"Untitled" - part one and two

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
Post Reply
User avatar
Lizka
Overlooked Sibling
Posts: 35
Joined: Sep 30th 2004, 7:11 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

"Untitled" - part one and two

Post by Lizka » Oct 12th 2004, 12:13 pm

She’s in love. He’s in denial. How it could have been.

Untitled

By Lizka

They work together in silence. He diagrams sentences while she corrects the spelling errors in his essay. There aren’t as many as there were two months ago, and they’re both proud of that. When he asks about a particular word, she gently explains. They’ve fallen into such a comfortable pattern that it’s easy to forget that they lived in two separate worlds before tutoring.

He never really knew her before this. He knew her name and that they’re in English together, but they never talked unless it was for an assignment. Mostly, she was just that weird blonde that manages to hang out with both Graff and Sharon Cherski, and dates some brainless jock that he once stuffed into a trash can last year. The first time he and her really talked was just after Halloween, when she urged him to start going to class again. It was awkward and neither of them was comfortable. She seemed to want to say more, but couldn’t.

“Prove her wrong,” she said, finally. “She doesn’t have to be right about you.”

She turned, and walked into class. He followed her. He’s still not sure why.

Things didn’t magically get better, but he was trying. When Katimski took over the class, he improved, slightly. Katimiski made sure to read things aloud when possible and would stay behind to explain things to him. After New Year’s, he was signed up for peer tutoring.

That’s how he got to know her.

During their first session, she asked him what kind of music he listens to, and he’s surprised to find that they like some of the same bands. They settled down to read The Odyssey, and at their next session, she handed him sheets with the lyrics of his favourite songs, the more difficult words highlighted. She had him write the words on big flashcards, and underneath, she wrote the definitions. She made him take tests out of some manual and never laughed when she saw the results. She just gave him more work.

They talk, sometimes, during the sessions, and he found out that her dad’s a cook, that she was forced into the tutoring program like he was, and that she has a theory about why their old English teacher quit.

“I made her quit. Me and Anne Frank.”

She laughed when he asked her to explain, shook her head, gave him a sheet of words to use in sentences, and he smiled when he recognized “guitar” and “musical.”

She’s really helped him, he realized.

He started to look forward to tutoring and they began to nod at each other in the halls. She didn’t deserve to have his friends rag on her, so he stopped them. When her boyfriend was a jerk, he offered to beat the guy up for her, and he meant it.

She smiled, said no, but appreciated the thought.

It’s interesting; to have a girl as a friend. It’s even more interesting when it’s a girl like her. So maybe that’s why he looks out for her, why he invited her to watch his band perform, why he doesn’t like that kid with the curly hair always coming to their table.

He doesn’t get that much time with her. He just wants to make the most of it.

Author's Note: Any thoughts on the title? Criticisms?
Last edited by Lizka on Oct 15th 2004, 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Lizka
Overlooked Sibling
Posts: 35
Joined: Sep 30th 2004, 7:11 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Untitled - Part Two.

Post by Lizka » Oct 15th 2004, 11:29 am

Damn. Still don't have a title.


She’s in love. He’s in denial. How it could have been.

Untitled – Part Two

By Lizka


She’s in love, and she can’t stop herself.

She tells herself that she doesn’t know him; that it’s impossible to know him, that she merely loves her idea of him. Since he doesn’t say much, it’s easy to read into him all the things that she wants him to be. She tells herself that the person she loves doesn’t exist, not really. So every night she gets over him, but spirals into the same sick longing when she sees him in the morning.

It’s starting to get pathetic.

Rayanne told her to just go for it, but Rayanne also told her to dye her hair bright red. She didn’t dye her hair, and she didn’t go for it.

Sharon told her to get over him, and fixed her up with a friend of Kyle’s. They’ve been dating for a few months now, and, well, she likes her boyfriend, really she does, but it’s not the same.

Her friends got tired of hearing about her obsession, so she stopped talking about it. Instead, she focused on teasing Sharon and Rayanne about the fact that they’re friends.

Both still deny it vehemently, which amuses her.

Rickie tells her to take a chance, but Rickie’s a hopeless romantic, and she doesn’t want to hurt her boyfriend. Or herself.

So she tries to ignore the feel of his fingers on hers when she hands him a pen, and she’s almost grateful for Brian Krakow’s constant interruptions. It doesn’t mean anything, she tells herself, that maybe he leans a little closer than he should, that his foot sometimes brushes hers. It’s only in her imagination that he smiles differently when he’s with her, and that Cynthia Hargrove looks at her with stark dislike. It’s a random series of occurrences of which he has no awareness, which mean nothing to him.

For instance, she knows that he doesn’t notice that sometimes, like right now, he would rest a hand in front of hers on the table, their fingertips only slightly touching. It’s only half an inch of skin contact but she feels it like an electric shock. He acts like it’s nothing.

She settles for being a friend, because he’ll never feel the same way she does, and she tries to at least get past her idea of him. She was surprised by how quickly he catches on and how he writes songs as easily as she writes essays. He knows what an adjective is. He’s smarter than most people give him credit for. He’s bored with his life and doesn’t know why.

She knows these things, but they’re only bits and pieces, and she’ll never learn the whole, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to. She’s nauseated because she can’t stop.

The tutoring session is over, and they start to gather their things. Somehow, they’re always the last people to leave the room.

“Need a ride?” he asks as they step outside.

For a moment, she is tempted - horribly, painfully tempted to get into that car and spend the next ten minutes torturing herself. Instead, she tells him that her parents are coming to pick her up and that she’ll see him tomorrow.

She watches him drive away, never knowing that he’s watching her through his rearview mirror.

murfdurf22
Nicky Driscoll
Posts: 23
Joined: Sep 29th 2004, 6:48 pm
Location: STL
Contact:

hey

Post by murfdurf22 » Oct 25th 2004, 6:25 pm

i'm lovin these....don't know what to call them, things that you been putting out, especially the one about Jordan. I think if you were to make a fanfiction it would be hella good. *HINT HINT* But anyways keep putting them out i like reading them , but i've been waiting for more, keep it up.


-Amerie aka murf, aka michelle on interactive story thingy

BeverlyHills_RockStar16
Overlooked Sibling
Posts: 35
Joined: Aug 5th 2005, 2:51 pm
Location: Beverly Hills

Post by BeverlyHills_RockStar16 » Aug 5th 2005, 7:53 pm

umm, yeah that made like zero sence, i mean like who is she talking about jordan?... yeah i sorta didnt get it at all so okay i like u know just saying... l8ter
rockiced_dimonds_BeverlyHills style
shopping is amazing

User avatar
Lizka
Overlooked Sibling
Posts: 35
Joined: Sep 30th 2004, 7:11 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Post by Lizka » Aug 12th 2005, 8:19 pm

Mostly, she was just that weird blonde that manages to hang out with both Graff and Sharon Cherski, and dates some brainless jock that he once stuffed into a trash can last year.
That is the shaky premise upon which both stories are based. If Angela was a little bit more hesitant, hadn't dyed her hair red, then maybe things with Jordan wouldn't have turned out the way they did. It's basically an AU where Jordan and Angela are paired up in peer tutoring, where Angela is a blonde and dating a friend of Kyle's, and where Jordan is just ... Jordan.

There's a small non-sequel, non-ending to this story on the board entitled "Could Be" if you want to read it. An edited and sort-of finalized version of the trilogy can be found at my fanfiction.net site here.

User avatar
Jody Barsch*
Lifehead
Posts: 1166
Joined: Jun 30th 2003, 1:30 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Post by Jody Barsch* » Apr 30th 2006, 6:55 pm

Uh, I'm really sorry about this Lizka, because I read these stories when you first posted them, and really meant to give you feed back. I'm just realizing now that I never did. I really love them. It's really cool to see how much has stayed the same even though so many things have changed. Just wanted to say, that these are really good stories, and so creative! :!: :D

So... how much else has changed from the Pilot other than the hair (in that case, 'not changed' would be a better way of putting it I guess)? I'm guessing that she didn't go to the party, and that she didn't go to Let's Bolt, and that she probably didn't quit yearbook (since she got pressured into tutoring). Also, without Angela there to do it, who puts Jordan into tutoring? Not that it really matters though, because your stories are wonderful, and totally stand up on their own.
Kickstart The Riches movie!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest