Fanfiction Episodes, #20...

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Jody Barsch*
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Fanfiction Episodes, #20...

Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 28th 2004, 2:04 pm

Hey! Okay, I am starting this thread to posts the full drafts of the continuing episodes originally discussed in my other thread. I will be maintaining my other thread as a place for me to ask questions, discuss ideas, post partial scenes, receive feedback, and also work on my 10yrs-later project. On this thread I will post episodes when they are nearer to being complete. But any and all feedback and criticisms are always more than welcome!! (The checklist from the other thread is applicable here as well :wink:) The nice part about posting stories in the forum is that they can always be edited.

The first episode I'm posting is #20, "Life in Progress"
There is an element of unlikeliness surrounding the relatives and how exactly they are related, especially with the character of Dustin (and even his age in comparison to Angela), but I think I'm going to push all that into the category of the Chase's basement, if I can. Also, the episode is not completely finished; of course, it can always stand revising and editing, but I am also thinking about adding at least two new scenes... Okay, enough qualifying.
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Apr 8th 2006, 1:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Jody Barsch*
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Posts: 1166
Joined: Jun 30th 2003, 1:30 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Post by Jody Barsch* » Aug 28th 2004, 2:16 pm

#20 Life in Progress

List of New characters:
Don and Tammy: it is their house. Tammy is Libby and Walter’s daughter.
Libby: is Vivian’s (Patty’s mom’s) cousin (the one complaining about MSG etc. in “Other People’s Mothers”)
Walter: Libby’s husband (he is an older man, he wears glasses)
Jeremy: Don’s brother
Kurt: Tammy and Patty’s cousin,
Jan: Kurt’s wife
Laura: Kurt and Jan’s daughter, around 10-years-old
Channing: Don and Tammy’s younger son
Dustin: Don and Tammy’s older son (Angela kisses him in the wedding flashback in “Dancing in the Dark”)


* * * * *
[Patty stands at the base of the stairs shouting up]
P: Angela! We're waiting!
A: [annoyed] I'm coming. [Angela comes grudgingly down the stairs carrying an overnight bag and a Walkman. She follows Patty (who is smiling with satisfaction) out the door to the station wagon where Danielle is. Graham locks the house door and then opens the driver side door. ]
G: All set? [Angela rolls her eyes as she gets into the car. ]
[As they drive the camera focuses on her face staring out the window. ]
AVO: We were going on vacation, a weekend trip to my mother's cousins in Butler Falls. I used to love vacations, because you could show up in a new town as a totally new person. [The camera shows Graham, Patty, and Danielle, then moves back to Angela's face as she sighs and puts on her head phones]…It's only now that I realize how false vacations are, because you can't, take a vacation, from yourself. [Music, maybe Smashing Pumpkins, turns up and she closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against the window. ]

* * * * *
[Patty and Angela and Danielle are in the bathroom of a restaurant on their way to their relatives. Angela is in a stall but clearly just to get away, even for a little bit. She is standing with a vacant, slightly pained expression, her eyes traveling aimlessly over graffiti until she comes across the words: “WHY THIS WAY??” Angela evidently sympathizes with this sentiment. ]
AVO: I sometimes wonder about the people who write things on bathroom walls – do they plan it; do they come in with the specific intent of writing something on the wall? Or do they walk around with knives and pens in their pockets just in case a thought strikes them? What are these people feeling? Or rather, what is it they should be doing, instead of –
P: Angela? Are you still in here?
A: [Angela flushes the toilet with her foot] Yes. [She opens the door and goes to wash her hands. She wears the same pained expression from the earlier shows in the series]
P: [calling her out on her attitude] Ok, Angela. What is it? What’s bothering you?
A: [completely denying there is a problem – a little defensive] Nothing.
D: I know what it is.
A: Danielle, shut up.
P: [ sounding weary] Angela, please. [ pausing from this conversation, looking at Angela who is still slowly drying her hands] Are you finished? You’re father is waiting. [ Angela nods and throws the paper towel away as she slowly follows her other and sister out of the bathroom. As Patty moves to open the bathroom door (holding a paper towel in her hand to do so) she turns to Angela and Danielle, continuing the previous conversation] Can we all just work on being in better moods when we get there? [ it isn’t so much of a question as a command, but Patty is not in a bad mood]


* * * * *

[Patty, Graham, Danielle, and Angela are standing at the front door of their cousins’ house. Patty looks a little anxious, Danielle is looking less than thrilled. ]
G: [Just as Patty moves to ring the doorbell, Graham groans, ] Here we go. Another weekend of [Patty moves her hand away from the bell without ringing it] slideshows and self-righteous advice.
P: Shhhh. [She moves to ring the bell again. ]
D: Eewww! Slideshows?!
P: [Warning her] Danielle. [Moving her hand away again and turning to Graham in frustration] Why are you like this? Why do you always do this?
G: Do what?
P: Oh you know what. Waiting till we’re at the door to say something. [She prepares to ring the bell again] Listen, you are all to be gracious and pleasant while we are here. All of you. [In a much less severe tone, ] This is going to be fun. [Patty rings the bell, Angela looks doubtfully at Graham, he flashes his fake happy/“let’s make the best of it” smile. The door opens and several happy family members come out with open arms.]

* * * *

[Patty sits in the living room with Tammy, Libby and Jan.]
Libby: Patricia, how is your work going?
P: Oh, well, things are pretty exciting right now. We’re making some changes that are really going to help Wood and Jones compete with those larger companies. We’re moving into the world of high-speed copiers – we’ll be able to do offset.
L: [A little dryly] Oh isn’t that wonderful. Your father’s been talking about that for years.
P: Well, ah, no, actually Daddy hasn’t been talking about this.
L: Of course he has Patricia. It’s wonderful to see so little has changed at Wood and Jones, that you’re keeping with all of your father’s plans.
P: [ this kind of hurts Patty and she’s not quite sure if she should and if she’s able to contradict this statement] Actually, Aunt Libby, what we’re doing now is brand new to our company.
L: [patronizing] Of course dear. [Danielle enters the room and stands right in front of Patty] I remember when your mother and father--
D: Mom.
P: Danielle, honey, you interrupted. Please continue Aunt Libby.
L: When your parents first—
D: Mom.
P: Danielle. You’re being very rude. You need to wait for whatever it is until a person is finished with their conversation.
D: But I can’t find my toothbrush.
P: That hardly qualifies as an emergency. [Patty laughs a little at her daughter, not because she thinks it is funny, but because in her discomfort she thinks it is socially expected to discredit a child’s concerns] Go upstairs, we’ll find your toothbrush later.
D: But I want to brush now. I have all these little popcorn kernels stuck in my teeth.
P: [Embarrassed and losing her patience] Danielle. Upstairs.
Tammy: Honey, why don’t you go find Laura.
Jan: Yes, I know she was really looking forward to seeing you this weekend. [More to Patty than to Danielle] She has this beautiful new set of paper dolls. They’re darling. [As she continues to speak, Danielle rolls her eyes and slowly leaves the room. The women now carry on their conversation as if they had not been interrupted]

* * * * *

[Graham sits alone in the family room reading the newspaper. Danielle sees him in there as she passes by, and walks into the room. Graham is sitting in a large armchair and Danielle lazily plops herself against one of the chair arms. He winks at her, reads for a little longer, then speaks to her while still reading]
G: Where’s Laura?
D: [annoyed] I don’t know.
G: Weren’t you looking forward to seeing her?
D: Not really.
G: [Not pressuring or accusing her] I thought you were friends.
D: [Danielle takes a moment, she’s not quite sure how to explain what she is feeling] She still wants to play with dolls.
G: Well, you have dolls.
D: Dad. I have dolls. I don’t play with dolls.
G: It might be nice to not be so grown up for a little while. You know, Dani, as you grow up, you’ll have less and less opportunities to just, play. [Danielle gives her father an incredulous look]
D: Dad. I don’t want to play.
G: Oh. Well, then here. Maybe you’d like to read the business section. [He hands her the newspaper smiling. She sighs]
D: You don’t get it. [Graham is amused] [Patty enters the room]
P: I thought you were playing with Laura. Where’s Angela?
D: Upstairs.
P: [Disinterestedly shifting through the newspaper section on the coffee table] What is she doing up there? [In response, Graham shakes his newspaper to re-stiffen it] Danielle, why don’t you go upstairs and check on her.
D: I’m reading the newspaper.
P: Tell Angela I want to see her down here within five minutes. [Danielle huffs, drops the newspaper, and goes upstairs]
[Patty sighs and sits on the arm of Graham’s chair and leans against him, which knocks his paper]
G: Hey!
P: You weren’t really reading it.
G: [chuckles] Says you. [he wraps his arm around her waist]
P: Did you hear from Hallie Lowenthal when the money would come through?
G: Ah, earliest mid-week.
P: [Getting comfortable, snugging up against him, and leaning her head against his in a confidential manner] I think it’s marvelous you’re doing this Graham.
G: [He looks at her, smiles] Well, you’re pretty marvelous yourself.
P: I am not. There’s nothing, extraordinary, about running a print shop.
G: There is, Patty, the way you’ve taken responsibility for your family, your father, [looks at her] me. [She looks at him and smiles. She rests her head against him again. After a moment she speaks]
P: Honestly, I’m going to miss having you home so much.
G: [chuckles] Well, good.


* * * * *

AVO: The thing about vacations is, that you're supposed to be able to like, take a break from your life, [camera shows her doodling Jordan's name, then realizing it and quickly crossing it out,] but that like never happens, because there is nothing for you to do to keep your mind off of what you left behind.
D: [Danielle walks in and stands over Angela] What are you doing?
A: Nothing Danielle, go play.
D: No. It's, like, totally boring here.
A: [In a low voice, not quite willing to agree with her little sister, switching from sitting cross-legged to leaning back,] No kidding. [Changing her tone,] But I thought you loved coming here.
D: [Sitting down, more assured now with something common between them,] No way, Channing thinks he's so cool, and Uncle Jeremy is kind of weird.
A: He thinks he's being funny.
D: Well, I wish he’d stop. And anyway, Laura and I aren't friends anymore.
A: [Loosing interest,] Yeah? Why not?
D: Because, -- [Patty walks in and interrupts her]
P: Come on girls, get downstairs. Danielle, Laura is looking for you. [Angela and Danielle reluctantly get up slowly, dragging their feet.] Angela, everyone has been asking for you, why are you hiding up here?
A: [A little grouchy] I'm not hiding.
P: [As they are walking down the stairs,] Oh yeah?
A: I was taking a break.
P: A break?
A: [Going with it] Yeah.
P: From your vacation?
A: It's your vacation.
P: [Annoyed and talking quietly so that the other family members do not hear,] Angela, enough. I don't know why it is so hard for you to spend a little time with your family, but I expect you to be polite and warm with your relatives this weekend.
A: It's not hard… [Graham walks in putting his hand on each of their shoulders,]
G: What's going on?
P: [Walking away] Nothing.
A: [Standing behind in the hallway,] Nothing.

* * * * *

[Possibly still another scene to be added]

* * * * *

AVO: So far, I had been ignoring the whole thing about the letter, and Jordan and Rayanne … and Brian. It just seemed easier. I mean, what could I really say? To any of them? Jordan and I were pretty much back together, kind of. Things were sort of, weird … With Brian too. I haven’t been taking the bus, so it has been pretty easy to avoid him so far … It’s just too … difficult? to deal with. [pause] I am the most horrible person.

[Angela is sitting on the front steps of her relatives’ house reading Catcher in the Rye when a guy (the guy from the flashback to the wedding in “Dancing in the Dark”) walks up the front carrying a duffel bag. He is older now and looks more mature than the last time we saw him, his hair is not so long, he is a college freshman.]
Dustin: Hey. [He acknowledges Angela as he drops his bag on the porch. Just then, Tammy, his mother, comes out the door excited with her arms open.]
Tammy: Dustin! We weren’t expecting you!
D: Well, I ran out of clean laundry. [He lets his mother hug him.]
Tammy: [Turning into the house,] Don! Patty! Dustin’s home! [More relatives come out onto the porch to greet him and hug him, they are ushering him into the house. Amongst other conversation] – And this is your cousin Angela. [Angela is standing by this time, but more because it has gotten so crowded than from a desire to see this newcomer]
D: [Throwing a head-nod in her direction, and saying,] I know you, [just before he is dragged into the house. Angela is left alone on the porch, she is definitely not thrilled with this new development.]

* * * * *

[Angela, Patty, Libby, Tammy and Jan are in the kitchen making dinner. The scene begins in the middle of a conversation.]
Patty: Well, Dustin’s certainly grown up nicely, hasn’t he?
Libby: Oh yes, and he’s just doing wonderfully at the University.
Tammy: He’s writing for the school’s newspaper now. [She exits to fetch some serving platters]
Libby: [to Angela,] And when will you be going to college dear? [Angela looks up but doesn’t really say anything.]
P: Not for a few more years. Angela’s a sophomore in high school. [Patty is heading into the connected dining room carrying a dish, as she is leaving she rests her hand on Angela’s shoulder and adds,] She’s doing great. [This pleases the women, Angela weakly smiles.]
Jan: It’s too bad Dustin stopped seeing that nice girl. She was such a sweet girl.
Libby: Yes, although I did not care for her mother.
Jan: [In agreement,] No.
Libby: Do you have a boyfriend dear? [they both look at her expectantly. ]
A: [Angela looks mortified,] I think I’ll go see if Mom needs help setting the table, [Angela quickly exits the kitchen as the women give each other knowing looks]
[Angela goes out into the dining room where Patty is setting the table. Patty whispers to Angela, not critically or in a bad mood]
P: Angela, its difficult for people to carry on a conversation when only one side is speaking. [She clarifies] You could speak up a little but, they're just trying to get to know you better.
A: Mom, they’re asking me about my love life.
P: [Sympathizing] Oh, dear. Well, just smile and be pleasant. Why don’t you go tell everyone dinner is nearly ready.

* * * * *

[At the diner table, Angela is just picking at her food, Graham is engaged in a heated conversation with some of the men in the family.]
AVO: My father always gets into arguments with my mother’s family. [She stares at her plate (the food looks not so appetizing)] I think it might have something to do with their cooking.
Tammy: Let’s change the subject to something less, [searching for a mediating word,] topical.
P: [In agreement,] Please.
Don: You’re right.
T: So, Angela, [Angela looks up a little stunned, hoping that she could go through the weekend unnoticed,] I’ve hardly seen you all weekend. How is your life?
AVO: ‘How is my life?’ What was I supposed to say? My life, is … I don’t know. In progress? On pause? Slowly getting more confused and complicated with every—
A: Fine.
P: Angela, you can say more than that.
A: [Searching for something to say] I like my English class, I guess.
P: Angela has been doing a lot of work for the school’s play.
A: Our Town.
Libby: Oh I love Thornton Wilder! [This sets the table conversation in a new direction and takes the focus off of Angela.]
AVO: If anything is actually worse than embarrassing personal questions and absolutely no privacy, then the worst thing about spending time with family is the after-dinner conversation. It never ends, and you can’t get up before the grownups do, [looking around the table] and they never do. [Angela looks through a hallway and sees Danielle playing with other kids] If you’re little, you can get away with leaving, but … [Her eyes turn back to the table and she looks from face to face, Graham looks equally bored and has hardly touched his food, Patty has on a very big fake grin,] It’s like you’re a prisoner. [Eventually Dustin stands up to excuse himself from the table.]
Dustin: Hey Ma, I’m gonna go meet up with the guys.
Jan: Dustin honey why don’t you invite Angela? [Angela again looks mortified, Dustin stops where he is.]
Tammy: That would be nice. I’m sure Angela would love to get away.
A: No, it’s okay. Really.
Du: Are you sure?
A: No thank you. [As she is still speaking the words, Dustin turns and heads up the stairs to get ready. Angela kind of sinks in her chair.]
Walter: Well, [speaking to Graham] this might be a good time to show you the pictures from our last trip.
P: And which trip was that Uncle Walter?
Don: We took the old motor home to Mount Rushmore.
W: Lib, did we remember the slides?
Jan: [to Graham] They’re really spectacular photographs.


* * * * *

[Angela, Patty and Danielle are in a guest bedroom putting new sheets on the twin beds.]
D: But Mom, I don’t like Laura.
P: Shhh! Danielle, I don’t understand why you’re being so mean, you love Laura. [Danielle shoots a “see what I mean” look to Angela, who smiles sympathetically.]
A: Uh, mom, do you think it would be alright if I used their phone?
P: Who are you going to call? Angela, it’s only one weekend with your family. I don’t see what there is, so important that you need to interrupt that with a phone call to a friend who you’ll see in a couple of days.
A: [Giving up,] Never mind.
P: Are you sure you don’t want to go out with Dustin?
A: Mom.
P: It was very nice of him to ask you.
A: He didn’t ask me.
P: I’m sure he would love for you to go with him.
D: I’d go.
P: He’s a very good-looking boy.
A: [Miserable,] Mom, please.
P: [Dropping the last pillow on the bed,] Okay. Come on Danielle, I’ll help you look for your toothbrush. [Danielle and Patty exit. Angela exhales a deep breath and then collapses backwards on one of the beds. She lies there for a while, her head slightly hanging over the side of the bed (away from the door).]
A: As if my life didn’t suck enough already… [She says this sort of under her breath in a sigh.]
D: Sure you don’t want to come? [Angela shoots her head up in surprise and we see Dustin popping his head in through the open doorway.]
A: Um, no. That’s okay. Thanks though.
D: [Taking a step inside the room,] I would have asked you anyway.
A: [Still refusing the invitation,] No, really.
D: ‘Cuz you know, the family can be kind of crazy. I could be your only chance for escape. [Angela hesitates,] Come on, [he holds out his hand, hesitantly she takes it and he pulls her off the bed.] Cool. [Angela partly smiles.]

* * * * *

[The adults are gathered in the family room where a slideshow is underway.]
Walter: Ah, this is the motor park we stayed in the third night.
Don: [To Graham] Our neighbors, Joyce and Peter, recommended it to us. They stay there all the time. Did I tell you they’re remodeling?
G: No. [The slide changes]
T: Oh, yes! All new appliances, slate countertops—[At the same time, Walter continues the slideshow]
W: Ah, and this is the river where I hooked that enormous rainbow.
L: [To Tammy] Was that the day we had lunch at that cute little café? [To Patty and Graham] Oh, it was darling. [As she continues to speak Graham smiles and nods with a glazed expression]

* * * * *

[Angela and Dustin are bundled up, it is a cold night, you can see their breath as they walk away from his car, there are patches of snow on the ground. They are walking towards a small house; she follows him around the side to a small gate, which takes them to behind the house. There are about eight kids back there, a small bonfire, several kids are smoking cigarettes, and they are drinking beers. As he walks past, people greet Dustin and nod/smile/ or say “hey” to Angela. It is a comfortable atmosphere. A guy comes up to him and gives him a hug.]
Aaron: Dustin!
D: Hey Aaron, this is Angela. [Tilting his head a little sideways towards Angela,] This is Aaron’s house.
Angela: Hi.
Aaron: Hey Angela! Bro I got that thing I gotta show you in the house.
D: Cool. [Grabbing a beer and handing Angela one,] I’ll just be a minute. [She nods and looks around as they go up small steps into the back of the dark house. She lifts the bottle to her lips and takes a small sip.]

* * * * *

[Graham and Patty are in bed.]
G: [Turning to Patty] If I have to hear one more story about their vacations …
P: Graham.
G: I mean, a person should ask a person if they’re interested before they launch into an hour-long story about Mount Rushmore. “Actually Don, I’m not interested.” I’d rather go through root canal than listen to that man’s stories.
P: Well Graham, what are we supposed to talk about? You disagree on everything.
G: I don’t know. [pause] And he always tells stories about his neighbors, like I have any idea who he’s talking about. You realize they don’t even ask us how we’re doing.
P: Well we exchange letters.
G: I don’t even know why we come. It seems like the only thing they want to know about is Angela’s personal life.
P: [Rearranging her pillows,] Who doesn’t? [Graham kind of laughs. Patty rolls right up next to him, Graham puts his arm around her shoulder, ] Graham, I’m sorry you’re having such a miserable weekend. I am. [Dropping her head on his chest,] I know they can be-
G: [Stroking her hair and back,] It’s okay.
P: [Lifting her head and smiling up at him,] Want to let me make it up to you? [He kisses her and pulls her down.]

* * * * *

[Angela and Dustin are sitting on a bench a little ways from the fire. Angela’s cheeks are very flushed, she is just a little bit drunk.]
D: And what’s the other guy’s name?
A: Jordan, Catalano.
D: No, the other guy’s name.
A: Oh. Brian Krakow. … Wait, [Smiling,] what were we talking about?
D: About why you said that your life sucks.
A: I said that? When?
D: When you were collapsed across my old bed.
AVO: It was so strange, I didn’t even know why I was telling him all this. It just sort of happened. … And the whole time I kept wondering if he remembered ever kissing me.
A: It just seems like everything is changing too fast. … [She thinks for a while,] I’m not sure what I should be feeling.
D: How did you feel before you read the letter? What did you want then?
A: Huh. [Thinking about this.]
D: Just forget about the letter, it tells you nothing.
A: [Raising her voice,] What do you mean? It—
D: Okay, it tells you one guy likes you, but can’t tell you, and that the other guy likes you, and wants you to know it. It doesn’t matter that this guy Jordan didn’t write it, he gave it to you didn’t he?
A: [She looks confused. Then lets out a big sigh, her face relaxes,] I don’t know, let’s stop talking about it. [She leans her head back against the wall. Her eyes wander a little while, then she turns her head to him,] Have you ever read Catcher in the Rye?
D: Twice. In high school.
A: Does he ever talk to Jane?
D: [Almost like how Brian says it in “Pressure”] I’m not sure. [He smiles, and then putting his hand on her knee as he stands up, he turns to say,] Listen, Angela, I’m sorry about that thing at the wedding, the kiss. Guys can kind of be jerks when they’re in high school. [He walks away, leaving her to think about this, she puts down her beer bottle.]

* * * * *

[Angela sneaks into their room barefoot, holding her shoes, and silently closes the door.]
D: Why are you walking like that? [Startled, Angela totally jumps.]
A: I thought you would be asleep.
D: I’m too bored to sleep. [Angela steps into the closet to change her clothes.] Mom’s driving me crazy.
A: [From the closet] That’s what she does.
D: It’s not fair; she’s completely controlling me. And she acts so weird when she’s around her family.
A: [Coming out and sitting on her bed,] I know, it’s like she has this Better Patty she puts on for them.
D: But she tries to do it to me too. I keep telling her that I don’t like Laura, but she makes me play with her anyway. It’s like she’s in denial.
A: I know. [Pause] But maybe it’s just easier, you know, if things don’t change.
D: Easier for who?
A: … I’m not sure … [Angela is now clearly thinking about how this applies to her own life]
D: I mean, am I supposed to keep pretending I like her, even if I don’t, just to make it easier on mom?
A: [Kind of annoyed to be jogged back to Danielle’s problem] I don’t know Danielle. [Nicer] Maybe it doesn’t make things any easier to pretend your feelings about someone haven’t changed, maybe it’s better for everyone just to say it – how you feel …
D: You mean about Jordan?
A: Danielle!
D: What? I heard mom telling dad that he came over the other night. And that she let you go out, on a school night!
A: Danielle, you shouldn’t listen in on their conversations.
D: [Leaving her bed to lean across Angela’s] So, do you love him?
A: Jordan?
D: [Moving a little closer] Uh-huh.
A: [Thinking about it] … I don’t, … I don’t know. I guess sometimes I think so, but –
D: [Not hearing her “but”] Wow. [Angela decides not to continue. Danielle cuddles up next to her sister] I’ve never even been kissed.
A: [Lightly brushing a whisp of Danielle’s hair out of her face] It’ll happen.
D: [Yawning] Angela?
A: [Also sleepy] Mm?
D: I’m glad you’re my sister. [She snugs up and closes her eyes]
A: [Very softly] Me too.

* * * * *

[In the morning, Graham stands in the girls’ doorway looking at them sleep; they are still in the bed together. Graham smiles and softly closes the door. In the hallway he sees the Don who has been showing him pictures and who he had been arguing with last night.]
G: Hey Don.
D: Good morning Graham.
G: Uh, I just wanted to say, uh, Patty and the girls, well, we’ve all had a great weekend.
D: Glad to hear it Graham. I think Tammy is about to make breakfast.
G: Listen, why don’t I make breakfast, and you can tell me more about your trip.

* * * * *

[Angela is stepping out of the shower, her hair is up in a towel; she stands before the bathroom mirror, cleans the mirror with her hand and looks at her reflection.]
AVO: I woke up that morning with a clear mind. I don’t know what it was exactly, but it seemed like everything that had been weighing on me, Brian, the letter, Rayanne, … suddenly nothing seemed as bad as it had. Maybe it never was, or maybe I finally let it all go. I don’t know … It just felt like I could go back, like I could move on.

* * * * *

[In the kitchen Graham is at the stove, Don and his wife and the other adults are in the kitchen talking to Graham]
Don: -And of course, you know our neighbors Paul and Nola, their son just got married last week.
G: Oh really?
Jan: Beautiful ceremony.
Tammy: Of course Nola’s mother couldn’t be there, you know how sick she’s been.
G: Hm.
P: [Patty walks in smiling] Good Morning. Oh, that smells delicious.
Walter: I was just thinking that.
P: Of course you know Graham’s opening his restaurant soon.
D: That’s right! We have a professional cooking us breakfast.
Tammy: Graham, Patty’s been telling us all about it, it all sounds so exciting.
G: You know, it is, kind of exciting.
Libby: When will the restaurant open? We will all come down for it of course.
P: Oh we’d love that! [She crosses the room to stand by Graham, placing her hands on his shoulder. Graham leans to give her a peck on the side of her head and gives her a quick wink. Patty smiles, giving him a small pat, and then continues her conversation with the relatives.] Yes, I’m so proud. – Well, it’s all happened so fast …

* * * * *

[Probably a new scene to be added here. Maybe one with Angela alone and she is approached by one or more of the family members and she finally has a nice conversation with them. Maybe one last quick exchange between Angela and Dustin. Maybe a scene with the whole family…]

* * * * *

[At the end of the weekend the Chases are in the station wagon driving back to Three Rivers. Graham is driving, Angela is in the backseat behind him, with Danielle sitting behind Patty. Angela has her earphones on with her forehead leaning on the window, much like she sat at the beginning of the episode.]
P: Whew! It will be nice to be home.
AVO: [Rolling her eyes – but good naturedly,] My mother always says that at the end of a vacation. [Angela turns from looking out the window to Danielle and smiles, then leans forward and reaches over the driver’s seat to touch Graham’s shoulder, he takes her hand and gives it a quick kiss, he and Patty smile at each other, and then back at the girls.]
A: [Taking off her ear phones,] M, hm [she says in agreement.]
AVO: I was beginning to think it would be.
[The camera moves out of the car and follows them behind for a while, eventually letting them move farther ahead.]

The End


**By cousin, I mean distant cousin, second or third and removed, remember that this isn’t even a blood relative; I am NOT saying that Angela kissed her first cousin!!

Edit #1: changed "amazing" to "darling"
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Aug 31st 2004, 11:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by raineedazed » Aug 29th 2004, 3:01 am

Anyways, I loved
It's only now that I realize how false vacations are, because you can't, take a vacation, from yourself.
:shock: That seriously came from your mind? Dude. I'm jealous now. I'm completely unskilled with the whole insightful voiceovers thing. Its really, REALLY frustrating.

The slideshow is bringing back absolutely horrible vacation memories. I have an aunt and uncle exactly like that. They took the same trip, and showed us the same random photos.


I think this was a really good episode. Probably one of the best I’ve read so far. Patty seemed very, very true to character – much more so that I could ever pull off. Plus, it’s nice to not have to deal with the whole Jordan/Brian thing right away. Dustin sounds like a pretty cool character - it might be fun to experiment with a scene between him and Angela at the end. He's Angela's grandparent's nephew, right???
The only thing I found myself disagreeing with was Angela getting drunk. It almost sounded like Rayanne in some spots during that scene, but maybe that’s just me.

Overall, thumbs up!
"I don't like to leave the house, unless I have to. I would prefer living in a cave, with a door. Maybe a giant hobbit cave, with furry rugs. Something really cozy, with a fireplace--something you could stay in for six to 15 months at a time."
~Jared Leto

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Post by sarahr_81 » Sep 10th 2004, 9:20 pm

i just read it, awesome story, i wish i could write fan fic, lol.

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Post by Jody Barsch* » Dec 15th 2004, 4:13 am

Okay, here's #21 "Performance". There was initially a lot more to this episode: a scene between Jordan and Brian, one between Brian and Angela, and one between Patty a Camille, but the episode just seemed way too long, so they may show up in #22 "Waiting". Because of this, I just kind of threw together and ending, not sure that I'm happy with it yet. Probably a lot of revisions still to come for this episode.
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Dec 15th 2004, 4:15 am

#21 Performance


DAY 1


AVO: [Angela is walking down a hallway at Liberty High] Jordan Catalano had driven me home from school everyday last week. Friday night he was going to take me to this thing, but, we never made it [she slightly smiles to herself] … It had been two weeks since the letter, but I still hadn’t spoken to Rayanne Graff. [Rayanne turns a corner into the hall, sees Angela, kind of pauses and waits for any sign of recognition, Angela looks away, Rayanne’s response is to quickly turn and leave in the direction she came, Angela covertly watches her as she does and walks the other way; she rolls her eyes, sighs, and walks away.]

* * * * *

[Rayanne walks down the halls at Liberty, spots Sharon at her locker, Rayanne looks away, and then gathering herself and her shoulder bag, takes an exaggerated step in Sharon’s direction, at first walking past her before circling back to settle in leaning against the adjacent lockers.]
S: [Sharon, transferring things from her locker to her backpack, glances at Rayanne] Hey.
Ra:
[Not looking at her, but looking around, avoiding initial eye contact as if she is still hesitant she wants to commit to such a public venue for a friendly conversation with Sharon Chirsky] Hey.
S:
[Making conversation as she finishes locating her books] How’s rehearsals going.
Ra:
[Digging through her bag] Oh you know, whatever. [She pulls out a leftover candy cane, offers it to Sharon, who turns it down with a face, and so Rayanne unwraps it for herself. Fingers hooked in the crook of the candy cane, moving it around in her mouth, Rayanne turns her, leaning right into Sharon’s locker, and begins casually] So, Angela’s still not talking to me.
S:
[Sharon looks at her, closes her locker] I think you have to consider the possibility that she never will. [Sharon begins walking down the hallway and Rayanne moves to catch up to her]
Ra: [Completely changing the tone of the conversation] Okay Chirsky, spill, what’s been happening with you and Vinodick? [The girls continue their now light hearted conversation as the round the corner in the hallway and exit the scene.]

* * * * *

[Angela and Jordan are in his car in the school parking lot. From the backseat the camera closes in on them kissing]
J: What are you doing this weekend?
A: I’m, uh, I was actually going to go see Our Town.
J: Oh.
[His expression is blank -- this means nothing to him. Is she talking about Three Rivers …]
A: It’s, this play.
J: Oh, right. Tino said he might be going.
[Changing the subject] So listen, -
A:
[Angela speaking at the same time, continuing the conversation about Tino and the play] - Yeah. Well, Rayanne’s like, the star or whatever.
J: Rayanne Graff?
A.V.O: Even though I had forgiven him – mostly anyway, it was still too weird to hear him say her name. Like, out loud. It was like, I wasn’t ready to remember that they knew each other -- that they even existed in the same world.
A:
[uncomfortable, looking away] Uh-huh.
J: Oh.
[Pause] So, do you like, talk to her, I mean, are you friends?
A:
[Kind of distant, but giving it thought] I’m not sure. [Pause] So, Jordan, can I ask you, like, a personal question?
J: Okay,
[he says with trepidation]
A: [she continues tentatively, in a small voice] What did Tino say, after … you know… Rayanne and ...?
J:
[He’s a bit relieved. He looks at her and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and smiles] He said he was glad he wasn’t you.
A:
[Small smile and roll of the eyes in concession] But, did he, I mean, was he upset? Or like, uncomfortable? Because, he’s like friends, with both of you?
J:
[Thoughtfully] I don’t know. I mean, I never thought about it. [Pause, he’s thinking about this] It’s kind of hard, to know what Tino’s, thinking.
A.V.O: To hear Jordan Catalano, say that, about someone else, was like, totally --
J: Ironic, huh?
A: Excuse me?
J: I mean, you and Tino, like, in the same situation. I mean, not the same situation, but …
A: Yeah.
[Pause] So, do you two ever talk? I mean Rayanne?
J:
[A little wary] How come?
A:
[Not looking at him] No reason.
J: Not really. Angela, it wasn’t -- We didn’t--
A: We don’t have to talk about it anymore.
A.V.O: The fact that I said that, like after weeks of dying for an explanation, I couldn’t believe it.
[She is looking out the window, or messing with the dash board as e watches her] I think I’m just tired, of hating them. And --
A:
[Turning back to him] I mean, is it fair? That one night should like control, our whole lives? [She kisses him, and he, kind of not believing that Angela Chase, for once in her life let a subject drop, like on purpose, begins to make out with her]
A.V.O: I couldn’t believe it.

* * * * *

[The Chase house at night. Patty is yelling up the stairs to Angela who is sprawled across her bed on her stomach. ]
Patty: Angela? Brian Krakow is here to see you!
AVO: I had asked Brian Krakow to come over. I didn’t know what to say to him, but he had barely spoken to me over the past weeks, and as unbelievably aggravating as Brian Krakow is, there is something about him you miss when he’s not around.
A:
[Coming down the stairs carrying a book. Brian is standing in the middle of the living room waiting for her, but hardly looking at her] Hi.
B: Hey. Hi.
A: So, here’s your Catcher in the Rye. Thanks, uh, for letting me borrow it.
B: So, is that it? You just wanted to return my book?
A: Brian, no. … So how are you?
B: Angela, --
A: Brian I’m sorry.
B: What? For what?
A: I don’t know. …
[Lost for words so she changes the subject] So, I think I might try being friends with Rayanne again.
B:
[Brian sarcasm] Wow. Congratulations. Great idea Angela. Why are you, like, telling me this?
A: No reason.
A.V.O: I had no idea what to say to Brian, I didn’t even know what I wanted to say. It just felt like if I couldn’t carry this conversation with him now, things might never go back to normal. And I guess that’s what I was trying to do, with everyone, get things back to, my so-called life. Even if that meant I could no longer pretend that nothing had happened.
A: Listen Brian, about th--
B: I have to go.
[Walking towards the door, he turns as he opens it. Angela’s face is wrinkled up, and she is biting her lip.] So, I’ll like, see you on the bus tomorrow?
A:
[She smiles and nods] Uh-huh.
B: Goodnight Chase.
[He leaves the house and shuts the door]
A: ‘Night Brian. [Graham enters from the kitchen]
G: Brian gone? [Angela nods] Did I hear you and Rayanne made up?
A: Um, not exactly.
G: Oh. Do you want to talk about it?
A: Uh, not really.
[She begins to walk up stairs but then turns around] Um, Dad, do you think its’ wrong for me to be, uh, friends? with Jordan, but not with Rayanne?
G: Well, I don’t know. Are you and Jordan just friends?
A: Dad.
G: Sorry, sorry. Well, it seems to me like Rayanne was always a pretty good friend to you, until …
[Starting again] And I know this kid Jordan means a lot to you, but you never had quite the same history with him, as you did, say with your best friend. So maybe it’s easier for you to forgive Jordan, because it really wasn’t him who betrayed you.
A.V.O: It was truly amazing. In those few minutes, my father had, completely summed up the entire nightmare of my life starting since that night.
G:
[Continuing] I guess it comes down to whether you lose more by never being friends with Rayanne again, or by forgiving her and moving on.
A:
[Kind of dazed, nods her head, not focusing her eyes on Graham] Thanks. [she goes upstairs]

* * * * *

DAY 2

[Angela and Rickie are walking down the school hallways talking, eventually they end up at Rickie’s locker]
A: Any news on your living situation?
Ri:
[This makes him uncomfortable and he gets slightly defensive] What do you mean?
A: Didn’t you say that Ms. Krysenowski had mentioned a place, Pride House?
Ri: Yeah, so?
A: Nothing, I was just wondering if you had heard anything more about it. Is that still happening?
Ri: I don’t know. Maybe not. Why?
A: Well, you’re not going to spend the rest of high school living with
[she lowers her voice] living with Mr. Katimsky are you?
Ri:
[Upset that he has to say this out loud, but putting on a front] Angela, of course not.
A:
[Starting to feel a little funny that she brought this topic up, sensing that it is making Rickie uncomfortable] You don’t want to do you?
Ri:
[Rickie sighs, not looking at her] I don’t want to- I don’t really feel like talking about this [he qualifies to make it not sound so harsh] right now [continues qualifying] Angela. [they stand there awkward, Rickie doesn’t really want to look at Angela, and she is feeling a little timid and embarrassed. Corey approaches them]
C: Hi.
Ri:
[forced up beat] Hi.
A:
[following, but a little awkward, she looks away without being too obvious] Hi. [they all three stand there, awkwardly]
C: Well, bye.
Ri: Yeah, bye.
A: Bye.
[slow to start the conversation up again] So the play opens this weekend huh?’
Ri: Uh-huh.
[remaining neutral]
A: [still easing back into the swing of a normal conversation] So I thought I might go. [Rickie looks at her, just listening, she qualifies herself so as not to seem too vulnerable] You know, since Mr. Katimsky’s offering extra credit and all.
Ri: Sure.
A:
[Taking her time] So, does Rayanne ever- [she catches herself; laughs it off, ] Never mind, forget it. I’ll see ya. [She walks away and Rickie watches before returning to his locker]
[Rickie turns from his locker and Delia comes up to talk to him.]
D: [All smiles] Hi.
R: Oh, hi.

[Their conversation continues, but we don’t really hear what they re saying as the camera is now following Rayanne, who is down the hall talking to some guy. But, when Rayanne sees Rickie and Delia laughing, she walks away from the guy she had been talking to, crosses the hallway to approach Rickie and Delia]
Ra: Excuse me. [Rayanne speaks quickly to Delia to cut Rickie off. She’s being le bitch..]
D: Okay, I guess I’ll see you later.
Ra: ‘Kay bye.
D: Bye Rickie.
Ri: Bye Delia.
Ra: That girl is on some serious prozac.
Ri: Rayanne.
Ra: What? Do you ever not see her smiling? It’s spooky.
Ri: She’s nice.
Ra: That’s just it, it’s the nice ones you have to watch out for Rickie. I’ll bet she killed someone at her last school.
Ri: Rayanne.
Ra: I’m just saying. I mean, she hangs with Chirsky, you’ve gotta be nuts.
Ri: Rayanne, you hang out with Sharon.
Ra: I bet her hair’s fake.
Ri: It’s not fake.
Ra: I don’t know, I heard it’s a wig.
Ri: Shut up Rayanne.
Ra: I mean, I don’t know what Krakow saw in her, she’s too boring even for him.
Ri: I’ll see you later.
Ra: Can’t you take a joke, where’s your sense of humor Vasquez?
[He is walking away, she stands for a moment and then rushes to catch up with him. Wait, Rickie, I gotta tell you about the cast party! It’s going to be wicked. Tino has this connection with—
Ri: Rayanne, do you really think that’s such a good idea?
Ra:
[She stops and asks flatly] What do you mean?
Ri: I just mean, you’ve been doing so good, with the play and all, why mess it up?
Ra: Mess up what? I’m not messing anything up.
[she starts to drink from a flask, Rickie watches this and sighs]
Ri: Never mind. [adding] Just, be careful. [he walks away]
Ra: I don’t need to be careful. What I need are some better friends. [Rayanne moves to take a drink from her flask, but as she does, Sharon comes up to her]
S: Rayanne! [Rayanne puts away the flask before Sharon sees it and before she ever took a drink] You will not believe what I did last night!
Ra:
[Sharon’s energy draws Rayanne into the conversation] Oh yeah? Kyle?

* * * * *

[Patty sits on the couch surrounded with order forms and everything. Graham walks into the room]
G: Hey Shorty. What’ya doing?
P:
[she looks at him wryly with a pencil in her mouths smiles] I hate it when you call me that.
G:
[Graham looks through some of the papers] Wow. The high-speed copiers. You’re doing it.
P:
[smiling] Looks like it. Oh Graham, it’s going to make such a difference - [Patty is getting excited, she’s kind of getting up on her knees to start explaining this] [the phone rings]
Danielle Off-Screen: Dad! It’s that Hallie person on the phone.
G:
[short laugh to Patty about “what you going to do?”, then shouts to Danielle] Okay! [he moves into the den and picks up the phone. Patty settles down again and returns to her papers, but she does look up from them and watches Graham as the conversation continues. We can’t really hear what he’s saying, but he’s getting excited, and they’re joking and he gives that great laugh. When he \hangs up she looks back down at her papers. He approaches her, very excited to share what he’s just heard]
G: Patty! [she looks up and smiles] It’s all happening! The bank, the money the space! Their starting renovations early next week! -- We’re deciding on the logo and the graphics -- and dishes, -- I’m going shopping for a stove -- and with Hallie’s connections, she’s in the position to get us great advertising!
P: Well, honey, that’s wonderful.
[she means it, she just says it kind of quietly]
G: [clearly feeling the rush] God! This is so amazing. It’s like everything is changing, its’ a whole new life. I mean, this is something I’ve dreamed about, haven’t even dared to dream about, for years! [a little less gung-ho, now more reflective] I just can’t believe its actually happening, to me. Can you imagine? [she smiles]
P: I’m glad sweetheart.
G: I’m sorry Patty, what were we
[referring to Wood and Jones]
Angela Off-Screen: Dad! Where’s that chowder you made?
P: It’s in the fridge!
A: I can’t find it!
P: The top shelf.
A: Huh?
G: I’m coming.
[he walks to the kitchen to help Angela]
P: Ah! Wait a minute, Angela! What happened to us eating dinner as a family?

* * * * *

[The Chases are at the dinner table in the middle of the meal]
P: Angela, doesn’t your school’s play begin this weekend? [Graham looks up, not really liking where this conversation may be leading to]
A: Uh, yeah. I think so.
P: You “think so”? Angela, weren’t you supposed to be selling tickets?
A: Okay: yes, it opens Thursday night.
P: Well, maybe we should all go.
[Graham gulps] Danielle can bring a friend.
D: NO! Why do I have to go?
P:
[Patty ignores Danielle’s compliant and continues You’ve been attending the rehearsals, right Angela? How is it?
AVO: I hadn’t told my parents that I was too embarrassed to continue painting sets. Plus it made the perfect excuse while I was with Jordan every night.
A: Uh, I don’t really know, mainly we were back stage.
P: Well, I’m sure it’s be wonderful.
G: Uh, Patty, I don’t know. Maybe we should wait for some reviews. I mean, we’re talking high school drama students.
[Patty throws her cloth napkin at Graham]
AVO: For some reason, I really didn’t want my family to see the play. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see the play. But I kind of felt like I had to. Not out of any obligation to Rayanne, but… I don’t know, I just felt like I had to see her. But I couldn’t stand the thought of my family actually applauding her.
A: Um, I already sold all of my tickets.
P:
[Incredulously] You sold all 50 of you tickets?
A:
[Angela hesitates, looks all round at her family members, and then kind of cracks] Actually, I’m not sure I want you to go. See, Rayanne’s in the play … I’m not even sure if I’m going to go. [pause] Could you guys, just like, not go.
P: Of course, we understand.
D: Rayanne’s in it? I want to go.
[Angela leaves the table]
G: Ah, Danielle.

* * * * *
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Dec 15th 2004, 4:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Dec 15th 2004, 4:20 am

DAY 3

[In English class at the end of the period just as the bell is ringing]
Mr. K: Okay, uh, if you want extra credit for seeing Our Town, then you need to respond, uh, in writing, to the prompt on the board.
Student 1: Don’t you have it on a handout?
Student 2: Yeah Mr. K, can’t you photocopy this stuff?
Mr. K: Ah, see, it’s ah, Extra credit. Copy it down or don’t.

[Angela, Brian, and several other students stay past the bell to copy down the prompt.
As he writes, Brian sneaks a glance in Angela’s direction, he studies her but when she catches him and looks at him, he quickly looks away. As this happens, Rayanne pops her head into the classroom.
]
Ra: Yo, Mr. K, what time tonight ?
M. K: Ah, curtain call is, ah, 5:30, Rayanne.
Ra: Cool.
[she moves to pop back out but catches a glimpse of Brian and Angela. Angela hade been watching Rayanne ever since she entered the room, but now immediately looks down. Rayanne picks up on this, and responds by noticing Brian[ Krakow, you heartbreaker, I better see you tonight. [she disappears and then reappears pointing a finger at him You’re going to the cast party. [Irritated, Angela closes her notebook, and stands to gather her things; Rayanne sees this but continues] You’re not getting out of it. [She finishes her sentence as she continues down the hall] I want to see you there Krakow. [Brian’s wide eyes follow her[]
A: [Moving towards leaving the classroom, Angela pauses by Brian’s desk] She doesn’t mean it you know. She doesn’t mean anything she says.
B:
[He looks up at her, a little defiant.] Well, congratulations, looks like being friends again really worked out for you.
A:
[Still irritated] Just, forget it. [Angela exits]

* * * * *

[Rickie stands outside Ms. Krysenowski’s office door. He looks around from side to side before knocking with trepidation. He waits for a second, tries the handle, but it is locked, she’s not in. Rickie sighs and then turns and leans against the door. Delia approaches.]
D: Hi.
Ri:
[Realizing someone is there, he straightens himself and forms a smile] Uh, hi.
D:
[Smiling] Everything okay?
Ri:
[Responding just a little defensive, and with some bravado.] Yeah.

[Time lapse to later in the conversation: Delia and Rickie are sitting on the window ledge balcony from “On the Wagon”]
Ri: And so Ms. Krysenowski said she would try to get me a place in this group home, only the wait is like kind of long, so I, [he hesitates] so I moved in with Mr. Katimsky.
D: The English teacher?
R: Uh huh.
D:
[bluntly] Wow. I had no idea all that was happening.
Ri: Well,
[uncomfortable with the sympathy]
D: [Picking up on this and saying something to take the pressure off and to keep the conversation going] So now how are things going?
Ri: Good. Great really. I feel like I- like I-
D:
[helping him out] Settled?
Ri: Yeah. And now I’m worried that they’re going to find a place for me in the home, and I want to tell Krysenowski not to bother, or at least find out how long I have, but what if she’s forgotten, I don’t want to remind her. And I don’t particularly want to have to tell her where I’ve been staying.
D: She doesn’t know?
Ri: I don’t know. Mr. Katimsky hasn’t told me not to say anything, but just the same, I haven’t really told anyone. It’s not exactly – usual.
D: Well no.
[There is a pause in the conversation, and then Delia begins laughing at herself. This surprises Rickie and he looks over at her]
Ri: What?
D: Nothing. I just feel so painfully “usual” and boring next to your life.
[He cracks a smile.]
Ri: Trust me, it’s nothing to envy. There’s nothing painful about being normal. People leave you alone, you can just be yourself.
D: It’s always hard being yourself. Everyone struggles with that.
[She looks at him] In a way, you’re lucky; you know who you are. Most people have no idea.
Ri: Maybe
[sweet thought but he doesn’t really buy it – still, he’s flattered]

* * * * *

[Outside the school auditorium, Rayanne, still in street clothes, stands at a pay phone. She is on the phone and clearly getting agitated that whoever she’s calling isn’t picking up. She’s twisting around in the phone, hopping from one foot to the other, kicking at the phone stand. She hangs up. Dials another number, she is getting antsy. Again, no one answers her second call either. She slams the phone down, and kicks back behind her to kick the hanging phone book. Rayanne is now pacing, kind of talking to herself, and moving her fists -- she’s in the process of wigging out. She begins to dig through her bag for her flask. Brian shows up on the scene, riding his bicycle. He approaches slowly in bike lazy circles, studying her without Rayanne noticing that he is there. Failing to find her flask she cusses to herself.]
B: Hey.
Ra:
[She looks up, conscious that she has been caught in a weaker moment] Hey.
B: How’s it going?
Ra: Ah, you know,
[kicks the phone book one last time for good measure] fabulous.
B:
[Brian silently nods]
Ra: [Rayanne sits on the curb] Ah, my mom, she was supposed to be here tonight. She was supposed to be here, to see me.
B:
[Brian stand, still perched on his bike, looking around. He does not focus on her, as if there is a delicate balance of how much he can look at her before she tells him to get lost] Well, it’s still early. The performance won’t start for another hour or so.
Ra:
[Incredulous] Hmph.
B: She could still show.
Ra: The thing about my mom is, she tends to get side tracked. She’ll have every intention of showing up somewhere, but then something, happens. Like, tonight, she’ll probably end up going for drinks with people from work if she’s not with her boyfriend. She returns to digging through her bag. Whatever. No biggie. It’s not like tonight’s the only night or anything. There’s plenty of other nights she can come. Brian nods again. And Tino. Who knows where he is. Tino was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago.
[she continues searching through her bag, she finds flask, holds it, but doesn’t pull it out (from Brian’s perspective, he cannot see the flask)] Damn it.
B: Nervous?
Ra: Me?
[She stands] Krakow get real.
B: I didn’t think so.
[She looks down, stands on the sides of her feet, drops her bag, he does a small circle on his bike and returns to where he was] Rickie says the show will be great. [Hesitant to continue] He says you’re really good. [She picks up her bag, the flask falls out, she picks it up, making eye contact with Brian momentarily before she readjusts herself into composed Rayanne she walks away.] Uh hey, Graff, [knowing he sounds stupid] Break a leg, or whatever.
Ra:
[She pauses, turns, winks at him and tosses the flask to him, he drops his bike in the effort to catch it, and though she doesn’t see it, she clearly hears it happen and laughs.] See ya Krakow. [He stands there, wide eyed, looking at the flask and watching her walk away.]

* * * * *

[Patty is sitting at the dining room table with a ton of paper work – order forms, etc. Danielle is at the coffee table doing homework, and Graham is at the couch reading a French cookbook. There is a knock at the door.]
D: I’ll get it! /b] [Danielle rushes to the door and opens it up to Neil] Hey uncle Neil. [She returns to her work, leaving the door open for Neil to close.]
N: Hey everybody.
G: Hey.
P: Hi Neil.
N:
[produces a bottle of scotch] For my brother, the restaurant man.
G: Ah, Neil, you didn’t have to do that.
N: Are you kidding me, this is huge. I’m so impressed.
[turning back in the couch to speak to Patty still at the dining room table] Patty, I’m like, I’m in awe of your husband.
P: We all are Neil.
G:
[Graham accepts the bottle, reads the label] Wow, this is Great Neil. Thanks. [He sets it on the coffee table]
N: [As he speaks, Neil walks over to the bar to get some glasses] You know, when Patty first told me about this, I thought it was a joke. I mean, you’re not exactly big on following through on things.
G: Hey!
N:
[Looks back at Patty as he opens the bottle] Back me up on this Patty.
P: Uh, you know, tonight’s, really not the best night for all this – I’ve got all this work, Danielle’s doing her homework, it’s a week night…
G: Oh yeah. I mean, it’s not even opened yet. You know, it’s probably kind of premature. But hey listen Neil, thanks.
N: No, no, no, we’ve gotta toast this.
P: Danielle, go upstairs and finish your homework.
D: Why? Dad’s not doing anything; he gets to just hang out with uncle Neil, and that Hallie Lowenthal.
[Patty gives graham a look. Neil steps in]
N: Uh- we’ll take this somewhere else. [grabbing his coat and moving towards the door] See you Patty. Latter Munchkin.
G:
[Patty looks up at Graham, he kind of shrugs, like saying, “what can I do?”] We won’t be out too late.
N:
[continuing the conversation as he opens the front door and hands Graham his coat] My brother the restaurateur – you know I’m bringing all my dates to your place. I’ve always wanted my own reserved booth-
G:
[Speaking to Patty as he puts his coat on] You’re welcome to come.
P: No, no, go ahead. I’ve got
[she looks around at all the papers surrounding her] too much work to do. [She smile s up at him] Enjoy yourself.
N:
[Already out the door] Graham, are you coming?
G:
[Turning his attention to things outside the house] Yeah, I’m coming. [We can hearing them talking as they walk to the street]

* * * * *

[Brian is enters the theater and runs into Delia who is working as an usher. (Delia is dressed in all black with a white button-down shirt.) Sharon is standing there talking with her. Brain holds his sweater awkwardly – crumpling it into a fragile ball he holds in his hands. Brian is acting a little giddy, but also a little detached and strange. The girls look at him with raised eyebrows.]
B: What?
D:
[Delia gives him a weird look] Nothing.
B:
[looking down at the sweater he holds, and then back to the girls] It’s nothing. It’s just a sweater. [The girls exchange glances and give him a strange look.]
S: That’s nice Krakow. [Delia half-heartedly holds a program out to Brian, barely extending her wrist. Brian takes it and goes to take a seat. For a few steps the girls follow him with their eyes before laughing and moving on.]
D: Tell me he wasn’t always that weird.
S:
[Sharon makes a noise but has no verbal response to this.] I better get backstage.

* * * * *

[Backstage in the girls’ dressing room. There are costume wracks, a long table with chairs pulled up to it. The table is pushed up against a wall and has long mirrors propped up lengths wise running across it. makeup and hair supplies cover the table, there is radio playing and backpacks and shoulder backs and street shoes stashed wherever they can fit. Rayanne sits at the long table doing her makeup, in very natural tones and hues. Her hair too is all her natural color, it is pinned half-up – this is a Rayanne we have never fully seen. Sharon stands at a nearby table searching through a large handbag for her materials ].
S: Aaah, I know I put my notebook in here. Where is it??
Ra: Chirsky, relax.
S: But I’m writing up the play for the school newspaper. All my research on Thorton Wilder, and my interview with Katimsky were in there!
[She continues searching but does not find it] Oh God!
Ra: Look, aren’t I supposed to be the one who’s nervous? I mean, you’re just writing the article, I’m the one it’ll be about.
[Her voice lowers and slows as she realizes this. She kind of looks in the mirror, getting a little nervous]
S: [Not really paying attention – speaks satisfaction] Found it. [looks over to Rayanne for a reaction, but sees that she is resting her face in her hands, not paying attention. Sharon walks up to her from behind] Graff. [Rayanne looks up, into the mirror and Sharon sees her and inspects her in the mirror] Wow.
Ra: What? Chirsky?
S: Nothing, it’s just, you look normal. I mean – you look really good.
Ra:
[sarcastic] Yeah. [throws down her blush brush, changes the subject] So you drag Kyle here?
S: Kyle? Please.
Ra:
[Not making eye contact] So, who are you here with? [Sharon raises an eyebrow] I mean, is A-, I mean, yeah, she’s probably not coming. [pause] Did she say anything to you?
S: No.
Ra:
[Putting up a front] Yeah, I figured. Just as well. [Her tone changes slightly here, a little more honest, but still feeling sorry for herself, not REALLY thinking Angela’s point of view] I mean why would she. She like, hates me forever, right? [She says this last part kind of fishing for confirmation]
S: Look, Rayanne. Don’t start thinking about all of that now. You’re going to do great. Aren’t you excited? [Several girls from costume enter the dressing room, all laughing and excited. They consume Rayanne in their conversation and Rayanne changes her mood and perks up a little. Off screen we hear shouts of “Places!”]

* * * * *

[Angela and Jordan are sitting in the school auditorium for the opening performance of Our Town. The play has been going on for a little while but Rayanne has not entered yet. Just as she does, Jordan looks a little uncomfortable, looks around the audience for a while, and then leans into Angela’s ear]
J: I’m gonna head out for a smoke. [She nods to indicate she heard, but doesn’t take her eyes off the stage. Angela watches Rayanne with some difficulty, There is a short time lapse to a little later in the play, Rayanne still has not been on that long. The scene we see is a conversation between “Emily” and her mother in which “Emily” rushes to her mother to ask if she is pretty enough to make boys notice her. Grudgingly, her mother admits she is but tries to turn her mind to other subjects. Angela closes her eyes almost as if in pain.]

* * * * *

[Rickie is backstage with a headset on, he is also trying to pin somebody’s wig back in place]
R: Good enough. Just don’t move your head too fast. Okay, you’re on. [Katimsky appears backstage, a few actors speak to him or give him hugs before their entrance cues. He addresses Rickie in a low voice]
Mr. K: How’s it going?
Ri:
[smiling] Really well
Mr. K:
[Katimsky gently puts his hand on Rickie’s shoulder You’re doing great job Enrique. [Rickie registers a meek smile, but it is evident that this actually means a great deal to him. Katimsky pats Rickie on the shoulder and leaves to return to the light/sound booth.]

[We see Rayanne after a scene, she is giddy with excitement, Corey, dressed as a stage hand, approaches her]
C: How’s it going?
R: Didn’t see anybody leave their seats.
C: Good job on the monologue.
R: Really? This is like, the BEST feeling.
[She gives him a more purposeful smile, he politely smiles, and then averts his eyes]

* * * * *

[Jordan is sitting on his car in the parking lot, Angela walks over to him.]
J: It over? [Angela shakes her head] Tino ever show? [She shakes her head again. He stands before her] You okay? [Angela shakes her head a third time, Jordan pulls her in and holds her, kind of resting his head on hers, she kind of shudders a deep breath, and takes a step back, quickly wiping a single finger under each eye, ]
A: Let’s go. [Jordan takes her hand and walks her to the passenger door, opens it and closes it for her. He gets in and they drive away]

* * * * *

[After intermission Sharon slips into a seat beside Brian]
S: Hey Krakow.
B:
[kind of surprised and awkward. He moves his sweater which makes a slight sloshing noise] Hey, hi. What, are you doing?
S: I’m watching the play Krakow.
[She sighs and the provides a further explanation] I’m writing the review for the newspaper. I watched the first half from backstage. [there is a pause, and then she asks in an overly formal manner] Do you mind if I sit here?
B: Go ahead.
S:
[curtly] Thank you. [Studying him Why are you acting so weird?
B: What? Weird how? I mean, I’m not.
[she gives him a slow “if you say so” nod. He, changing the subject after a bit, leans in a little to ask] So, what do you think?
S: It’s good. She’s really good.
B:
[in disbelief] I know. It’s kind of, disturbing. [Sharon looks at him as the show begins again]

* * * * *

[Sharon and Rickie are back stage together, waiting for Rayanne to come out from the dressing room after the show]
S: Rayanne you were unbelievable!
Ri: Seriously, you were amazing.
Ra: Really? It felt amazing.
[Trying to seem nonchalant] So, I guess Chase didn’t come.
S:
[Softly] Rayanne--
Ra:
[Faking] No biggie. So, Chirsky, coming to the cast party?
[Other actors come up in excitement to congratulate Rayanne and each other, she kind of disappears within them, leaving Sharon and Rickie on the sidelines. They exchange awkward smiles.]

* * * * *

[Moments later, still backstage after the performance. The actors are collecting their things and heading out, the audience members there to congratulate them are thinning out. An exuberant Rayanne breaks away from a group of other actors, getting ready to leave for the cast party. Nearing the exit her she catches sight of Brian.]
Ra: [beaming] Krakow!
B:
[uncomfortable, staring] Hi.
Ra: What? What are you looking at?
B: Nothing, I just, didn’t know you could look, like that.
Ra:
[Rayanne gives him a medium-length knowing glance. Rickie comes closer and calls to Rayanne]
Ri: Hey Rayanne, lets go. Hey Brian.
Ra: Coming?
[Brian kind of swallows and does that big eyebrow look]

* * * * *

[Jordan and Angela are in his car outside her house making out. Jordan whispers her name with intensity]
J: Angela.
A:
[After more kissing] I have to go, I’m going to be late.
J:
[Kissing her neck her ears] But you’re home …
A: Well, yeah, but –
[more kissing]
: Can we go up to your room?
A: What for?
J: You know what for,
[he kisses her more]
A: You’re going to get me in trouble. [referring to her curfew]
J: [Mischievously and convincingly] No trouble. [Just then the porch lights turn on]
A: I better go.
J:
[Taking one last kiss] Goodnight.
A: ‘Night.
[She walks up to her door, and turns to watch Jordan drive away, then she quickly enters the house.]

* * * * *

[The cast party is at someone’s house. There are people on the back patio, in the basement, in the living room, kitchen, hallways and bedrooms. Some people are drinking and/or smoking, but not everyone. We see Sharon flirting with some boys. Brian and Rickie are standing together, but Rickie walks away to talk to someone else saying he’ll be right back, leaving Brian standing there. Rayanne bumps into him as she passes and then stops to speak. Although she is standing beside him speaking to him, she s looking around the party surveying other people, not him.]
Ra: Where’s Tino? Did you see Tino at the play?
B: I, uh, wouldn’t know. I don’t know him.
Ra: Krakow.
[she laughs like he’s a lost cause. Leaning a bit closer] You still have it?
B: The, uh, the “flask”?
Ra:
[As if it should have been obvious] Yeah.


* * * * *


[In Patty and Graham’s bedroom Patty sits in bed with business papers. ((Possibly in the background a scene from It’s a Wonderful Life plays on the television -- when the brother goes to college with George’s money)) Patty sighs, looks up from her papers and looks over at Graham’s side of the bed, checks the clock, and then tosses aside the papers in her hand. She leans back, looks around the room, sighs again, and then re-gathers the papers and returns to her work. ]

* * * * *

[At the party, Rayanne and Brian are standing in a hallway arguing. He is getting irritated with her, kind of yelling]
Ra: Krakow, just - [she kisses him. This is a sudden movement. It just all at once happens. He is totally amazed and disgusted for a moment and then he totally goes for it. He wraps his arms around her, they fall against the wall, turning each other against the wall a couple of times]


[Time lapse to later in the same scene. They are no longer kissing but are now looking at each other. Rayanne has that hunched over wide-eyed expression, just kind of observing him as Brian proceeds to kind of freak out]
B: Oh my god! What jus happened?! [He’s pacing] You don’t even like me.
Ra: You don’t like me either.
B: I know! What was I thinking?
Ra: Krakow, you don’t have to think all the time. See what can happen when you’re not so uptight?
B: Oh my god – you’re right.
[he looks at her]
Ra: And?
B: It was incredible.
[he lunges in to kiss her again, she laughs and meets him halfway. They kiss, holding each other’s faces passionately, sloppily, then they break away]
B: This doesn’t change anything?
Ra: I still hate you.
B: Good. Me too.
[And they kiss some more. They pull each other off screen]
RaOS: [laughing] Krakow!

* * * * *

DAY 4


[Patty and Graham are in the Chase kitchen preparing breakfast. Patty is dressed for work, Graham wears a t-shirt and sweatpants. Patty is drinking coffee and putting lunches together, Graham is preparing eggs.]
P: Did you have a good time last night?
G: Yeah it was ok.
P: nice of your brother to go to all that trouble.
G: No trouble. Hey, listen, you’ll never guess who showed up last night.
P:
[unamused] Who.
G: Hallie.
[Patty puts her reaction on hold as Angela walks into the kitchen still in her robe.]
A: Hey. [While Angela is in the kitchen, she looks in the fridge, looks around the counters, inspects some bagels]
P: Morning. [Patty, who is not menacing, does remain silent during this exchange. Graham is only slightly aware of the effects of his words.]
G: Hey! How was the play?
A: Fine.
G: Lot’s of people there?
A: I don’t know. I guess.
[eventually selects a piece of fruit] I’m going to go get dressed. [she exits]
P: Hallie Lowenthal was at the bar with you last night?
G: Yeah, I don’t know how that happened. Strange coincidence huh?
P: Very strange.
G: So anyway, it was a great time.
P: Good. “Great.”
[Graham exits]

* * * * *

[At school, Rickie and Rayanne walk into the hallway together. They are having a conversation as they walk together, but they are also having their own experiences as well. Rickie smiles at Delia. As they continue, Rayanne walks past Brian at his locker, they totally ignore each other, but as she’s a little further down the hall she turns back and by this time he has turned his head to watch her. She winks for a split second and then is turned around again, talking to Rickie. Brian blushes, looks around the hallway, and then turns back to his locker.]


* * * * *

AVO:
[Angela at school leaning against her locker] So going to the play wasn’t exactly a success. Maybe it’s a bad idea to think about making up with Rayanne. I don’t know, it could be totally unrealistic. And I’m not exactly sure where I am with Brian. We might just have to pretend that things are normal before they actually get that way. [Jordan comes up to her, smiles]
J: Hey. [She smiles, he leans against the lockers too and closes his eyes. Angela turns her head to and looks over to him[
AVO: As for Jordan, things were good. Not that everything was perfect, but it seemed like we were getting more comfortable with each other. [He turns his head to her and opens his eyes to smile sedately at her] Like we could just kind of relax, and be ourselves. [Jordan straightens, takes her hand, and they walk down the hallway.]
Kickstart The Riches movie!

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SanDeE*
So-Called Addict
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Post by SanDeE* » Dec 15th 2004, 12:58 pm

These are great, Jody! Keep it up. I have to say, I don't like that Dustin is Angela's cousin, even if a distant one. Maybe he could be a close family friend or something?

Definitely keep writing these. I wish I could write a fanfic! But I know it would be terrible. Never could write stories...
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

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schris
Between Names
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Post by schris » Dec 15th 2004, 3:12 pm

Yeah these are really good Jody - I would love to read more :)

TooCool4Skool
Liberty High Student
Posts: 114
Joined: Oct 31st 2004, 5:58 pm
Location: IL

Post by TooCool4Skool » Dec 15th 2004, 6:18 pm

Really liked your second one- you captured everyone to a T! Really, the most in character that I have seen so far. I can't wait for the next one.

Waiting?- Maybe on the lines of Jordan??? :wink:

PLEASE keep it up.
Moltar- Well hey, Thom asked me if he could see my knife, and Thom's doing a song about knife, and he wanted to see what one looked like. Isn't that right Thom? (Pulls out knife again)
Space Goast- (Turns to Thom Yorke) Is that right?
Thom- ...No.
Space Goast- Cuz it sounds like a good idea... so do it.

-Space Goast With Thom Yorke

murfdurf22
Nicky Driscoll
Posts: 23
Joined: Sep 29th 2004, 6:48 pm
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Contact:

that was great

Post by murfdurf22 » Dec 16th 2004, 2:10 am

if those stories weren't the best fan fictions i've ever read on this site then i must be insane. I really loved the 2nd one, and how you totally have the characters down packed. That story was off the chain. I cannot wait to read more of your fanfictions. i love how you have ANgela and Jordan's relationship going, i really like it. i like your stories so much i can't even express how much i do or explain, keep it up.

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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Jun 12th 2005, 9:07 pm

Thanks for those great comments, they were really nice to read. :D Okay, so I'm going to post the first half to my #22 episode, currently titled Waiting. I'm only posting the first half right now because I'm still struggling with parts of the episode, but felt I needed to post something, just to feel like I'm making some progress. This episode seems pretty scattered right now, there's a lot happening, and I'm not sure it all works together. Some scenes are probably as old as three years, and right now is seems to have a pretty schizophrenic feel to me. Anyway, here's the first half, the rest of it should be posted within two weeks, probably.
Kickstart The Riches movie!

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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Jun 12th 2005, 10:00 pm

Story deleted -- completed version posted on next page.
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Apr 8th 2006, 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Jody Barsch*
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Post by Jody Barsch* » Jun 12th 2005, 10:06 pm

Early partial draft of story deleted.
Last edited by Jody Barsch* on Apr 8th 2006, 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

BeverlyHills_RockStar16
Overlooked Sibling
Posts: 35
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Post by BeverlyHills_RockStar16 » Aug 5th 2005, 3:05 pm

hi i like think ur stoies are like good , but uknow brian like actully like kissing and all that with rayanne graff... why isnt he with angela?>? hello , she would so go out with brian after that so amazing letter... i mean she wouldnt like ignore him or whatever , 8) just like u know saying... oh and are u like ever going to write anymore episodes or whatever?
rockiced_dimonds_BeverlyHills style
shopping is amazing

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