- I didn’t name it, but yes, -- Just finished recording an album.
A: Oh my God Jordan! Wow! [She takes the beer from him] Congratulations [she clinks her bottle to his] How did this happen?
J. A guy heard us play and liked it. It’s nothing really big time or anything.
A: Yeah, but still. That’s awesome. Do you have a copy, can I hear it?
J: Yeah, there’s some around here somewhere. [As he searches] I’m not really the one doing the distributing. [He finds one under some papers and books on the table] Here, you can just have it. [Handing it to her. Angela is leaning against the counter, which divides the kitchen from the rest of the room, looking over the jacket photos]
J: [Moves a little closer, changing the tone…] Coming out with me tonight?
A: [She answers with out looking up] I don’t have an ID.
J: [Tucks a piece of her hair behind her ears] You won’t need one.
A: [Not really responding to his advancements] Maybe. This doesn’t look like you. [He peers over her to see]
J: Who does it look like?
A: It just doesn’t look like the normal you.
J: [Backing off, giving her a little space, he takes a drink] What are you doing this summer?
A: When was this picture taken?
J: [looks at her, takes the CD case out of her hand] Forget about it. [and drops it on the counter] Tell me stories from the year.
A: [She turns her eyes directly on him and raises her eyebrows] You want stories? [She says, breaking into a small grin as she lifts her bottle to her lips]
* * *
[Time lapse – it is the same scene but time has passed and they have clearly been talking and joking for a while. Angela sits on the counter and Jordan is across the room]
J: Wait, no, I want to hear more about this guy.
A: Stop
J: No really, that’s what he said to you, to get you into bed?!
A: I’m sorry I told you.
J: I’m sorry he said it. Who is this guy?
A: All right. Shut up.
J: Angela, what were you doing with him? Really.
A: I don’t say anything about the people you date.
J: The people I date don’t say s**t like that.
A: Okay, I’m leaving. [She isn’t angry, she’s just tired of him teasing her]
J: But, [Jordan approaches her, leaning into her on the counter, steadily moving his hands around her sides to rest bellow the small of her back he leans in intently, then whispers in her ear, just teasing her ear lobes with his lips] I want to smell your pheromones. [It is clear that moves are Jordan’s but the words were this other guy’s. Angela punches his arm. Jordan moves out of the way from her next hit catching her arms, laughing and flashing her a grin. Slowly he moves his hands down her arms, lifts them above her head, and then slowly lowers them down, resting them behind his neck. Their eyes meet and after several moments of him grinning at her, and her teasingly staring him down, they kiss. Still kissing, he pulls her closer to him as he leans towards the counter. [End Scene]





* I’m thinking of altering the pheromones line, but is based on a true story – A few years ago, a friend of mine met a guy at a party and went home with him. They were making out, and then he starting smelling her neck and under her arms, and then said something like “Mmmm, pheromones” I always thought it was too bizarre not to end up in a story, but I’m not sure it actually fits here. Any true-life stories about lame moves to suggest?

The idea of the scene, and actually most of the scenes so far, is to establish a sense of intimacy between theses two characters. I don’ t think that I see Angela and Jordan ever having a dating relationship that will ultimately last, but I do see them as very comfortable and familiar with each other. They are able to tease each other (which we also see in “Pressure”: “So you like me? I mean, you’re mother says you like me” “Oh. Shut up.”), and to date and pursue relationships with other people, but are still able to slip back into a relationship with each other.


* Edit 1 - added some *'s
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 21st 2004, 1:43 pm

In an effort to portray Jordan the way I see him growing up – mature, aloof, slightly amused by the world, with a conscience, not unintelligent, etc… I feel like I might be slipping into early Robert Redford / Paul Newman characters when writing for him -- and not always staying true to his character. I feel like at moments I’m trying to turn him into a golden era screen god, which is probably just as unfaithful to the show as all those sappy pleading “you’re so beautiful it hurts” fanfic Jordans. For one thing, I’ve made him very observant, which I do feel there is evidence for in the show, but definitely not always.



[The setting is a house party in Three Rivers. The age of the crowd varies – some high schoolers, some early twenties. Jordan is standing in the living room talking to some guys. A small group of high school girls standing in the kitchen catches his eye, for a reason he’s not quite sure of. He appears remain engaged in his conversation, but his eyes occasionally travel back to the girls, observing them as they betray themselves as novice drinkers, perpetually silly, and increasingly obnoxious. He just looks back to his friends when he hears his name being giggled from the group of girls. This time when he looks over he sees a somewhat familiar face, carrying herself as if she would like to give the impression of experience, maturity, and familiarity. Danielle Chase gives Jordan a slight head nod of recognition, and in return, Jordan walks away. Later Jordan is leaning against a counter in the kitchen. He is drinking a bottle of whisky, and momentarily closes his eyes when a young girl approaches him.]
Sheri: Hi. You’re name’s Jordan Catalano, right? [He looks at her] You drive a red convertible car, don’t you? Whatch’ya drinkin’? Hey, aren’t you going to talk to me? I know someone who knows you.
[we know see the scene from across the room where the girls friends are watching from. Jordan and the girl are out hearing range but he stands there, listening to her, slightly amused, saying one or two words to her every now and then. The drunk girl reaches out and place her hand on his forearm, in one graceful movement coolly Jordan says something to the girl detaches himself from her and just walks away.]

[Later in the evening in the back yard, the party is still going, but most people have gathered in small clusters by now, and are a little less brazen. Many have moved to the porch or inside the house, but there are still some people in the back yard. Danielle stands alone out at the keg pumping it. Jordan casually approaches her. He puts his hand on her pumping hand.]
J: you’ve pumped it too much. [he takes the tap from her and squirts it onto the ground] it’s all foam. [he takes he cup and continues to fill it and dump it to eliminate the foam.]
D: [taking a step back] Thanks.
J: That was your friend,. Wasn’t it.
D: who? [he cocks his eyebrow in answer as he hands her the beer] It wasn’t my idea. [Jordan lights a cigarette] … Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing here?
J: [glances at her] I see what you’re doing here.
D: [acting the part of cool and aloof] Well, anyway, the party sucks.
J: [amused] Oh yeah?
D: I went to a better on last weekend. [this could be true, or this could be her first party ever, it is difficult to tell]
[Jordan takes another drag from his cigarette. A girl comes by, they clearly know each other, she leans on him for a few minutes, they exchange a few words, there is a small amount of flirting, and then she walks away]
D: [Danielle follows the girl with her eyes] You talk to Angela ever?
J: I’ll bet you already know the answer to that.
D: She’s seeing someone else you know.
J: Oh, yeah?
D: What happened between you two?
J: [Jordan studies her before answering] We grew up.
D: I don’t think that had anything to do with it.
J: Maybe not. [A friend comes up to Jordan]
Friend 1: We’re taking off soon. [looks over Danielle] pretty young Catalano.
D: I’m Angela’s sister. *
F1: I don’t know who that is baby.
[In response, Danielle downs the rest of her beer, or as much as she can. This too amuses Jordan. His arms are crossed and he flicks some ash from his cigarette as he watches her. His friend too finds this funny and wraps his arm around her.]
F1: All right.
J: Later man. [The friend looks down at her, then at Jordan, kind of laughs, and then removes his arm and walks away, nodding at Jordan as he leaves]
F1: Later Catalano.
D: You didn’t have to do that.
J: How many of those have you had? [He indicates her up with his eyes]
D: [she takes his cigarette from his hand, makes eye contact, smokes it, and hands I back] I’m not counting.
[Danielle’s girlfriend shows up with a guy friend of Jordan’s (Friend 2). This girl is drunk and pretty irritating. The kind of girl who at 16 thinks she is totally a=mature and so on the same level as 23-year-old guys, and thinks she can boss them around]
Sheri: Danielle!
D: This is Jaime Sheri. [Jordan lifts his eyebrows at her, then nods a “what’s up” to the guy] [to her friend] Where’s Lindsay and?
S: They went home.
D: [loses her tough act when she hears she has been stranded] What? [But no one really hears her because at that moment several more guys appear, talking to Jordan and the other guy. The older guys are quite literally talking over the girls’ heads, carrying on their conversation as if the girls weren’t there.]
Friend 3: [eventually one of the guys asks] Jordan, we’re headed over to Kim’s.
S: Oh my God! You should totally come! [Sheri kind of throws herself on Jordan; he steadies her, and then takes a step away]
F2: This chick’s nuts man.
J: [to Danielle] Be back. [Jordan breaks away from the group, the guys continue to talk. Jordan walks into the house, and momentarily returns to the group by the keg as they are finally motivating to leave the party]
F4: So, we’re going to Kim’s.
F3: Yeah, man. We’ll meet you there.
F2: I need some cigarettes first. You’re driving man.
F4: Did you see Lacey her tonight?
[Jordan takes a few steps to follow, pivots to turn back to Danielle] I’ll take you home. [She looks at him, her remaining beer, and then tosses it to the ground. He waits for her and then walks with her. A few paces ahead of them are Sheri and that guy. Jordan watches s he walks with his hand around the back of her neck. He looks down at Danielle beside him who is just then yawning. Jordan tosses his cigarette, quickens his pace, catches up to them]
J: Sheri. Got a cigarette? [she stops walking to look through her bag, and the guy she is with moves past, still walking towards the cars. She eventually finds one, and then begins to look for a lighter]
F3: Jordan, let’s go.
F2: [from the cars] Come on. Let’s get out of here!
S: [still looking] Hold on!
J: I got them.
G: Kim’s! [Jordan nods. the guys load into the cars and drive away]
J: [to the girls, as he heads towards his car] Come on. [Sheri is still rummaging] Forget it. [Jordan starts the car. Sheri sits in the backseat, Danielle in the passenger. He looks is the rear view mirror] Where do you live?
S: [kind of loudly] We’re going to Kim’s!
J: Just take us to my house. [they drive away]

[Pulling up outside the Chase house. Jordan looks past Danielle thorough her window and kind of studies the house – he has not been there for a long time]
s: Hey! Do you think you’re friend will call me? [Jordan looks at her in the rear view mirror, then at Danielle, and after a pause, gestures to the house with his eyes.
D: [she gets it] Right. [Danielle gets out of the car and proceeds to help her friend out] Thanks, Jordan. [The cool act is up again] See you around. [without looking at her he starts the car and drives away]





* I can’t decide about that line. On one hand, Danielle is kind of trying to live Angela’s life, she thinks all of Jordan’s friends must know Angela as they have such a past, and that this will help her into this world, or at least clarify why she is standing there talking to an older guy. On the other hand, she wants to have her own life. She doesn’t want to always be the little sister.

* Edit 1 - changed "contious" to "conscience"
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 21st 2004, 2:46 pm

[Senior year in college, Angela comes home for her grandfather’s funeral. The reception after the memorial is at the Chase’s home. Angela has stepped outside to be alone, and is squatting (trying to rest while still keeping her skirt clean) outside the kitchen door. Jordan’s car pulls up in front of the house and he walks down the side path to where she is. Angela is slowly, methodically, running her fingers through her hair, and twisting it around her forefinger.]
AVO: How did we survive this day? I just want it to be over. Actually I just want him to come back. It doesn’t seem real. I can’t stop thinking about my grandmother. It’s so upsetting to see her like this. Tonight I went to the viewing and saw his body. I wish it could just be a bad dream. I feel so empty. I don’t know what to say to my mom that could help her. I am so confused. I want to believe that there is a heaven or something like it, but I can’t quite bring myself to. But for his sake I want there to be, because he deserves to have something wonderful. [She does not notice as Jordan approaches her.]
J: Hey. [he stands beside]
A: [She looks up] Hey.
J: You okay?
A: Uh, huh.
J: [he looks through the window] Party inside?
A: Kind of a party, … What are you doing here?
J: [He reaches his hand out to his side to pull her up to her feet] So, … your grandfather?
A: I can’t be inside. … [she studies him for a moment]… What happened to the big decision? The big “This isn’t working”? The big “This is over”?
J: There was no big decision Angela. [he pulls out a pack of cigarettes]
A: Don’t smoke in front of my family.]
J: Want to talk about him? [she does not respond] … When do you go back to school?
[She’s crying now, just slightly. It takes a moment, then he has her in his arms. The door opens and it is Brian in a suit]
B: Angela? [She pulls away from Jordan] Oh. Hey, Jordan.
J: Hey.
B: Um, Angela. Your mom wanted me to check on you. But I guess your-… [to Jordan] How you doing?
J: [Jordan glances at Angela before he answers, not sure if he should engage in normal conversation given the context] All right. [pause] You?
B: Um, ok. I’m looking into graduate schools. [There is a self-conscious moment of silence]
A: [shifts her footing as if working up to moving] I’ll be in a minute. [Brian probably should have left, but he waits, with his hand on the door knob. To Jordan] I gotta go. Thanks for coming.
J: [gently Jordan runs his finger under her blouse strap to straighten it] See you around.
A: Yeah. [She follows Brian into the house]

* * *

[Later that night Brian and Angela are walking down the sidewalk. Angela still wears her funeral clothes but is barefoot. Brians’s coat is off. They walk in silence for a bit]
A: My mom is really destroyed.
B: Yeah.
A: [thinking, then grunts a small ironic laugh] He used to dive her crazy.
B: I guess that’s what parents do.
A: I feel awful for my grandmother. God, can you imagine? How horrible that must be … [they walk in silence. She takes a deep breath] Look at the moon.
B: [he looks at her first, then the moon] Yeah. … So, it was nice of Jordan to come.
A: I guess. I don’t know how he heard about it.
B: You didn’t call him?
A: No. … It’s getting cold.
B: Want to turn around?
A: No.
B: … It was a nice memorial. A lot of … food. [She gives him a weird look. He looks at her as if to say, “Sorry, I’m not sure what exactly I should be saying” She half smiles]
A: … He loved pie. [clarifies] My grandfather. He used to love to eat pie. [they continue walking down the street] [End Scene]


* Edit 1 - spelling
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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 23rd 2004, 1:28 pm

:multi: Woo Hoo! :Fade-color I finished a draft of my episode #20!! Finaly! :bday: (Well, there may be two more scenes I need to add...) I'm sending it off the Beta Readers!! :smilecolros:
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 23rd 2004, 9:10 pm

It's just an exciting FF day for me! I was working on my #21, and I finally did it! I wrote it in -- Brian and Rayanne hook up! I'm so shocked with myself for actually finding a natural way for this to happen. Okay, I'm jumping the gun a little here because I havn't written ALL of the lines yet; it's still just outlined and summarized with only some of the actual lines written, ... But it's there! And it maks me excited!
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Post by Nothingman » Aug 23rd 2004, 10:54 pm

Jody Barsch* wrote:It's just an exciting FF day for me!
Flash Friday?
"To come to your senses, you must first go out of your mind." - Alan Watts

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Post by Megs » Aug 23rd 2004, 11:06 pm

Nothingman wrote:
Jody Barsch* wrote:It's just an exciting FF day for me!
Flash Friday?
Freaky Friday?
"I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say. And you tell me, you know, that you forgive me."

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 24th 2004, 12:05 am

Come on dudes, it's Monday. It was "Fan Fiction." I get comments on this, but not on my entertaining checklist? Oh, well, it made me laugh.
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