Saw something really cute yesterday...

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Post by Rickie Love » Jan 30th 2003, 2:10 am

Agree, Kristin - you'll know when it hits ya. I personally have ALWAYS admired, and maybe been a wee bit envious of, people who know so early on in life, (some with absolute certainty), exactly what they want to do, if they want kids or want to get married. It took me much longer to find out those things - and I'm still really unsure at times. Even now. Guess I'll have to live a long, long life to make up for my late bloomer-ness! We Caps are notoriously long-lived, so here's hoping. Megs, hats off to ya girl, and good luck with that, really. :wink:
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Natasha (candygirl)
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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Jan 30th 2003, 5:43 am

Kristin wrote:I think that my friends who are anxious to get married soon want the wedding, they don't see that after the wedding, there is the marriage, and they need to remember that they did the wedding to be in the marriage, no? The girls talk about what colors they're going to pick out, the music, the ring. Not - cooking dinner together, PTA meetings, joint checking accounts, sharing one car. And all the other yummy romantic stuff! I'm sure that I'll be happy to be married, and I really admire people that stay married and are soulmates, like my parents (24 years in August) and many others when there is so much divorce nowadays. I'm more scared of getting married too soon and having it end in divorce. But I've always been told by people who are in happy lasting marriages: You'll know when it happens to you, whenever it may happen. I'm sure I will.
I totally agree - they are more concerned with the status of being engaged, having a visible sign of their relationship (a huge rock), and the actual wedding. One of my friends' girlfriends actually said, "I refuse to be the last one to get married"- seriously, get a grip. Talk about getting married for the wrong reasons! She was nagging my friend with stuff like "we have been together for two years so I should have x, y, and z." I automatically roll my eyes every time I remember her saying crap like that.

I know some people say "marriage changes everything" but I think that those are the people who go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and are disappointed when they learn that no, you don't shower together every day and no, you don't get breakfast in bed on a silver platter and yes, there are dirty dishes that someone has to wash, and no, you don't get to see sexy underwear every single day - you see the "I feel fat clothes" and the warm pajamas (not just the Victoria's Secret stuff) and yes, you DO have to choose which holidays to spend with which family members. My boyfriend and I live in sin so we know what it means to have to take out the garbage and pay bills and all the stuff that is real life.

Kristin - what you have heard is correct. When you find the right person, you just know. If you question whether it's the right person, it isn't. Prime example: my two aunts. One called and said, "My boyfriend proposed - what should I do?" The other called and said, "Guess what? I'm getting married!" The only misconception about "you know when you find the right person" is that not every example of it happening involves a revelation. Sometimes it's a sudden realization like a lightning bolt and other times it's gradual like a sunrise. Gah, I have resorted to nature similes!

Megs, I think it's great that you were able to get married and have wedding and all that early on. If you meet the right person, then there is no reason to wait (but also no reason to rush, if you know what I mean). I just think it's silly when people rush to get married for the sake of getting married and they are constantly on the prowl (think bar chicks who are too old to be bar chicks anymore). The older I get, the more easily I catch that whiff of desperation - my house stinks of it every Monday when I watch Joe Millionaire!
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Post by Megs » Jan 30th 2003, 10:16 am

I agree there are many women out there who are rushing to get married, have the wedding, have the dream life. I know them. One of my friends is like that. But that's not me. This conversation always gets me on the defensive. I have heard it too many times.

I am so lucky that my husband and I found each other when we did. Did marriage change anything? No. We lived together before we were married, too. We know each other more deeply than I ever thought possible. We were in love, faithful, dedicated to each other and we saw no reason to wait a few more years, or not get married, or not settle down just b/c we were in our 20s and it is assumed that you cannot be mature enough to handle the vow of marriage at such a "young age". That way of thinking was ridiculous to us. Why should we wait? Why should we break up and "look and see what all is out there", when we knew everything we wanted was right here? We were so blessed to be able to find each other at 19. We knew what we wanted. That is possible in your early 20s. Yeah, people "change so much in their 20s", but we change, have changed, and will continue to change, together.

Ugh. I better stop. I think I'm turning this discussion into something it never was intended to be. :?
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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Jan 30th 2003, 3:52 pm

I hear you Megs! I met my boyfriend in college and my mom gave me the whole "you're too young for a serious relationship" talk and the "if it's meant to be then you can be together when you're older" argument, neither of which held any water for me. I thought it was ridiculous that I found the right person but due to my age I should tell him to have a nice life and to look me up in ten years? Besides, it is VERY possible to grow and change together and enjoy your young adulthood together. He never told me not to go out or not to have a good time - as well intentioned as people's advice may be, it's usually either (1) someone projecting their issues on to you or (2) people who don't understand the possibilities. Either way, it's always unsolicited advice!

:wink:

Ironic that some of the relatives who gave me the "you're too young to settle down" speech are the same ones pestering me about "when are you two getting married?" I think some people just like hearing the sound of their own voices and they don't care what they're flapping their gums about!
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Post by Megs » Jan 30th 2003, 4:05 pm

Thank you. I was beginning to think I was alone here.

:)
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Post by fnordboy » Jan 30th 2003, 4:11 pm

I would have to agree on this. I met my girlfriend (of 8 years) when I was 18, she was 22 (yes sirree I dig the older ladies ;)). Granted when we both met we both didn't want a relationship but you of course as these things go here we are still.

Personally at that point I was ready to settle down anyway. I lived a very full life growing up and had many experiences, good and bad, that most people won't have in their whole lives. By the time I go to college I tried almost everyhting that I wanted to experience, and then some. My college years were tame, and I am like an old man now lol. I never want to go out anywhere, not into the bar scene or anything like that. Hell, I barely drink now.

We have been looking at marriage for years now, and this year we will probably take the plunge. We both want to, but we also both want to have decent money when we do, I don't want to have to struggle. That is the main reason why we haven't married yet.

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Post by SanDeE* » Jan 31st 2003, 8:36 pm

The reason I've been so edgy about this subject is that I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He sort of freaked me out with saying I was THE ONE and everything when I simply didn't feel the same way about him. Plus, there was no trust anymore, and it just didn't feel right. I barely remember what it's like to be single. I've had boyfriends pretty much straight from a little before I turned 13 until now. That's over seven years and all my teenage years. What's it like to be on my own? What's it like not having a boyfriend? What's it like really being in charge of my own self? I don't even know, but now I'm starting too.

Then the hard part comes in. There is a man I've been attracted to since I met him almost five years ago. We were not able to pursue a relationship because I was under 18. I always have had a crush on him, but I never thought he liked me back at all. Well, I spent some time with him while I was home over winter break, and I learned that he's liked me for a number of years too. So I'm really excited that the crush I've had has not been childish or foolish, because the feelings have been and are mutual. So here's where I'm jealous of candygirl and Megs, and also very confused: How can I have a crush on someone for that long with no hint of reciprocal feelings? Or any physical contact? How can his crush on me last that long too? How can I tell it's not just lust? See how conflicted I am. Good thing we don't live in the same city (for now).
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Jan 31st 2003, 10:55 pm

Megs, I wasn't sure if you read this yet, but I thought it was so appropriate after our wedding conversation!

:D
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Post by Megs » Feb 1st 2003, 11:54 am

candygirl wrote:Megs, I wasn't sure if you read this yet, but I thought it was so appropriate after our wedding conversation!

:D
Heh. Too funny!
"I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say. And you tell me, you know, that you forgive me."

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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Apr 1st 2003, 12:00 am

GaryEA wrote:I might be losing my mind, but I'm positive I saw an advertisement for "Urban Cowboy: The Musical" in the New York Times this week.

I guess the age-old question of whether or not a man can hold note while being thrashed around on a mechanical bull will finally be answered. :D
Today I read that Urban Cowboy: The Musical closed on Saturday after only four performances, the shortest run of any Broadway musical this season. $4 million production, 4 performances...I would have been willing to do take on Travolta's role for a substantially lower price than that. Heck, I'll do all the parts for only half a mill - that's entertainment!
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Post by GaryEA » Apr 1st 2003, 5:56 pm

Today I read that Urban Cowboy: The Musical closed on Saturday after only four performances, the shortest run of any Broadway musical this season. $4 million production, 4 performances...
Aw dammit! Where does a guy have to go to get some high-brow culture around here?

:wink:

Gary

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stuff

Post by lance » Apr 2nd 2003, 11:22 am

GaryEA wrote:
Today I read that Urban Cowboy: The Musical closed on Saturday after only four performances, the shortest run of any Broadway musical this season. $4 million production, 4 performances...
Aw dammit! Where does a guy have to go to get some high-brow culture around here?

:wink:

Gary
LOL!

Lance Man

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Natasha (candygirl)
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Post by Natasha (candygirl) » Apr 5th 2003, 1:14 am

Urban Cowboy update - the show has been given a reprieve and is still running, but no one knows for how long. Get thee to a theater Gary!

:wink:
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