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Episode No. 20 - Constants and Variables

written by Sara Turner

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About this story

Published: 24 Jul 2002 | Size: 39 KB (7123 words) | Language: english | Rating: PG-13
Average: 3.9/5   3.9/5 (153 votes)

based on stories and characters created by Winnie Holzman

PART1

Brian couldn’t sleep. Lying in bed, he wasn’t surprised that Angela had gotten into Jordan’s car. They were a couple. They had gotten back together. He was all she had ever really wanted…anyway. Right? He should feel good because he played a role in that. That…whatever that was. It still hurt, to see her wisped away in the middle of their discussion…if that’s what it was…a discussion. Maybe it was more like a confession. He was used to feeling like that though, especially when it came to her. Brian sighed and shook his head.

Brian’s VO* How much of my life must I waste thinking and wondering and obsessing over Angela Chase? It’s absurd! She’s…like…off loving someone else and I’m in my room alone. It’s just the natural order of the world.

He rolled over, shutting his tightly, trying to make himself fall asleep. Then he heard a small tap echo through the silence of his room. Then he heard it again. Opening his eyes, Brian saw a figure outside his bedroom window.

“Oh my god.” Brian whispered. Getting up and opening the window, he already knew whom it was outside. “What are you doing here?” he asked harshly.

“Brian, can we talk?”

“How did you get up here? No! Listen…I don’t care! I mean, aren’t you…like…out with Catalano or something?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“No! Go home! Do you know what time it is?”

“May I please come in…Brian?”

“I’m not even dressed.” Brian stood without a shirt, goose bumps covering his skin. He wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the mere presence of the girl.

“I’ve seen you like that before.”

“Like…ten years ago!”

“Brian…please…can I come in?” Angela repeated softly.

Brian finally nodded. He tried to help her through the window, but it didn’t really help. He was too awkward. Instead he quickly put on a t-shirt and sat on the foot of his bed, slouching. Watching Angela walk around his room, her eyes wandering over everything, he couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable in his own room. What was she doing here?

“Are your parents asleep?”

“Well…yea…everyone is, like, asleep at this hour.”

“Except you.”

“What makes you think I wasn’t asleep? Like…it’s that late.” Brian tried to say loudly while maintaining a whisper.

“Were you asleep?”

“No.” Brian quickly admitted. Both Brian and Angela paused, looking at each other…but Brian could only look at Angela so long before he had to turn away. “So…uhm…did Catalano take you to Big Guy Burger for a special dinner…or something?”

“Brian…don’t start.” Angela rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed beside him.

An awkward moment of silence filled the room. All Brain could feel was the part of Angela’s arm that was now touching his, everything else went numb…or just away.

Brian’s VO*  She probably doesn’t even realize our arms are touching. I mean…that’s how pathetic I am. I notice things like that and make them significant moments.

“Brian.”   “Angela” They both stated at the same time.

“What did you want to…uh…talk about because it’s getting pretty late and I’m getting tired.”

“Brian…have you ever…you know…I don’t know.” Angela tried to grasp for words, “I mean, everyone sees certain people certain ways and it’s hard to suddenly see someone differently…especially after seeing them that way for so long. It’s almost breathtaking when it does happen…like, a surprise…a surprise that is hard to understand, sometimes. That is if it can happen.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the letter…Brian.”

“Do we have to bring this up again?”

“It’s all I’ve thought about.”

“Really? Like…about the letter? I mean, is that what you mean?”

“Brian…” Angela stopped and looked directly at the boy.

Brian VO* The way she was looking at me at that moment was almost…was like all the dreams I have ever had about Angela Chase. It was almost hard to fathom that it was actually happening…something was happening. She looked like she was trying to figure something out…like a math equation or a geometry problem. Angela was never very good at geometry.

            “That letter made me see you differently…is what I guess…I’m trying to say.” She admitted sheepishly.

            “How…how so? I mean…it did?”

            “I’ve known you for so long. I mean, a really long time…and it seems that lately we only argue.”

            “Right…yea.” Brian nodded, staring down at his hands.

            “But, I guess that’s because we have known each other for so long…” Angela sighed, “but we haven’t…really…not really.”

There was another long silence. This time it wasn’t awkward.

“I didn’t feel like I should have left earlier.” Angela whispered.

“Oh?”

Brian’s VO* I couldn’t help staring at her lips. It’s, like impossible not to. It’s this habit…I suppose. The funny thing is I have never been kissed before. I guess it’s not that funny.

            Brian looked into Angela’s eyes and saw what he thought was reassurance or acceptance or both. He understood. Timidly he began to lean over to her and she leaned into him. Gently, their lips touched and locked…almost afraid to move. Then, for the first time, Brian took initiative and began kissing her  and Angela followed. A few seconds later, Brian pulled back, the blush across his face hidden in the darkness of his room.

            “I’m sorry…like if that was bad…or anything.”

            “It wasn’t.”

            “Angela?” Brian smiled sheepishly, biting his lower lip, his gaze glued to his lap.

            “I better go.” She smiled.

            “Uh…right…” Brian watched as she got up and crawled back through his window. “Angela? Thanks.” He finally spit out.

            “For what?”

            “You know.” he smiled awkwardly.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow Krakow.”

 

PART2

Brian VO*  There is something indescribable about it…when you wake and suddenly realize that what happened that night wasn’t a dream…when it had been, so many other nights of your life. It’s hard to believe, reconstructing every little second like it might completely vanish, otherwise. The idea that I…that Angela and I…we kissed. It’s something I never thought I could actually say…and mean. It’s indescribable…I mean, I feel happy…like really happy.

“Rickie!” Brian eagerly called through the hallway.

“Brian, you still haven’t picked up the Our Town tickets you promised to sell. Now I need to know…are you going to sell them or not? Because I mean, like…you did say…” Rickie stated, shoving books into his locker, not even looking at Brian.

“Something happened last night!” Brian interrupted, “Like, something just amazing.”

“Woe…wait a second…you look happy, like really happy.”

“That’s what I’m saying…”

“Let me guess…it had something to do with Angela because I told her last night that you wrote, like, that love letter…but she already knew…I think.”

“She asked me about that and I didn’t…you know admit it…”

“Brian!”

“But, I didn’t deny it…you know?”

“So, you talked about it…is what you’re saying?”

“We did more than that.” Brian awkwardly stated.

“What? So…what happened then?”

“Well, you know it’s personal.”

“OK.” Rickie said, annoyed. “You brought it up.”

“OK…I mean you’ll probably find out anyway, like as soon as Angela gets here or whatever…but we…me and Angela that is…we…It’s really, like a long story.”

“Brian could you please just tell me, like before I’m unconscious.”

“Angela went out with Catalano last night but later she came over to my house. Apparently that letter, she like really liked it. I mean, she like came and sat on my bed and…and something happened.”

“You did it?” Rickie asked alarmed.

“No! I mean…what? We kissed. That’s what we did.”

“You kissed?”

“Yea…yes…Angela and I kissed, like a real kiss.”

Brian VO* There, I said it out loud! It’s just as weird saying to someone else. Though, like I haven’t been saying it out loud, to myself or anything, because I wouldn’t do something like that…sad. Maybe I would. It’s like a foreign language or something…Angela and I kissed!

            “Then I wouldn’t look now.” Rickie said solemnly, looking down the hall.

Brian spun around, the smile on his face instantly falling. Angela was standing at her locker with Jordan standing close to her, painfully close. There was a smile on her face as she peered up at him.

“Maybe is was like…a friendship kiss.”

Brian VO* A FRIENDSHIP KISS???!!! WHAT IS THAT???

“Do just friends do that sorta thing?” Brian asked deflated.

“I don’t know any.” Rickie stated bluntly, slamming his locker door.

“Yea…maybe…you’re probably right. It was probably like, a friendship…thing.” Brian said softly, “I think I’m going to be sick.” Brian stormed off.

Rickie sighed.

**********************************

“So…it gave me this idea for a song and as soon as I dropped you off last night I went home and wrote this complete song…with lyrics and everything. It was…that just never happens.” Jordan explained roughly.

“Wow…really? A whole song?” Angela smiled.

Angela VO* It was obvious that Jordan was trying to carry on a decent, real conversation with me and I really appreciated the attempt, but it just felt weird…like suddenly everything felt false between us and it had happened so quickly I couldn’t explain it or even really believe it.

            “I’m going to run it by the guys at practice…see what they think.” He shrugged.

            “That’s great.” Angela said bluntly.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “What? Nothing’s wrong.”

            “I don’t know…it’s like you’re somewhere else or…I don’t know.”

            “I better go.” Angela quickly stated as she heard the bell ring.

Angela VO* Being with Jordan…it was like nothing had changed so it was hard to admit that it had…like putting it into actual words and then saying them out loud; that was like two totally different things.

***********************

“Brian…hey.” Angela said, running up beside Brian after English class. He had refused to acknowledge her throughout class. He was walking especially fast. “Are you ok? I mean you didn’t answer one question all through class. Isn’t that a little odd for you?”

“No, go away Chase! You have no idea, no idea how sick I feel.”

“Brian?”

“Ok…I know…I know it was just, like a friendship kiss or whatever. So, can we please not, like talk…at all…ever?”

“A friendship kiss?” Angela asked as Brian walked off on down the hall, “Krakow!” she shouted. Angela stopped and stood in the middle of the hallway, faceless figures rushing by her.

Angela VO* Just when you think you have things figured out…you don’t…and that’s the way it works.

 

PART3

“So, is she really excited? I mean…opening night is only like a couple weeks away. I just hope…I hope she doesn’t…you know…well, you know do anything because she’s nervous.” Angela tried to explain to Rickie as she sat on one of the bathroom sinks watching him apply lip-gloss.

“Angela…Rayanne is doing really great. I’ve never seen her so…so happy about something…you know?”

“Yea…” Angela muttered softly.

“You are going to be there for her opening night, right? Because she would just, like, die if you weren’t there.”

“Did she say that?”

“Does she have to?” Rickie stopped and looked at her. “Speaking of like, happiness…I ran into Brian this morning.”

“Rickie…”

Angela VO* I don’t know when Rickie suddenly became so aware, but know, like at this exact moment, it was like he could read my mind and I felt I could tell him anything…but I couldn’t.

            “He wouldn’t even give me the time of day when I ran into him.”

            “Like, I don’t know why.”

            “Why?”

            “Angela…he told me ok?  He was like all giddy this morning. It was creepy.”

            “He told you about…He was giddy?”

            “About how you two kissed last night.”

            “Kissed?  Who’s kissing who?” Sharon asked, walking into the girl’s room.

            “Oh god.” Angela moaned.

            “Angela…did you kiss someone…I mean, besides Catalano because that has been talked about.”

            “Sharon.” Angela protested.

            “It was Krakow!” Rickie announced, smiling.

            “What was Krakow?” Sharon asked, not making any sort of connection.

            “Rickie!!!” Angela shouted.

            “You were the one that kissed him.” Rickie defended.

            “As in Brian Krakow? You kissed Brian Krakow?” Sharon asked, her face contorting to show her mild disgust and disbelief. “Like, out of pity? Or what?”

Angela VO* Then it became terribly clear why I should avoid the girl’s bathroom all together, like forever.

            “No…I mean…I don’t know what it was. God, I need to leave!” Angela pushed her way to the bathroom entrance.

            “He saw you and Jordan this morning.” Rickie quickly blurted.

            “What?” Angela asked.

            “That’s why…is all I’m saying…he’s not like giving you time…or whatever.” Rickie shrugged.

            Angela sighed.

“What are you doing?” Rickie finally asked sincerely, “I mean, with Brian…what are you doing?”

Angela VO* What am I doing? What a question.

********************

Brian VO* Is it possible to literally become ill from sadness? I mean…not like ordinary sick. I mean…puke your guts out sick. Maybe it was more disappointment…I don’t know.  Aren’t they the same anyway?

            “Brian.” Sharon called, walking up beside him in the hallway.

            “What is it Cherski?”

            “Brian…I heard…”

            “Ok! I kissed Angela, ok? Who cares?” Brain stopped, his shoulders slouched.

            “That’s not what I was going to say. I heard that you got, like 110% on the science test. Like, how is 110% even possible?”

“It’s called extra credit.”

“I mean, wouldn’t 110% really be like 100%…because 100% is like everything, right? It’s all inclusive.”

            “Uh right…”

            “Do you want to talk about it?”

            “About the possibilities of 110%?”

            “No…about…you know…the kiss.”

            “No, like it’s a big deal or something…because it’s not…it’s totally not a big deal. It was nothing!”

            “You expect me to believe you thought it was nothing? Like, right! I mean, hello Brian…I’ve known you forever.”

            “One kiss does not deserve a full conversation. It just doesn’t.”

            “It does…when it’s you and Angela.” Sharon’s tone turned serious.

            “What is that supposed to mean?” Brian’s tone met hers.

            “I just mean…I mean…it’s obvious you totally love her.”

Brian VO*  And there it was…No matter how aware you are of your own vulnerabilities…it always hurts when someone else points them out for you, like it was never yours to begin with, it was just this obvious aspect of who you are. I mean that’s what love is anyway…it’s this huge, like, weakness and after other people know about it…you can’t ignore it anymore.

“Who cares? Why does it matter?” Brian snapped, reaching his locker.

“How did it happen? I mean, how did you guys…”

“Why don’t you ask Angela?”

“Believe me…I would love to, but I think she’s confused.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“What do you think…?”

“You know…I’m tired of thinking about it! I can’t think about it anymore.” Brian interrupted, hearing the bell ring. “I don’t think it’s even possible!”

Brian VO* Which was a total lie because I knew I would obsess about it for, like, the rest of my life.

            “Possible like, 110%?”

            “Yea.” Brian sighed.

Brian VO* It’s just not possible…you know…without extra help.

 

PART4

Brian VO* Sitting through science class…you have your theories and hypotheses about how things work or how things will happen. You have your variables…that are always changing and making these new unforeseen outcomes…making things interesting…I suppose. But, for any project to work…I mean, for any of it to actually be like believable…you need a constant, the thing that never changes, always stays the same and is reliable, or something. I guess, that’s how I see myself…as this constant…this boring, unchanging constant watching all the variables prove my theories wrong.

Theory#1 when two people kiss, that means they usually, like, are interested in one another. I am so naïve!

            “Krakow…you are so naïve!” Sharon declared while the class split into lab partners, designating herself Krakow’s partner without asking. “You have this false sense of love, like it should all be romantic and perfect. You’re like an inexperienced child.”

            “Cherski…I am…like, inexperienced. That is the basis for all my problems. I am completely inexperienced!” Brian shouted. Hearing a small amount of laughter from other members of the class, Brian realized he was speaking too loudly. “With like, people in general.” He continued, speaking softer.

            “I know.” Sharon agreed.

            “Oh…you know. Well, I am glad it’s so obvious.”

            “All I’m saying Brian, is that there is a vast difference between love and lust. Kissing and…you know whatever else is lust. It takes a lot more for it to be called love. I should know. Though Kyle and I were…well, you know having sex all the time…”

            “Uh…I don’t need to be told this.” Brian stated nervously.

            “Grow up Krakow! All I’m saying is that I thought I loved him because I liked doing those things with him, but after awhile it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. It takes a lot more for relationships to work.”

            “What else does it take?”

            “I don’t know. You have to be friends too or something like that.”

            “So…right.” Brian nodded as if he completely knew that. “But what if you want both, like you need both?”

            “Both?”

            “You know…both love and lust.”

            “It’s like, there has to be this delicate balance.”

            “That tells me nothing.”

            Sharon just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “Sorry...you’re just inexperienced.”

Brian VO* The variables of my constant life were starting to upset my delicate balance. In other words…they were driving me crazy.

Theory#2 Regular friends and girlfriends can’t possibly become the same thing. I mean, I’m already friends with Angela. We don’t hang out a lot, but like, I go over to her house a lot and we do talk. Isn’t it really hard to cross that line into something more?

 

***********************

            “It’s just that I can’t really talk to Rickie because he is…you know really busy and I feel bad because I always bother him with this sorta stuff. And, really…he is good friends with like, Brian now too. I can’t talk to Sharon. That is just absurd…you know…I think. I can’t talk to Jordan about it. I just can’t. I guess, normally I would end up discussing it with Brian somehow, but this time I can’t because it’s about him. I just need to talk to someone.” Angela tried to explain.

            “So, what you’re saying is that you’re desperate and you turned to me?” Rayanne blurted honestly.

            “No…I mean…I’m not desperate. I know you have a lot going on too with the play so I would understand. I’m not like, using you just to have someone to talk to…god!” Angela declared.

            “No?” she raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

            “Forget it! This is like so totally pointless.” Angela began to walk away.

            “Angelica…wait!” Rayanne pulled her back, “No…what is it? I want you to tell me.”

            Angela sighed, “It’s just that…that…”

            “That you kissed Krakow because you learned he wrote you that letter thing, right?”

            “What?”

            “Rickie told me.”

            “He did?”

            “He only did it because he is was you know concerned. You guys make me sick sometimes. He did it because he was, like thinking of you. Something that everyone has completely stopped doing for me.”

            “Are you turning this into…something about you?”

            “No! I just don’t understand how you have gotten back together with Catalano and you still have a hard time even looking at me. I mean…what we’re doing right now is just a last resort for you.”

            “No it isn’t!”

            “You already admitted it!”

            “I knew it! I knew I couldn’t talk to you about this.” Angela stated.

            “Well, isn’t it true? Everyone hates me! And, Catalano is just like, let off the hook because he’s like…uh…Catalano. He can lean or whatever!”

            Angela walked off and this time Rayanne let her leave. She was already halfway down the hall.

            “Krakow huh? Isn’t he just, like this constant bore?” Rayanne yelled after her.

*********************

Brian VO* The biggest, most ridiculous constant of my life…at this moment…was that I was still tutoring Jordan Catalano.

            “Oh…a C+…I mean…that’s like good.” Brian shrugged awkwardly, holding Jordan’s test is in hands. “I mean…you passed…and that’s what matters, really. I mean, I wouldn’t want a C but that’s like a completely different thing. I mean…you know what I mean.”

            “Yea…a C+!” Jordan smiled, extremely pleased with himself, ignoring Brian’s nervous babblings. “That means like, this tutoring stuff is working…right?”

            “Yes…apparently…yea.”

            “Thanks, Brian.”

            “What?” Brian asked, shocked.

            “Just…thanks, thanks for helping me.”

            “Uh…no, don’t thank me.”

            “No…I really, like, owe you. I got this C and you wrote that letter for me that Angela really liked…you’re like…no one would do stuff like that unless…unless…”

Brian VO* Unless they were in love with Angela?

            “Unless they were your tutor!” Brian quickly added.

            “I was going to say…friend.” Jordan said softly, shrugging.

Brian VO* This was definitely blowing my theories all to hell!

 

PART5

Brian VO* Actually hearing Jordan Catalano call me a friend…it was too much. I mean, how much can one person take? The thing is I was almost flattered just because I just don’t…you know…have a lot of friends, but it’s Jordan Catalano. He probably won’t even remember what we talked about in a few hours. And, this is the guy who Angela worships and it makes me ill just seeing them together. I can’t do this!

           

            Brian stood up suddenly and walked out of the classroom without saying a word, leaving all of his things on the desk.

            “Hey! Where are you…” Jordan asked, but Brian didn’t reply. “Are we done?”

            Brian rushed down the hall as if he had to use the restroom in an urgent manner. Turning the corner, he slammed right into Rickie carrying a large crate of play pamphlets. In one quick bump, the fliers scattered across the floor.

            “I’m sorry.” Brian said sympathetically as his shoulders sagged.

            “Oh…god…I just had all these printed. What are you doing charging through the halls like…like…in such a hurry?”

            “I’m sorry…Rickie…really.” He knelt beside him and started to pick up pamphlets. “It’s just that I was tutoring Jordan and he just thanks me outta like, no where for helping him and I don’t know what to say because…”

            “Because of Angela and you?”

            “Because I can’t stand him. He’s the idiot that…that Angela totally adores and he has her, even though he screwed up and has no sense of decency. It makes me sick! I’m such a hypocrite!”

            “For helping him?”

            “Because he called me a friend for crying out loud, and I almost liked it! I should hate him!”

            “But you don’t…do you?”

            Brian sighed. “No.”

***************************

            “Angela!” Jordan called, walking up to her locker.

            “Oh hi…aren’t you supposed to be getting tutored…right now?” Angela asked awkwardly.

            “Well, yea…but Brian just, like walked out…so…”

            “What do you mean? I mean, he just walked out?”

            “He just got up and left, so I figured we were done.”

            “It just doesn’t seem like that’s something Brian would…just do. You know?”

            “No, not really.”

            “Did you like say something to him? To make him leave suddenly?”

            “Say something? What would I say?”

            “I don’t know.” Angela shrugged, “Because I was just wondering, you know, what exactly he helps you with…when he’s tutoring you.”

            “Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t just take advantage of someone…you know? Letting them help you with everything and then going on your merry way.”

            “Do you think I should go back?”

            “Yes…I mean…you shouldn’t use people and not show any sort of appreciation!”

            “I thanked him.”

            “You thanked him!!?” Angela laughed nervously.

            “You know…for tutoring me.” Jordan didn’t understand.

            “You can’t just thank someone for something like that…you have to give them credit too.”

            “Angela?”

            “You can’t just use your tutor to do everything for you…like it’s an excuse…for whatever you need…at the time.”

            “He told you.”

            “Told me?”

            “About that letter. I mean…you know.”

            “No…I mean, yes I do know and no, he didn’t tell me. The thing is…were you ever going to tell me?”

            “It’s just that…I tried, but it was just too hard.”

Angela VO* Too hard? Those words just stayed with me, echoing through me growing louder and louder. Too hard? It seemed that there was a lot that was too hard for Jordan Catalano. It was too hard for him to not care what his friends thought. It was too hard for him to understand why I didn’t want to have sex with him, yet. It was too hard for him to say no to other girls. It was too hard for him to write me his own letter.

           

            “Too hard? You mean, it was too easy for you not to tell me.”

            “I didn’t mean it that way. You just really seemed to like that letter and…”

            “I did! I really loved it, but since you didn’t technically like, write it I can’t feel the same about…this.”

            This?”

            “Did you ever stop to wonder why Brian wrote that letter for you in the first place?”

            “Look…I’m not very good at this.”

            “Did you ever think about it?”

            “I asked him.”

            “Well, I’d ask him about it again.” Angela walked off, leaving Jordan alone in the hallway.

************************

Jordan walked back to the tutoring hall where he found Brian collecting the things he had left behind.

“Brain.” He called

“Uh…listen…sorry about that. I’m just not up for tutoring today if it’s all the same to you.”

“Sure…yea.” Jordan seated himself back down in front of Brian.

“To be honest…I’m just not feeling, like that good today.”

“That’s what I thought…you know?” Jordan paused, trying to think of a way to ask Brian about the letter, wondering if he should ask him at all. “Brain…I mean Brian…about that letter?” he muttered.

“What?” Brian froze.

“Was there like a reason…you wrote it?”

“Why? Did Angela…uh…say something?”

“She just told me to ask.”

“That’s all she like said though…right? I mean…she didn’t say anything else?”

“What else could she tell me?”

“Nothing!” Brian quickly shoved his books into his bag.

“Ok.” Jordan stood up, “Then there’s nothing.”

“Yea, nothing…you know because nothing means there’s like, nothing else to talk about.” Brian stumbled nervously.

The two boys stood and just looked at each other for a second, both knowing there was so much more to say but relieved that neither wanted to pursue the conversation. They turned away from each other simultaneously and left.

 

PART6

Angela VO* I always felt like I needed an invitation to the Krakow’s. It just seemed so organized and structured, like anything that wasn’t planned ahead of time might upset the equilibrium holding the household together. That’s why I always called first…usually.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to return your bicycle pump.”

“Thanks…but you’ve like, had this for over a year. I already bought another one.”

Brian VO* Chase didn’t realize that she was single handedly the most annoying yet important variable in my constant life. Maybe…actually she was the whole project…I don’t know. All I do know is that she had…like the power to change everything…maybe even me.

“Why did you avoid me all day? If you’re mad at me…just tell me, Krakow.”

“I don’t appreciate you telling Catalano that there’s…like this big reason why I wrote that letter. I mean…he came wanting to like…talk.”

“Isn’t there?”

“What?”

“Wasn’t there a reason?”

“You don’t have to tell him that! I still have like, this tutor/student relationship with him. I have to see him on a regular basis…is what I’m saying. Besides…why does it matter if there was a reason? It obviously, like, plays NO part in your life.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then what were you doing with him today? I mean…what are you doing?”

Angela VO* There was that question again. I think my life rotated around it.

            “Were you just thanking me for the letter, or something…when you snuck into my bedroom last night? I mean…sneaking into people’s bedrooms…is that like, something you do?”

“Krakow…shut up.”

“I mean…what is that? I don’t understand you, Chase! You’re so self absorbed.” Brian stated sarcastically, arms flailing as he walked into his kitchen.

“I’m sorry.” Angela said softly, walking up behind Brian.

“What!” Brian shouted as he turned around. Not realizing Angela was right behind him, he bumped her. Embarrassed that he had shouted, his demeanor was thrown by her closeness. “What?” he repeated less abrasively.

“I really don’t know what I’m doing. It’s all a lot more complicated than you think!” Tears began to fill her eyes.

Brian VO* I didn’t expect like a real reaction from her. Now she really looked…well she looked…what were we talking about?

            “I don’t know how I went all day without saying anything to him…because I was thinking about it…like all day…thinking of how to bring it up, or whatever.” Angela tried to explain.

            “Bring what up?”

            “You Brian…I mean, this…” Angela paused trying to find a way to explain, “Why can’t you just tell me how you feel?” she looked up at Brian who stood speechless.

            “You already know.” Brian moaned, leaning against the counter.

            “I just want to hear it…from you.”

            “Angela…I…uh,” Brian released a deep sigh, looking around the room nervously as Angela took another step closer. “I think about you all the time and it’s not because I want to…it’s like I need to…like I need you.” Brian exhaled deeply.

            “Brian.” Angela said, moving his gaze to her. “That was nice.”

            Brian remained quite, staring down at her. Angela slowly moved closer to him. Gently moving one hand up and around his neck, she pulled him to her and he followed voluntarily.  Their lips joined and Angela instantly began to kiss him. Quickly falling into a rhythm, Brian placed his hands on her hips and held her.

Angela VO* While kissing I always figured you could just be absorbed by the other person…like, instantly know what they were thinking…as if you could have the exact same thought and you’d feel…you know…like one. I always had the hardest time deciphering Jordan…like I could never break the code or something. I probably spent almost every moment kissing him trying to know what he was thinking…while we were kissing. So, I don’t know if I ever really felt the kiss. I felt Brian…and instead of worrying about what he was thinking I just felt absorbed by him…like we were the same.

            Pulling apart, Brian began to smile sheepishly and the smile grew, to where he was almost laughing. Angela smiled back.

Angela VO* Like I was saying…I didn’t know if I was changing or if it was everyone around me. I think…now…that everything was changing…even me.

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Reviews for this story

Rating Distribution:
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Average: 3.9/5   3.9/5 (153 votes)
  • anonymous author commented on 28 Jul 2002:
    More! Must have MORE!!! :)
  • anonymous author commented on 31 Jul 2002:
    good story! write a continuation.
  • Marie commented on 15 Aug 2002:
    Sara,
    Thank you for a wonderful story! I've recently watched a re-run of MSCL and more than ever I wanted to know what happened between Angela and Brian. It hit me that I might find something here, so I went looking and to my delight I found exactly what I was looking for!
    I don't know if the story shows the most probable development between them, but that's the beauty of fan fiction. You can make things turn out the way you want and this was definitely my wishful thinking.
    So Sara, thanks again for your imagination, which satisfied my need for closure. :-)
  • Cactus Jack commented on 19 Aug 2002:
    Great story! I always love the more sensitive ones.
  • jen commented on 21 Oct 2002:
    i dunno if this is probable, brian and angela?jordan falling more for her than her for him? its well written and everything but ...
  • Laura commented on 26 Nov 2002:
    I think it's probable, but it would probably happen much
    more slowly. It didn't bother me while I was reading it
    though...I loved it. VERY well written...I want more!!
    Please??
  • courtney commented on 03 Jan 2003:
    this is a great one - the best I have read - please write more!
  • bernie commented on 30 May 2003:
    i dont know the stuff that angela said in this script didnt seem like she would have even have said or done any of that stuff. the other version seemed alot more like what the writers would have wrote.
  • Ruthie commented on 06 Jun 2003:
    Wow, Sara... I am a Brian fanatic and I so desparately want him to be happy. Not to mention, I didn't want Angela back with jerky Catalano, after seeing how he couldn't keep it in his pants.

    So when's the next episode???
  • Victor commented on 12 Jun 2003:
    Wow, what a great story! You really got the tone of the characters down! Not a probable outcome? Yeah, probably, but who cares! It feels too good! I've always been a fanatical Brian/Angela fan, they like totally belong together. Most of the fanfics around here opt for the more probable Jordan/Angela outcome, so it's nice to finally read something by a fellow Brian fan.
  • Saria commented on 16 Jul 2003:
    This is the best follow up yet! keep writing Sara, you could do your own series, your that good.
  • Marehkiay commented on 24 May 2004:
    Sara your story was absolutely fantastic. i believe you had the characters down to a "T" and although i don't prefer either Brian or Jordan, i definetly think that Brian has more to offer to Angela and in the end he could truly make her happy. As always angela's fantasies for Jordan will fade. but i love your story! waiting for next one.......10
  • sydney commented on 04 Oct 2004:
    ya its good- but Angela and Brain dont really see it- but i
    could really see the characters saying the lines- and
    wht about Patty ang Graham?
  • Bill commented on 11 Mar 2005:
    A lovely little story, very sweet. Whether the denouement rings true is arguable, but Sara's done a nice job recreating the sincere yet awkward and inarticulate tone of the MSCL teens. Hope you are continuing to write, Sara.
  • Julia gave this story a 5.0/5 5.0/5 rating and commented on 12 Feb 2013:
    Very well written, sounds so close to the show and everyone's in character. :)
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“I cannot bring myself to eat a well-balanced meal in front of my mother.”

Angela Chase, Episode 1: "My So-Called Life (Pilot)"