Instant Messaging Dating?

TomSpeed · Post by **TomSpeed** » Jun 9th 2003, 12:43 pm

fnordboy wrote:
nothingman wrote:Andrew, I know this isn't ideal, but in an effort to maintain your privacy, you could edit your posts using the spoiler command. Most people who would stumble on to the site wouldn't know how to use it.
I don't know about that, a fair number of other forums have used the spoiler tag (and other variations) for awhile before it was implemented here.

It is not that big of a deal really, nothing bad has been said here, and if anything it shows his feelings for her. She blogs so she would understand the need/want to get your thoughts "out there".

I agree. She might even be flattered.

Nothingman · Post by **Nothingman** » Jun 9th 2003, 12:50 pm

I don't know about that, a fair number of other forums have used the spoiler tag (and other variations) for awhile before it was implemented here.

True, that it's not a new idea in terms of forums, but if you were scanning over the site you might miss it. When I was thinking about that, something occured to me. If she cared enough about Andrew to go hunting around the net to figure out what he is all about, then I don't think this thread would be any threat. Nothing has been said here that didn't take into account the utmost respect for her and her feelings. If it were to be found it might be a bit embarrassing, but over all I think it would be complementary. And since she posts an online diary, I'd think she'd be sympathetic to the idea.

andrewgd · Post by **andrewgd** » Jun 9th 2003, 3:03 pm

nothingman wrote:Andrew, I know this isn't ideal, but in an effort to maintain your privacy, you could edit your posts using the spoiler command. Most people who would stumble on to the site wouldn't know how to use it.

He he he, I can just see it now, "For those of you who haven't heard yet, [spoiler]I got some tonight!![/spoiler]." Ha ha ha.

Ahhhh, maybe eventually I guess.

I'm definitely going through nookie-withdrawl lately...

She was upset with her "beau" last night (her words). Eh. I guess she's only been with him a month or two, and distance is never a good thing for a new relationship. So here's hoping!

Its a little odd hoping for something that will hurt someone you're interested in like this...

andrewgd · Post by **andrewgd** » Jun 17th 2003, 5:30 pm

Update:

A little birdy (online journal) told me that she's been dumped. I have to be careful not to turn into the 'comforting friend' and more the 'summer rebound',

. Of course, she hasn't told me about it yet either..soo...

Unfortunately she's busy at her old highschool's graduation, so I can't spend time with her yet... Hopefully I can get some good face-time tomorrow

.

Any thoughts/input?

Nothingman · Post by **Nothingman** » Jun 17th 2003, 5:53 pm

Hurray the window of opportunity opens even wider.

It’s probably a good thing that she is busy with her friends for a while. Gives her a chance to get over those emotional lows, and she’ll have her friends to comfort her, there by keeping you out of the “comforting friend” role. It will be tough to know how this affect her perception of a possible new relationship with you until you know how broken up she is over it. Hopefully, she’ll want to move on and find a nice guy (meaning you) and not want time off to get over the old one. Have to wait and she how she’s reacting to being dumped.

Good Luck

Post by **Natasha (candygirl)** » Jun 17th 2003, 6:57 pm

andrewgd wrote:Unfortunately she's busy at her old highschool's graduation, so I can't spend time with her yet...

Haha, I was skimming this and mistakenly thought you said she was at her high school graduation, as in she is 18 and graduating from high school and I thought

Andrew!!!!

Seriously, I see what nothingman is saying about not taking too much of the comforter role (to avoid slipping into "friend" territory) but don't disappear completely - be there as a friend (and I say this as someone who would never want to be with a guy who ran at the first sign of stress because above all, a boyfriend is a friend too) and I'm sure she'll bring up the breakup. Then you'll have plenty of opportunity to be supportive and comforting. Just don't try to move in too fast and replace the ex-pbf. That could be construed as rude, insulting, and inconsiderate.

andrewgd · Post by **andrewgd** » Jun 17th 2003, 7:31 pm

candygirl wrote:as in she is 18 and graduating from high school and I thought Andrew!!!!

Actually, she is 19. Making about 4 1/2 years between us, which, I admit, is a little odd for me.

As for the comforter/friend thing, I guess everything is the fine line between too little/too much. It'll be interesting to see if she does actually share this with me.

ducksqueak · Post by **ducksqueak** » Jun 17th 2003, 7:43 pm

andrewgd wrote:Actually, she is 19. Making about 4 1/2 years between us, which, I admit, is a little odd for me.

I am also 19. My boyfriend and I are 4 1/2 years apart. We've been dating two years now. Sometimes you will not see eye to eye on things, but there is nothing to worry about. I think that people who are different ages and have different interests can have a successful relationship. If my boyfriend and I liked the same things, what new things could we talk about? He has introduced me to a new world and I have introduced him to new things as well. A relationship is more intersting when two people have different things to bring to the table.

andrewgd · Post by **andrewgd** » Jun 17th 2003, 7:58 pm

ducksqueak wrote:I am also 19. My boyfriend and I are 4 1/2 years apart.

So he's like 14?

I think I've talked about it, but I'm just used to the whole highschool thing where, if you were a senior, you'd never think of dating a freshmen, let alone a middleschooler. Even in college, as a senior, I'd never think of dating a senior in highschool (plus that would probably have been illegal). I know when you're older, its definitely not as much of a big deal, but this is my first experience with it, so I'm still shaking off what I was used to in highschool and college. Well, I've always been into younger girls, might as well give it a shot!

Post by **Natasha (candygirl)** » Jun 17th 2003, 8:15 pm

Well like any cliche or stereotype, the stigma exists for a good reason. The younger you both are, the more of a difference it makes. I mean, what do a 13 year old and a 17-18 year old have in common? Even at my age, I see how an age difference affects relationships. The thing to remember is that the word "relationship" comes from the word "relate" - the more you can relate to each other, the better your chance of maintaining a relationship. Sounds obvious, I know, but you'd be surprised by how many people with absolutely nothing in common try valiantly to make it work!

Disclaimer: I am not advocating your carbon copy, by any means. One of the great thing about any relationship (whether it's with your boyfriend, sister, best friend, mom, whoever) is that you can learn a lot from each other and expose each other to new/different things. I'm just saying that it's pretty hard to have a stable relationship when you can't agree on what to have for dinner or what movie to see because you like pizza but he hates cheese or he likes to watch Ah-nold blow up buildings and you want to see a sappy chick movie, let alone the long term decisions like what time your kids' curfew will be, do you buy them cars, finance their college educations, let them pierce their ears, dress like Britney Spears, how to punish them when they misbehave, etc. It is very possible to love someone that you don't agree with, but it sure makes the day to day living difficult.

ducksqueak · Post by **ducksqueak** » Jun 18th 2003, 12:28 am

andrewgd wrote:
ducksqueak wrote:I am also 19. My boyfriend and I are 4 1/2 years apart.
So he's like 14?

I'm the little one.

Post by **mglenn** » Jun 18th 2003, 9:15 am

Jeeze... its nothing but a bunch of cradle robbers around here anymore!

lance · Post by **lance** » Jun 18th 2003, 9:34 am

mglenn wrote:Jeeze... its nothing but a bunch of cradle robbers around here anymore!

LOL!

My wife is four years older than I am.

I agree with Candy age makes more of difference below say age 21. In terms of life experience there can be a huge, not insurmountable mind you, gap between partners. This is not necessarily relationship ending but can make life complicated.

Andrewgd sounds like you are in a good place. Keep being her friend and she what develops.

Best,

Lance Man

TomSpeed · Post by **TomSpeed** » Jun 18th 2003, 9:43 am

Good news, andrewgd. I'm sure that she will give you an update. You can be supportive while trying to slowly move your relationship forward. I'm sure she will gradually let you know how she feels about you while she finds her footing again. I wish I had more sage advice, but that's about the best I can offer. Good luck. Keep us posted.

fnordboy · Post by **fnordboy** » Jun 18th 2003, 10:37 am

mglenn wrote:Jeeze... its nothing but a bunch of cradle robbers around here anymore!

Nope, not me. My girlfriend is 4 years older than me. So

with your generalisations!

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