Life of Jordan, Episode #20

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stburr91
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Life of Jordan, Episode #20

Post by stburr91 » Aug 19th 2006, 4:53 pm

This is my first fan fiction. I wouldn't say that this episode is completely done, I may still make a few changes, like changing the title. I'm not sure I like the title. Anyway, love or hate it, I would like to hear your thoughts

LIFE OF JORDAN


FADE IN

INT. CHASE HOUSE-- Angela's room-- morning. A couple of days later.

(Angela sitting on her window seat, looking out the window.)

Angela:(VO) It's been a couple of days since I've talked to Jordan.... and God, I'm avoiding Brian Krakow.(She looks out the window, across the street at Brian's house.) I can forgive Jordan for lying about the letter because, I believed him when he told me, that the letter wasn't a complete lie. Because it was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the right words. But with Brian, (pause) he had the words, but he chose to hide behind the letter, and that, is, somehow worse. I don't know how I feel about him right now. (pause) I guess, I always knew Brian had feelings for me, but I didn't know he was, like, in love with me, or whatever. I had no idea he was capable of expressing his feelings like that,... it kind of got to me. (pause) I mean, doesn't he realize the power of his words, and the effect they have on other people? Why did he have to write that letter, and then give it to Jordan? Why couldn't he just stay out of this? I think Jordan and I would have worked things out eventually. Jordan has been opening up to me. I mean, I can't believe Friday night he took me to...

Patty: (Off screen) Angela, you're going to miss the bus.


INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Morning

(Chase family getting ready for their day.)

Patty: Danielle, don't forget your lunch.

(As Danielle grabs her lunch and runs out the door, Angela walks into the kitchen.)

Patty: You missed breakfast.

Graham: Here, take my bagel.

Angela: I'm not hungry.

Graham: Well take it anyway, you should eat something. Besides, I have to get going.

Patty: You're getting an early start this morning.

Graham: I have to go met a contractor this morning about building the kitchen for the restaurant. Then meet Hallie this afternoon, to start looking for kitchen appliances.

Patty: Oh, what time do you think you'll get home?

Graham: I should be home in time for dinner. (He gives Patty a kiss, then heads for the door. As he walks past Angela who is nibbling on her bagel.) Sweetheart, you're going to miss the bus.

Angela: (VO) I kind of dread seeing Brian on the bus. I know I need to talk to him about the letter, I just don't think I can deal with him right now.

Patty: You probably missed your bus, I can drive you.


INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning before homeroom

( Angela at her locker talking to Rickie)

Rickie: Sorry, I haven't seen you all weekend, I was hanging out with Delia Fisher. So, did you talk to Brian or Jordan about the letter?

Angela: Well.... sort of. I mean, it's complicated.

Rickie: What happened?

Angela: When I told Brian, that you told me he wrote the letter, he denied it. He said that he only proofread it, or something. (pause) When I said that the whole letter was a lie, Brian said, no, I meant every word.

(Rickie noticed a little smile on her face when she spoke, that last sentence.)

Rickie: So, Brian told you how he feels. I mean, how does he feel?

Angela: Wait. What did he tell you about the letter?

Rickie: Nothing. Well, nothing much. (pause) Now that you know Brian wrote the letter, you still like it, right? Isn't that all that matters?

(The camera zooms in on Angela's face. She doesn't answer, then the camera pans down the hall to where Brian is standing behind a group of people, staring at Angela.)


INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT-- morning

(Jordan leaning against his car smoking a cigarette, lost in his thoughts.)


Jordan: (VO) I can't believe I brought her to my house. (pause) It's like, I'm...

Shane: (off screen) Yo, Catalano, what's up, did you guys decide?

Jordan: Yeah, our bass player quite, so , your in. I hope you can play bass, as good as you play the drums.

Shane: Yeah, I've been playing bass for three years. I should be able to jump right in, and pick up what you guys were doing.

Jordan: Good, cause, we're working on a new cover song, so we don't want to lose a lot of time looking for someone to fit in.

(Shane starts walking toward the school.)

Shane: You coming?

Jordan: Yeah, in a minute.

(Finishing his cigarette, and turning to head into school)

Jordan: (VO) Man, I hate Mondays.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM-- morning

(Rayanne fussing with her hair in the mirror, Sharon washing her hands)

Rayanne: So, I hear that Angela is back together with Jordan.

Sharon: No way. Where did you hear that?

Rayanne: Tino.

Sharon: He's just going to hurt her again.(Pause) I didn't mean that you would...

Rayanne: Relax Cherski, I know what you ment. Besides, there's sort of this other guy.

Sharon: Which guy this time.

(Both girls become quite for a moment as Angel and Rickie walk in.)

Rayanne: I gotta go. Later.

(A moment of silence between the two girls and Rickie, as Angel puts on lip gloss, hopping to see Jordan soon.)

Sharon: So, are you like, going out with Jordan again?

Angel: (VO) Am I going out with Jordan? I don't know. Maybe. Jordan has opened himself up to me in a way he hasn't before. When he brought me to his house, it was weird, it's like he was letting me into his...life.

( Angela turns to Sharon, not sure what to say.)

Angela: Where did you hear that?

Sharon: Rayanne.

Angela: Where did she... why does she care if I'm getting back together with Jordan or not?

Sharon: Well, are you getting back together with him?

Angela: I don't know. I might.

Rickie: Then their's Brian.

Sharon: What about Brian?

( The bell rings, Angela sees her chance to escape without talking about
Brian, she dashes for the door.)

Angela: I'm going to be late for Bio.


INT. SOME DINER--Afternoon

(Camille and Patty are having lunch.)

Camille: So, you and Graham are going to go for it. I'm glad that
Graham will get a chance to do what makes him happy. (Pause) The question is, will it make you happy.

Patty: What do you mean? Oh, you mean Hallie. I know, you don't like her.

Camille: I don't trust her. I think she's trying to get her hooks into him.

Patty: I don't think that's the situation, and besides, I trust Graham.

Camille: That's good, you should trust your husband, but with all of that time they will be spending together.

Patty: So.

Camille: She's going to be seeing Graham more than you are, soon.

Patty: So, what does that mean?

Camille: It means, if she's up to something, she'll have plenty of time to do it. You know, I just don't...

Patty: I know, you don't trust her. (Patty is left with a concerned look on her face.)

Camile: ( Just remembering.) Oh, they have really good pie here, we should get some.


INT. THE RESTAURANT-- Afternoon

(Graham and Hallie are eating lunch together.)

Hallie: So, what did the contractor say?

Graham: He said, there should be plenty of room, to use the floor plan we discussed, but metting the deadline would be difficult, so he would need to start right away.

Hallie: What did he say about money, can he do it within our budget?

Graham: He thinks so. He said, he'd have to check on a few thing first, then write up a bid.

Hallie: How long will that take?

Graham: He told me, he just finish working on a restaurant about the same size as our's, so it won't take long to write up a bid. About a day.

Hallie: Okay, good. Now what about kitchen appliances?

Graham: Well, I've got the phone number of several appliances dealers. We need to find stoves, refrigerators, freezers...

(Hallie interrupts him, all excited)

Hallie: We need everything. This is so exciting, I love it. (pause) Well, it looks like we will be seeing a lot of each other for the next few months. I can't wait to just dive right in.


INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Afternoon

(Brian see Rickie and approaches him.)

Brian: Hi.

Rickie: Hi, Brian.

Brian: So, Rickie, uh, I saw you were.

Rickie: Were what?

Brian: Were talking to Angela this morning. Um, did she say anything, you know,... about me.

Rickie: Not much. I mean, she's still a little mad at you right now. I think she's glad to know the truth about the letter.


Brian: Really?

Rickie: Yeah, but Brian, you should know, that she might be back together with Jordan.

Brian: (The camera zooms in on Brian face, and we can see he is dejected by this.) You're probably right. (Then we see the scene from Brian's point of view, and we first see Angela, then Jordan outside the guidance counselor office. Angela is walking down the hall, and sees Jordan leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, an instant smile appears on her face. As she gets close to him, he opens his eyes.)

Jordan: Hey.

Angela: Hi.

(The camera cuts to a close up on Angela and Jordan.)

Jordan: I was hoping to see you.

(Angela's eyes light up.)

Angela: Oh, really?

Jordan: Maybe we could go somewhere after school.

Angela: Where , like back to your house again.

Jordan: No, how about your house?

Angela: Sure,

( Jordan pulls her slowly closer, then kisses her, she kisses him back. The camera angle widens and we see Miss Krzyzanowski walk past Angela and Jordan.)

Krzyzanowski: Mr. Catalano, I'll see you now.

Jordan: I gotta go, I'll see you after school.

Angela: Okay.


INT. MISS. KRZYZANOWSKI'S OFFICE

(Jordan takes a seat in front of the desk, as Miss Krzyzanowski looks over Jordan's file.)

Miss Krzyzanowski: So, Jordan, I see your grades are improving, that's good, but I also see you are still missing school and skipping classes.

Jordan: So.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why make the effort to improve your grades, if your are going to miss so much school.

( No answer from Jordan)

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why do you miss so many days of school?

Jordan: I have a job, so I work at night sometimes.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Is money causing hardships at home? Is that why you work nights?

Jordan: No.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why do you work then?

Jordan: I need the money.

Miss Krzyzanowski: For what?

Jordan: To pay for my stuff.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Like what?

Jordan: My car, my guitars, and equipment for my band. Cloths, CD's and stuff like that.

Miss Krzyzanowski: You're in a band?

Jordan: Yeah.

MisKrzyzanowski: Who was that girl I saw you kissing in the hallway? Is she your girlfriend?

Jordan: No.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Who was she then?

Jordan: A friend.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Do you kiss all of your friends?

Jordan: No. Okay, (pause) (He thinks of what to say next.) she more than a friend.

Miss Krzyzanowski: You have a Job, your in a band, and you have a girl, that's more than a friend. That doesn't leave you much time for school. (pause) Maybe you should quite your job, and focus more on your school work? Because I have to tell you Jordan, you can't keep missing so much school.


Jordan: I can't quite my job.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why not?

Jordan: Look, (pause) maybe I could work a little less.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Do you have that kind of flexibility at your job?

Jordan: Yeah, I work for my uncle, so I can cut back on my hours with no problem.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Jordan, if you keep missing school, the job has to go.

(As Jordan is leaving the office)

Jordan: (VO) Man, that woman asks to many question. What I do with my time, is my business. (pause) I need to get out of here. I'm hungry, I think I'll go to Big Guy Burger for lunch.


INT. PARKING LOT--After school

(Jordan at his car, talking to Shane and the other guys in his band.)

Jordan: (To Shane.) Shane, you know Joey our drummer, this is Dave our other guitarist.

Dave: (To Shane.) What's up man.

Shane: Hey.

Jordan: Shane should fit right in with us, I've known him for years.

Joey: Yeah, I've heard Shane play bass before, he's pretty good.

Shane: So, are we going to work on that new cover song today?

( Jordan sees Angela approaching.)

Jordan: Yeah. I'll see you guys at the loft, there's something I have to do first.

(The guys leave, as Angela walks up.)

Jordan: I'm going to meet the guys in the band. We got a new bass player, so we need to get him up to speed on this new cover song, we're doing, but I can drive you home. Maybe we could...

Jordan: (VO) Don't ask her to have sex.

Angela: Could what?

Jordan: You know, (He pauses to choose his words.) hang out tomorrow, or whatever.

Angela: Okay.

( She gets into Jordan's car and, they drive off.)


INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty looking in the refrigerator, Danielle and Angela hovering around the kitchen, hungry, waiting for dinner.)

Danielle: When's dinner?

Patty: We'll eat when your Father gets home. (Quietly to herself) Whenever that is.

(Just then, Graham comes in the front door, and walks into the kitchen.)

Danielle: Daddy, daddy, your home. (She runs up to Graham, and hugs him.) Good, now we can finally eat. (She runs out of the room.)

Graham: (As he watches Danielle runs out of the room.) I'm glad to see you.

Patty: I thought the girls were going to starve, waiting for dinner.

Graham: You could have started dinner without me. ( Talking to Angela, wanting to change the subject) How was school?

Angela: (VO) How can I tell my father that I spent the day avoiding Brian, and hoping to see Jordan. Or should I say, hoping to make out with Jordan.

Angela: It was fine. How was your day.

Graham: Busy. (Patty is stirring something on the stove, Graham comes over and takes the wooden spoon from her.) Here, let me do that.


INT. PATTY AND GRAHAM'S ROOM--Late evening.

( Patty and Graham getting ready for bed.)

Patty: Well, how was your first official day in the restaurant business?

Graham: (As he walks into the bathroom) Exhausting. (pause) You should have heard Hallie on the phone, arguing with the salesman about the price of kitchen appliances. Having someone to argue with, must be what Hallie wants in life. (pause) Man, when she wants something, there's no stopping her.

Patty: (With a very worried look on her face.) Really?

END OF DAY 1
Last edited by stburr91 on Dec 20th 2006, 6:13 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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stburr91
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Post by stburr91 » Aug 19th 2006, 5:14 pm

DAY 2

INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Morning

(Angela and Danielle at sitting at the kitchen table as Patty is making breakfast. Graham is talking on the phone to Hallie.)

Graham: (To Hallie on the phone.) You know salesman hate people like you. (As he listens, he starts to laugh.) What's that. ( He listens.) Oh, I see. The key is to break people down. I've noticed you're good at that.

(Patty, Angela and Danielle watch Graham and listen to his conversation with Hallie.)

Angela: (VO) My mother won't admit it but, she misses having my dad working for her. I know she wants him to cook at the restaurant, but I think she doesn't like him spending so much time with Hallie Lowenthal.)

Graham: (To Hallie) No, I can't. I should eat dinner with my family. (He listens.) Well if you think it's that important to have dinner with some suppliers.(pause) Your right, we should start making contacts. Okay, I'll see you at dinner tonight. Bye. (As he hangs up the phone, he notices that Patty, Angela and Danielle are watching him.) What?

Patty: Nothing. (pause) So your having dinner with Hallie tonight.

Graham: We need to meet with some suppliers. Should I call Hallie back, and tell her I can't make it?

Patty: No, you should go. (Pause) But it would be nice to have dinner as a family more often.

(A car horn is heard. As Angela gets up to leave.)

Angela: That's Jordan. I gotta go. Bye.


INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT-- morning.

(Angela and Jordan are making out inside Jordan's car.)

Jordan: (VO) I should get Angela to skip school with me, and go back to my house. (Pause) I can't ask her to do that, besides I don't need that guidance counselor on my back.

Jordan: We're going to be late for homeroom.

Angela: So.

Jordan: So, I don't want to like, corrupt you, or whatever.

Angela: Corrupt me. I think you already have. (She smiles, and then starts to kiss him.)

(After a moment, he stops her.)

Jordan: Now your corrupting me.

Angela: (VO) Me corrupting Jordan Catalano. Is that even possible? Who knows what runs through his head.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning

( Brian putting books into his locker, Rayanne walks up behind him, slapping him on the back.)

Rayanne: Hey Bri, did you do all you homework last night? Maybe some extra credit work. (pause) You know, I could teach you something about extra credit. (She gives him a seductive look.)

Brian: (Like a deer in headlight.) What?

Rayanne: (Laughing) Man, you should see the look on your face.

(She leaves, thoroughly amused, as Rickie walks up.)

Brian: (To Rickie.) Why does she do that?

Rickie: Well, because, to her, you make, like, the perfect target. You let what she says get to you, and you don't give it back to her.

Brian: Oh, great.

Rickie: Don't let her bother you.

Brian: So, uh, Rickie, um, Have you talked to... never mind. I don't care what she has to say.

Rickie: You mean, Angela?

Brian: I mean, who is she? Now that she's back with, you know, him, she's to good to talk to me now.

Rickie: When she's ready, she'll talk to you.

Brian: Yeah, that's Chase, she'll only talk to me when she wants to. Like when she needs a favor or something.

(Brian walks away, angry with Angela.)



INT. SCHOOL ENGLISH CLASS-- Afternoon

(Before class starts, Sharon and Delia are talking.)

Sharon: So, you"ve been hanging out a lot with Rickie Vasquez, how's it going?

Delia: Oh, he's so awesome. I have the biggest crush on him.

Sharon: So, you two might start going out.

Delia: Well, no. He's....

Sharon: (She leans in close to Delia and whispers.) He's bi.

Delia: No, he's...

Sharon: Oh! I guess, I sort of thought that.(Pause) Hey, isn't that guy, what's his name, Corey. Is he...

Delia: Corey Hellfrick, I don't know. I kind of got the impression that he was, when I first met him.

Sharon: Rickie Vasquez and Cory Hellfrick.

Delia: (With a big smile on her face.) Oh my god, picture them together. They would make like, the perfect couple.

(Both girls start to giggle. The bell rings, and the students take their seats.)

Mr. Katimski: All right everyone, the new list of vocabulary words, are on the board.(pause) Jordan.... the assignment to use last week's vocabulary words, in a sentence...did you do it?

Jordan: Yeah, I gave it to you yesterday.

Mr. Katimski: Oh, right, right, right.

(Angela is staring over at Jordan, as she breaks her gaze from Jordan, she sees Brian looking at her. Brian turns away with a disgusted look on his face.)

Angela: (VO) It's hard enough to avoid someone you go to school with, but avoiding them when they, like, know you are avoiding them, is so hard . I mean, the looks they give you. (pause) Okay, so I need to talk to Brian, and I will. (Pause) I just don't know when.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM--Afternoon

(Angela and Rickie are talking in the corner of the bathroom.)

Angela: What am I going to do about Brian?

Rickie: I don't know, how do you like, feel about him?

Angela: That's just it Rickie, I don't know. (She leans over onto the windowsill, and in frustration, burys her head in her arms.)

Rickie: I think you know how you feel, but your just not ready to, like, admit it yet.... or whatever.

(Looking up at him.)

Angela: Your right. I just have no idea what to say to him. I can't go up to him and just.. (She walks over to the mirror. She can't find the words to finish the sentence.)

Rickie: You know, it's not fair to Brian, that you only talk to him, when you want something from him. Well, that's what he thinks, and he's right.

Angela: I know, it's terrible how I treat him sometimes. He's always been there for me, no matter what I ask of him.

Rickie: He deserves better.

Angela: I know, you're right, he does.

Rickie: So, why don't you, treat him better.


Angela: (VO) That question echoed in my head. Why do I treat him this way? I hated Jordan, when he treated me the way he did. (Pause) Maybe that's it, no matter how I treat Brian, he would never hate me. (Pause) As if that gives me permission to treat him the way I do. God, why am I like this?

Angela: Thanks for listing to me Rickie. (She kisses him on the cheek.)

Rickie: (He smiles.) That's what I'm here for.


INT. THE RESTAURANT--Afternoon

(Hallie and Graham are looking over bids to renovate the restaurant.)

Graham: So, have we decided. This is the best bid. It's within our budget, and this guy can meet our deadline.

Hallie: I don't know, it's a little more than I want to spend for the renovation. Maybe I can talk him down.


Graham: Hallie, (She looks at him like, what did I do.) You better let me deal with the contractor. I mean, if we are going to be working with him every day, we don't want to get off on the wrong foot.

Hallie: So what are you saying, I can be difficult? (pause) Isn't that what you love about me?

Graham: Sometimes.

Hallie: (With a big smile.) See, I know it.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY-- After school.

(Angela is at her locker, as Brian walks past.)


Angela: Brian, um, we need to...(It's hard for her to say.) talk.

Brian: About what. What could we have to talk about? Oh, let me guess, you need to barrow my bike or something.

Angela: Brian.

(He can't make eye contact with her. As he goes to speak, Jordan walks up to Angela.)

Jordan: Hey.

Angela: Hi.

Jordan: Hey Brain.

Brian: Hey.

Jordan: (To Angela) Can we hang out at your house?

Angela: Yeah.

Jordan: Later Brain

Brian: Yeah, later. (He walks away, mad at the world.)



INT. CHASE LIVING ROOM--After school

(Jordan and Angela are sitting on the couch, Danielle is sitting in the chair next to them.)

Angela: This is my little sister, Danielle.

Danielle: Is that your car outside?

Jordan: Yeah.

Danielle: You have your own car. How did you get your own car?

Angela: Danielle!

Jordan: I work. That's how I got my car.

Danielle: Oh. Where do you work?

Angela: Danielle! Quite bugging him. Why don't you go upstairs, and do your homework.

Danielle: I can't, I need help with it. It's long division. I have to wait until dad gets home to help me.

Angela: Well, if you must know, he works at his uncle's garage.

Danielle: Where's that?

Jordan: My uncle's garage is Untied Towing, on the corner of Rebecca
and Jeanette.

Angela: That's where the loft is, right.

Jordan: Yeah, above the garage is the loft where my band plays. My uncle owns the building, so we can use the loft for free.

Danielle: You're in a band too. What instrument do you play.

Jordan: (A little put out, by all her questions.) You ask a lot of questions.

Danielle: Well, duh, how else am I going to find anything out. Nobody tells me anything. So, what instrument do you play?

Jordan: Guitar. I'm also the singer now.

Danielle: Cool! (She is awestruck by Jordan.)

Angela: You said the other day, that you were working on a new cover song.

Jordan: It's just this song, that when I hear it, it reminds me of you.

Angela: (With great curiosity.) What song?

Jordan: You wouldn't know it. Maybe I could play it for you sometime.

Angela: (VO) There's a song that reminds him of me. I have to hear this song.

(Patty comes in the front door.)

Patty: Oh, hi Jordan, it's nice to see you again. (Sensing that Danielle is bothering bother Jordan and Angela.) Danielle, did you finish you homework?

Danielle: No, I'm waiting for dad to come home to help me with it.

Patty: Your father won't be home until late. Come on, I'll help you with your homework.

Danielle: Mom, can't it wait till later?

Patty: No, because you won't feel like doing it later. (Pause) Jordan, since it's going to be just us girls here tonight, would you like to join us for dinner?

Jordan: No, I can't. I have to go rehearse with my band. (He gets up, and heads for the door.)

Angela: Thanks for putting up with my little sister, I know she can be a pest sometimes.

Danielle: I'm not a pest!

Jordan: It's cool.

Angela: I'll see you tomorrow.

Jordan: Yeah, I'll give you a ride to school.

Angela: Bye.

Patty and Danielle: Bye.

Jordan: See ya.

(Angela gives Jordan a little kiss as he walks out the door. After shutting the door, she leans against it, clearly falling for him again.)

Danielle: He's so cool.

Angela: I know.

Danielle: Is he your boyfriend again?

(Patty who was going to ask the same question herself, listens intently, for the answer.)

Angela: I don't know.



INT. PATTY AND GRAHAM'S BEDROOM--Evening

(Patty is in bed, reading, as Graham starts to get ready to go to bed.)

Patty: How was dinner?

Graham: Good. We now have a meat supplier. We also decided on a contractor to do the renovations on the restaurant. He's starting tomorrow, first thing in the morning.

Patty: It sounds like you had a productive day.

Graham: It was.

(As Graham gets into bed, Patty moves over to him, and starts to kiss him. He only kisses her briefly, then rolls over away from her.)

Graham: I'm beat, I have to get up early tomorrow, to meet the contractor. Good night.

Patty: (Feeling rejected.) Oh, ...well,... good night.

END OF DAY 2
Last edited by stburr91 on Aug 20th 2007, 3:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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stburr91
Liberty High Student
Posts: 122
Joined: May 18th 2006, 2:17 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Post by stburr91 » Aug 19th 2006, 5:30 pm

DAY 3


INT.SCHOOL PARKING LOT--Before school

(Angela and Jordan are leaning against his car.)

Jordan:(VO) Man, this is going to be a long day, I even have tutoring after school. (Pause) I should get out of here now, or at least leave early.

(Angela starts to walk to the front door of the school, Jordan dosn't move.)

Angela: Are you coming?

Jordan: I don't know.

Angela: You shouldn't be skipping any more school.... at least for awhile.

Jordan: I have this test, and I'm like, just not in the mood.

(She comes over to him and grabs his hand and starts pulling him.)

Angela: Come on. After school, I'll give you a kiss for every class you go to today.

Jordan: What do I get, if I get an A on my test?

Angela: (Laughing) An education.

Jordan: That's not what I had in mind.

(They both start to laugh, as they walk to the school.)



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--morning

(Sharon sees Angela walking in with Jordan. She approaches them.)

Sharon: Hi Angela. (She turns to Jordan with a dirty look.)

Jordan: I gotta go. (Jordan walks off.)

Sharon: So, you are back together with him.

Angela: I guess so.

Sharon: I swear, if he hurts you again.

Angela: I don't really want to talk about it.

Sharon: Okay. (Pause, she sees Corey Hellfrick down the hall.) Hey what do you know about Corey Hellfrick?

Angela: Not much. Why?

Sharon: Well, Delia and I think he's, um, how should I put this..... into guys.

Angela: What? I don't think so. I think he sort of liked Rayanne.

Sharon: Oh, did he ask her out?

Angela: No.

Sharon: She didn't... with him, did she?

Angela: I don't think so, but you never know with Rayanne. I could ask Rickie.

Sharon: Well, that's sort of why I was asking about Corey.

Angela: Oh, you think Corey and Rickie.

Sharon: Yeah, so..... what do you think?

Angela: (She thinks about it.) Rickie Vasquez and Cory Hellfrick. Well, maybe.

Sharon: They would be perfect for each other.



INT. SCHOOL AUTO SHOP--Morning.

(Jordan and Shane are working on the engine of Shane's car.)

Shane: Are we going to finish up that cover song tonight?

Jordan: Yeah, it's starting to sound pretty good, but it still needs a few changes.

Shane: So what's up with that girl I keep seeing you with. Wasn't she that girl you were with before.

Jordan: Angela.

Shane: What?

Jordan: Her name is Angela.

Shane: Oh, so what's up with her. Is she, like, your girlfriend?

Jordan: No!

Shane: I don't know man, you been acting weird lately. You going soft on me here, or what dude.

Jordan: (VO) I have been acting weird. I mean, I'm going to go to every class today, I've been, like, studying, and I have a tutor. Man, that is weird.



INT. THE RESTAURANT-- Afternoon

(Graham and Hallie are talking to the contractor)

Hallie: So Ted, you're sure you can make the deadline?

Ted: It will be close, but I can make it. You just need to make sure that the money is lined up, so I can get all the materials here on time.

Hallie: That's my department, so don't worry, I'll have the money when we need it.

Graham: What about the fountain, can you get it working?

Ted: I think so, but I won't know for sure until the plumbers look at it. They'll be here next week.

Graham: Well, what do you need from us?

Ted: I need to know what kind of kitchen appliances you are getting, so we can finalize the kitchen designs. That way I can order the cabinets and counter tops. Like I said the plumbers will be here next week, so you need to decide on plumbing fixtures. Friday the electricians are coming, and they will need to know what kind of lighting you want to use. You guys need to make a lot of decisions.

Hallie: We can do that. Come on partner, we need to start looking over those catalogs.

Graham: Thanks, Ted.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Afternoon

(Rickie at his locker talking to Delia.)

Delia: I had so much fun last weekend with you.

Rickie: It was a lot of fun, we should do something together on Saturday.

Delia: Would you like to go see a movie.

Rickie: Sure. What movie?

Delia: I don't care, you pick. (Pause) So, uh, Rickie, how well do you know Corey Hellfrick?

Rickie: I know him a little bit, he's working on the set, for Our Town. Why?

Delia: I think he's so cute.

Rickie: Do you like him? Do you want me to try to set you two up? Because... I'm willing to.

Delia: Well, I wasn't thinking of him for me, but maybe....for you.

Rickie: (Quietly to Delia.) In my dreams, maybe. (In a normal voice.) I think he likes Rayanne.

Delia: Angela and Sharon think he might be...

Rickie: Shhh! (pause thinking about it) Me and Corey Hellfrick, we would make the perfect couple.

Delia: (Quietly to Rickie.) Now all we have to do is tell Corey, he's gay.

(They both start laughing.)



INT. TUTORING ROOM--After school

(Brian and Jordan sitting in desks facing each other. Brian looking over

Jordan's sentences, using the week's vocabulary words.)

Brian: (Pointing on Jordan's paper) I think you misused this word, it should be...

(Rayanne walking past the door on her way to Our Town rehearsal, sees

Brian and Jordan. She pokes her head in the door.)

Rayanne: How Krakow, remember, me and you should do some extra credit together sometime. (After making a spectacle of herself, she runs down the hall laughing.)

Jordan: She would be perfect.

Brian: What?

Jordan: She would be perfect for you.

Brian: Did I miss something? Uh, what are we talking about?

Jordan: Rayanne, she would be perfect for you to.. ya' know.. fool around with.

Brian: Now, I know I missed something. She hates me.

Jordan: She doesn't hate you. She likes messing with you because she's likes you. (Jordan goes back to his work.)

Brian: You should see the way she treats me.

Jordan: I'm telling you, she likes messing with you because, she likes you. (Jordan goes back to his work.)

Brian: Wait, your saying, Rayanne Graff... likes... me?

Jordan: Yeah, why else would she mess with you, so much?

Brian: I just thought it was because, you know, she was like every other girl, who thinks I'm a... never mind.

(Jordan goes back to his work, but just for a few moments.)

Jordan: Confidence. That's what girls like.

Brian: Wait, what are we talking about now?

Jordan: Remember how I told you, if you help me, I would show you how to get a girl's phone number?

Brian: Yeah. I mean, yes.

Jordan: You have to have confidence. You have to, like, believe you can do it. Just walk up to a girl, and talk to her. It's just, that simple.

Brian: Your right.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are making dinner.)

Graham: You should see the restaurant now. The construction workers have done so much demolition work, it looks like a bomb went off in there. Looking at it now, I don't know how we are going to make the deadline.

Patty: So you're worried, that you won't make the deadline?

Graham: The contractor is sure he can make the deadline. There's just so much to do.

Patty: Is there anything I can do?

Graham: I don't think so, not yet. But, if you have any ideas for a menu layout.

Patty: I can come up with a few ideas. (Pause) So how's Hallie doing?

Graham: She's in her element, the more chaos in her life, the better. She's loving every minute of this. (Pause) I don't know how she does it. I can't wait to get this part behind us, and start cooking.

Patty: I don't know, I think you're enjoying this part a little bit.

Graham: Well, maybe a little. (He smiles a little, after saying this.)



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan and the band, are rehearsing.)

Jordan: Yeah, that sounded a lot better. Let's take five.

Shane: Cool. (pause) So, what's up with this song man, you been pushing us hard to get it perfect. This song is for that chick isn't it?

Jordan: So! (Pause) I mean, I just want the song to be good, I want the band to be good.

Shane: Like I said, you been acting weird.

Joey: Yeah, what's up with that, dude. What chick has got you act'n like this?

Shane: What did you say her name was? Angela.

Joey: Who's, Angela?

Shane: That weird chick, that Rayanne Graff hangs out with.

Joey: I thought you were done with those two.

Dave: What's going on, Catalano? You think you could hook me up with

Rayanne Graff?

Joey: You wish, man.

Shane: Dave, I guess you're the only one in the band, that hasn't hooked up with Graff.

Joey: (To Shane.) When did you hook up with Rayanne?

Jordan: I need a break, I'll be back in a little bit.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are still cooking dinner, as Danielle walks in.)

Danielle: What's for dinner?

Graham: Grilled chicken and vegetables.

Patty: Did you finish your homework?

Danielle: Yeah

Patty: Do you know if Angela, finished her homework, because we're almost ready to eat?

Danielle: I think so.

(A knock on the front door.)

Danielle: I'll get it. (She takes off running.)

(Danielle gets to the door.)

Danielle: Who is it?

Jordan: It's Jordan, is Angela...

(Before he can finish his sentence, Danielle opens the door.)

Danielle: Hi, Jordan. (She says with a big smile.)

Jordan: Hey.... is Angela home?

Patty: (Off screen) W ho is it, Danielle? (Patty comes walking to the door.) Oh, hello, Jordan. Danielle, would you go get Angela?

(Danielle goes upstairs to get Angela.)

Patty: So, Jordan would you like something to drink?

Jordan: No. I mean, no thanks. I can't stay.

(As Angela comes down the stairs, she is smiling, pleased to see Jordan.

Danielle comes down behind her.)

Patty: Come on Danielle, help me set the table.

Danielle: Can't I stay, and talk to Jordan.

Patty: No, he didn't come her to see you. (They go off to set the table.)

Angela: I didn't know you were coming over. I mean, I'm glad you did.

Jordan: Do you think we could go somewhere?

Angela: Yeah, (Yelling to her mom and dad.) I'm going to go out for a little bit.

Patty: We're about to eat.

Angela: I'm not hungry.

(She slips out the door with Jordan, before her parents can tell her no. The scene cuts to them in Jordan's car.)

Angela: So, where are we going?

Jordan: Do you want to hear that song, I was telling you about.

Angela: (VO) Are you kidding, I've been dying to hear that song.

Angela: Sure.

Jordan: Hey, don't you owe my some kisses? I went to every class today.

(They start to making out.)



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(The guys in the band are fooling around, playing an old Metallica song, as Jordan and Angela come in.)

Jordan: You can just sit anywhere.

Angela: Okay.

(At first, Jordan picks up his guitar, and joins the band playing the Metallica song. When they finish, Jordan whispers something to the band.)

Jordan: (To Angela.) This is that song, that I was tell you about. It's called "Crimson and Clover".

(The band starts to play, They play an updated rock version of this song.
Jordan walks up to the microphone, and starts to sing.)

Ah, now I don't hardly know her
but I think I could love her
crimson and clover

Ah, will she come walking over
now I been waiting to show her
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break)

Yeah, my mind's such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
what a beautiful feeling
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break, Jordan is playing lead guitar here, and he is very good. Then the camera cuts to a close up on Angela, she is smiling, and is getting a little misty eyed. The camera cuts back to Jordan and the band.)

crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over

(As the band finishes the song, Angela is almost in tears, she's so happy.)

Angela: (VO) Jordan may not be able express himself to me with a letter, but this is how he does it. It comes from his heart.

Jordan: So. that's the song I was telling you about. Since I'm not any good at writing letters, I thought, I would play a song for you.

Angela: Thank you, I loved it.



INT. CHASE HOUSE--Evening

(Jordan drops Angela off, and she comes in the front door. Her whole family is in the living room together.)

Danielle: Where did you go?

Angela: Just... out with Jordan.

Patty: You missed dinner.

Angela: I know, I'm sorry.

Graham: Would you like me to heat something up for you.

Angela: No, I'll just make a sandwich or something.

Graham: Your making it hard for me to grill you for information. It used to be so easy, just make you something to eat.

Angela: Dad!

Graham: Hey...your mother likes to know what's going on in your life.

Patty: (She lightly slaps Graham on the shoulder.) Like you don't. (He smiles at this.)

(Patty and Graham get up and start to head upstairs.)

Patty: Come on Danielle, it's time for bed.

Graham: Turn off the lights when your finished down here. (He gives her a little hug.) Goodnight, sweetheart.

END OF DAY 3
Last edited by stburr91 on Aug 20th 2007, 3:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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stburr91
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Post by stburr91 » Aug 19th 2006, 5:42 pm

DAY 4


INT. ANGELA'S BEDROOM--Morning.

(Angela is in her bed, thinking about last night.)

Angela: (VO) Jordan just keeps surprising me, when I think I'm starting to understand him, he does something...amazing. I haven't felt this way about him since, I thought he wrote the letter. But, this time, this is real. His feelings...are real. I can't wait to see him today. (Pause) I also, need to see Brian today. I'm not trying to avoid him anymore, well, maybe I am, a little. I need to talk to him.


INT. CHASE LIVING ROOM--Morning

(Angela picks up the phone, and just looks at it for a moment, then. dials.)

Angela: Hey, it's me. Am I going to see you this morning?

(The Camera cuts to Patty and Graham in the hallway. We can see
Angela in the background.)

Patty: (To Graham.) Who is she talking to this morning, and about what?

Graham: Now,now, now, Patty, don't go spying on her.

Patty: Well, she's been acting a little weird lately.

Graham: Patty, she's fifteen years old, what's normal?

(Patty sees Danielle.)

Patty: (To Danielle.) Who's Angela talking to.

Danielle: I don't know. Do you want me to go spy on her.

(Graham, gives them both a look.)

Patty: No, don't spy on your sister.

(The camera cuts back to Angela, now we see Patty and Graham in the background.)

Angela: Okay, I'll see you in a little bit. (She hangs up the phone.)

Patty: So, who was that?

Angela: Mom. (Patty looking at her, expecting an answer.) Well if you must know, it was Jordan.

Patty: You're been seeing a lot of Jordan recently.

Angela: We go to the same school, he's just been giving me a ride to school.

Patty: And that's all.

Angela: Mom!

Graham: Oh, he's not your boyfriend, he's just your chauffeur. (Teasing her.) Maybe he could give me a ride this morning.

Angela: Okay, I'm not talking to either one of you, anymore.

Patty: Oh, because your normally such a chatterbox, you tell us everything. (She grabs Angela, and hugs her. We hear a car horn, but
Patty won't let go of her.)

Patty: Your chauffeur's here.

Angela: Mom, I'm going to be late for school.

Patty: Maybe Jordan can give us all a ride this morning. (She finally lets go of Angela.)

Angela: Your deranged, you know that, don't you.

Patty: (As Angela walks out the front door.) I know, good bye sweetheart, have a nice day.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning

(Angela and Jordan are walking to Angela's locker. Jordan does the combination and, opens the locker for her.)

Jordan: Hey, I gotta go find Tino, so I'll see you later.

Angela: Okay, bye.

(As Jordan walks away, Angela looks down the hall to Brian's locker. She sees him, closes her locker, and starts to walk over to him. He doesn't see her, and before she gets to him, he walks away.)

Angela: Hey, Brian.

(He doesn't hear her, and continues walking away. The camera cuts to Rayanne walking down the hallway, she sees Angela, but goes to just walk past her without saying anything.)

Angela: Hi, Rayanne.

Rayanne: (Looking surprised that Angela spoke to her.) Hey.

Angela: I'm sorry to bother, but, um.... have you seen Rickie?

Rayanne: No, bother, I just saw Vasquez in the bathroom.

Angela: Thanks.

Rayanne: (As she walks away.) Later.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM--Morning.

(Rickie and Delia are listening to a Walkman, each of them have one ear piece in.)

Rickie and Delia: (They are singing, not really in key, but they don't care.) Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time, Like a virgin, When your heart beats, Next to mine. (They see Angela come in, Rickie stops singing, and grabs Angela's hands, and starts to dance with her. She's not very responsive.)

Angela: Rickie, can I talk to you?

Rickie: No, dance with me. (He continues to dance for a moment, then stops, and takes the ear piece out.) What's up.

Delia: I have to get to homeroom. (To both of them.) Bye.

Rickie: Bye, I'll see you at lunch.

Angela: You seem really close to Delia.

Rickie: She's so sweet, and so much fun. I think you would like her, if you got a chance to know her.

Angela: Maybe, she does seem nice.

Rickie: She told me that you and Sharon, were talking about Corey Hellfrick. Or should I say, me and Corey Hellfrick.

Angela: That was mostly Sharon. I do have to admit, I would rather see you with him, than Rayanne. (Pause) Anyway, you'll never guess what happened last night.

Rickie: What?

Angela: (She's so excited, she's speaking very fast.) Jordan, like out of nowhere, came over to my house, and picked me up and, took to me the loft. Because, Jordan told me there's like, this song, that reminds him of me.

Rickie: Oh, my god, I have to hear this song.

Angela: That's what I said. (Laughing for a moment.) Him and his band played the song for me.

Rickie: Oh, my god, Angela. What song was it?

Angela: It's this song called, "Crimson and Clover". Have you ever heard it?

Rickie: No, but I have to now. (Pause) So I guess you liked it.

Angela: I loved it.

Rickie: That's so romantic.

Angela: I know.



INT. KATIMSKI'S CLASS--Afternoon.

(Before class starts, Brian is sitting at his desk Angela approaches him.)

Angela: We need to talk.

Brian: Didn't you say that the other day.

Angela: I know, but

Brian: (He interrupts her.) But, what? I've been here all week.

Angela: I know. Can we talk today, after school, okay?

Mr Katimski: Angela Chase.... have you sold all your play tickets yet? Can I give you more?

Angela: No not yet.

Mr. Katimski: You'll let me know when you do.

Angela: I will.

(Jordan walks in, and Angela goes over to see him. Brian watches her go to him.)

Jordan: Hey, you want to hang out after school today?

Angela: I can't. There's this thing, I have to do today.

Jordan: (Pertending not to care.) Oh, that's cool. You going to need a ride home.

Angela: Sure.

Mr. Katimski: Jordan.... I was going over your sentences, using the vocabulary words. I'm see a real improvement in your work, and that story you wrote about your music, was very good. I can see you are very passionate about your...music.

Jordan: Well, Brain, has been helping me.

Mr. Katimski: Who?

Jordan: Uh... my tutor.

Mr. Katimski: Well.... keep up the good work.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are making dinner. Angela and Danielle are doing their homework in the dinning room.)

Patty: (To Graham) So how are things going at the restaurant?

Graham: Good. Today was the first day, that wasn't crazy down there.

Patty: Was that because Hallie wasn't there, or because you're getting used to chaos.

Graham: (Laughing.) No, Hallie, was there for a little while. There just wasn't much for me to do, other than make a few decisions. I really spent most of the day, just staying out of the construction workers way.

Patty: So it's going well, that's good.

Graham: It is good.

(There's a knock on the front door.)

Patty: Angela, would you get that. Uncle Neil's coming over for dinner, it's probably him.

(Angela opens the door.)

Angela: Brian.

(Angela grabs her jacket, and goes out onto the porch, to talk to Brian.)

Brian: So, Chase, um,... you said we needed to talk, or whatever.



INT. KATIMSKI'S APPARTMENT--Early evening

(Joseph is in the kitchen making dinner, and Rickie and Katimski are talking in the living room.)

Rickie: How do you think the play is going?

Katimski: I think it's going very well. Your friend Rayanne is very good, it's just sometimes she gets a little....distracted.

Rickie: That's Rayanne all right, distracted.

Katimski: Oh, I see.

Rickie: Well, she's going thru a lot right now.

Joseph: Is she Okay?

Rickie: I don't know. I mean, I think so. With Rayanne, it's hard to tell. She's kind of always been a little self-destructive.

Joseph: What do you mean?

Rickie: She has a drinking problem, and one time, she overdosed on Ecstasy.

Katimski: She does drugs?

Rickie: Not since that night she overdosed, but she still drinks sometimes. She also lost her best friend, Angela Chase....

(The phone rings, Katimski answers.)

Katimski: Hello. (He listens.) I'm sorry, who is calling? (He listens) Yes, one moment. Rickie, there is a women on the phone, who says....she's your mother.

(The camera cuts to a close up on Rickie. He looks to be in utter shock.)



INT. CHASE PORCH--Early evening

(Brian and Angela are standing on the porch, not sure what to say to one another.)

Brian: So, you're back together with Jordan.

Angela: I'm not sure what Jordan and I are, right now. (Pause, trying to muster the courage to start the conversation.) I've kind of been avoiding you all week.

Brian: I know. (Pause) Why?

Angela: I'm not sure.

Angela: (VO) That was a lie. I was avoiding him because, I don't know how to tell him about the way the letter effected me, when I found out he wrote it. Like how it made me feel a way about him, that I'm not sure I'm ready for. I mean, you know someone almost your whole life, and you think of them a certian way, it's.....so hard to except that you now see them differently.

Brian: Chase, you don't avoid someone for almost a week, and not know ...why.

Angela: (Looking down, not making eye contact.) I know. (Pause) Maybe, it's just easier to...pretend that some things never happened... than to, like, admit how you feel about it.

Brian: You can't avoid your feeling forever. It, like, eats you up inside. Trust me....I know.

Angela: Your right, it's been bothering me all week. That doesn't make it any easier.

Brian: All you have to do is.... say it. It's just that simple.

Angela: (She looks into his eyes.) Brian....I didn't know that you felt that way about me. (Pause) I guess, I kind of knew, but I didn't know, that you felt so strongly about me.

Brian: Well, I never told you how I felt, before I wrote the letter.

Angela: Why did you write the letter, instead of just telling me how you feel?

Brian: (He breaks eye contact, and looks across the street.) Because it's hard to tell someone, you know... the whole truth.



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan is sitting alone, in the loft. He picks up his guitar and, starts to play Crimson and Clover.)

Ah, now I don't hardly know her
but I think I could love her
crimson and clover

Ah, will she come walking over
now I been waiting to show her
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break, with only Jordan's guitar.)



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Evening

(Neil comes in the front door, and walks into the kitchen.)

Neil: So is that Angela's boyfriend out there? He's that neighbor kid, right?

Graham: Who Brian? No, he's not her boyfriend.

Neil: Oh, it's just that they looked pretty serious, out there.

Patty: Angela likes a boy named Jordan.

Neil: Who is Jordan?

Patty: (To Graham.) When I talked to him, it was obvious he is still interested in Angela.

Graham: So he is still interested in Angela? When did you talk to Jordan?

Neil: Who's Jordan?

Danielle: (Who was listening to the adult's conversation from the dinning room,) He was Angela's boyfriend... for like, a week.

Neil: Oh,...so why was she kissing that Brian kid, then?

Patty, Graham and Danielle: WHAT!

Neil: (laughing) Relax, I was just joking. Boy, I must have struck a nerve with that one.



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan pouring his heart into playing this song.)

Yeah, my mind's such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
what a beautiful feeling
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break)



INT. CHASE PORCH--Evening

(Low in the background, we hear Jordan's instrumental. The camera is on Brian standing by the railing, looking across the street. Angela walks up to him.)

Angela: Brian.... Brian. (He turns and faces her.) You said in the letter, that it wasn't the whole truth. What is the whole truth?

Brian: The whole truth is.....That I can't like... stop looking at you, any time you're around. That I always show up at your house with some lame reason... just to see you. I love when you ask me for something, because, I like it when you need me. Even if it's just for something stupid, like my bike. I like being the one that you can count on. (Brian struggles to express himself, but is determined to.) I've known you since we were five years old, and that Sharon and I used to be your best friends. (Angela smiles, remembering that time in her life.) I know that, when you were eight, you got the Chickenpox, and that it caused that little scar on your forehead. (Pause) I also know, that you never hated me. Even when you pushed me away, it was only because, I was, like... being annoying, or whatever. (Angela laughs a little at this.) I know more about you, than just about anyone. (Pause) I didn't know the whole truth when I wrote the letter, I know now that, you can't see me, as anything other than a friend. At least, for now.(Pause) In your heart, you want to be with Jordan. (Pause) I mean, I saw the way, you looked at him, when you thought he wrote the letter. Like, how happy you were.

Angela: But Jordan didn't write the letter. I'm not sure who he really is.

Brian: That's just it Angela, you need to find out who he is, and decide if you want to be with him. Until you do that, it doesn't matter how I feel. (Pause) That's, ya' know, the whole truth.

Angela: (VO) I used to think Brian was heartless, that he lacked any real emotions, I couldn't have been more wrong.

(In the Background, we hear Jordan sing.)

crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over

(Quitely, Jordan's instrumental plays)

(Brian starts to walk away, when he gets into the middle of the street, he turns back to Angela.)

Brian: So, Chase, do you think we could be friends again, I mean real friends?

(Angela walks out into the street. The scene looks similar to the one at the end of the pilot, with them in the street together.)

Angela: I would like that.

Brian: Good, because, that's all that, ya' know... matters.

Angela: (VO) Just then, I had completely forgiven Brian for lying about the letter, and for writing it in the first place. I realize that he did it , because, he needed Jordan to help him, like, express his feelings. Jordan needed him for the same reason. I guess they needed each other....kind of like, I used to need Rayanne. I can't be mad at them, for needing someone. In the end, they each found their own way of expressing themselves.

(They look at each other for a moment, then Brian walks away. We now only see Angela in the street watching him leave.)

FADE OUT


"Crimson and Clover" By: Tommy James & The Shondells
To hear Crimson and Clover by the original artist,
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nuaikv8lgGs

Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic. I hope you enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please let me know what you think.

Steve
Last edited by stburr91 on Jan 29th 2008, 1:55 pm, edited 4 times in total.

annette
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Post by annette » Aug 23rd 2006, 2:53 pm

great story, i really enjoyed it

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oaksand
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Post by oaksand » Aug 24th 2006, 2:34 pm

great story any chance of a continuation as you leave us with the jordan/brian question again. personally i think jordan as they have imho more chemistry but whatever i love fan fic

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stburr91
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Joined: May 18th 2006, 2:17 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Post by stburr91 » Aug 24th 2006, 5:20 pm

annette and oaksand,

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Being that this is my first fanfic, it's hard to know if the story I wrote was any good or not.


oaksand wrote:great story any chance of a continuation as you leave us with the jordan/brian question again. personally i think jordan as they have imho more chemistry but whatever i love fan fic
oaksand,

I hope to have the time to write another episode. I put off writing this one for years, because I never had the time. I finally just sat down, and started writing. I didn't have many ideas of where I wanted the story to go, I literally just made it up as I went. I have a few ideas for the next episode, and the Angela, Jordan and Brian story will become the B storyline. I'll move things along with them, but I plan on making the main storyline about Rickie, Rayanne, and Patty. Each will have their own storyline.

I would like to hear from everyone who reads the story, even it you didn't like it. I'm a new writer, so any feedback helps.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Steve

AniAnnika
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Joined: Nov 11th 2005, 10:15 pm

Post by AniAnnika » Aug 30th 2006, 11:20 pm

I also really enjoyed this fanfic...one of my favorites that I've read so far, actually, as I found it very realistic and consistent with the original show. I look forward to reading more in the future. I definitely have a few ideas on what I'd change, and if I get some free time this weekend I'll definitely throw out my personal suggestions. Keep it up =)

luvjordan
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Location: NY

Post by luvjordan » Aug 31st 2006, 9:30 am

Ditto. This is one of my favorites as well. Love the use of Crimson and Clover! Thanks for the link. I play it all the time. Keep it up. I'm looking forward to more.
"I call her Red..."

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stburr91
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Post by stburr91 » Aug 31st 2006, 9:49 pm

AniAnnika, luvjordan

Thank you very much, I'm glade to hear you both enjoyed the story so much.

AniAnnika,

I would like to hear your suggestions, so if you have the time, please post them.

luvjordan,

The song Crimson and Clover, just seem to fit my fanfic. I think it was the perfect way, for Jordan to express himself to Angela. I love the song, so I happy that it worked in this episode. I put the link to the song, because I wasn't sure how many people have heard the song before. I think if people hear it, most will like the song.


I started writing my next episode. I only have about 4 or 5 scenes written, so it will still be awhile before I have anything to post. I hope to have a draft to post, in about a month or so.

Please keep the feed back comming, it is very helpful.

Thanks

Steve

AniAnnika
Jody Barsh
Posts: 27
Joined: Nov 11th 2005, 10:15 pm

Post by AniAnnika » Sep 2nd 2006, 2:31 am

Here are my suggestions...hopefully still in red...if my suggestions aren't in red, I apologize. You might have to rifle through it a little bit!


LIFE OF JORDAN
[color=red]
***So I guess just one general criticism – and I actually have seen this is a problem with almost all MSCL fanfics, is that in the real show, there was only ever one person doing voiceovers. I’m sure you knew that already, but I am wondering if there’s any way you can convey all of these inner thoughts of Angela and Jordan without having both of them do voiceovers. Obviously you would have to turn some of these insights into conversations, which can be difficult or feel contrived. It’s not a huge deal, because I think the insights are important, but I just think it’d take this fanfic to a different level if you were able to accomplish this. The more I read through it, the more I’m convinced Angela should narrate this episode and Jordan’s voiceovers could be made into dialogue.
FADE IN

INT. CHASE HOUSE-- Angela's room-- morning. A couple of days later.

(Angela sitting on her window seat, looking out the window.)

Angela:(VO) It's been a couple of days since I've talked to Jordan.... and God, I'm avoiding Brian Krakow.(She looks out the window, across the street at Brian's house.) I can forgive Jordan for lying about the letter because, I believed him when he told me, that the letter wasn't a complete lie. Because it was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the right words. But with Brian, (pause) he had the words, but he chose to hide behind the letter, and that, is, somehow worse. I don't know how I feel about him right now. (pause) I guess, I always knew Brian had feelings for me, but I didn't know he was, like, in love with me, or whatever. I had no idea he was capable of expressing his feelings like that,... it kind of got to me. (pause) I mean, doesn't he realize the power of his words, and the effect they have on other people? Why did he have to write that letter, and then give it to Jordan? Why couldn't he just stay out of this? I think Jordan and I would have worked things out eventually. Jordan has been opening up to me. I mean, I can't believe Friday night he took me to... [/color]

Patty: (Off screen) Angela, you're going to miss the bus.


INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Morning

(Chase family getting ready for their day.)

Patty: Danielle, don't forget your lunch.

(As Danielle grabs her lunch and runs out the door, Angela walks into the kitchen.)

Patty: You missed breakfast.

Graham: Here, take my bagel.

Angela: I'm not hungry.

Graham: Well take it anyway, you should eat something. Besides, I have to get going.

Patty: You're getting an early start this morning.

Graham: I have to go met a contractor this morning about building the kitchen for the restaurant. Then meet Hallie this afternoon, to start looking for kitchen appliances.

Patty: Oh, what time do you think you'll get home?

Graham: I should be home in time for dinner. (He gives Patty a kiss, then heads for the door. As he walks past Angela who is nibbling on her bagel.) Sweetheart, you're going to miss the bus.

Angela: (VO) I kind of dread seeing Brian on the bus. I know I need to talk to him about the letter, I just don't think I can deal with him right now.

Patty: You probably missed your bus, I can drive you.

***This is minor and totally not a necessary change, but it seems to me that since Graham was already on his way out, he should drop Angela at school (just replace Patty’s line to Graham).
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning before homeroom

( Angela at her locker talking to Rickie)

Rickie: Sorry, I haven't seen you all weekend, I was hanging out with Delia Fisher. So, did you talk to Brian or Jordan about the letter?

Angela: Well.... sort of. I mean, it's complicated.

Rickie: What happened?

Angela: When I told Brian, that you told me he wrote the letter, he denied it. He said that he only proofread it, or something. (pause) When I said that the whole letter was a lie, Brian said, no, I meant every word.

(Rickie noticed a little smile on her face when she spoke, that last sentence.)

Rickie: So, Brian told you how he feels. I mean, how does he feel?

Angela: Wait. What did he tell you about the letter?

Rickie: Nothing. Well, nothing much. (pause) Now that you know Brian wrote the letter, you still like it, right? Isn't that all that matters?

(The camera zooms in on Angela's face. She doesn't answer, then the camera pans down the hall to where Brian is standing behind a group of people, staring at Angela.)
***I really like this scene; it’s short but very consistent with the show…keeping Rickie as the middle-man always.

INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT-- morning

(Jordan leaning against his car smoking a cigarette, lost in his thoughts.)
***Wasn’t Shane already in the band before? I am a little confused about this…but I could be wrong.

Jordan: (VO) I can't believe I brought her to my house. (pause) It's like, I'm...

Shane: (off screen) Yo, Catalano, what's up, did you guys decide?

Jordan: Yeah, our bass player quite, so , your in. I hope you can play bass, as good as you play the drums.

Shane: Yeah, I've been playing bass for three years. I should be able to jump right in, and pick up what you guys were doing.

Jordan: Good, cause, we're working on a new cover song, so we don't want to lose a lot of time looking for someone to fit in.

(Shane starts walking toward the school.)

Shane: You coming?

Jordan: Yeah, in a minute.

(Finishing his cigarette, and turning to head into school)

Jordan: (VO) Man, I hate Mondays.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM-- morning

(Rayanne fussing with her hair in the mirror, Sharon washing her hands)

Rayanne: So, I hear that Angela is back together with Jordan.

Sharon: No way. Where did you hear that?

Rayanne: Tino.

Sharon: He's just going to hurt her again.(Pause) I didn't mean that you would...

Rayanne: Relax Cherski, I know what you meant. Besides, there's sort of this other guy.

Sharon: Which guy this time.

(Both girls become quite for a moment as Angel and Rickie walk in.)

Rayanne: I gotta go. Later.

(A moment of silence between the two girls and Rickie, as Angel puts on lip gloss, hopping to see Jordan soon.)

Sharon: So, are you like, going out with Jordan again?

Angel: (VO) Am I going out with Jordan? I don't know. Maybe. Jordan has opened himself up to me in a way he hasn't before. When he brought me to his house, it was weird, it's like he was letting me into his...life.

( Angela turns to Sharon, not sure what to say.)

Angela: Where did you hear that?

Sharon: Rayanne.

Angela: Where did she... why does she care if I'm getting back together with Jordan or not?

Sharon: Well, are you getting back together with him?

Angela: I don't know. I might.

Rickie: Then there's Brian.

Sharon: What about Brian?

( The bell rings, Angela sees her chance to escape without talking about
Brian, she dashes for the door.)

Angela: I'm going to be late for Bio.


INT. SOME DINER--Afternoon

(Camille and Patty are having lunch.)

Camille: (So Graham is really going for this restaurant, huh?) So, you and Graham are going to go for it. I'm glad that
Graham (he’ll) will get a chance to do what makes him happy. (Pause) The question is, will it make you happy.

Patty: What do you mean? Oh, you mean Hallie. I know, you don't like her.

Camille: I don't trust her. I think she's trying to get her hooks into him.

Patty: I don't think that's the situation, and besides, I trust Graham.

Camille: That's good, you should trust your husband, but with all of that time they will be spending together.

Patty: So.

Camille: She's going to be seeing Graham more than you are, soon.

Patty: So, what does that mean?

Camille: It means, if she's up to something, she'll have plenty of time to do it. You know, I just don't...

Patty: I know, you don't trust her. (Patty is left with a concerned look on her face.)

Camile: ( Just remembering.) Oh, they have really good pie here, we should get some. ***Just remembering how reluctant Patty is about pie in the episode with her father, I’m wondering if Camille would actually order this now. Did you choose pie because it is a stressful situation for Patty, in the same way the situation with her father was?


INT. THE RESTAURANT-- Afternoon
***I pretty strongly feel that the dialogue here should be almost completely reversed, the exception being the line about Hallie finding everything exciting and they’d be spending a lot of time together. The reason is because the way things ran on the show, Hallie would be more likely to meet with the contractor and be giving Graham the play-by-play. Graham doesn’t like dealing with the business side of things, but that’s Hallie’s forte. He’s more just in it for the cooking. Just re-work this. Of course, you’d also have to re-work the first scene a little bit if Graham isn’t meeting with the contractor in the morning…or you could just make it such that both Hallie and Graham meet with the contractor.
(Graham and Hallie are eating lunch together.)

Hallie: So, what did the contractor say?

Graham: He said, there should be plenty of room, to use the floor plan we discussed, but to metting the deadline would be difficult, so he would need to start right away.

Hallie: What did he say about money, can he do it within our budget?

Graham: He thinks so. He said, he'd have to check on a few thing first, then write up a bid.

Hallie: How long will that take?

Graham: He told me, he just finish working on a restaurant about the same size as our's, so it won't take long to write up a bid. About a day.

Hallie: Okay, good. Now what about kitchen appliances?

Graham: Well, I've got the phone number of several appliances dealers. We need to find stoves, refrigerators, freezers...

(Hallie interrupts him, all excited)

Hallie: We need everything. This is so exciting, I love it. (pause) Well, it looks like we will be seeing a lot of each other for the next few months. I can't wait to just dive right in.


INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Afternoon

(Brian see Rickie and approaches him.)

Brian: Hi.

Rickie: Hi, Brian.

Brian: So, Rickie, uh, I saw you were.

Rickie: Were what?

Brian: Were talking to Angela this morning. Um, did she say anything, you know,... about me.

Rickie: Not much. I mean, she's still a little mad at you right now. I think she's glad to know the truth about the letter.


Brian: Really?

Rickie: Yeah, but Brian, you should know, that she might be back together with Jordan.

Brian: (The camera zooms in on Brian face, and we can see he is dejected by this.) You're probably right. (Then we see the scene from Brian's point of view, and we first see Angela, then Jordan outside the guidance counselor office. Angela is walking down the hall, and sees Jordan leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, an instant smile appears on her face. As she gets close to him, he opens his eyes.)

Jordan: Hey.

Angela: Hi.

(The camera cuts to a close up on Angela and Jordan.)

Jordan: I was hoping to see you. (I personally feel he’d be more likely to say, “It’s good to see you.”)

(Angela's eyes light up.)

Angela: Oh, really?

Jordan: Maybe we could go somewhere after school.

Angela: Where , like back to your house again.

Jordan: No, how about your house?

Angela: Sure,

( Jordan pulls her slowly closer, then kisses her, she kisses him back. The camera angle widens and we see Miss Krzyzanowski walk past Angela and Jordan.)

Krzyzanowski: Mr. Catalano, I'll see you now.

Jordan: I gotta go, I'll see you after school.

Angela: Okay.


INT. MISS. KRZYZANOWSKI'S OFFICE

(Jordan takes a seat in front of the desk, as Miss Krzyzanowski looks over Jordan's file.)

Miss Krzyzanowski: So, Jordan, I see your grades are improving, that's good, but I also see you are still missing school and skipping classes.

Jordan: So.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why make the effort to improve your grades, if your are going to miss so much school.

( No answer from Jordan)

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why do you miss so many days of school?

Jordan: I have a job, so I work at night sometimes.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Is money causing hardships at home? Is that why you work nights?

Jordan: No.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why do you work then?

Jordan: I need the money.

Miss Krzyzanowski: For what?

Jordan: To pay for my stuff.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Like what?

Jordan: My car, my guitars, and equipment for my band. Cloths, CD's and stuff like that.

Miss Krzyzanowski: You're in a band?

Jordan: Yeah.

MisKrzyzanowski: Who was that girl I saw you kissing in the hallway? Is she your girlfriend?

Jordan: No.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Who was she then?

Jordan: A friend.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Do you kiss all of your friends?

Jordan: No. Okay, (pause) (He thinks of what to say next.) she more than a friend.

Miss Krzyzanowski: You have a Job, your in a band, and you have a girl, that's more than a friend. That doesn't leave you much time for school. (pause) Maybe you should quite your job, and focus more on your school work? Because I have to tell you Jordan, you can't keep missing so much school.


Jordan: I can't quite my job.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Why not?

Jordan: Look, (pause) maybe I could work a little less.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Do you have that kind of flexibility at your job?

Jordan: Yeah, I work for my uncle, so I can cut back on my hours with no problem.

Miss Krzyzanowski: Jordan, if you keep missing school, the job has to go.

(As Jordan is leaving the office)

Jordan: (VO) Man, that woman asks to many question. What I do with my time, is my business. (pause) I need to get out of here. I'm hungry, I think I'll go to Big Guy Burger for lunch. ***I just kind of thought this voiceover is unnecessary. It didn’t much add anything to the episode to me…you could just show Jordan leaving school instead.


INT. PARKING LOT--After school

(Jordan at his car, talking to Shane and the other guys in his band.)

Jordan: (To Shane.) Shane, you know Joey our drummer, this is Dave our other guitarist.

Dave: (To Shane.) What's up man.

Shane: Hey.

Jordan: Shane should fit right in with us, I've known him for years. ***To me, this doesn’t seem like something Jordan would say. Maybe just delete this line.

Joey: Yeah, I've heard Shane play bass before, he's pretty good.

Shane: So, are we going to work on that new cover song today?

( Jordan sees Angela approaching.)

Jordan: Yeah. I'll see you guys at the loft, there's something I have to do first.

(The guys leave, as Angela walks up.)

Jordan: I'm going to meet the guys in the band. We got a new bass player, so we need to get him up to speed on this new cover song, we're doing, but I can drive you home. Maybe we could...

Jordan: (VO) Don't ask her to have sex. (haha)

Angela: Could what?

Jordan: You know, (He pauses to choose his words.) hang out tomorrow, or whatever.

Angela: Okay.

( She gets into Jordan's car and, they drive off.)


INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty looking in the refrigerator, Danielle and Angela hovering around the kitchen, hungry, waiting for dinner.)

Danielle: When's dinner?

Patty: We'll eat when your Father gets home. (Quietly to herself) Whenever that is.

(Just then, Graham comes in the front door, and walks into the kitchen.)

Danielle: Daddy, daddy, your home. (She runs up to Graham, and hugs him.) Good, now we can finally eat. (She runs out of the room.)

Graham: (As he watches Danielle runs out of the room.) I'm glad to see you.

Patty: I thought the girls were going to starve, waiting for dinner.

Graham: You could have started dinner without me. ( Talking to Angela, wanting to change the subject) How was school?

Angela: (VO) How can I tell my father that I spent the day avoiding Brian, and hoping to see Jordan. Or should I say, hoping to make out with Jordan.

Angela: It was fine. How was your day.

Graham: Busy. (Patty is stirring something on the stove, Graham comes over and takes the wooden spoon from her.) Here, let me do that.


INT. PATTY AND GRAHAM' ROOM--Late evening.

( Patty and Graham getting ready for bed.)

Patty: Well, how was your first official day in the restaurant business?

Graham: (As he walks into the bathroom) Exhausting. (pause) You should have heard Hallie on the phone, arguing with the salesman about the price of kitchen appliances. Having someone to argue with, must be what Hallie wants in life. (pause) Man, when she wants something, there's no stopping her.

Patty: (With a very worried look on her face.) Really?
***I love this scene. So perfect.
END OF DAY 1



DAY 2

INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Morning

(Angela and Danielle at sitting at the kitchen table as Patty is making breakfast. Graham is talking on the phone to Hallie.)

Graham: (To Hallie on the phone.) You know salesman hate people like you. (As he listens, he starts to laugh.) What's that. ( He listens.) Oh, I see. The key is to break people down. I've noticed your good at that.

(Patty, Angela and Danielle watch Graham and listen to his conversation with Hallie.)

Angela: (VO) My mother won't admit it but, she misses having my dad working for her. I know she wants him to cook at the restaurant, but I think she doesn't like him spending so much time with Hallie Lowenthal.)

Graham: (To Hallie) No, I can't. I should eat dinner with my family. (He listens.) Well if you think it's that important to have dinner with some suppliers.(pause) Your right, we should start making contacts. Okay, I'll see you at dinner tonight. Bye. (As he hangs up the phone, he notices that Patty, Angela and Danielle are watching him.) What?

Patty: Nothing. (pause) So your having dinner with Hallie tonight.

Graham: We need to meet with some suppliers. Should I call Hallie back, and tell her I can't make it?

Patty: No, you should go. (Pause) But it would be nice to have dinner as a family more often.

(A car horn is heard. As Angela gets up to leave.)

Angela: That's Jordan. I gotta go. Bye.


INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT-- morning.

(Angela and Jordan are making out inside Jordan's car.)

Jordan: (VO) I should get Angela to skip school with me, and go back to my house. (Pause) I can't ask her to do that, besides I don't need that guidance counselor on my back.

Jordan: We're going to be late for homeroom.

Angela: So.

Jordan: So, I don't want to like, corrupt you, or whatever.

Angela: Corrupt me. I think you already have. (She smiles, and then starts to kiss him.)

(After a moment, he stops her.)

Jordan: Now your corrupting me.

Angela: (VO) Me corrupting Jordan Catalano. Is that even possible? Who knows what runs through his head.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning

( Brian putting books into his locker, Rayanne walks up behind him, slapping him on the back.)

Rayanne: Hey Bri, did you do all you homework last night? Maybe some extra credit work. (pause) You know, I could teach you something about extra credit. (She gives him a seductive look.)

Brian: (Like a deer in headlight.) What?

Rayanne: (Laughing) Man, you should see the look on your face.

(She leaves, thoroughly amused, as Rickie walks up.)

Brian: (To Rickie.) Why does she do that?

Rickie: Well, because, to her, you make, like, the perfect target. You let what she says get to you, and you don't give it back to her.

Brian: Oh, great.

Rickie: Don't let her bother you.

Brian: So, uh, Rickie, um, Have you talked to... never mind. I don't care what she has to say.

Rickie: You mean, Angela?

Brian: I mean, who is she? Now that she's back with, you know, him, she's to good to talk to me now.

Rickie: When she's ready, she'll talk to you.

Brian: Yeah, that's Chase, she'll only talk to me when she wants to. Like when she needs a favor or something.

(Brian walks away, angry with Angela.)



INT. SCHOOL ENGLISH CLASS-- Afternoon

(Before class starts, Sharon and Delia are talking.)

Sharon: So, you"ve been hanging out a lot with Rickie Vasquez, how's it going?

Delia: Oh, he's so awesome. I have the biggest crush on him. ***We’ve heard her say the second sentence a lot. I’d change it to, “The more I hang out with him, the more I love him!”

Sharon: So, you two might start going out.

Delia: Well, no. He's....

Sharon: (She leans in close to Delia and whispers.) He's bi.

Delia: No, he's...

Sharon: Oh! I guess, I sort of thought that.(Pause) Hey, isn't that guy, what's his name, Corey. Is he...

Delia: Corey Hellfrick, I don't know. I kind of got the impression that he was, when I first met him.

Sharon: Rickie Vasquez and Cory Hellfrick.

Delia: (With a big smile on her face.) Oh my god, picture them together. They would make like, the perfect couple.

(Both girls start to giggle. The bell rings, and the students take their seats.)

Mr. Katimski: All right everyone, the new list of vocabulary words, are on the board.(pause) Jordan.... the assignment to use last week's vocabulary words, in a sentence...did you do it?

Jordan: Yeah, I gave it to you yesterday.

Mr. Katimski: Oh, right, right, right.

(Angela is staring over at Jordan, as she breaks her gaze from Jordan, she sees Brian looking at her. Brian turns away with a disgusted look on his face.)

Angela: (VO) It's hard enough to avoid someone you go to school with, but avoiding them when they, like, know you are avoiding them, is so hard . I mean, the looks they give you. (pause) Okay, so I need to talk to Brian, and I will. (Pause) I just don't know when.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM--Afternoon

(Angela and Rickie are talking in the corner of the bathroom.)

Angela: What am I going to do about Brian?

Rickie: I don't know, how do you like, feel about him?

Angela: That's just it Rickie, I don't know. (She leans over onto the windowsill, and in frustration, burys her head in her arms.)

Rickie: I think you know how you feel, but your just not ready to, like, admit it yet.... or whatever.

(Looking up at him.)

Angela: Your right. I just have no idea what to say to him. I can't go up to him and just.. (She walks over to the mirror. She can't find the words to finish the sentence.)

Rickie: You know, it's not fair to Brian, that you only talk to him, when you want something from him. Well, that's what he thinks, and he's right.

Angela: I know, it's terrible how I treat him sometimes. He's always been there for me, no matter what I ask of him.

Rickie: He deserves better.

Angela: I know, you're right, he does.

Rickie: So, why don't you, treat him better.


Angela: (VO) That question echoed in my head. Why do I treat him this way? I hated Jordan, when he treated me the way he did. (Pause) Maybe that's it, no matter how I treat Brian, he would never hate me. (Pause) As if that gives me permission to treat him the way I do. God, why am I like this?

Angela: Thanks for listing to me Rickie. (She kisses him on the cheek.)

Rickie: (He smiles.) That's what I'm here for.


INT. THE RESTAURANT--Afternoon

(Hallie and Graham are looking over bids to renovate the restaurant.)

Graham: So, have we decided. This is the best bid. It's within our budget, and this guy can meet our deadline.

Hallie: I don't know, it's a little more than I want to spend for the renovation. Maybe I can talk him down.


Hallie, (She looks at him like, what did I do.) You better let me deal with the contractor. I mean, if we are going to be working with him every day, we don't want to get off on the wrong foot.

Hallie: So what are you saying, I can be difficult? (pause) Isn't that what you love about me?

Graham: Sometimes.

Hallie: (With a big smile.) See, I know it.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY-- After school.

(Angela is at her locker, as Brian walks past.)


Angela: Brian, um, we need to...(It's hard for her to say.) talk.

Brian: About what. What could we have to talk about? Oh, let me guess, you need to barrow my bike or something.

Angela: Brian.

(He can't make eye contact with her. As he goes to speak, Jordan walks up to Angela.)

Jordan: Hey.

Angela: Hi.

Jordan: Hey Brain.

Brian: Hey.

Jordan: (To Angela) Can we hang out at your house?

Angela: Yeah.

Jordan: Later Brain

Brian: Yeah, later. (He walks away, mad at the world.)



INT. CHASE LIVING ROOM--After school

(Jordan and Angela are sitting on the couch, Danielle is sitting in the chair next to them.)

Angela: This is my little sister, Danielle.

Danielle: Is that your car outside?

Jordan: Yeah.

Danielle: You have your own car. How did you get your own car?

Angela: Danielle!

Jordan: I work. That's how I got my car.

Danielle: Oh. Where do you work?

Angela: Danielle! Quite bugging him. Why don't you go upstairs, and do your homework.

Danielle: I can't, I need help with it. It's long division. I have to wait until dad gets home to help me. ***hehe, Danielle’s in like 5th or 6th grade; she’s a little old for long division.

Angela: Well, if you must know, he works at his uncle's garage.

Danielle: Where's that?

Jordan: My uncle's garage is Untied Towing, on the corner of Rebecca
and Jeanette.

Angela: That's where the loft is, right.

Jordan: Yeah, above the garage is the loft where my band plays. My uncle owns the building, so we can use the loft for free.

Danielle: You're in a band too. What instrument do you play.

Jordan: (A little put out, by all her questions.) You ask a lot of questions.

Danielle: Well, duh, how else am I going to find anything out. Nobody tells me anything. So, what instrument do you play?

Jordan: Guitar. I'm also the singer now.

Danielle: Cool! (She is awestruck by Jordan.)

Angela: You said the other day, that you were working on a new cover song.

Jordan: It's just this song, that when I hear it, it reminds me of you.

Angela: (With great curiosity.) What song?

Jordan: You wouldn't know it. Maybe I could play it for you sometime.

Angela: (VO) There's a song that reminds him of me. I have to hear this song.

(Patty comes in the front door.)

Patty: Oh, hi Jordan, it's nice to see you again. (Sensing that Danielle is bothering bother Jordan and Angela.) Danielle, did you finish you homework?

Danielle: No, I'm waiting for dad to come home to help me with it.

Patty: Your father won't be home until late. Come on, I'll help you with your homework.

Danielle: Mom, can't it wait till later?

Patty: No, because you won't feel like doing it later. (Pause) Jordan, since it's going to be just us girls here tonight, would you like to join us for dinner?

Jordan: No, I can't. I have to go rehearse with my band. (He gets up, and heads for the door.)

Angela: Thanks for putting up with my little sister, I know she can be a pest sometimes.

Danielle: I'm not a pest!

Jordan: It's cool.

Angela: I'll see you tomorrow.

Jordan: Yeah, I'll give you a ride to school.

Angela: Bye.

Patty and Danielle: Bye.

Jordan: See ya.

(Angela gives Jordan a little kiss as he walks out the door. After shutting the door, she leans against it, clearly falling for him again.)

Danielle: He's so cool.

Angela: I know.

Danielle: Is he your boyfriend again?

(Patty who was going to ask the same question herself, listens intently, for the answer.)

Angela: I don't know.



INT. PATTY AND GRAHAM'S BEDROOM--Evening

(Patty is in bed, reading, as Graham starts to get ready to go to bed.)

Patty: How was dinner?

Graham: Good. We now have a meat supplier. We also decided on a contractor to do the renovations on the restaurant. He's starting tomorrow, first thing in the morning.

Patty: It sounds like you had a productive day.

Graham: It was.

(As Graham gets into bed, Patty moves over to him, and starts to kiss him. He only kisses her briefly, then rolls over away from her.)

Graham: I'm beat, I have to get up early tomorrow, to meet the contractor. Good night.

Patty: (Feeling rejected.) Oh, ...well,... good night.
***aww, so sad to see Graham reject Patty. It’s realistic…I’m just an eternal optimist about their relationship…because I really really want them to be happy together.
END OF DAY 2

DAY 3


INT.SCHOOL PARKING LOT--Before school

(Angela and Jordan are leaning against his car.)

Jordan:(VO) Man, this is going to be a long day, I even have tutoring after school. (Pause) I should get out of here now, or at least leave early.

(Angela starts to walk to the front door of the school, Jordan dosn't move.)

Angela: Are you coming?

Jordan: I don't know.

Angela: You shouldn't be skipping any more school.... at least for awhile.

Jordan: I have this test, and I'm like, just not in the mood.

(She comes over to him and grabs his hand and starts pulling him.)

Angela: Come on. After school, I'll give you a kiss for every class you go to today.

Jordan: What do I get, if I get an A on my test?

Angela: (Laughing) An education. ***love this line

Jordan: That's not what I had in mind.

(They both start to laugh, as they walk to the school.)



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--morning

(Sharon sees Angela walking in with Jordan. She approaches them.)

Sharon: Hi Angela. (She turns to Jordan with a dirty look.)

Jordan: I gotta go. (Jordan walks off.)

Sharon: So, you are back together with him.

Angela: I guess so.

Sharon: I swear, if he hurts you again.

Angela: I don't really want to talk about it.

Sharon: Okay. (Pause, she sees Corey Hellfrick down the hall.) Hey what do you know about Corey Hellfrick?

Angela: Not much. Why?

Sharon: Well, Delia and I think he's, um, how should I put this..... into guys.

Angela: What? I don't think so. I think he sort of liked Rayanne.

Sharon: Oh, did he ask her out?

Angela: No.

Sharon: She didn't... with him, did she?

Angela: I don't think so, but you never know with Rayanne. **ouch! I could ask Rickie.

Sharon: Well, that's sort of why I was asking about Corey.

Angela: Oh, you think Corey and Rickie.

Sharon: Yeah, so..... what do you think?

Angela: (She thinks about it.) Rickie Vasquez and Cory Hellfrick. Well, maybe.

Sharon: They would be perfect for each other.



INT. SCHOOL AUTO SHOP--Morning.

(Jordan and Shane are working on the engine of Shane's car.)

Shane: Are we going to finish up that cover song tonight?

Jordan: Yeah, it's starting to sound pretty good, but it still needs a few changes.

Shane: So what's up with that girl I keep seeing you with. Wasn't she that girl you were with before.

Jordan: Angela.

Shane: What?

Jordan: Her name is Angela.

Shane: Oh, so what's up with her. Is she, like, your girlfriend?

Jordan: No!

Shane: I don't know man, you been acting weird lately. You going soft on me here, or what dude.

Jordan: (VO) I have been acting weird. I mean, I'm going to go to every class today, I've been, like, studying, and I have a tutor. Man, that is weird.



INT. THE RESTAURANT-- Afternoon

(Graham and Hallie are talking to the contractor)

Hallie: So Ted, you're sure you can make the deadline?

Ted: It will be close, but I can make it. You just need to make sure that the money is lined up, so I can get all the materials here on time.

Hallie: That's my department, so don't worry, I'll have the money when we need it.

Graham: What about the fountain, can you get it working?

Ted: I think so, but I won't know for sure until the plumbers look at it. They'll be here next week.

Graham: Well, what do you need from us?

Ted: I need to know what kind of kitchen appliances you are getting, so we can finalize the kitchen designs. That way I can order the cabinets and counter tops. Like I said the plumbers will be here next week, so you need to decide on plumbing fixtures. Friday the electricians are coming, and they will need to know what kind of lighting you want to use. You guys need to make a lot of decisions.

Hallie: We can do that. Come on partner, we need to start looking over those catalogs.

Graham: Thanks, Ted.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Afternoon

(Rickie at his locker talking to Delia.)

Delia: I had so much fun last weekend with you.

Rickie: It was a lot of fun, we should do something together on Saturday.

Delia: Would you like to go see a movie.

Rickie: Sure. What movie?

Delia: I don't care, you pick. (Pause) So, uh, Rickie, how well do you know Corey Hellfrick?

Rickie: I know him a little bit, he's working on the set, for Our Town. Why?

Delia: I think he's so cute.

Rickie: Do you like him? Do you want me to try to set you two up? Because... I'm willing to.

Delia: Well, I wasn't thinking of him for me, but maybe....for you.

Rickie: (Quietly to Delia.) In my dreams, maybe. (In a normal voice.) I think he likes Rayanne.

Delia: Angela and Sharon think he might be...

Rickie: Shhh! (pause thinking about it) Me and Corey Hellfrick, we would make the perfect couple. ***I think Delia would say this line…and Rickie should just say the “Shhh…”

Delia: (Quietly to Rickie.) Now all we have to do is tell Corey, he's gay.

(They both start laughing.)



INT. TUTORING ROOM--After school

(Brian and Jordan sitting in desks facing each other. Brian looking over

Jordan's sentences, using the week's vocabulary words.)

Brian: (Pointing on Jordan's paper) I think you misused this word, it should be...

(Rayanne walking past the door on her way to Our Town rehearsal, sees

Brian and Jordan. She pokes her head in the door.)

Rayanne: How Krakow, remember, me and you should do some extra credit together sometime. (After making a spectacle of herself, she runs down the hall laughing.)

Jordan: She would be perfect.

Brian: What?

Jordan: She would be perfect for you.

Brian: Did I miss something? Uh, what are we talking about?

Jordan: Rayanne, she would be perfect for you to.. ya' know.. fool around with.

Brian: Now, I know I missed something. She hates me.

Jordan: She doesn't hate you. She likes messing with you because she's likes you. (Jordan goes back to his work.)

Brian: You should see the way she treats me.

Jordan: I'm telling you, she likes messing with you because, she likes you. (Jordan goes back to his work.)

Brian: Wait, your saying, Rayanne Graff... likes... me?

Jordan: Yeah, why else would she mess with you, so much?

Brian: I just thought it was because, you know, she was like every other girl, who thinks I'm a... never mind.

(Jordan goes back to his work, but just for a few moments.)

Jordan: Confidence. That's what girls like in a guy.

Brian: Wait, what are we talking about now?

Jordan: Remember how I told you, if you help me, I would show you how to get a girl's phone number?

Brian: Yeah. I mean, yes.

Jordan: You have to have confidence. You have to, like, believe you can do it. Just walk up to a girl, and talk to her. It's just, that simple.

Brian: Your right.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are making dinner.)

Graham: You should see the restaurant now. The construction workers have done so much demolition work, it looks like a bomb went off in there. Looking at it now, I don't know how we are going to make the deadline.

Patty: So you're worried, that you won't make the deadline?

Graham: The contractor is sure he can make the deadline. There's just so much to do.

Patty: Is there anything I can do?

Graham: I don't think so, not yet. But, if you have any ideas for a menu layout.

Patty: I can come up with a few ideas. (Pause) So how's Hallie doing?

Graham: She's in her element, the more chaos in her life, the better. She's loving every minute of this. (Pause) I don't know how she does it. I can't wait to get this part behind us, and start cooking.

Patty: I don't know, I think you're enjoying this part a little bit.

Graham: Well, maybe a little. (He smiles a little, after saying this.)



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan and the band, are rehearsing.)

Jordan: Yeah, that sounded a lot better. Let's take five.

Shane: Cool. (pause) So, what's up with this song man, you been pushing us hard to get it perfect. This song is for that chick isn't it?

Jordan: So! (Pause) I mean, I just want the song to be good, I want the band to be good.

Shane: Like I said, you been acting weird.

Joey: Yeah, what's up with that, dude. What chick has got you act'n like this?

Shane: What did you say her name was? Angela.

Joey: Who's, Angela?

Shane: That weird chick, that Rayanne Graff hangs out with.

Joey: I thought you were done with those two.

Dave: What's going on, Catalano? You think you could hook me up with

Rayanne Graff?

Joey: You wish, man.

Shane: Dave, I guess you're the only one in the band, that hasn't hooked up with Graff.

Joey: (To Shane.) When did you hook up with Rayanne?

Jordan: I need a break, I'll be back in a little bit.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are still cooking dinner, as Danielle walks in.)

Danielle: What's for dinner?

Graham: Grilled chicken and vegetables.

Patty: Did you finish your homework?

Danielle: Yeah

Patty: Do you know if Angela, finished her homework, because we're almost ready to eat?

Danielle: I think so.

(A knock on the front door.)

Danielle: I'll get it. (She takes off running.)

(Danielle gets to the door.)

Danielle: Who is it?

Jordan: It's Jordan, is Angela...

(Before he can finish his sentence, Danielle opens the door.)

Danielle: Hi, Jordan. (She says with a big smile.)

Jordan: Hey.... is Angela home?

Patty: (Off screen) W ho is it, Danielle? (Patty comes walking to the door.) Oh, hello, Jordan. Danielle, would you go get Angela?

(Danielle goes upstairs to get Angela.)

Patty: So, Jordan would you like something to drink?

Jordan: No. I mean, no thanks. I can't stay.

(As Angela comes down the stairs, she is smiling, pleased to see Jordan.

Danielle comes down behind her.)

Patty: Come on Danielle, help me set the table.

Danielle: Can't I stay, and talk to Jordan.

Patty: No, he didn't come her to see you. (They go off to set the table.)

Angela: I didn't know you were coming over. I mean, I'm glad you did.

Jordan: Do you think we could go somewhere?

Angela: Yeah, (Yelling to her mom and dad.) I'm going to go out for a little bit.

Patty: We're about to eat.

Angela: I'm not hungry.

(She slips out the door with Jordan, before her parents can tell her no. The scene cuts to them in Jordan's car.)

Angela: So, where are we going?

Jordan: Do you want to hear that song, I was telling you about.

Angela: (VO) Are you kidding, I've been dying to hear that song.

Angela: Sure.

Jordan: Hey, don't you owe my some kisses? I went to every class today.

(They start to making out.)



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(The guys in the band are fooling around, playing an old Metallica song, as Jordan and Angela come in.)

Jordan: You can just sit anywhere.

Angela: Okay.

(At first, Jordan picks up his guitar, and joins the band playing the Metallica song. When they finish, Jordan whispers something to the band.)

Jordan: (To Angela.) This is that song, that I was tell you about. It's called "Crimson and Clover".

(The band starts to play, They play an updated rock version of this song.
Jordan walks up to the microphone, and starts to sing.)

Ah, now I don't hardly know her
but I think I could love her
crimson and clover

Ah, will she come walking over
now I been waiting to show her
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break)

Yeah, my mind's such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
what a beautiful feeling
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break, Jordan is playing lead guitar here, and he is very good. Then the camera cuts to a close up on Angela, she is smiling, and is getting a little misty eyed. The camera cuts back to Jordan and the band.)

crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over

(As the band finishes the song, Angela is almost in tears, she's so happy.)

Angela: (VO) Jordan may not be able express himself to me with a letter, but this is how he does it. It comes from his heart.

Jordan: So. that's the song I was telling you about. Since I'm not any good at writing letters, I thought, I would play a song for you.

Angela: Thank you, I loved it.



INT. CHASE HOUSE--Evening

(Jordan drops Angela off, and she comes in the front door. Her whole family is in the living room together.)

Danielle: Where did you go?

Angela: Just... out with Jordan.

Patty: You missed dinner.

Angela: I know, I'm sorry.

Graham: Would you like me to heat something up for you.

Angela: No, I'll just make a sandwich or something.

Graham: Your making it hard for me to grill you for information. It used to be so easy, just make you something to eat.

Angela: Dad!

Graham: Hey...your mother likes to know what's going on in your life.

Patty: (She lightly slaps Graham on the shoulder.) Like you don't. (He smiles at this.)

(Patty and Graham get up and start to head upstairs.)

Patty: Come on Danielle, it's time for bed.

Graham: Turn off the lights when your finished down here. (He gives her a little hug.) Goodnight, sweetheart.

END OF DAY 3



DAY 4


INT. ANGELA'S BEDROOM--Morning.

(Angela is in her bed, thinking about last night.)

Angela: (VO) Jordan just keeps surprising me, when I think I'm starting to understand him, he does something...amazing. I haven't felt this way about him since, I thought he wrote the letter. But, this time, this is real. His feelings...are real. I can't wait to see him today. (Pause) I also, need to see Brian today. I'm not trying to avoid him anymore, well, maybe I am, a little. I need to talk to him.


INT. CHASE LIVING ROOM--Morning

(Angela picks up the phone, and just looks at it for a moment, then. dials.)

Angela: Hey, it's me. Am I going to see you this morning?

(The Camera cuts to Patty and Graham in the hallway. We can see
Angela in the background.)

Patty: (To Graham.) Who is she talking to this morning, and about what?

Graham: Now,now, now, Patty, don't go spying on her.

Patty: Well, she's been acting a little weird lately.

Graham: Patty, she's fifteen years old, what's normal?

(Patty sees Danielle.)

Patty: (To Danielle.) Who's Angela talking to.

Danielle: I don't know. Do you want me to go spy on her.

(Graham, gives them both a look.)

Patty: No, don't spy on your sister.

(The camera cuts back to Angela, now we see Patty and Graham in the background.)

Angela: Okay, I'll see you in a little bit. (She hangs up the phone.)

Patty: So, who was that?

Angela: Mom. (Patty looking at her, expecting an answer.) Well if you must know, it was Jordan.

Patty: You're been seeing a lot of Jordan recently.

Angela: We go to the same school, he's just been giving me a ride to school.

Patty: And that's all.

Angela: Mom!

Graham: Oh, he's not your boyfriend, he's just your chauffeur. (Teasing her.) Maybe he could give me a ride this morning.

Angela: Okay, I'm not talking to either one of you, anymore.

Patty: Oh, because your normally such a chatterbox, you tell us everything. (She grabs Angela, and hugs her. We hear a car horn, but
Patty won't let go of her.)

Patty: Your chauffeur's here. ***I love this whole exchange

Angela: Mom, I'm going to be late for school.

Patty: Maybe Jordan can give us all a ride this morning. (She finally lets go of Angela.)

Angela: Your deranged, you know that, don't you.

Patty: (As Angela walks out the front door.) I know, good bye sweetheart, have a nice day.



INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY--Morning

(Angela and Jordan are walking to Angela's locker. Jordan does the combination and, opens the locker for her.)

Jordan: Hey, I gotta go find Tino, so I'll see you later.

Angela: Okay, bye.

(As Jordan walks away, Angela looks down the hall to Brian's locker. She sees him, closes her locker, and starts to walk over to him. He doesn't see her, and before she gets to him, he walks away.)

Angela: Hey, Brian.

(He doesn't hear her, and continues walking away. The camera cuts to Rayanne walking down the hallway, she sees Angela, but goes to just walk past her without saying anything.)

Angela: Hi, Rayanne.

Rayanne: (Looking surprised that Angela spoke to her.) Hey.

Angela: I'm sorry to bother, but, um.... have you seen Rickie?

Rayanne: No, bother, I just saw Vasquez in the bathroom.

Angela: Thanks.

Rayanne: (As she walks away.) Later.



INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM--Morning.

(Rickie and Delia are listening to a Walkman, each of them have one ear piece in.)

Rickie and Delia: (They are singing, not really in key, but they don't care.) Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time, Like a virgin, When your heart beats, Next to mine. (They see Angela come in, Rickie stops singing, and grabs Angela's hands, and starts to dance with her. She's not very responsive.)

Angela: Rickie, can I talk to you?

Rickie: No, dance with me. (He continues to dance for a moment, then stops, and takes the ear piece out.) What's up.

Delia: I have to get to homeroom. (To both of them.) Bye.

Rickie: Bye, I'll see you at lunch.

Angela: You seem really close to Delia.

Rickie: She's so sweet, and so much fun. I think you would like her, if you got a chance to know her.

Angela: Maybe, she does seem nice.

Rickie: She told me that you and Sharon, were talking about Corey Hellfrick. Or should I say, me and Corey Hellfrick.

Angela: That was mostly Sharon. I do have to admit, I would rather see you with him, than Rayanne. (Pause) Anyway, you'll never guess what happened last night.

Rickie: What?

Angela: (She's so excited, she's speaking very fast.) Jordan, like out of nowhere, came over to my house, and picked me up and, took to me the loft. Because, Jordan told me there's like, this song, that reminds him of me.

Rickie: Oh, my god, I have to hear this song.

Angela: That's what I said. (Laughing for a moment.) Him and his band played the song for me.

Rickie: Oh, my god, Angela. What song was it?

Angela: It's this song called, "Crimson and Clover". Have you ever heard it?

Rickie: No, but I have to now. (Pause) So I guess you liked it.

Angela: I loved it.

Rickie: That's so romantic.

Angela: I know.



INT. KATIMSKI'S CLASS--Afternoon.

(Before class starts, Brian is sitting at his desk Angela approaches him.)

Angela: We need to talk.

Brian: Didn't you say that the other day.

Angela: I know, but

Brian: (He interrupts her.) But, what? I've been here all week.

Angela: I know. Can we talk today, after school, okay?

Mr Katimski: Angela Chase.... have you sold all your play tickets yet? Can I give you more?

Angela: No not yet.

Mr. Katimski: You'll let me know when you do.

Angela: I will.

(Jordan walks in, and Angela goes over to see him. Brian watches her go to him.)

Jordan: Hey, you want to hang out after school today?

Angela: I can't. There's this thing, I have to do today.

Jordan: (Pertending not to care.) Oh, that's cool. You going to need a ride home.

Angela: Sure.

Mr. Katimski: Jordan.... I was going over your sentences, using the vocabulary words. I'm see a real improvement in your work, and that story you wrote about your music, was very good. I can see you are very passionate about your...music.

Jordan: Well, Brain, has been helping me.

Mr. Katimski: Who?

Jordan: Uh... my tutor.

Mr. Katimski: Well.... keep up the good work.



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Early evening

(Patty and Graham are making dinner. Angela and Danielle are doing their homework in the dinning room.)

Patty: (To Graham) So how are things going at the restaurant?

Graham: Good. Today was the first day, that wasn't crazy down there.

Patty: Was that because Hallie wasn't there, or because you're getting used to chaos.

Graham: (Laughing.) No, Hallie, was there for a little while. There just wasn't much for me to do, other than make a few decisions. I really spent most of the day, just staying out of the construction workers way.

Patty: So it's going well, that's good.

Graham: It is good.

(There's a knock on the front door.)

Patty: Angela, would you get that. Uncle Neil's coming over for dinner, it's probably him.

(Angela opens the door.)

Angela: Brian.

(Angela grabs her jacket, and goes out onto the porch, to talk to Brian.)

Brian: So, Chase, um,... you said we needed to talk, or whatever.



INT. KATIMSKI'S APPARTMENT--Early evening

(Joseph is in the kitchen making dinner, and Rickie and Katimski are talking in the living room.)

Rickie: How do you think the play is going?

Katimski: I think it's going very well. Your friend Rayanne is very good, it's just sometimes she gets a little....distracted.

Rickie: That's Rayanne all right, distracted.

Katimski: Oh, I see.

Rickie: Well, she's going thru a lot right now.

Joseph: Is she Okay?

Rickie: I don't know. I mean, I think so. With Rayanne, it's hard to tell. She's kind of always been a little self-destructive.

Joseph: What do you mean?

Rickie: She has a drinking problem, and one time, she overdosed on Ecstasy.

Katimski: She does drugs?

Rickie: Not since that night she overdosed, but she still drinks sometimes. She also lost her best friend, Angela Chase....

(The phone rings, Katimski answers.)

Katimski: Hello. (He listens.) I'm sorry, who is calling? (He listens) Yes, one moment. Rickie, there is a women on the phone, who says....she's your mother.

(The camera cuts to a close up on Rickie. He looks to be in utter shock.)



INT. CHASE PORCH--Early evening

(Brian and Angela are standing on the porch, not sure what to say to one another.)

Brian: So, you're back together with Jordan.

Angela: I'm not sure what Jordan and I are, right now. (Pause, trying to muster the courage to start the conversation.) I've kind of been avoiding you all week.

Brian: I know. (Pause) Why?

Angela: I'm not sure.

Angela: (VO) That was a lie. I was avoiding him because, I don't know how to tell him about the way the letter effected me, when I found out he wrote it. Like how it made me feel a way about him, that I'm not sure I'm ready for. I mean, you know someone almost your whole life, and you think of them a certian way, it's.....so hard to except that you now see they differently.

Brian: Chase, you don't avoid someone for almost a week, and not know ...why.

Angela: (Looking down, not making eye contact.) I know. (Pause) Maybe, it's just easier to...pretend that some things never happened... than to, like, admit how you feel about it.

Brian: You can't avoid your feeling forever. It, like, eats you up inside. Trust me....I know.

Angela: Your right, it's been bothering me all week. That doesn't make it any easier.

Brian: All you have to do is.... say it. It's just that simple.

Angela: (She looks into his eyes.) Brian....I didn't know that you felt that way about me. (Pause) I guess, I kind of knew, but I didn't know, that you felt so strongly about me.

Brian: Well, I never told you how I felt, before I wrote the letter.

Angela: Why did you write the letter, instead of just telling me how you feel?

Brian: (He breaks eye contact, and looks across the street.) Because it's hard to tell someone, you know... the whole truth.



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan is sitting alone, in the loft. He picks up his guitar and, starts to play Crimson and Clover.)

Ah, now I don't hardly know her
but I think I could love her
crimson and clover

Ah, will she come walking over
now I been waiting to show her
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break, with only Jordan's guitar.)



INT. CHASE KITCHEN--Evening

(Neil comes in the front door, and walks into the kitchen.)

Neil: So is that Angela's boyfriend out there? He's that neighbor kid, right?

Graham: Who Brian? No, he's not her boyfriend.

Neil: Oh, it's just that they looked pretty serious, out there.

Patty: Angela likes a boy named Jordan.

Neil: Who is Jordan?

Patty: (To Graham.) When I talked to him, it was obvious he is still interested in Angela.

Graham: So he is still interested in Angela? When did you talk to Jordan?

Neil: Who's Jordan?

Danielle: (Who was listening to the adult's conversation from the dinning room,) He was Angela's boyfriend... for like, a week.

Neil: Oh,...so why was she kissing that Brian kid, then?

Patty, Graham and Danielle: WHAT!

Neil: (laughing) Relax, I was just joking. Boy, I must have struck a nerve with that one.



INT. THE LOFT--Evening

(Jordan pouring his heart into playing this song.)

Yeah, my mind's such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
what a beautiful feeling
crimson and clover, over and over

(Instrumental break)



INT. CHASE PORCH--Evening

(Low in the background, we hear Jordan's instrumental. The camera is on Brian standing by the railing, looking across the street. Angela walks up to him.)

Angela: Brian.... Brian. (He turns and faces her.) You said in the letter, that it wasn't the whole truth. What is the whole truth?

Brian: The whole truth is.....That I can't like... stop looking at you, any time you're around. That I always show up at your house with some lame reason... just to see you. I love when you ask me for something, because, I like it when you need me. Even if it's just for something stupid, like my bike. I like being the one that you can count on. (Brian struggles to express himself, but is determined to.) I've known you since we were five years old, and that Sharon and I used to be your best friends. (Angela smiles, remembering that time in her life.) I know that, when you were eight, you got the Chickenpox, and that it caused that little scar on your forehead. (Pause) I also know, that you never hated me. Even when you pushed me away, it was only because, I was, like... being annoying, or whatever. (Angela laughs a little at this.) I know more about you, than just about anyone. (Pause) I didn't know the whole truth when I wrote the letter, I know now that, you can't see me, as anything other than a friend. At least, for now.(Pause) In your heart, you want to be with Jordan. (Pause) I mean, I saw the way, you looked at him, when you thought he wrote the letter. Like, how happy you were.

Angela: But Jordan didn't write the letter. I'm not sure who he really is.

Brian: That's just it Angela, you need to find out who he is, and decide if you want to be with him. Until you do that, it doesn't matter how I feel. (Pause) That's, ya' know, the whole truth.

Angela: (VO) I used to think Brian was heartless, that he lacked any real emotions, I couldn't have been more wrong.

(In the Background, we hear Jordan sing.)

crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over
crimson and clover, over and over

(Quitely, Jordan's instrumental plays)

(Brian starts to walk away, when he gets into the middle of the street, he turns back to Angela.)

Brian: So, Chase, do you think we could be friends again, I mean real friends?

(Angela walks out into the street. The scene looks similar to the one at the of the pilot, with them in the street together.)

Angela: I would like that.

Brian: Good, because, that's all that, ya' know... matters.

Angela: (VO) Just then, I had completely forgiven Brian for lying about the letter, and for writing it in the first place. I realize that he did it , because, he needed Jordan to help him, like, express his feeling. Jordan needed him for the same reason. I guess they needed each other....kind of like, I used to need Rayanne. I can't be mad at them, for needing someone. In the end, they each found their own way of expressing themselves.

(They look at each other for a moment, then Brian walks away. We now only see Angela in the street watching him leave.)

FADE OUT

So those are my small suggestions. Only with a couple of (small) exceptions, you’ve really captured the characters…what they’d say, how they’d act. It’s very good. This stuff would just improve it a little. I did notice you used the words, “like” and “you know” less than they do in the show (with the exception of Rickie), but honestly that doesn’t annoy me because sometimes I find it annoying in the show…even though it is accurate to how I talked then! haha! I’m curious to see you develop something with Rayanne and Angela again. Since they have no real scenes together, it seems like you may be going for the idea that they’ll never make up. Is that true or are you just putting that on the backburner right now? I just think it’s interesting to think about. I hope that was helpful!

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stburr91
Liberty High Student
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Post by stburr91 » Sep 2nd 2006, 12:29 pm

AniAnnika,

First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to give me your feedback. This kind of feedback is very helpful for me, not just to make for some changes for this episode, but it will help with the my future writings.

I think I will make some changes to this episode, but I'm not sure when. I started to write episode # 21, and that is taking up most of my free time.

I'll address some of your comments, first, the use of multiple people's voiceover's. The only episode to use multiple peoples voiceover's was, Resolutions. So I agree, the use of the voiceover's in my episode, is getting away from the way the show was originally written. I'm not sure how to change this. If I did change this, I think I would lose a lot of what I was going for, with this episode. I'm definitely trying to stay as close to the original show as I can, but it's hard, the further your story goes, the more things that change, so you can't avoid straying away from the original show. My next episode, will go back to just Angela doing voiceover's.

If I have time in the future, I might try changing my episode # 20, to only Angela doing the voiceover's. It might be fun to make these changes to it, as an alternate version of this episode.

Was Shane in Jordan's band? I don't think so, somebody correct me if I'm wrong.

The pie at the diner. I just threw that line in there, because we know Patty doesn't want pie, but every time she goes to a diner, somebody is trying to get her to eat pie.

I decided to have Graham, deal with the contractor because, Hallie, has a full time job. So Graham, has to deal with a lot more that just the cooking. There's no way you could get a new business off the ground, and still keep a full time job, so Graham, has to do more than just cook. I wrote Hallie being a little pushy with the contractor, as a way of her taking some control over dealing with the contractor.

Danielle, doing long division. (Are you laughing at me for not know what kids her age are doing in school?) :wink: I have no idea what kinds are doing in school at her age, so if someone can tell me, I will change that line.

Angela and Rayanne, will have some scenes together in my next episode, maybe even start to mend their relationship. If they do, it will take time (several episodes at least).

I really like it when people tell me they like the episode, it's very gratifying, but letting me know what parts they did and didn't like, is very helpful. Thanks again for taking the time to post your thoughts.

Steve

AniAnnika
Jody Barsh
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Joined: Nov 11th 2005, 10:15 pm

Post by AniAnnika » Sep 2nd 2006, 10:11 pm

I'm glad you found it helpful and it's always good to know where your choices came from so thanks for clearing some of that up. As far as Danielle's math goes, though...she's 11 or so which means she would be in 5th or 6th grade...when I was in 5th grade I started pre-algebra. Just very very basic equations...the introduction of the x and y. Hehe. I don't blame you for not remembering =) I have an uncanny memory for that sort of thing.
Once again, look forward to reading more!
-Ani

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Jody Barsch*
Lifehead
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Location: Los Angeles

Post by Jody Barsch* » Sep 3rd 2006, 5:45 pm

Great Work! Your moments of conversation are great! (I like the conversations about getting the restaurant started – I always have a hard time doing that.) I like the confusion Angela feels about Brian – at the times I began mapping out and writing my own fanfictions, I didn’t feel then as I do now, that this new knowledge would pull at Angela’s thoughts; I’m now convinced that it is an essential experience to explore in fanfictions. I had trouble reading/finding AnniAnnika’s comments, so sorry if some of these are repeats.

“Patty: You missed breakfast.
Graham: Here, take my bagel.
Angela: I'm not hungry.
Graham: Well take it anyway, you should eat something. Besides, I have to get going.
Patty: You're getting an early start this morning.
Graham: I have to go met a contractor this morning about building the kitchen for the restaurant. Then meet Hallie this afternoon, to start looking for kitchen appliances.”

“Hallie: So, what did the contractor say?
Graham: He said, there should be plenty of room, to use the floor plan we discussed, but to metting the deadline would be difficult, so he would need to start right away.
Hallie: What did he say about money, can he do it within our budget?
Graham: He thinks so. He said, he'd have to check on a few thing first, then write up a bid.
Hallie: How long will that take?
Graham: He told me, he just finish working on a restaurant about the same size as our's, so it won't take long to write up a bid. About a day.”
* Two examples of the restaurant dialogue I liked.


“Rayanne: So, I hear that Angela is back together with Jordan.
Sharon: No way. Where did you hear that?
Rayanne: Tino.
Sharon: He's just going to hurt her again.
…Sharon: So, are you like, going out with Jordan again?
Angela: Where did you hear that?
Sharon: Rayanne.
Angela: Where did she... why does she care if I'm getting back together with Jordan or not?”
*These lines and their pacing are dead on.


“MisKrzyzanowski: Who was that girl I saw you kissing in the hallway? Is she your girlfriend?
Jordan: No.
Miss Krzyzanowski: Who was she then?
Jordan: A friend.
Miss Krzyzanowski: Do you kiss all of your friends?”
* Although I have serious doubts that a teacher or a counselor (especially one who knows a student as little as Ms. Krzyzanowski knows Jordan Catalano) would ever talk to a student in this manner, I love that Jordan says “no” to Angela being his girlfriend. I really like that when I read it.


“Jordan: (VO) Don't ask her to have sex.”
* Classic!


“Graham: Man, when she wants something, there's no stopping her.
Patty: (With a very worried look on her face.) Really? “
* That made me laugh.


“Graham: We need to meet with some suppliers. Should I call Hallie back, and tell her I can't make it?
Patty: No, you should go. (Pause) But it would be nice to have dinner as a family more often.
(A car horn is heard. As Angela gets up to leave.)
Angela: That's Jordan. I gotta go. Bye.”
* Really seemed to catch the dialogue of the show.


“Angela: (VO) It's hard enough to avoid someone you go to school with, but avoiding them when they, like, know you are avoiding them, is so hard . I mean, the looks they give you. (pause) Okay, so I need to talk to Brian, and I will. (Pause) I just don't know when.”
* Good.


“Sharon: I swear, if he hurts you again.
Angela: I don't really want to talk about it.”
* I loved this. It’s great that Angela’s friends won’t let her forget what she herself wants to in order to allow herself to do what she wants (although she might know that it’s not the smartest thing to do) – in this case getting back with Jordan. I also like it because the way in which Angela so quickly shuts the topic down reveals that she hasn’t made complete peace with it yet.


* I don’t really like how the girls start playing with the gay boys like they are dolls. (And just from a logical POV: the Corey and Rickie thing wouldn’t be a new idea for Angela, and why is Sharon, who claims to barely know Rickie (they never talked once in the 19 episodes), trying to set him up?).
“Delia: (Quietly to Rickie.) Now all we have to do is tell Corey, he's gay.”
* Personally I didn’t like this line, but who knows, maybe it will come back and hit the characters in the face in future episodes…


“Jordan: She doesn't hate you. She likes messing with you because she's likes you. (Jordan goes back to his work.)”
…Brian: Wait, your saying, Rayanne Graff... likes... me?
Jordan: Yeah, why else would she mess with you, so much?
Brian: I just thought it was because, you know, she was like every other girl, who thinks I'm a... never mind.
(Jordan goes back to his work, but just for a few moments.)
Jordan: Confidence. That's what girls like in a guy.”
* I enjoyed this scene. (Maybe consider taking the “in a guy” part out).


“Graham: She's in her element, the more chaos in her life, the better. She's loving every minute of this. (Pause) I don't know how she does it. I can't wait to get this part behind us, and start cooking.
Patty: I don't know, I think you're enjoying this part a little bit.”
* Another good moment.


“Joey: I thought you were done with those two.”
* I liked that.


“(Jordan and the band, are rehearsing.)
Jordan: Yeah, that sounded a lot better. Let's take five.
Shane: Cool. (pause) So, what's up with this song man, you been pushing us hard to get it perfect. This song is for that chick isn't it?
Jordan: So! (Pause) I mean, I just want the song to be good, I want the band to be good.
Shane: Like I said, you been acting weird.
Joey: Yeah, what's up with that, dude. What chick has got you act'n like this?
Shane: What did you say her name was? Angela.
Joey: Who's, Angela?
Shane: That weird chick, that Rayanne Graff hangs out with.
Joey: I thought you were done with those two.
Dave: What's going on, Catalano? You think you could hook me up with
Rayanne Graff?
Joey: You wish, man.
Shane: Dave, I guess you're the only one in the band, that hasn't hooked up with Graff.
Joey: (To Shane.) When did you hook up with Rayanne?
Jordan: I need a break, I'll be back in a little bit.”
* I don’t think that after that Jordan would go get Angela to bring her there – bringing her there seems almost a bit hostile, and if not that it just seems extremely obvious, it doesn’t seem logistically likely. It’s more likely that he would: A) have had her there from the start (in that case maybe she’d arrive after the conversation, or the conversation could occur early before they begin practice. B) He waits for a show for her to hear it, C) He plays it for her individually.


* It’s funny that you chose “Crimson and Clover”, the other week when I was walking and listening to my ipod and this song came on, I played with the idea of including it. I’ve always loved that song (and it’s use in the L Word episode first season was great) and the words fit pretty well (especially with the “Crimson Glow” aspect). Finding appropriate cover songs with secret messages is a little difficult – I’ve had that in my #26, although you have to wonder if Jordan is that secret message kind of guy…


* On a more general note -- It feels like Jordan is jumping through hoops to be with Angela (like when he tells her that he sang her the song because he couldn’t write a letter.) I’m uncomfortable with the idea of Jordan catering to Angela’s expectations.



“Graham: Oh, he's not your boyfriend, he's just your chauffeur. (Teasing her.) Maybe he could give me a ride this morning.”
* I wish I wrote that! (It didn’t need to be extended) It’s pretty funny.


Angela: I'm sorry to bother, but, um.... have you seen Rickie?
* I don’t think Angela is anywhere near to apologizing to Rayanne for anything.


“Angela: Okay, bye.
(As Jordan walks away, Angela looks down the hall to Brian's locker. She sees him, closes her locker, and starts to walk over to him. He doesn't see her, and before she gets to him, he walks away.)
Angela: Hey, Brian.”
* I liked this small moment – the idea of Angela being with Jordan, and leaving him confident of them as a couple and then going to talk to Brian, over whom she is secretly struggling with a crush – or at least an intrigue.


“Brian: So, you're back together with Jordan.”
* This just seems like the really natural moment that needs to happen between Brian and Angela (and it fits so well into the stating of the obvious style of the show, ex: “So this is where you come to smoke”). I’m glad it was included.


“Neil: So is that Angela's boyfriend out there? He's that neighbor kid, right?
Graham: Who Brian? No, he's not her boyfriend.
Neil: Oh, it's just that they looked pretty serious, out there.
Patty: Angela likes a boy named Jordan.
Neil: Who is Jordan?
Patty: (To Graham.) When I talked to him, it was obvious he is still interested in Angela.
Graham: So he is still interested in Angela? When did you talk to Jordan?
Neil: Who's Jordan?
Danielle: (Who was listening to the adult's conversation from the dinning room,) He was Angela's boyfriend... for like, a week.
Neil: Oh,...so why was she kissing that Brian kid, then?
Patty, Graham and Danielle: WHAT!
Neil: (laughing) Relax, I was just joking. Boy, I must have struck a nerve with that one.”
* That was fun.

I enjoyed reading it. Good luck with future episodes. : )
Kickstart The Riches movie!

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stburr91
Liberty High Student
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Post by stburr91 » Sep 6th 2006, 10:49 am

Jody,

Thanks, you gave some really good feedback.

You commented on Jordan jumping through hoops for Angela. I didn't feel that he was when I wrote it, but I can maybe see why you would say that. I think maybe Jordan would jump through hoop to get Angela back, but he wouldn't for long. If Angela rejects him when he is making this effort, he would leave her and not look back.

I'm glade you liked the episode, it's very rewarding to have people enjoy my work.

Steve

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