Fanfiction Episodes, #20...

[Jody Barsch*]

I decided to take a try at what might have taken in place in Jordan's car after he and Angela drove away at the end of "In Dreams", here it is.

Possible events following the conclusion of episode #19…

[Angela and Jordan are sitting in his parked car, not much later than the end of In Dreams. They aren’t talking; Jordan seems content to just be sitting, not especially tuned in to his surroundings, but not absent either. They’ve already spent most of the day making out and its nice now to just sit there and not be alone. Jordan doesn’t register awareness that Angela is sitting there mulling things over while she stares out the dark window. In time she speaks, possibly after several formations of words and sentences before finally making herself audible. Her tone is less confrontational than matter of fact. She’s not out to pick a fight necessarily, but she does intend to be answered; her voice I calm and quiet, and she takes brief pauses between her sentences.]
A: Why did you let me think that that letter was from you. I know Brian Krakow wrote the letter. You never wrote that letter. [When no response immediately comes she reacts, abandoning her original approach and her frustration and humiliation begin to betray her, but she is still not angry or accusatory – rather she recognizes their scenario and the seeming futility of sitting there] What are we doing here? [Jordan kind of looks around, obviously taking her question to mean location and not circumstances, she clarifies] No. I mean here. What are we doing here?
J: I don’t get it…
A: [First hint of anger] No, I don’t get it. Why are you doing this?
J: [Going on the defensive] Doing what?
A: That note, the stopping me after class, what is going on? [Her momentum fades and she deflates] Uh—
J: [Totally confused at this point having taken it for granted that they were past all of this, and trying to get around saying anything too explicitly] You know…
A: No, really I don’t. I know you slept with my best friend. I know you broke up with me because I wouldn’t. I know that I have never once understood where I stood with you since I met you. I know you infuriate me. I know I thought you sent me a tremendously heartfelt letter apologizing. I thought you were sorry. … I know I feely incredibly stupid. … [She is open, almost vulnerable as she continues – she is not angry at this moment] But I do not know why you’re doing this.
J: Look— … [Either at a loss or unwilling to say anything closer to the truth] I thought we were friends. [Jordan’s failure to say all that he meant makes the word “friends” come out sounding limp and ineffectual, but he tries not to hear it]
A: I don’t know what you call this, but I don’t feel like you're my friend. I feel – I feel terrible, all the time when you’re around.
J: That’s not true. [She rolls her eyes and huffs.] What about today?
A: [Her voice has become numb] Misunderstanding.
J: [Challenging her] A ‘misunderstanding’?
A: False pretenses.
J: [In response to her lack of emotion, Jordan’s words become aggressive] So because I didn’t write a letter, you hate me?
A: [Still matter-of-factly and disinvested] I hated you because of Rayanne. Now, I just want it to be over.
J: [Trying to break through to her] Look, the Rayanne thing was a mistake. I’m sorry.
A: [Worn out] It’s not about that.
J: You haven’t talked to me for weeks, you don’t even look at me, and it’s not about that?
A: [Acquiescing] Yeah, I was mad, but it doesn’t matter now.
J: [Gruffly challenging her] How do you figure?
A: Because you do whatever you want to do, and it has nothing to do with me. [This last part is aloud, but is not exactly directed towards Jordan] None of this is about me.
J: [Still challenging her] If it’s not about you, then why am I here?
A: You’re the only one who knows that.
J: [Fully irritated] All right, forget it.
A: Forgotten.
J: [After a few moments he asks, not exactly nicely] So, you want to go home?
A: I’d rather walk. [She’s angry and relishes the opportunity to be difficult]
J: [This has pissed him off] What, you can’t even be in the same car as me? You’re that angry. So what was today about?
A: [Tired] Nothing. It wasn’t anything.
J: [Frustrated] God. You know you like me.
A: I used to like you.
J: This is about Rayanne.
A: It’s about everything. It’s just all over. Like you said, ‘forget it’.
J: God damn it Angela, stop. [This startles her – she’d been in control for a while and had taken it for granted] Stop being so damned defensive. It doesn’t have to be like this.
A: [For the fist time she’s open-minded, but still sounds detached and subdued] Maybe not. But this feels like the only way I can be right now.
J: I want – I want things to be okay.
A: I don’t feel at all safe around you.
J: I’m sorry.
A: Yeah.
…
[They sit there in his car, quiet for a really long time. It feels like the end of the conversation. Once or twice Jordan’s hand moves towards the ignition, but he never starts the car. Angela is mostly looking out the window, wanting to be away from there, but relatively willing to wait until Jordan decides to leave.]
J: This is not what I expected tonight to be like.
A: I know. [More time passes]
J: [Aloud, but not especially to her] I was actually happy today.
A: I was too.
J: [Challenging her] And now you don’t feel safe? Now I do whatever I want screw everybody else? [He looks at her, partially waiting for an answer, then shakes his head] You want it this way. [Angela looks at him and he continues, trying to bully her into responding] You’re scared, and you like all the conflict because it makes you feel grown up.
A: Shut up.
J: You want it this way.
A: Believe me, I don’t.
J: [Determined] Then, just move past it.
A: [Aggressive] Why?
J: [This is the moment he either says it or he doesn’t and there will not be another chance] Because … [She thinks this is all there is, and it is nowhere near to being enough] I want you. Angela.
A: [Open] Why?
J: I don’t know. … There’s something about you.
A: [Shakes her head] We’re too different. And I can’t meet your certain expectations.
J: We’ll work it out. And you have expectations too. … But we can try… [He’s finally reached her -- she looks at him softly in spite of herself, almost momentarily wantonly]
AVO: I could kill myself caving this way– after everything. [Jordan reaches across the car to touch her face, he kisses her slowly, she doesn’t move away] But then, maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing. [This kiss lasts a bit longer and then she breaks away.]
A: I better get back.
J: [Jordan considers this a bit before responding] Okay. [Jordan turns and starts the car.]


[Jordan’s car is now parked across the street from Angela’s house. It seems as if Angela has been quiet for a while and has slipped back into her subdued state as she mulls something over by herself.]
J: What?
A: Nothing. [Beat] Only, not lying was something I thought I could count on you for.
J: [In earnest] It is.
A: Yeah?
J: Yeah.
A: Okay.
J: [Touching her hair] Okay. [He kisses her and she lets him, guardedly returning the kiss until she pulls away]
A: Is this a mistake?
J: Shh. [He kisses her again, his hands in her hair. After a moment or two she breaks away.]
A: I’ve gotta go.
J: [Balanced between meaning and characteristic Catalano-nonchalance ] Should I swing by in the morning?
A: [Looking at Brian’s house, answering a little drawn out and distracted.] Yeah, okay. [She closes the door. There is a short moment when they look at each other, and then she’s walking up the path to her door. Jordan’s car remains parked on the street. Just as she’s opened the door and turned around, he’s driven off.]


[Angela pops her head into her parent’s room. Patty’s in bed reading.]
A: I’m back.
P: How’d everything work out?
A: I don’t really want to talk about it. [Adding] Is that all right?
P: Of course. [Graham comes out of the bathroom having just showered]
G: Hey.
A: Hi. [Subdued, but interested] So how’d your thing go?
G: It was … great. I’m starving though. [He places a hand on Angela’s shoulder as he passes by her in the doorway to head downstairs.]
A: [After a little while just lingering in the doorway] I just wanted to tell you I’m home.
P: Thank you.
A: Jordan’s giving me a ride to school tomorrow. [She says it casually, a kind of ‘by the way’ thing, but it communicates much more than what she is actually saying, and Patty understands the full meaning.]
P: Okay.
A: Well, ‘night.
P: Good night.


[The next morning Angela is sitting on the front porch with a mug of coffee or hot chocolate, Jordan pulls up and she stands and walks to the car and gets in.]
A: Morning.
J: Hey. [Angela’s putting her seat belt on and juggling the hot beverage] Come here. [She turns in his direction and he kisses her] Morning. [He turns back and starts the car] Don’t spill that. [They drive away]


J: Angela, I wanted to be clear about where we left things last night…
A: Okay…
J: Cuz, it still seems like, you’re – it seems like you don’t care.
A: You’re right, I don’t.
J: Because…?
A: I was angry, and I was hurt, and I’ve lost a friendship, and it’s all very recent, and I don’t know how well I knew you in the first place, and it’s recent, and so there’s a certain point where you have to stop caring.
J: Okay, but you kissed me. Last night, and today. You’re in my car now, so…
A: It’s hard.
J: See, part of you is angry, and part of you is hurt or scared; part of it’s pride, but part of you just wants to be here. I’m not going to say anything to convince you.
A: I know.
AVO: I almost got out of the car. I almost told him to go to hell. Or maybe for him to have a great life. But who would I be kidding, I want him so damn much and I’ve never been closer to having him. Sometimes, our hearts want what they want, more than they want to be safe, or careful, or right.
A: Don’t – mess me up.

[Nothingman]

Nice job Jody! This was painful to read in the sense that I've had that kind of conversation countless times. Where you know you aren't far apart, but for whatever reason you just can't agree to be in the same place. You just can't seem to get out of your heads and live in the moment. It's almost more of a struggle with yourselves than it is a struggle between the two people. But yet you're trying to remedy your inner conflict with the other person by trying to get them to fulfill whatever need you think will fix it. And of course that's not possible, and we percieve that as them not fulfilling our needs when the reality is the conflict was never with them, so of course they can't fix it.

Ah, what a fantastic mess we are. You've captured it perfectly, and made me very content not be in a relationship today.

P.S. First song off the new CC album (live).
http://www.annabegins.com/

[Jody Barsch*]

Thanks for the review Nothingman. I'm really glad that it came across how I was hoping it would. You articulated those moments to perfection.

And oooh, new CC! I've been on such an Okkervil River kick lately some change will do me good.

[Jody Barsch*]

Just something I messed around with last night...

Fanfiction between “Life of Brian” and “Self-Esteem”
What did Happen…
Jordan leaves the dance with his buddies (they are going over to Kathy’s), he sees Angela hugging Rickie, he stops, waits for her to come to him, then backs her into the fence, almost kisses her, asks her why she is the way she is, and then walks away without an answer or even a glance in her direction.

What might have happened next…
[Later the same night as the dance, Jordan and his buddies are in the backyard of Kathy’s house (the girlfriend of one of his friends). People are sitting around drinking, there is a small fire blazing in a pit, one of the guys from Frozen Embryos and an earthy looking girl are strumming on acoustic guitars, playing bits of songs back and forth for each other rather than for the general group assembled in the backyard. The mood is mellow – this is just friends hanging out, not a party. There’s a couple of cases of beer that people have brought by the back steps of the house. Jordan is inside, sitting at the small kitchen table, absently flipping through a cookbook featuring glossy images of food on every other page. While he isn’t paying any real attention to the pages he is glossing over, he is seemingly entrenched in the act itself. Shane comes in, opens the door and steps into the kitchen from the backyard. He stands in the door looking at Jordan, his hand resting on the doorknob, holding the door open behind him. When Jordan still doesn’t look up, Shane lets the door bang shut and then slowly crosses to the refrigerator. He inspects its contents, finally pulls out an apple, then leans back against the kitchen counter, standing across from Jordan, who is still sitting at the table.]
Shane: Hey.
J: Are there people still outside?
S: [taking a huge bite] Yeah. … Heh, how classic was that thing tonight at school?
J: Huh? Oh, the, uh, dance?
S: Yeah, the dance. “World Happiness”? Just a bunch of preps playing dress up.
J: Yeah?
S: Well, you were there…
J: [Sounding a little puzzled] Yeah… [Shane eats more of his apple; loudly. Kathy, whose house it is, enters the kitchen from the hallway. She’s pretty and wears jeans and a gray, oversized, hooded sweatshirt. Her dark curly hair is pulled back through her boyfriend’s cap.]
Kathy: Hey.
J&S: Hey. [Kathy exits to the backyard]
S: She’s so cool. … [Jordan glances behind him to follow her with his eyes in consideration of Shane’s appraisal. Still eating his apple, Shane thinks aloud] We should get a game of horseshoes going tonight. [As an after-thought] Why are you reading that? [Shane hops down from the counter and peeks over Jordan’s shoulder] Anything good? [Jordan closes the book and handles his beer]

* * * * *

[Still at the dance, Brian sits on the bleachers, and Angela, a bit apprehensively, leaves her conversation with Sharon to approach him. They both look at each other with dull expressions.]
A: I’m going to call my dad. You’re ready right?
B: Um, actually, I think I’m going to walk.
A: Brian. You don’t have to walk. We’ll give you a ride.
B: I— [Trying to come up with a reasonable “out”] Uh—
A: Brian. Take the ride. [pause] I’m going to go call.

* * * * *

[Jordan emerges from the house holding a brown bottle. He lights the cigarette he had tucked behind his ear, and aimlessly moves through the small groups of people, eventually sitting in a wood deck chair just beyond the ring of light the fire releases. One of the guys comes and sits down next to Jordan. He’s drinking a tall-boy but carrying a six pack.]
Guy: Hey. [He picks up a twig from the ground, snaps off a few limbs, and then chucks it into the fire. He leans back into his chair.] How’s your night?
J: [Going to take a drink from his bottle, but finding it empty, he sets it on the ground by him and exhales] Weird. [The guy offers Jordan a beer; Jordan stands slightly to lean over and take one, then sits down again, opening the bottle with his lighter. He takes a drink, and begins a conversation without looking directly at the guy.] Ever…? [He never finishes the thought, but eventually begins another one.] So, that thing at school tonight…
G: The dance. Yeah?
J: [He takes a drink, and then says with almost no interest] What’s that about?
G: [The guy kind of chuckles] Meaning?
J: I’m not sure I get the -- appeal.
G: I’m not so sure there is one. … Naw, I mean, it’s supposed to be fun.
J: [This is kind of a new thought for him] Is it?
G: Guess not for you. But yeah, I think some people think that sort of stuff is fun.
J: [Taking his time to consider] So, like, people do that? They go to things like dances in high school gyms, and that’s, like, what they do? Making, you know, plans, and having, like all kinds of expectations?
G: [The guy looks at Jordan like he’s tripping, and kind of laughs at him] You okay man? [With a wry grin, he handles the empty bottle Jordan put down by his feet] There more of these somewhere? [Jordan rolls his eyes] What’s going on with you?
J: [Jordan flicks his cigarette into the flames, and kind of laughs at himself] Nothing.
G: But you know, whatever. It’s high school; some stupid crap comes with the territory right? If you’re not willing to look past some things – you know …
J: Right.
G: It can really limit some potentials.
J: Yeah, I guess.

* * * * *

[A little while later Brian and Angela are outside the school waiting for their ride. They stand remotely together, but at an awkward distance for people who are waiting together. Graham pulls up directly in front of the steps, which seems to Angela further embarrass. She and Brian approach the car, and there’s some confusion about which door each one will use. Graham says hi, and once they are seated and driving, Graham asks about the night.]
G: How was it? [Elbow resting on the car’s window ledge, chin resting in palm, Angela doesn’t say anything; she looks out the window and tunes out to the rest of the car.] That bad? That good? [Graham looks into the backseat through the rear view mirror; Brian too is staring out of his window. Graham kind of cocks an eyebrow as he inspects the situation.]
AVO: It is inevitable – I make a fool of myself. Unfailingly I misjudge things and set myself up for humiliation. [She continues looking out the window, and as she remembers specifics from the evening, she cringes and blushes. She moves her hand to cover her face.] Oh God! [Graham turns the music up.]

* * * * *

[Angela and Brian are on the bus Monday morning. Both are pretty much ignoring the other. After a while Angela moves a few seats closer to where he sits.]
A: Hey.
B: Hmph.
A: So the dance sucked.
B: Yeah; it did.
A: [Pause] I don’t even know really why I wanted to go. [He rolls his eyes slightly, but she continues] Listen. For my part, I’m sorry it worked out how it did.
B: [After a moment or two] Me too.
A: [Trying to find something nice to say] Maybe you could try calling Delia.
B: I don’t think so.
A: Well, okay… [Angela gets up to move back to where she was seated, Brian turns back to say one last thing in an attempt to clear the air]
B: Angela, [Not totally confidant in the delivery] if there’s a Sadie Hawkins, I’m not available. [She kind of laughs, and he rolls his eyes once he’s looking ahead and she’s behind him]

* * * * *

[In PE, half of the students are running laps around the gym, while the other half are doing aerobics/stretching; a few are shooting baskets. Angela is running laps with Rayanne, but when Rayanne gets fed up and stops Angela continues her running alone. Jordan runs by, and as he does so, he turns and says “hey”, which leaves her surprised and a little winded. Angela stops to pull her sweatshirt off, and it tugs her shirt up part of the way in the back; from across the gym Jordan notices the exposed small of her back.]

* * * * *

[Angela and Rayanne are browsing through a second-hand store, stopping to look at things now and then as they browse. ]
A: I don’t get him.
R: I don’t get it – what’s to ‘get’?
A: He’s impossible and unintelligible.
R: You’re just frustrated because it didn’t work out how you wanted it to when you tried to orchestrate him to do your will.
A: You should talk; how’d it go when you tried to orchestrate Rickie’s night?
R: No, that wasn’t my fault. I got them together.
A: Rayanne, Rickie was mortified.
R: Rickie doesn’t want to let anything happen. He’s not ready to let himself be happy. Too much baggage. What you’ve got to realize Angela, is that you can’t micromanage Jordan Catalano. On the other hand, I never would have believed he’d show to Chirsky’s dance to begin with.
A: Anyway, it doesn’t matter; I’m over Jordan Catalano.
R: Yeah.
A: I mean it. He’s weird, I never know what he’s thinking; we’re way too different, and I never have any idea what he’s going to do next.
R: Uh, uh. That’s what you like about him.
A: Yeah, well, not anymore. I was totally humiliated. What does that even mean? ‘The way you are?’ What, like he knows me? He gets to make assumptions about how I am? ‘The way I Am’?! [Angela catches herself, realizing that she’s speaking too loudly for being in public. She lowers her voice to a more intimate hush, and then continues] What about him? What about the way he is?
R: [flatly] It’s ridiculous.
A: Infuriating.
R: So, no more talk of Catalano?
A: Absolutely. [pause]
R: What about Krakow?
A: Definitely not.

* * * * *

[One or several days later, after school, Angela has missed the bus, and stands stranded in the parking lot. Jordan slows as he drives by. Angela looks away, maybe a little too conspicuously, just as Jordan never looks directly at her in the moments he considers his decision before stopping the car and rolling down the window.]
J: Hey— [He looks away and then looks back] want a lift? [Angela has to think about it for a while before accepting. She seems a little aloof at first. She walks around the front of the car but momentarily pauses by the passenger door before even putting her fingers to the handle. Jordan grabs some books and papers from the passenger seat and tosses them in the back just as Angela slides in and shuts her door.]
J: How’ve you been? [Angela shrugs; he glances in her direction after getting no response] Not talking?
A: I guess I’m not too sure of what to say to you. [Jordan doesn’t say anything to this, and doesn’t seem to think it’s a strange thing for her to say] I’ve been told I talk a lot; I guess, that’s one of those things that makes me ‘how I am’. [She’s said this with slow deliberation, he looks at her partly laughing at her, and partly in disbelief that she not only remembers these conversations but has given them so much weight that she brings them up now. Jordan glides past her loaded words.]
J: Need to be anywhere right away?
A: …No…
J: Well, do you want to – find something to do? [She looks at him, studying him]
A: Do I? [In deliberation, she licks her lips, but before anything else happens, and before she gives him any kind of an indication, he kisses her.]

* * * * *

[Angela and Jordan are in English class and she’s trying not to look at him, but he notices her glance. He gets up from her desk and nonchalantly slips into an empty desk beside her and leans toward her speaking low without actually looking in her direction.]
J: You know the north wing of the main hallway, by the north exit [She nods] – the door that’s not a classroom?
A: The boiler room?
J: Yeah [He gets up and returns to his desk. Later he passes by and drops a note on her desk as he ambles out of the room, she opens it: “MEET ME THEIR @ LUNCH’]


* * OR * *

[Jordan strides down the school hallway carrying something small, moving it between the index, middle and ring fingers of his right hand. Casually he stops at a locker, and quickly drops the folded paper into the locker vent. He then continues indifferently down the hallway and turns the corner. As he moves off screen the bell rings and the hallway fills with students. Angela opens her locker, and a folded note that reads “Angella” falls to her feet.]

[Christina_in_color]

Jody, are you working on an episode #25 after "Turn and Face the Strain"? Your fanfiction is the best I've read, especially because of the way you capture the essence of Catalano, and I simply cannot get enough! I also loved the way you handled Brian and Rayanne's fling. After "Halloween", I've been rooting for those two to get together. I'd love to read more of their sexual tension. The introduction of Jordan's sister is so interesting. Like when I watch the series, I wait for Jordan's scenes with growing anticipation. I hope you are still inspired to churn out more episodes!

[Jody Barsch*]

Thank you Christina_in_Color I'm so glad you've enjoyed the stories. I've been so swamped with work, for seemingly forever, I really haven't thought about what will come next. I hope to keep going once I've thought of something, but I couldn't say when that will be. (I'm pretty proud of myself though -- I think this is the first finals week I've gone through without resorting to procrastinating by writing MSCL fanfiction). Anyway, thanks for the post, it was really nice to read.

[Christina_in_color]

Jody,

I've been so swamped with life beyond MSCL too that I haven't read your stories in a while. You see, that's how I keep myself preoccupied when I'm craving these characters and their world, but I'm not in the mood to view "Why Jordan Can't Read", for instance, for the hundreth time. I look forward to whatever wayward inspirations bring you back to the voices of our flawed heroes, but as a student writer myself, I know it's better not force it. Congrats on not procrastinating. You *should* be proud. Well, thanks for the stories. If and when more comes along, then that's great. Thankfully I can always reread your stories already posted to satisfy my fix.

Best wishes,
Christina