"Could Be"

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
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Lizka
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"Could Be"

Post by Lizka » Feb 20th 2005, 12:27 am

Yeah, I haven't been around for a while. School, and whatnot, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyhoo, I've been working on a tentative non-sequel non-ending to my formely "Untitled" series (now called Hesitation) which should be out ... soon. I don't know when. I've got bits and pieces of prose floating around in my brain, but not a lot of concrete writing. I'm also working on an Angela-Rayanne reconciliation piece which also deals with how they became friends in the first place. That should be out after the non-sequel non-ending.

If anyone wants to read finished versions of the fics that I've posted on this board, you can do so at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/679459/, as well as fics for other shows.

Until I get my s**t together, ta!

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Lizka
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Post by Lizka » Mar 14th 2005, 9:02 pm

So, here it is. Any and all constructive criticism and comments are welcome. There's probably a dozen of stupid mistakes in there, as well as one or two particularly large and moronic ones.

Enjoy!

---------------------

Disclaimer: Still don’t own it. Don’t sue – you’ll get nothing.

She’s in love. He’s in denial. How it could have been.

Could Be
By Lizka


She looks at him over the desk as he bends over a copy of Wuthering Heights. His arms surround the book and his long hair brushes against the pages. It’s like he’s trying to absorb the book; take it into himself. There’s a focus to him sometimes, when he can drown out any and all noise around him and become immersed in whatever he was doing. She’s still obsessed with him; still fantasizes about him.

A lot of things could happen.

Her friends could corner her in the bathroom, and dye her hair. Rayanne could say that it was about time, Rickie could say that the red would be much more dramatic, while Sharon could say that maybe change is a good thing. The bottle of Crimson Glow has never been opened, not since she bought it all those months ago. Sometimes she picks it up off her shelf, dusts it off, and wonders how she would look. She always puts it back down.

He could be shocked by her hair, bright above her pale skin and a black sweater. He could be unsure about whether or not he likes this change, but he’ll always be able to spot her in a crowd – a glowing red beacon, drawing him to her.

She could be vivid with crimson hair. She could be memorable.

She could break up with her nondescript boyfriend; be single again. She could do it at the same time as Sharon, since Sharon’s needs help to break up with Kyle. She, Sharon, Rayanne and Rickie could all hang out together, with Delia Fischer and Brian Krakow tagging along. They could all be friends. That would be nice.

Her parents could get divorced. Her dad could keep coming home later and later, and spend more time with his restaurant partner. Her mother could keep trying harder and harder, and maybe nothing would work because he might need something that her mom just couldn’t give. Her mother is less trusting, she knows, and maybe has a right to be.

Her home life could be ruined. Her father could move out, her mother could stay up nights crying, and her sister could crawl into her bed because of bad dreams that became reality. She doesn’t know how she could handle a situation like that. She could let things fall apart around her, let her mother wallow in her own misery, let her sister drift through the house in an aimless daze, but maybe she’s a good enough person that it wouldn’t happen like that. She’s her own worse critic, and maybe she’s judging herself too harshly. If she had to, she could be the rock - she could keep her family from self-destructing. She could keep ties with her father, so she wouldn’t have to lose him.

It could happen.

She could have her friends to support her, after she finishes comforting them first. Rickie and Rayanne could – no, would be devastated by a separation. They consider her family the epitome of real domestic bliss, and it could break their hearts to see that they were wrong. They’d help her, though; they have experience in matters like this. Rayanne and Sharon could help her with Danielle, and Rickie could help her around the house.

Through it all, she could have him, the boy sitting across from her, engrossed in a gothic romance. They could be together, and when she needed to get away, he could come pick her up in his car. He wrote a song for it once and even let her hear it. It was surprisingly good.

Her friends could baby-sit; hold down the fort while they go out on their dates. Rickie could keep Rayanne from setting the house on fire, and Sharon could keep everyone sane. If she was her family’s rock, then he could be hers, and hold her hand during the bad times. She could lose herself in him, just for a little bit. Her world could crumble around her slowly, like a gingerbread house gone bad, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she had him.

Brian Krakow could help too, in his own Brian Krakow way. He could help Danielle with homework, and generally hang around the house. He could be a singular constant, one of the few really steady things in her life. Romances, divorces, family crises – throughout all of these, Krakow remains the same, and that could give her comfort. Krakow’s a very comforting guy. Krakow could give her words and reassurances, while the boy she wants could give her – something else.

He looks up from his book, and the spell is broken. Once again she is in the classroom, sitting across from him at the desk, and not in the backseat of his car. There is no red hair, there is no divorce, and there is no wonderful group of friends. There is her, Rayanne and Rickie. There is her and Sharon. There is occasionally her, Sharon and Rayanne, and sometimes just Sharon and Rayanne. There’s Rickie and Rayanne, and Rickie and Brian, but there’ll never be a Brian and Rayanne. There’s no divorce, but there is a partner in her father’s restaurant, and that gives her chills.

There is no her and him.

He asks a question and she answers it, and goes back to correcting the spelling on his latest homework assignment. Life moves on.

-------------------

("Could" count: 49. Wowser.)

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Mar 15th 2005, 4:22 am

Lizka wrote:Disclaimer: Still don’t own it. Don’t sue – you’ll get nothing.
I'm confused (about the disclaimer)...


I don’t know, it could be that I’m misreading this, but it seems like everything that is different in this story from the series (Jordan and Angela never dating, Jordan and Rayanne never sleeping together, Brian never revealing to Angela how he feels, etc…) is because Angela never made the decision to dye her hair, which, if that is what you’re proposing, is a really cool and intriguing premise. How much of a difference doe the color make, how much is her natural hair color holding her back? It’s interesting to think about… The last paragraph is really strong:
Lizka wrote:There is no red hair, there is no divorce, and there is no wonderful group of friends. There is her, Rayanne and Rickie. There is her and Sharon. There is occasionally her, Sharon and Rayanne, and sometimes just Sharon and Rayanne. There’s Rickie and Rayanne, and Rickie and Brian, but there’ll never be a Brian and Rayanne. There’s no divorce, but there is a partner in her father’s restaurant, and that gives her chills.

There is no her and him.

He asks a question and she answers it, and goes back to correcting the spelling on his latest homework assignment. Life moves on.
Nice narrative construction and effective use established events from the series without being blatant.

I’m not sure I agree with Angela becoming so codependent as she imagines the possible divorce – would she really need her friends to do so much for her around the house? But I do really appreciate the symmetry you create by talking about each friend how it “could be’ and then reverting back to reality. It is very effective. I just might question the realism of the extent to which all of Angela’s friends would takeover the Chase household – Patty seems pretty capable. Anyway. I enjoyed reading it, it’s a totally a different take on the fanfictions I’ve read.

Any particular reason for choosing Wuthering Heights? Is it the whole “My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath--a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind--not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being,” scene? The content seems somewhat relevant, but Emily Bronte also seems a bit too challenging for Jordan.
Good work, I enjoyed reading it!
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Lizka
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Post by Lizka » Mar 15th 2005, 12:00 pm

I'm confused (about the disclaimer)...
The disclaimer ties in with my other disclaimers on my other MSCL fics on fanfiction.net.

The title "Hesitation" finally came to me when I realized what this little set of stories was about, or how it came to be in my mind, anyway. What if Angela was just a little bit meeker? What if she was a little less brave, a little more hesitant? The hair thing was really her first step into teenage semi-rebellion - it definitely made her more noticeable. It drove her mother to snarkiness, and one of the things that drives a wedge between her and Sharon. It was one of the first active things that Angela does in the series, aside from conning people out of their spare change.
I just might question the realism of the extent to which all of Angela’s friends would takeover the Chase household – Patty seems pretty capable.
I actually agree with that, and have fixed that part with a line or two. I was so excited about having finished the first draft of this, that I posted it without reading through it much. I never catch my own small mistakes, anyway. That being said, I do believe that Patty would completely lose it, if just for a little while.
Any particular reason for choosing Wuthering Heights?
I like the book. :D It's one of my favourites, and yes, it may be a bit too advanced for Jordan (Anne of Green Gables might be too advanced for him on his own). Remember though, he did have to read The Odyssey for class so it's not completely implausible that Bronte would be assigned.

Thanks for reading!

ETA: in case other people want an ending for this series, the above story was it. This thread, she is done. Finite. Over. Complete. I wasn't kidding when I called it a non-ending. The story's not really over, but in another way, it is? Why? Because I don't see anybody making the first move, which makes sense since that was sort of the premise to the Hesitation series anyway (see above). Thank you again for reading.

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Mar 15th 2005, 4:17 pm

And yet, you do see Rayanne and Sharon as friends without Angela even without everything else.
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Post by Lizka » Mar 15th 2005, 8:35 pm

I think that Rayanne and Sharon are just alike enough to be friends, with enough differences to keep things interesting. Their best scenes are the ones that Angela knows nothing about: the bathroom scene in The Substitute, and bonding over the phone lines in So-Called Angels. Plus, I can totally see them coming together to discuss Angela.

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Mar 15th 2005, 9:10 pm

True, but playing devil's advocate: without Angela taking the risks she does, is there anything to discuss about Angela? But then also, might Sharon not dislike Rayanne as much as she does if she had not convinced Angela to dye her hair?
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Lizka
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Post by Lizka » Mar 16th 2005, 8:34 pm

There's lots of things to discuss about Angela, even if she's not quite the risk taker. Specifically, her lack of risk-taking, because both Sharon and Rayanne are the types to go for what they want. They'd also talk about Angela's long-standing one-sided obsession with Jordan, and the Chase family dynamic.

I also think that there would always have been tension in the beginning between Sharon and Rayanne, simply because Sharon could feel like she's being replaced. Sharon's best friend suddenly starts hanging out with another girl in a completely different crowd, and she's supposed to be one hundred percent OK with that? Also, Sharon represents a part of Angela's life that Rayanne had no part of, since Rayanne didn't grow up with Angela, and Angela's parents would frankly prefer Sharon to Rayanne. So things wouldn't have been hunky-dory, at least at the start.

And hey, there's one other big thing that Sharon and Rayanne could discuss: SEX! Who wouldn't love to see Sharon and Rayanne having a frank and detailed talk about their boyfriends and sexual ethics? Can you imagine those two ever giving "The Talk" to an unsuspecting class of sixth-graders? HI-larious.

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Post by crispy » Mar 18th 2005, 11:16 pm

Aww, why'd you have to say that there'd never be a Brian & Rayanne? You broke my Briyanne shipper's heart! ;) Interesting fanfic though, I like alternate realities...thinking about how different things could be if one tiny little decision was altered.

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this was good

Post by murfdurf22 » Apr 1st 2005, 9:28 pm

i liked it, it was really, good and interesting. Glad you're back!

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Lizka
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Post by Lizka » Apr 7th 2005, 10:56 pm

Thanks!

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Apr 30th 2006, 7:16 pm

Because I don't think I mentioned it in my earlier posts...
Lizka wrote:He looks up from his book, and the spell is broken. Once again she is in the classroom, sitting across from him at the desk, and not in the backseat of his car. There is no red hair, there is no divorce, and there is no wonderful group of friends. There is her, Rayanne and Rickie. There is her and Sharon. There is occasionally her, Sharon and Rayanne, and sometimes just Sharon and Rayanne. There’s Rickie and Rayanne, and Rickie and Brian, but there’ll never be a Brian and Rayanne. There’s no divorce, but there is a partner in her father’s restaurant, and that gives her chills.

There is no her and him.

He asks a question and she answers it, and goes back to correcting the spelling on his latest homework assignment. Life moves on.
This is wonderful. I love the rhythm and the structure to your writing. It's really really good.

Edit: Oops, I guess I did say it already... I went to your other site and read the revised version of this story. It works much better. Ps. I like that Donna Moss story. I know it's AU, but I'm wondering when it goes back to. I'm guessing it's when she quit after the first months and went back to her boyfriend, but since there's no mention of Josh, I'm wondering if it's as if they'd never broken up at all, and is if she'd never joined the campaign in the first place. (Nice inclusion of the Canadian story line!) About the Gilmore Girls story -- I liked, great use of details from the show, but I was a little disappointed because I originally thought that it was a continuation of John Updike's story A&P. (I've tried several times to register at fanfiction.net so that I can leave feedback for the few stories I've read there, but it just isn't working.)
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