Fanfiction

(Jordan parks the car on some bluff or other, someplace quiet, and turns to Angela, who has been sitting silently through the whole drive, staring out the window, still completely stunned, thinking about Brian's revelation of a few minutes before.)

Jordan: Angela. (Pauses, stares at the steering wheel for a time, then looks over at her again.) There's something you should, like, know.

Angela: (Lost in her own thoughts, not listening). Mmmm...

Jordan: About that letter.

Angela: (Voice as if from far away, like it's not even her speaking) I know....

Jordan: That you thought I wrote. (Pauses again) I didn't. Write it, I mean.

Angela: (Voice still far away) I know....

Jordan: I mean, it's like...(twists his hands, that way he does)...it's not right. I should have told you--wait. You know?

Angela: (Still not even looking at him, not even really thinking about him.) Brian wrote it....

Jordan: (Looks at her profile, in the light of a streetlamp, studies her for a minute, trying to figure out why she's not mad at him, if she knows. Failing to figure her out, he leans back and sighs). Yeah. He did. (Then he leans forward, suddenly animated). But see--it's....(more hand gestures)...I wanted to say all those things. I wanted to apologize. Or whatever. I just....I...(Stops for a moment, an expression of surprise coming over his face. He has never said so many sentences in a row to a girl in his whole life--and there are more coming out and he's not sure what to make of that, either). And Brain--he's really smart. He knew exactly what I wanted to say, the way I had dreamed of saying it. To you.

Angela: He meant every word....

Jordan: Yeah. (Nods agreement) It's like--he knew exactly what I was feeling.

Angela: (Gives a small, half-bitter laugh) Ironic...

Jordan: Yeah.

(Neither of them speak for awhile. A car drives by, headlights flashing in the window, illuminating their faces, two people lost in thought.)

Jordan: So--you're not, like, mad at me? (Leans over to touch her hair tentatively.) Angela....? (Voice tender, he knows he's shut out, in a way he never has been before, but has no notion of why, or what really to do about it)

Angela: (Pulls herself out of her reverie with an effort, looks at Jordan for a moment, thinks about his question) I don't...know.

Jordan: (Leaving his hand on her shoulder, twisting a few strands of her hair around in his fingers, focusing his eyes on that). 'Cause--I'd understand. If you were. I'd deserve it.

(Angela notices his hair twirling, but doesn't know how to react to it, so she just sits there, trying to figure out what she's really feeling.)

Jordan: But I hope that you can, you know. Forgive me?

Angela: Forgive you?

Jordan: Yeah. Well, maybe not like, right away, but...(clutching at straws)...your mom said if I gave it some time...

Angela: (Sits up straight all of a sudden, inadvertently jerking her hair free from Jordan's grasp) What? You talked to my mom about this? You told her about the letter?

Jordan: Well. Yeah. She said I should be honest about it. About not writing it.

Angela: Oh God. She knows? About all of it? (And suddenly, all her anger hits her--she turns on Jordan abruptly). Is this some kind of game? Everyone knows about this but me? Let's all treat Angela like a twit and laugh at her behind her back? Well, you can think what you want about me, but thank you, I don't want to play!

Jordan: No, that's not--

(But Angela has already opened the door and gotten out of the car. She walks away toward part of the bluff that overlooks the city. Jordan follows, catches up to her, reaches his hand out, but doesn't quite touch her).

Jordan: So you are mad at me, then.

Angela: (Turns on him) How could you? (Chin wobbling, bordering on tears) All this time, I've been letting you play with my life....and it meant nothing, it was just some game.... (Serious tears now. She turns away.) I thought....I thought it was from you. I'm such a fool.

Jordan: (Wanting to touch her, to hug and comfort her, but holding himself back) It was from me. I mean. If I could have written it, I would have. Angela...(pauses, then rushes on before he loses his nerve)...I'm sorry. For everything. For hurting you, for what happened with (can't bring himself to say Rayanne's name aloud)....and for....the letter. But--(Pauses, looks down at the ground, scuffles his boot in the dirt. Angela's tears quieten, and for the first time since getting in the car with him, it seems like his words have actually penetrated her awareness. She turns slowly to look at him, taking in his apology. But when he speaks, it's almost as an afterthought, not even directed at her. He is remembering the letter.) I meant every word of it....

Angela: (Some strange emotion flashes across her face). Both of you did.

Jordan: What?

Angela: (Anger draining away) Never mind. (Coughs a half sob and shrugs). I--can you just take me home? I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm, like, really tired.

Jordan: (Stares at her for a minute, dangerously overextended and feeling the lack of resolution but not knowing where to take the conversation. Finally, he shrugs) Okay.

(They return to the car, Jordan drives her home, parks quietly in front of her house. The streets are empty and silent. Brian is nowhere to be seen. His window is dark.)

Angela: (Hand on the doorknob, trying to distance herself from the emotions that are roiling in her). So. Well, look. I'll see you in school. Or whatever.

Jordan: (All locked inside himself, as he so often is) Yeah. (Then, making an effort to do it differently, he leans over, just before Angela turns the doorknob). Angela. I'm really sorry. I...I...I....didn't think I needed anyone. But I was wrong. You're like....really special or something. I don't...want you mad.

(Angela starts to cry, rocked by his words, so long sought and now attained--but in such emotionally confusing circumstances. Unable to reconcile everything she is feeling, she avoids his move to kiss her and ducks out of the car.)

Angela: (Poking her head in the window) I...can't talk about it right now. I have to go.

(This last proves too much for Jordan, who has extended himself as far as he can--as far as he ever has with a girl--on this one night. Pulling back instinctively into his self-protective shell, he reverts to his cool, dismissive persona).

Jordan: Yeah. So go.

(Angela realizes that the door has just slipped shut again, but is in too much turmoil to do anything but nod dumbly. Jordan turns the key in the ignition, seems as if about to drive off--then looks over at her, confused.)

Jordan: Well. See you in school, then?

Angela: Yeah. Seeya.

(Jordan drives away. Angela stares after the car, then turns and glances up towards Brian's unlit window. The curtain, lit slightly by the streetlamp, twitches and then falls straight. Angela walks slowly up to the house, sits down on the front steps of the porch and stares out at the night, wondering if she should have let Jordan kiss her....)