Happy Fun Game! (here's the game I promised)

[Jason R]

It's called pretend you are an entertainment lawyer.

Five weeks ago, some dude in NY (let's call him "Jason") told you he needed a disclaimer for the bottom of a limited edition lunchbox.

Of course, you still have not called this fictional "Jason" back. You have had 5 weeks to come up with the most restrictive, mundane, legalese disclaimer imaginable.

The purpose of the disclaimer is to say that you cannot sell the lunchbox by itself.

The longer your disclaimer, and more restrictive and horrifying it is, the better your chance of winning.

Your prize? Some old, unopened CDs I have from my days at BMG.

[starbug]

'This lunchbox is one part only of a set consisting of several components. Each component is not intended nor warranted for any use other than that specified in the instruction sheet (enclosed). Use of this lunchbox in any one of x number of the non-recommended ways will result in an invalidation of any warranty or guarantee relating thereto. Specifically, an attempt to
a) insert this lunchbox in a DVD player; or
b) use the lunchbox to carry foodstuffs or beverage-based materials; or
c) resell the lunchbox as an individual item
will result in revocation of all known rights of any individual anywhere to plead any breach of warranty under the applicable and relevant sale of goods laws in any jurisdiction.
BMG and/or AnotherUniverse are not and will not be held responsible for any personal or proprietary loss or damage (direct or consequential) resulting from the misuse of the aforementioned lunchbox.
Furthermore, any attempt to use any of the other DVD-based components of this set as a receptacle in which to store foodstuffs or beverage-related items will result in a repossession of the abovementioned set in its entirety, including the lunchbox, using a warrant of execution for possession if necessary. All warranties (either explicit or implied by statute or law or regulation or by order of a court of competent jursidiction) will immediately become either in whole or in part as appropriate, null and void.
The unauthorised vending of any one part of this component 'set' for any purpose (commercial or otherwise) will be treated as a serious offence punishable under the full force of the law of the relevant jurisdiction. In the event of a dispute relating to the precise jurisdiction in which the breach of any warranty (express or implied), the matter will be referred to an independent arbitrator of BMG's and AnotherUniverse's mutal agreement.'

5 weeks indeed - that took me approx 10 minutes!! he he

I like this game...

[StrawberryGirl]

Ha! I'm too lazy to play though...

BTW Jason, is that time on your post right? Get some sleep man!

[socalledfan]

Wow, Starbug, are you a lawyer, (or is it barrister in UK)??

That was pretty good!!! Don't think I can top that, not by a longshot.

But here is my attempt at a less serious disclaimer, in the vain of the overly obvious television commercials that feature RIDICULOUS disclaimers.

"This lunchbox is sold exclusively by BMG Products as part of a special edition DVD entertainment set. Said lunchbox shall not be labeled for individual resale. WARNING: Do not attempt to taste, swallow or drink said lunchbox. Do not use lunchbox as a small seat or an impromptu umbrella. Do not wear lunchbox. Do not close your head inside lunchbox. Keep lunchbox away from small children, pets, and drunken idiots. Do not use lunchbox as a sporting object, i.e., a basketball or frisbee. Do not taunt your friends with lunchbox, screaming "nya, nya, nya, nya, I've got an MSCL lunchbox..." Death may result."


LOL....

[Guest]

he he he !!
that's pretty funny!
Not quite a lawyer (actually I'm almost a solicitor, as they're called over here but it sounds a bit dodgy, doesn't it?) - never got round to completing all that tedious training... still have fun with it though

here's another one which was actually apparently a deadly serious clause in a contract which I was sent over email a while ago. Not specifically lunchbox related, but you get the idea:

' 10.4 - END OF THE WORLD: Upon the occurrence of the end of the world before full payment and performance of the Notes and Drafts, the Notes and Drafts at the option of the Required Banks, will become immediately due and payable in full and may be enforced against the Company by any individual by any available terrestrial, extra terrestrial or spiritual procedure. Fore remedial purposes and for purposes of determining the relative equities of the parties, the Company, by virtue of its attorneys, will be deedmed to be aligned with the forces of light, and the Banks and their attorneys will be deemed to be aligned with the forces of darkness, regardless of actual ultimate terrestrial, extra terrestrial or spiritual destinations of the Company or the Banks or any of their particular officers (including the Treasurer and the Vice President-Finance)'.

serious.

[starbug]

oh. That was me - for some reason I wan't automatically logged in...

Starbug
x

[Highlander]

For our internal software, this disclaimer, kinda stuck!

This product is protected under the law of
bagsy and associated copyright laws as
described in "Law for Dummys (c)".

[Jason R]

You don't think we are taking a risk calling it a lunchbox? Maybe we need a different name for it. "Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy DVD Receptacle with Plastic Handle"

'This lunchbox is one part only of a set consisting of several components. Each component is not intended nor warranted for any use other than that specified in the instruction sheet (enclosed). Use of this lunchbox in any one of x number of the non-recommended ways will result in an invalidation of any warranty or guarantee relating thereto. Specifically, an attempt to
a) insert this lunchbox in a DVD player; or
b) use the lunchbox to carry foodstuffs or beverage-based materials; or
c) resell the lunchbox as an individual item
will result in revocation of all known rights of any individual anywhere to plead any breach of warranty under the applicable and relevant sale of goods laws in any jurisdiction.
BMG and/or AnotherUniverse are not and will not be held responsible for any personal or proprietary loss or damage (direct or consequential) resulting from the misuse of the aforementioned lunchbox.
Furthermore, any attempt to use any of the other DVD-based components of this set as a receptacle in which to store foodstuffs or beverage-related items will result in a repossession of the abovementioned set in its entirety, including the lunchbox, using a warrant of execution for possession if necessary. All warranties (either explicit or implied by statute or law or regulation or by order of a court of competent jursidiction) will immediately become either in whole or in part as appropriate, null and void.
The unauthorised vending of any one part of this component 'set' for any purpose (commercial or otherwise) will be treated as a serious offence punishable under the full force of the law of the relevant jurisdiction. In the event of a dispute relating to the precise jurisdiction in which the breach of any warranty (express or implied), the matter will be referred to an independent arbitrator of BMG's and AnotherUniverse's mutal agreement.'

5 weeks indeed - that took me approx 10 minutes!! he he

I like this game...

[Jason R]

Since the lunchbox might otherwise cause confusion, we should make sure to stamp "DO NOT EAT" on all of the DVDs.

[starbug]

Is the lunchbox metal? crikey - that opens up a whole new can of worms...
I was thinking it was plastic.

How about

' any attempt to dismantle the Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy DVD Receptacle with Plastic Handle in order to create or construct an object with potential to be used as weaponry of any kind or the capability to harm any individual human or non-human lifeforce (including vegetation) will have the effect of nullifying the warranty, and result in the probable arrest and conviction without trial of any perpetrator.

You could tack this on to the end of my previous disclaimer - I'm worried it might detract from the lunchbox's aesthetic advantages though...

[Nostradamus]

The sale of this Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy DVD Receptacle with Plastic Handle without its DVDs is unauthorized. If you purchased this Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy DVD Receptacle with Plastic Handle without its DVDs inside, you should be aware that it was reported to the distributor as "unsold and destroyed." Neither the manufacturer nor the distributor has received payment for the sale of this "stripped Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy DVD Receptacle with Plastic Handle."

P.S. Just to be clear, perhaps we should refer to DVDs as "Non-nutrient, Polymerized Read-only Optical Data Storage Devices"

P.P.S. That would make the full product description thus: "Limited Edition, Non-lunchbox, Rectangular Metal-Alloy Non-nutrient, Polymerized Read-only Optical Data Storage Device Receptacle with Plastic Handle."

P.P.P.S. "And A Cherry On Top"

[starbug]

excellent!
Jason, perhaps it would amusing if you sent that product description back to your so-called lawyer and asked him which file of his he thinks it refers to...

[Mong Face]

MSCL DVD DISCLAIMER:
***********************
Thank you for pre-ordering this Invisible DVD collection. As you can see, 4 months after you have paid $100 for this Invisible collection, the invisibility function is still functioning! Not only this, the Invisible Lunchbox has recently won several invisibility awards:

1. The American Institute of Invisibility awarded the MSCL DVD Lunchbox with the prestigious 'MOST INVISIBLE ITEM IN A MAILBOX' award.

2. The International Federation of Disappearing Household Objects gave credit to the MSCL DVD Box-set and said, "You cannot spend a better $100. We paid $100 over 4 months ago and the Invisibility of this box-set is second to none. "

Another Universe retains the rights to hold onto your money until they have made enough interest from your $100 which will enable all employees to retire in Hawaii.

Thus endeth this disclaimer. BUT BE WARNED!! This disclaimer may become invisible if doctored or censored by Another Universe.

[Jason R]

This board, from as far as I can tell, is not censored. Otherwise, pretty creative.

MSCL DVD DISCLAIMER:
***********************
Thank you for pre-ordering this Invisible DVD collection. As you can see, 4 months after you have paid $100 for this Invisible collection, the invisibility function is still functioning! Not only this, the Invisible Lunchbox has recently won several invisibility awards:

1. The American Institute of Invisibility awarded the MSCL DVD Lunchbox with the prestigious 'MOST INVISIBLE ITEM IN A MAILBOX' award.

2. The International Federation of Disappearing Household Objects gave credit to the MSCL DVD Box-set and said, "You cannot spend a better $100. We paid $100 over 4 months ago and the Invisibility of this box-set is second to none. "

Another Universe retains the rights to hold onto your money until they have made enough interest from your $100 which will enable all employees to retire in Hawaii.

Thus endeth this disclaimer. BUT BE WARNED!! This disclaimer may become invisible if doctored or censored by Another Universe.

[Mong Face]

You know that bit at the end of 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' which goes:

"...you'll go down in history...!" ?

Well, Jason, it will be YOU that goes down in MSCL history once the DVD is released.

Um, there's a compliment in there somewhere...

I am sorry to have caused you trouble with previous posts. I expressed an opinion and some thoughts and then everyone gathered around and booed and threw stones at me.

Isn't the internet just the greatest thing?!