After 10 Plus Years?

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 2nd 2003, 1:25 am

Part Twelve -- Brian's Return and the Arrival of Susan Gallow


Location: Pittsburgh airport, third week of June. Brian is getting the keys to his rental car.

Brian VO* -- I cannot believe I agreed to come to this reunion. I need to have my head examined. Well, maybe my parents will be home. It can be convenient having two psychiatrists living in your house. Of course, it can also be a pain in the ass. (Brian walks through the terminal towards where his car is parked.) Oh well, I’m here. I might as well make the most of it. (Brian gets into the rental car and starts his drive home.) I wonder why Sharon told me that Angela might be here. Did she think that would be some type of incentive for me to come? I haven’t even thought of Angela in months. It’s funny, though, that Sharon’s suggestion has thoughts of Angela rattling around in my mind.

[Flashback to Brian and Angela from Brian’s POV

Angela – You want me to choose between you and Jordan? How can you ask me to make such a choice?

Brian – Asking the question is easy. Making the decision might be more difficult. You know, I wish I could say that it’s OK with me if you date Jordan and me. That would ease my mind. But I can’t say that. I don’t believe it.

Angela – You are standing up for yourself now? Isn’t a little late?

Brian – Is it?

Angela – Yes, it is. Brian, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.]

Brian VO* -- I as so angry when I left Angela’s house. Words failed me. I wanted so much to do something, anything to make her want me. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was go home and throw stuff around in my room. My parents thought I had gone insane. From that moment on, I was determined that I would keep Angela Chase out of my thoughts as much as I could. I wasn’t going to be attracted to her like a moth to a flame. I’d fight it. It was hard for me. So hard. I couldn’t avoid her, especially since I was a yearbook photographer. I had to stop myself from taking pictures of her. Then a new girl came to school, Susan Gallow.

[Flashback to Brian in social studies class 1997. The bell for the end of class rings. As Brian is gathering his books, a girl approaches his desk.

Susan – Hey, Brian.

Brian – Hey. You’re Susan, right?

Susan – Yes. You’ve read Malcolm X, right?

Brian – Sure, ah, yes, a few times.

Susan – Great, because I was wondering if you could help me with my term paper. I need to get a different perspective.

Brian – Sure, I’d be glad to help.

Susan – Great! Do you want to meet me at Sam’s Coffee Shop after school?

Brian – Oh, I just remembered that my copy of Malcolm X is at home.

Susan – No problem, I have my copy.

Brian – OK.

Susan – So, I’ll see you at Sam’s?

Brian – Sure.]

Brian VO* -- It started just like that, simple and easy.

[Flashback to Brian and Susan in Susan’s bedroom a week later. They are sitting on her bed working on her term paper. Susan leans her face into his. Brian pulls back for a moment. Then he leans his face into hers. They kiss softly, tentatively.

Brian – Hmmm.

Susan – Brian?

Brian – Oh, it’s just that…This is embarrassing…That’s the first time I’ve ever kissed anyone.

Susan – Get out of town. (She gently pushes Brian away.)

(Brian starts to get up from the bed.)

Susan – Hey, wait a minute. Don’t go anywhere. (She pulls him back down.) I think that’s kind of sweet. In fact, I’m honored that I’m the first girl you’ve kissed. (She kisses him.)

(Brian kisses her. They’re kissing changes from being tentative to passionate.)]

(Brian smiles as he passes a slow moving car.)

Brian VO* -- Just like that.

Edit -- 03/05/03 -- Deleted two lines from Brian's VO*.
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 5th 2003, 5:00 pm, edited 3 times in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 3rd 2003, 12:46 am

Part Thirteen -- Angela and Jordan Say Goodbye


Location: Chase house, early Friday morning. Angela is sitting on the front steps reading a book.

Angela VO* -- Sometimes, it’s nice to get up early in the morning. It’s easier getting up early when you are on vacation. Getting up early to teach an 8 AM class is a different story all together.

(Graham and Patty come out of the front door. They stop on the steps at the foot of the steps.)

Graham – Do you need anything? I’m going into the restaurant early.

Patty – Honey, really, if you need anything, let us know.

Angela – I’m fine. I don’t need anything. I just thought I would sit out here awhile.

Graham – You know, you can take my car for the day, if you want. Your mom can drive me to the restaurant on her way to the print shop.

Angela – That’s OK. I’m not going anywhere. Rayanne is probably coming over later today. You guys go ahead.

Patty – OK. See you tonight.

Graham – Is Rayanne coming to the restaurant tonight?

Angela – Sure. She’s bringing Nathan, if that’s OK?

Graham – That will be fine. I just added a child’s menu. Do you know what’s on it?

Angela – What?

Graham – Burgers and fries. (Graham leans down and kisses Angela on the cheek.) See you later, kiddo.

(Patty drives away in the station wagon. Graham drives away in the Saab. Angela goes back to reading her book. A tow truck pulls up alongside the curb. Jordan gets out of the cab of the truck.)

Jordan – Angela!

Angela VO* -- Oh, I thought I was going to have a nice, quiet morning.

Angela – Jordan! Hey!

Jordan – So, how are you? You called me a couple nights ago. I haven’t heard from you since. (Jordan looks around for Graham and Patty’s cars.) Are your parents home?

Angela – No, they went to work.

Jordan – Cool.

Angela VO* -- Cool?

Jordan – What do you have going on today? I was thinking of knocking off work a little early. Or maybe go in a little late?

(Angela says nothing.)

Jordan – It would give us a chance to catch up. It’s been what? Three years?

Angela – About that long, I guess.


(Jordan sits on the step next to Angela.)

Jordan – You haven’t been, you know, avoiding me, have you?

Angela – No, I haven’t been avoiding you. I just haven’t been in town that long at any one time. In fact, I didn’t even make it home for Christmas last year.

Jordan – That’s a bummer, missing Christmas with your family and all.

Angela – Yea, it was.

Jordan – Oh, I heard you were getting married.

Angela – I was going to get married. But it didn’t work out.

Jordan – Too bad. Listen, why don’t you come out with me this afternoon? I’m thinking about driving into Pittsburgh.

Angela VO* -- It would be so easy to say yes. I’ve done it many times before. You just slip back into that groove that feels so right.

Angela – I don’t think so. I have a lot of work to do. I’m working on a new story.

Jordan – A new story? I thought you were on vacation.

Angela – I’m here for the reunion.

Jordan – The reunion. Oh, yea. I forgot about that.

Angela – Are you going? It’s tomorrow night.

Jordan – No. We night school guys aren’t too much into reunions.

Angela – You could go. I mean, you did graduate with the class.

Jordan – I know I could. But I don’t want to go. I hate formal events like reunions, weddings, funerals, and stuff like that.

Angela – OK. I remember your philosophy. If you happen to be there, it’s cool. No set plans.

Jordan – That’s right. The only set plans I have are opening and closing the garage.

Angela – Well, maybe I’ll catch up with you before I leave town?

Jordan – We’ll see. You know where to find me.

Angela – Sure. I do.

(Jordan rises from the step.)

Jordan – Anyway, Angela, it’s good to see you.

(Angela rises from the step. Jordan moves to hug her. Angela pulls slightly away. Jordan hugs her anyway. Angela moves closer. Jordan kisses her cheek. Jordan moves to kiss her lips. He doesn’t. He pulls away.)

Jordan – Don’t you go being a stranger again. Three years away from you is a long time.

Angela – See you later.

Jordan – Later.

(Jordan gets into the cab of the tow truck. He starts the engine. He waves and drives away. Angela waves back. After he is gone, she sits on the steps.)

Angela VO* -- You just slip back into the groove. It feels so right.

(Angela picks up her book and goes into the house. Just as the door closes, Brian pulls the rental car into his parent’s driveway across the street.)
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 5th 2003, 5:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 3rd 2003, 5:03 pm

I'm projecting just a few more scenes. The only concern I have is how the story is structured time-wise. I'm going to be shifting back and forth both in the past and present. My idea is that people don't remember or talk about things in chronological order. Therefore, my story doesn't take place like that. However, TV tends to be in chronological order. Not that I don't think the story can be followed. It's just that I've been too cute with time. Maybe. I'm going to finish the story then see how it flows. I might rearrange the order of the scenes if it reads better that way.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 4th 2003, 8:55 pm

Part Fourteen -- The Significance of Cherry Lip Gloss



Location: Chase house, Angela’s bedroom. Angela is lying on her bed.

Angela VO* -- Breathing normally? Check. Heart calming down? Check.

(Angela rolls on her stomach and reaches under her bed. She pulls her purse from under the bed. She sits up and starts to search through it.)

Angela VO* -- OK. Bills, wallet, notes to myself, money, and junk. I’m never going to find my address book. Why did Rayanne have to get an unlisted telephone number?

(Angela upends the purse and dumps the contents on her bed. Something rolls off of the bed. She bends down to pick it up.)

Angela VO* -- Cherry lip gloss? When did I start using cherry lip gloss? When did I buy it? Is it still good?

(Angela takes the cap off, turns the dial, applies the lip gloss, and licks her lips.)

Angela VO* -- Oh, I remember. Susan Gallow.

[Flashback to Angela, Rayanne, and Rickie sitting in the senior courtyard, during lunch, 1997.

Rayannen -- Hey, here comes Brian with Susan Gallow.

(Angela looks up towards the entrance from the courtyard. Brian and Susan stop to talk to some people at another table. They are holding hands.)

Rayanne – What’s with the Catholic schoolgirl outfit Susan Gallow is always wearing? Last time I checked this school did not have a dress code.

Rickie -- She looks nice. I love her shoes.

Rayanne -- Tiny, black, pointy shoes. Tiny, black, pointy glasses. You know, if it wasn’t for her long red hair and decent breasts, she would look positively weird. I guess Brian must be into girls who wear Catholic schoolgirl uniforms.

Angela -- Into? Brian?

Rickie -- You didn’t know?

Rayanne -- What do you mean, you didn’t know?

Angela -- Know what?

Rayanne – They’ve been dating for over a month now. Word around school is that they are...you know…umming.

Angela -- Brian and Susan Gallow?

Rayanne -- Shhh! Here they come.

(Brian and Susan Gallow approach them. They are still holding hands.)

Brian -- Hey, guys!

Susan -- Hey.

Rayanne -- Hey, Susan Gallow, what’s with the Catholic schoolgirl uniform?

Brian -- Rayanne! You have to ignore her, Susan. I do.

Rayanne -- You couldn’t ignore me if you tried, Krakow.

Susan -- I used to go to Sacred Heart. I guess I haven’t gotten out of the habit of wearing them.

Angela -- You used to go to Sacred Heart?

Rayanne -- Why aren’t you still going there?

Susan -- I got kicked out.

Angela -- Really? What happened?

Susan -- The nuns caught some other girls and me smoking pot behind the rectory. We got kicked out.

Rayanne -- Nice.

(The bell rings.)

Brian -- C’mon, Susan. Let’s get to Economics.

Susan -- See you guys later.

Brian -- See you.

Rayanne -- See you later Susan Gallow and Bri.

(Brian and Susan walk to the other set of doors and go back into the school.)

Rayanne -- I like her.

Angela -- You like her?

Rayanne -- Yep. She’s just what Brian needs. You know? To bring out his wild side.

Rickie -- Brian has a wild side?

Rayanne -- Every man has a wild side.

Angela -- I didn’t know Brian had a wild side.

Rickie -- I don’t have a wild side.

Rayanne -- You have a wild side a mile long. You are so wild; you are going to a seminary to get your wild side under control.

Rickie -- I thought I was going to become closer to God and learn how to help people.

Rayanne -- Sure, those things, too.

Angela -- Are we going to English or not?

Rayanne -- Rickie?

Rickie -- Sure.

Rayanne -- I need to stop by the restroom on the way.

Angela – We’re going to be late.

Rayanne -- Angelica, why are you so worried about being late all of a sudden?

Angela – Principal Foster told me that if I get three more tardies, he’s calling my parents.

Rickie -- Oh no, not that.

Rayanne -- Well, you know Patty.

Angela -- No, it’s my dad. He’s putting the hammer down.

Rayanne -- Graham has become such a taskmaster. That’s kind of sexy.

Angela – C’mon.

(Angela, Rayanne, and Rickie leave the senior courtyard and head to the girls’ restroom. The hall is empty. When they enter the restroom, Susan Gallow is looking in the mirror.)

Rayanne -- Susan Gallow.

Susan -- Hey guys! (She holds up two tubes of lip gloss.) I’m trying to decide between flavors of lip gloss. Does Brian like cherries or peaches better?

Rayanne -- Angela?

Angela -- Cherries.

Susan -- Great!]
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 5th 2003, 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 5th 2003, 12:14 am

Adding a new character to an established story is always a risk. Series often "jump the shark" when they add characters for no reason. Luckily, the writers of MSCL have already added and promptly deleted possible love interests/rivals to Angela for Brian. So, I don't think I'm stepping too far away from the show. The exception with Susan Gallow is that she pursues and catches Brian. The question to be resolved is, of course, whether or not her conquest is complete. I really think that women are more attracted to men who are wanted. Anyway, Susan Gallow (I just love her name) is an improbable dream girl. Having Sharon or Rayanne pursue Brian just wouldn't work though. Sharon does pursue Brian to some extent in "Strangers in the House," but it's more teasing than anything else.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 5th 2003, 5:03 pm

I added titles to the parts to make them easier to follow while reading.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 6th 2003, 12:26 am

Part Fifteen -- A Comet and a Dream within a Dream


Setting: Krakow house, mid-morning. Brian is dozing on the couch.

Brian – (Talking in his sleep) Brussels. I have to go to Brussels next week for the NATO conference. Have to see if Debbie booked my flight. Ambassador Stevenson was drinking at Mickey’s again. He’s drinking way too much. Someone must have an eye on him. What does your father do again? You taste like cherries. Angela, I’ve got Anne!

[Flashback to Brian and Susan Gallow leaving the outskirts of Pittsburgh, a Saturday evening, 1997. Susan Gallow is driving her MG.

Brian – What does your father do again?

Susan – My dad is what people in the Beltway call a fixer. He fixes things when they are broken.

Brian – What type of things does he fix?

Susan --- I can’t really talk about it. He doesn’t tell me much. He’s called to Washington every now and again. My family’s from Pittsburgh, but Washington’s really our home. Usually, though, people only like my dad around when things are going bad. Things have been only been going so so recently. But he could be called back to Washington anytime. [Pause] Enough talking about my dad. What are we going to see tonight?

Brian – Thielsen’s Comet. It only passes by Earth every 80 years.

Susan – This will be the only chance in our lifetimes we will be able to see it. Isn’t it exciting! It's like scoring a goal in field hockey, sneaking out after curfew, and having sex for the first time.

Brian – I don’t know if it will be that exciting. I know a good place where we can see it though. It will be over our heads at about 2:35 AM.

Susan – It’s going to get cool tonight. You packed blankets, right?

Brian – I did. But I can build a fire.

Susan – I keep forgetting you were a Boy Scout. You are a good man to have around.

Brian – Anyone can build a fire.

Susan – I can’t.

Brian – Well, almost anyone can build one.]

[Cont. Flashback and Cut to Brian and Susan in the woods in a small clearing. A trail leads behind them back to road where the car is parked. A small fire is burning. A telescope and picnic are set upon a blanket. Brian and Susan are huddled together in blankets. They are kissing softly.

Brian – You taste like cherries.

Susan – I’m glad you noticed.

(Susan lies down and gently pulls Brian on top of her. They continue kissing for a few seconds, then Brian stops. He rolls off of her, but their bodies still touch. They don’t say anything for awhile. Susan sits up.)

Susan -- I’m going to have a cigarette. Do you want one?

Brian – No thanks. I smoked one when I was a kid; I puked my guts out.

Susan – You don’t mind if I smoke?

Brian – No. It won’t bother me. The wind is picking up a little. I might need to put some more wood on the fire.

(Susan lights her cigarette, she inhales, and blows smoke in neat rings that drift apart in the wind.)

Susan – I think about being a puff of smoke that drifts up to the stars. I wonder what I would see if I floated up there.

(Susan continues to gaze skyward as she smokes. An owl calls from in the woods. She looks back at Brian, who is sleeping. She reaches out to him and gently touches his face. Brian stirs a little. Susan finishes her cigarette. She snuffs it out. She lies back down next to Brian. She drifts off to sleep.)]

[Cont. Flashback and Cut to Susan waking up. She is careful not to disturb Brian. She looks at her wristwatch and sits up.

Brian – (in distress, cries out in his sleep) Angela, I’ve got Anne! You get Graham! Hurry, I don’t know how bad this one is, honey, but it’s bad!

Susan – Brian?

(Susan shakes him a little. Brian doesn’t wake up. She shakes him harder. Brian wakes and sits up.)

Brian – What happened? Did I miss the comet?

Susan – No, you didn’t miss it. There is still a half-an-hour until it’s due. You were dreaming and talking in your sleep. You sounded like you were in trouble.

Brian – I did?

Susan – You shouted for Angela. Did you mean the girl from school?

Brian – I don’t know. I don’t remember.

Susan – Something must have been troubling you.

(Susan lies back down and gently pulls Brian down to her. Susan’s arm rests underneath Brian.)

Brian – Sorry, Susan. I talk in my sleep sometimes. It happens mostly when I am under a lot of stress or haven’t slept much.

Susan – Well, let’s just relax a bit. We’ll wait for that comet to rocket by us.

Brian – Yes, it won’t be long now.]

(Brian wakes from his dream.)
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 6th 2003, 2:34 pm

Part Sixteen – Ladies at Lunch


Setting: Local restaurant, around 1 PM. Angela, Sharon, and Rayanne are eating lunch. The restaurant is crowded but not too noisy.

Angela – I always feel guilty eating at another restaurant other than Dad’s when I’m home.

Rayanne – You also feel guilty if you ask him squeeze us in during lunchtime. There were about a hundred people waiting outside.

(A waiter brings a pitcher of Coke, fills their glasses, then leaves.)

Sharon – Well, ladies, I think the time has come for a toast.

(Sharon raises her glass. Angela and Rayanne raise their glasses as well.)

Angela – To whom or what are we toasting?

Sharon – We are toasting you.

Angela – You are toasting me? I didn’t do anything.

Sharon – To Angela!

Rayanne – To Angela!

Angela – To me! I guess.

Sharon – You closed a part of your life that ran too long.

Rayanne – The Jordan Phase of your life is over. It’s like a really bad play finally getting shut down after a run that seemed to last forever.

Sharon – Are we talking about the play you were in last summer or Angela?

(Rayanne throws her cloth napkin at Sharon, who catches it and throws it back.)

Angela – I missed one of your plays?

Rayanne – Well, it didn’t last that long. However, it got a few decent reviews. It wasn’t as bad as Mrs. Sharon Cherski-Melton would have you believe.

Angela – I’m sure it wasn’t that bad and you were great! [Pause] I really don’t think I did anything that great. I could have easily told him that I’d love to have him in for breakfast or that’s I’d love to drive into town with him this afternoon.

Sharon – The key thing here is that you didn’t tell him those things. How many times have we had to listen to you talk about Jordan?

Rayanne – Too many.

Sharon – How many trips home did you cancel because you wanted to avoid him?

Rayanne – Too many.

Angela – Well, I didn’t choose not to come home just because of Jordan. I wanted to build a life on my own. I wanted to be independent.

Rayanne – Now you have one less reason to stay away. You can visit more often.

Angela – I’ll try to visit more often. You can come down and visit me, too. We don’t need to be strangers.

Rayanne – Angela, what you said reminded me of something I meant to tell you earlier. I talked to Tino this morning. Guess who is in town for this weekend.

Angela – Brian?

Rayanne – Good guess.

Sharon – Brian was supposed to call me to confirm that he was going to be here.

Angela – Wait a minute. [To Rayanne] How would Tino know Brian is in town? [To Sharon] And why would Brian have to confirm coming to his own home town?

Rayanne – Tino’s brother, Rick, works at Rent-Rite at the airport. Rick saw Brian. He rented a car to him. Rick knew Brian from Boy Scouts. Rick told Tino. And Tino told me. I forgot to tell you until just now.

Sharon – I invited Brian to the reunion months ago. I called him.

Angela – You called him?

Sharon – Yes, I called him at work. I’m glad he was able to come, but I wish he had called sooner.

Angela – So, Brian is in town. I saw a car in his driveway. I thought it was one of his parents’ cars.

Rayanne – Yep, Bri is back in town. I used to love rattling his cage. It was too easy sometimes. [To Angela] It was so obvious how much he loved you.

Sharon – [To Angela] It was obvious to everyone.

Angela VO* -- It was obvious to everyone, except me, until it was too late.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 6th 2003, 6:33 pm

This story is huge, thirty-four printed pages. And it still isn't done. I'm not sure if it's too long or not. I am still only projecting a few more parts. I've already done quite a bit of editing. I like the concept of putting it on the board. It makes it easier for me to work on the story in different locations. I'm not sure about cutting any parts. Anyway, I will let you know when it is done. I'm not going to do any editing on the board afterwards. I might do some editing before I officially submit it for inclusion in the fan fiction archives. I don't think I'll do much editing and cutting though. It's easy to get carried away when you pull out the red pen.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 8th 2003, 3:23 pm

Part Seventeen -- A Pin and a Picture


Location: Chase house, prom night, 1997.

Graham – It’s kind of hard to believe that Brian and Angela are going to the prom. It seems like I took them to the park to play on the swings only yesterday.

Patty – I know. Angela has grown up so fast. She’ll be going to college in a couple of months. I still can’t get used to the idea that she will be gone.

Graham – She’ll be back to visit during vacations.

Patty – Sure she will. But it won’t be the same.

(Graham hugs Patty.)

Graham – It won’t be the same. That’s part of the deal about having children. They grow up and change when you aren’t look looking.

(Patty walks over to the grandfather clock.)

Patty – It’s 6:30. When is Brian coming over for you to drive them to the restaurant for dinner?

Graham – He should be here soon.

Patty – OK. I’ll come and pick you up at the restaurant at 8:30. Angela is driving your car to the school, right?

Graham – Yes. I cannot be their chauffeur all night. There are many people in town that need to be fed tonight.

Patty – My husband is the owner of the most popular place to eat in town.

Graham – And you thought buying out Hallie Lowenthal’s interest in the restaurant was a crazy thing to do.

Patty – Don’t get too excited. I still haven’t made a down payment on a vacation home at the beach.

(Someone knocks at the door.)

Patty – That must be Brian. Oh, I forgot the camera. I’ll go upstairs and get it. Also I’ll tell Angela that Brian is here. Announcing him will allow her to make a grand entrance.

(Patty goes upstairs. Graham goes to answer the door.)

Graham – (opens door) Hi Brian. (Graham extends out his hand for Brian to shake.)

Brian – (wearing a black tuxedo) Hi, Mr. Chase. (Brian shakes Graham’s hand.) It’s good to see you. (Brian is holding a small box in his other hand.)

Graham – Come in.

(Brian enters the living room.)

[Cut to Angela and Patty in Angela’s room.]

(Patty is helping Angela with her hair. Angela is wearing a red formal dress. She is seated and looking in the mirror.)

Patty – You look beautiful, Angela. You really do make me so proud everyday.

Angela – Mom, I’m just getting ready for a dance. I’m not getting married or anything. I’m coming right back tonight. I’ll probably even be home early.

Patty – I know you’ll be back tonight. It’s just that I don’t tell you nearly enough how special you are to your father and me. Here you are going to the prom. Next thing you know, you will be only coming home to do your laundry.

Angela – I’m only going to Penn State. It’s not like I’m moving across country or something. I’ll be home all of the time.

Patty – We don’t know what the future will hold, honey. I just can’t believe how fast time is going. (Patty squeezes Angela’s shoulders gently.) It’s like you are slipping through my fingers.

Angela – Well, do you think I’ve made Brian wait long enough?

Patty – I think so.

Angela – He might think I’ve changed my mind about going.

Patty – Well, you better get downstairs before he leaves.

(Angela rises from her chair. She exits the room. Patty starts to follow her. Then she stops and looks back into Angela’s room for a second. She walks to the foot of the stairs, and stops behind Angela. She is holding a camera.)

Patty – (Calls down to the living room) Gentleman, it is my great pleasure to announce Miss Angela Chase.

(Brian and Graham rise from the sofa. Brian watches as Angela gracefully descends the staircase.)

Brian – Wow!

Graham – (To Angela) Honey, you look so beautiful.

(Angela reaches the bottom of the staircase. Patty follows. Brian approaches Angela.)

Brian – (To Angela) You look like an angel.

Angela – Stop it.

Brian – Really.

Patty – Hold on, you two I want to take some pictures.

Angela – No, Mom, please don’t.

Graham – There have to be pictures, honey. We’ll need something to remember this moment.

Brian – Wait.

(Brian walks over to the coffee table. He picks up the box that he brought with him. He opens the box and removes a white corsage. He approaches Angela.)

Angela – Brian, is that the kind of corsage that I wear on my wrist?

Brian – No, I have to pin it on you.

Angela – Oh. (Angela looks at Patty and Graham who are now standing side by side.)

Brian – Don’t worry. I’ve practiced using one of these things.

Angela – You’ve practiced?

Brian – Yes. Hold on.

(Brian approaches Angela. He expertly pins the corsage on Angela dress. Graham sighs.)

Patty – OK, you two. Stand over there by the door. I’m just going to take a couple pictures. OK?

Angela – OK.

(Angela and Brian stand in front of the front door.)

Patty – Why don’t you two stand closer together? Maybe Brian should hug you with one arm and you should hold hands? You know, for the picture.

Angela – Sure, if you think that will make a good picture.

(Angela and Brian walk over to the door. Brian puts one arm around Angela. He holds one of Angela’s hands.)

Patty – (Adjusting the camera) Perfect. OK. Hold still. Say cheese.

Angela, Brian – (Angela and Brian smile.) Cheese!

Patty – Fantastic! I think I’m going to cry.
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 20th 2003, 4:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 9th 2003, 1:04 am

Part Eighteen -- The Complex Kiss


Location: Liberty High gymnasium, prom night, 1997. Angela and Brian are dancing closely together to a slow song. The rest of the senior class and dates fill the room.

Angela – I never knew you could dance. I mean, I didn’t know you could dance so well.

Brian – I’ll tell you something if you promise not to laugh.

Angela – Brian, you can’t say something like that and expect someone not to laugh. That’s kind of a law. So, you might as well get ready because I’m going to laugh.

Brian – OK, I’ll brace myself. [Pause] My mom taught me how to dance.

Angela – [Starting to laugh] Your mother taught you?

Brian – Well, you have to learn how to dance from someone. Otherwise, you are just making steps up as you go along. I know it sounds weird that a son would learn how to dance from his mother.

Angela – It does, a little.

Brian – Well, my mom is a good dancer. Before she went into psychiatry she was a dancer on Broadway.

Angela – She must dance really well.

Brian – She is a great dancer. She taught my dad. They look great dancing together. I wanted to learn from her because I knew she could dance well and I love how my mom and dad dance together.

Angela – Brian, that is so sweet.

Brian – Well, that’s not the whole story.

Angela – There’s more?

Brian – Well, [Brian gently pulls Angela closer to him. He whispers into her ear.] I wanted to learn how to dance well so I could dance with you.

(Brian leans into Angela. He hugs her closer. He kisses her. Angela hugs Brian. She accepts his kiss. She kisses him. Angela stops kissing after a few seconds.)

Brian – Angela…

Angela – I can’t do this…

(Angela pulls away slowly. She begins to walk away from Brian through the dancers.)

Brian – Angela, wait.

(Brian catches her hand.)

Angela – I can’t get involved with anyone, not with the way I feel about Jordan. It would be like cheating on him.

Brian – I thought you broke up with Jordan.

Angela – I did. But…

Brian – Do you still love him?

Angela – I’m not sure. Part of me still loves him, deep down.

Brian – I knew it.

Angela – You knew? If you knew, why did you kiss me?

Brian – If you love him, why did you kiss me back?

Angela – If you love me, why did you go out with Susan Gallow?

Brian – Susan? What does she have to do with this?

Angela – You slept with her, Brian. After all this time of saying that you love me, you slept with someone else.

Brian – What does that have to do with us? We weren’t dating. You made it perfectly clear that we were not going to date.

Angela – That doesn’t matter. You slept with her. And you are kissing me less than a month after she left town. What am I? Your consolation prize?

Brian – Angela, I didn’t sleep with her.

Angela – You expect me to believe that?

Brian – I do expect you to believe it. Because it is true.

Angela – Fine. It’s true. I believe you.

(Angela starts to walk away from Brian.)

Brian – Angela, wait.

(Brian reaches out for Angela, but he cannot grab her hand. Angela stops anyway.)

Brian – I wish you wouldn’t go. I want you to stay here with me.

Angela – I’m going. You can walk home.

(Angela leaves.)
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 20th 2003, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 9th 2003, 8:49 pm

Part Nineteen – A Banana Split Helps Heal a Confused Heart


Location – Chase house later on prom night, 1997. Angela and Patty are sitting on Angela’s bed in Angela’s room. Angela has changed her clothes. She is wearing jeans and a white t-shirt.

Patty – Well, from the way you came into the house and ran upstairs, I could tell that something was wrong.

Angela VO* -- Many things are wrong with Jordan, Brian, and me. We must be starring in the worst movie ever made.

Angela – It’s just that I wasn’t prepared for Brian to kiss me.

Patty – You were surprised?

Angela – Part of me was surprised. Part of me wasn’t surprised. I’ve known a long time that Brian has liked me.

Patty – He liked you?

Angela – Loved me. OK. He loved me. But there are so many things to think about. There’s my relationship with Jordan, my relationship with Brian, and Brian’s relationship with Susan Gallow.

Patty – Susan Gallow, who’s she?

Angela – Someone Brian dated. She moved to Washington.

Patty – I see. She’s moved away. So, she shouldn’t be a problem.

Angela – She’s not really a problem. Brian is the problem. I didn’t expect him to date someone else.

Patty – Well, you have been dating Jordan off-and-on for a long time. I don’ think you can hold dating someone else against Brian.

Angela – I know. I just couldn’t help thinking about it, and I used it against Brian. The truth is that part of me wanted Brian to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. But I still love Jordan. I can’t explain why I feel the way that I do. I couldn’t help think that kissing Brian when I feel the way I do about Jordan would be wrong. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. What can I do now?

(Patty reaches out and touches Angela’s shoulder.)

Patty – I wish I could tell you what you can do, sweetheart. I really do. But you are going to need to decide things for yourself. All that I can tell you is that these things often need some time to sort themselves out.

(The telephone rings.)

[Cut to Graham answering the telephone downstairs.]

Graham – Hello. Oh, hi Camille. Angela is here. She’s fine. Patty’s talking to her now. [Listening] Sharon and Steve took Brian home? Is he OK? [Listening] I understand. Well, these things happen. They have been friends a long time.

[Cut to Angela and Patty talking.]

Angela – Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes?

Patty – Part of growing up is finding a way over hurdles. They will come all of the time. You have to be ready. You have to make the right choices.

Angela – What are the right choices?

Patty – Usually, you don’t know what the right choices are until after you’ve made them.

Angela – What if you make wrong choices?

Patty – You deal with the consequences the best that you can.

[Cut to Graham in the kitchen. He is taking putting bananas on the kitchen table. He gets ice cream out of the freezer.]

[Cut to Angela and Patty talking.]

Angela – I just wish there were a way that Brian and I could start over.

Patty – Well, you can talk to Brian tomorrow. You can apologize for leaving him stranded at the prom.

Angela – That wasn’t a nice thing for me to do. He’s still probably walking home. But I don’t mean starting over like that. I mean I wish there were a way for us to truly start over.

Patty – I don’t know if there is a way to start over like that, Angela.

(Graham knocks on the door. He opens it.)

Graham – Camille called. Brian’s fine. Sharon took him home.

Angela – Good. I didn’t feel good about making Brian walk all of the way home from school in a tuxedo.

Graham – Who wants a banana split?

Angela – Dad, a banana split isn’t going to make me feel any better.

Graham – OK, so I’ll eat two banana splits.

Patty -- [To Graham] No you won’t.

Angela – No, you can’t have mine.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 9th 2003, 11:58 pm

Part Twenty – Angela Leaves a Message for Brian


Location: Chase house, late Friday afternoon. Angela is in her bedroom sitting at her desk. The desk is covered with yellow pads and her laptop computer is on. The printer is printing.

(Angela sighs.)

Angela VO* -- I just wish there were a way Brian and I could start over. That sentence is rattling around in my head. What do you call a do over in golf? Not that I’m a big time golfer or anything. I’ve only played golf a few times times. Wait, do I really want to start anything with Brian? Didn’t I just dump Jordan? I did dump Jordan, didn’t I?

(Angela rises from her chair. She walks over to the window. She looks at Brian’s house. The rental car is gone from the driveway.)

Angela VO* -- Looks like he isn’t home. I wonder where he went.

[Cut to Brian in an electronics store.]

Brian [To a clerk] – Can you tell me where are the digital answering machines?

Clerk – Aisle 5.

Brian – Thanks.

[Cut to Angela in the living room]

Angela VO* -- It wouldn’t hurt to call him and invite him to the restaurant tonight. It’s not like we are going to start anything. There will be other people there. But it would be nice to see him again. I’ve been thinking about him quite a bit recently. It would be a nice warm-up for the reunion. I’m sure he would like to see all of us.

(Angela picks up the telephone.)

Angela VO* -- Maybe I’ll just leave a message. Wait, what’s Brian’s telephone number again?

(Angela dials the number for the Krakow house.)

Angela VO* -- It’s called a Mulligan. You get to hit a poor shot over again. You either take a Mulligan or cheat, like Jordan Baker in Gatsby. Are there any Mulligans when it comes to relationships?

(Brian’s dad’s voice is on the answering machine. “You have reached the Krakow residence. If this is a psychiatric emergency, please call our answering service at 555-0789. If you’d like to leave a message for Bernice, Brian, or me, Bob, please listen for the beep and leave a message. Thank you.)

Angela VO* -- Is this a psychiatric emergency?

(Beep)

Angela – Hi, this message is for Brian. It’s Angela Chase. The group of us are getting together tonight at Dad’s restaurant. You are welcome to come with, if you like. It’s going to be at seven. Give me a call if you can make it.

[Cut to Brian getting into his rental car]

Brian VO* -- I finally got that answering machine. Let’s see. I have time to get some shaving stuff. Then I meet my parents for dinner. Steak dinner with mom and dad sounds good to me. I’m hungry.

[Cut to Angela in her bedroom]

Angela VO* -- Now I need to find something to wear for tonight.



Edit -- 03/10/03 -- I woke up before 5 AM today. I don't know why. I was trying to go back to sleep when it dawned on me -- Brian's parents are named Bernice and Bob. I had to FF "So-Called Angels" to find their names.
Last edited by TomSpeed on Mar 10th 2003, 7:54 am, edited 2 times in total.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 10th 2003, 12:40 am

I must make a confession. Using an answering machine that eats tapes as a plot device is my homage to Cameron Crowe. If you haven't seen Singles yet, you should. I figure that if Cameron can pay homage to MSCL, I can pay homage to him here. Anyway, the story is drawing to a close. There are only 2 or 3 parts left. In a way, I hate to end the story. I wish I could keep writing this story forever. But I need to start something else. It feels good to write again. The key for me will be if I continue writing or not. Of course, Vic would ask me, "What are you going to write now?" I would answer as Angela does, "Good question." I have no idea. To those who have read along so far, I thank you. I hope you have enjoyed it. I also hope you will enjoy the ending. I already have the ending in mind. So, hopefully, the next installment will be the last.
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

User avatar
TomSpeed
Marshall Wannabe
Posts: 1226
Joined: Jan 13th 2003, 3:37 pm
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Contact:

Post by TomSpeed » Mar 10th 2003, 7:53 am

Part Twenty-One – The Simple Kiss


Location: Krakow house. Brian has returned home from dinner with his parents. He has bag containing the new answering machine in his hand.

(Brian sees the message light blinking on the answering machine. There are two messages. He hits the play button. The first message begins to play. It is from one of Bob's associates, Chip.)

Chip – Bob, it’s Chip. How about golf tomorrow? You owe me big time. Call me at home.

(The second message is from Angela.)

Angela – Hi, this message is for Brian. It’s Angela Chase. The –

(The message ends. The tape answering machine has eaten the rest of the tape.)

Brian VO* -- Angela? The answering machine picked a fine time to eat a tape. I wonder why she was calling.

(Brian picks up the telephone. He dials the number for the Chase house. They’re answering machine picks up. Brian hangs up.)

Brian VO* -- I will see her tomorrow. I’m not sure how she knew I was in town. Sharon probably told her that I’m going to the reunion. Well, I better get this new answering machine hooked up.)

(Brian takes the answering machine box out of the bag. He begins to install it.)

Brian VO* -- It’s funny that she should call now. I was just thinking of her.

[Flashback to 1997. Brian and Angela are at a gate at Pittsburgh airport.

Brian – Thanks for giving me a ride to the airport.

Angela – No problem. It’s a shame that your parents couldn’t be here to see you off.

Brian – Well, there was a psychiatric emergency.

Angela – That’s what your dad says on your answering machine. It sounds kind of creepy. Have you asked him to change the message?

Brian – Many times. He won’t do it. I think he has a phobia about changing the outgoing message on the answering machine.

(An announcement comes over the loudspeaker. “Flight 237 non-stop to New York City is now boarding on gate 21. All passengers can now board.”)

Brian – That’s me.

(Brian rises from his seat and picks up his carry-on luggage. Angela rises from her seat.)

Angela – I still can’t believe you are going to Columbia to study journalism. You must be excited.

Brian – Well, I am really excited. It’s something that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time.

Angela – I kind of wish you were going to Penn State with Sharon and me.

Brian – Well, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to go to Columbia. And living in New York will be very exciting.

Angela – It’s like you are going to a different world. I’ve never been to New York.

Brian – Maybe you could visit me?

Angela – Maybe.

(An announcement comes over the loudspeaker. “Last call for Flight 237 for New York City. All passengers please board.”)

Brian – Well, I need to go.

(Brian begins to walk towards the entryway to the airplane. He turns around to face Angela.)

Brian – See you.

Angela – See you.

(Brian begins to walk again. Other passengers are boarding.)

Angela – Brian. Can you wait a minute?

(Brian stops. Angela approaches Brian.)

Angela – I just thought I would give you something to remember me by.

(Angela leans into Brian. She kisses him softly on the lips. Brian returns her kiss. Their kiss is brief.)

Angela – You better catch your plane.

Brian – Yes. I better. Bye Angela.

Brian – Bye.

(Brian continues to the entryway. Angela watches him go.)]
TomSpeed

Patty: If Rayanne's not seeing you, and we're not seeing you, who is seeing you?
Graham: And how much of you?
Angela: Dad!
Graham: Oh, I'm sorry! I asked a question about your life, didn't I? Woah, what came over me?
http://www.last.fm/user/TomSpeed/

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest