New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
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ikilledkennyandjr
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 10th 2008, 6:10 pm

Oh yeah, I was totally proud of Rickie in the last episode too! I cheered when he came out to Delia. And then he pulled a Vasquez and said that if he was attracted to girls, he'd be attracted to her... is there anything sweeter? He pretty much is a freshly-washed puppy. I just wanna hug him! I have this theory that he sort of needed to protect her, because he could focus on someone else's problems instead of his own (his freaking uncle, bullies, etc). At the same time he loved and cared about Rayanne so much that it was just so, so poignant.

It always cracks me up in On The Wagon when Rayanne says, "And just for once can it not be such an amazing surprise that I want to eat dinner LIKE EVERY OTHER AMERICAN ON THE PLANET?" Go Raynie! Yeah Amber could really suck as a parent... I think she really loved her kid but she had no idea how to be a mother. She never really grew up.

Anyways... good installment. "I had this uncontrollable urge to sabotage the moment, so I did." Rayanne's so insecure, geez! She can't even handle Angela talking to someone else. I mean, it is Cherski, but damn. I think she felt that if they became friends again, she'd be left in the dust. How beautifully high-school is the dynamic between the three girls?

Operation Vasquez, woohoo! That should be great! I wonder what she has up her sleeves. And where's Krakow? You pretty much have an obligation to continue this. Oh wait, I forgot: obligations "basically suck". Heh, Catalano.

PS: I'm struggling with the opening lines of my story... I'll take another crack at it tonight. It's hard work, writing!
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 10th 2008, 8:13 pm

I know. Rickie's so huggable. Interesting point about him needing Rayanne's problems so that he could forget about his own. Sometimes I felt like Rayanne should've been a little more proactive in trying to help him deal with his problems, as his best friend...but he doesn't accept help easily so I'm sure thats why she ignores it. Her role in their relationship is to keep things upbeat and fun...
And about Amber, some people just shouldn't have kids...but hey that's life.
I know she loves Rayanne.

I think thats exactly how Rayanne feels--she's scared Angela will drop her the way she dropped Sharon--i mean I'd be scared too. That's like being with a boy who left his girlfriend for you, you could never be sure he wouldn't leave you for a new person...
She totally sabotages it in an obvious and annoying way though---she's gotta watch it, because she's pushing people away by keeping them too close.

So, I dont even know myself what Operation Vasquez is yet. haha.
And Krakow will return soon...just not sure how.
I know, obligations do suck, but I do sort of have an obligation to finish...so do you I'm waiting on your next chapter :P


What do you mean by the opening lines of your story?
Well good luck.
Talk to you soon i'm sure.

Cam

P.s. I replied to one of your posts in About Angela forum a while ago. Don't know if you saw it. :)
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 11th 2008, 2:24 am

Chapter 2 continued...
How's the dialogue?

After school Rickie's cousin gave me a ride to pick up Angela. He waited in the car, while I went to the door. Danielle let me in, and freakin' Krakow was sitting in Angela's living room, tinkering with what appeared to be a miniature volcano. His back was to me. Seeing the curious expression on my face Danielle offered an explanation.
"He's helping me with my science project. Kristy Morrison is doing a stupid ant farm. wait till she sees my volcano!" Brian turned around to see who she was talking too. His eyes bulged when he saw me there, and he turned back to the volcano.
I ran up the stairs to find Angela staring in the mirror at that same pimple in the corner of her nose.
"Boo!"
"Oh, Rayanne! Didn't know you were here already."
"Guess who else is here?"
"Who?!" Her face lit up, she must've thought it was someone exciting like Jordan Catalano.
"Brian Krakow." Her face returned to its normal color.
"Oh yea, he's always here. He's like my neighbor."
On the way out we passed Krakow again.
"Where are you…so like, Danielle said you were…sleeping over at Rayanne's or something" I think what Krakow said was a question, but I wasn't sure.
"Ya, so?" Angela asked impatiently.
"We'll before you go, can I have my Malcom X back?"
"Brian, honestly, I'm late. I'll find it for you tomorrow."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 11th 2008, 3:44 am

Kenny,

Just a random thought:

I'm watching Self Esteem right now, and I really love how Rayanne and Sharon's common interest in Angela's "love life" causes them to interact civilly with one another and actually work together. I think it'd be really great material to look at to get ideas for your story.

-Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 11th 2008, 5:27 am

Good point about Rickie not accepting help. I think Rayanne cared more than she seemed to on the surface (not just with Rickie, but in general). Take "Guns And Gossip", for instance. She claimed to Angela that it was no big deal. But then why did she almost cry in the classroom, when Rickie made that big speech? At times it felt like she was ignoring, and she probably was. But she was also there to defend him against bullies or clean him up when she couldn't. So she did more than one might think.

Anyway, cute scene! Yay, Krakow. It's so like him to help with Danielle's project. I love the brief moment he has with Angela, seen through different eyes. What would Rayanne think of the tension between them? Oh, and that pimple is probably gonna destroy her life, huh? I like the dialogue, and the repeated "Fine"s. A few notes: Rayanne know they're neighbours; Brian gets Malcolm X back in an earlier episode; "I think what Krakow said was a question" should be changed to "I thought", um... I'd maybe proofread it again. There's a few grammatical/capitalization/etc errors.

Maybe Operation Vasquez should be helping him get out of his uncle's house. Just a thought.

And yes, I love Rayanne and Sharon in that episode! They totally seem to mesh well. Go with me for a moment here, 'cause this is gonna sound weird (and I'm not sure if I'm insane?): but, they're sort of like Angela's "parents". They watch out for her, protect her. The Buffalo Tom club scene shows contrasting, but harmonious, facets of their personalities. Sharon goes to comfort Angela, while Rayanne stays and gives Jordan a talking to. In most sets of parents you will find a "comforter" and a "protector". But we all know kids work their parents against each other (remember how often Patty and Graham fought over Angela?). Thus, Angela is both a push-and-pull to their relationship. So. That's my basic hare-brained theory. Aptly titled, "Angela Has Two Mommies". :P (I love your signature. The really sick part is, I can continue that scene off the top of my head: "The connection is self-respect." "Thank you!" High five.)

Don't worry, the next chapter is coming fairly soon. I haven't yet addressed the issue of them going behind Angela's back, but it'll come up. And lots of talking about her. Jealousy and such... What I mean by opening lines is, I'm not too happy with how the chapter starts. So, I tinker and tinker, tease out an okay beginning. Ever felt like that? Like you just couldn't find the right words?

P.S: Yeah, I'll reply to that post soon. Gotta defend poor Patty. I hate how so many people... well, hate her, basically.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 11th 2008, 6:43 am

I'll have to agree with you on that. Rayanne definitely cares more than she lets on and you can tell by all the little things she does do. She does it all without ruining her selfish free-spirited image too--quite impressive :)

You're right about the new scene, I need to proof read and do it over again. I wasn't really feeling it either. I think Rayanne will catch on to the chemistry that Angela might have been blind to all along between her and Brian.

And I totally love your "Angela Has Two Mommies" theory. Right on the money. I agree 100%, great analysis. I know I can recite the rest of the quote too, lol.
And yea I have trouble coming up with the words, "Like constantly"<--bad reference to the convo Angela has with Rayanne in pressure "So you had like intercourse?" "Like constantly" lol.

I know, poor Patty. She's so misunderstood. But I feel she is the epitome of strength.

cam
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 11th 2008, 9:47 pm

Ok...you know you've been studying too hard when you fall asleep in the library and have a dream that features Hilary Clinton, at least 5 characters from MSCL, and a discussion about midterm scores with a totally make believe "dream-land" classmate.

Anyways,
I'm here to take another stab at that last scene with Brian at the Chase house.
Please gimme feedback :)

Chapter 2 continued (revised and finished)

After school Rickie's cousin gave me a ride to pick up Angela. He waited in the car, while I went to the door. Danielle let me in, and freakin' Krakow was sitting in Angela's living room, tinkering with what appeared to be a miniature volcano. His back was to me. Seeing my curious expression, Danielle offered an explanation.
"He's helping me with my science project. Kristy Morrison is doing a stupid ant farm. wait till she sees my volcano!" Brian turned around to see who she was talking too. His eyes bulged when he saw me there, and he turned back to the volcano.
I ran up the stairs to find Angela staring in the mirror at that same pimple in the corner of her nose.
"Boo!"
"Oh, Rayanne! Didn't know you were here already."
"Guess who else is here?"
"Who?!" Her face lit up, she must've thought it was someone exciting like Jordan Catalano.
"Brian Krakow." Her face returned to its normal color.
"Oh yea, he's always here."
On the way out we passed Krakow again.
"Where are you…so like, Danielle said you were…sleeping over at Rayanne's or something" I thought what Krakow said was a question, but I wasn't sure.
"Ya, so?" Angela asked impatiently.
"Well before you go, can I have my calculator back?"
"Brian, honestly, I'm late. I'll find it for you tomorrow."
"Fine."
"Fine." Angela rolled her eyes. "So, how long are you gonna be here, because my parents won't be home for another hour and I'm not supposed to leave Danielle alone." She grinned stupidly now, a half-ass plea for a favor.
"I'll be fine," Danielle butted in, "Brian's not going anywhere, he's gonna help me win the science fair, right Brian?"
"I suppose I could stick around a little longer, even if I do have plans."
"Right. Plans." sneered Angela, "See ya." She followed me out the door, and just before she shut it she shouted, "Thanks, by the way." Even when she was taking advantage of someone, she couldn't help being sweet and innocent.

END CHAPTER

next chapter is titled: "Operation Vasquez"
I'm still not sure what O.V. will entail, lol.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 12th 2008, 4:22 am

Here's the first part of chapter 3:

CHAPTER 3: OPERATION VASQUEZ

Rickie's cousin dropped me and Angela off, and sped off before Angela fully got out of the car.
"Jerk!" I screamed after the car.
"Rayanne," Angela shook my shoulder, "come on, what's Operation Vasquez or whatever?"
"Come on, I'll show you," I grinned mischievously, as we climbed the stairs of my apartment complex.
I told Rickie to meet me at my apartment, but when we got to the front door he was nowhere to be found. This was peculiar because Rickie was never late. No one answered the phone at his uncle's house either.
"Angela, we can't do Operation Vasquez, without Vasquez! Where the hell is he?"
We searched the whole complex, but there was no sign of the kid, and it was getting dark.

To Be Continued...
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 12th 2008, 4:49 am

Wow, you literally posted just as I was about to formulate a reply. That's weird. Anyway...

Nice dream! I often have dreams about TV characters... lately, they're mostly MSCL and The Simpsons. Nutty, I know. So what were they doing, studying for their midterms? And where was Hilary Clinton in all this? :lol:

I like your revised version of the Krakowness. Lemme just help you with a few things: "yea" and "ya" should be changed to "yeah"; and I wasn't really feeling the, "Right. Plans. See ya." It didn't sound really like Angela; for one thing, she's usually more verbose. (Also, it should be: "Plans," sneered Angela. Same thing with Brian's awkward semi-question, it needs the proper punctuation.) You might be able to make use of a good beta reader. I can help you, if you want?

I love the idea of Rayanne seeing the chemistry between Angela and Brian! She would so be one to pick up on that. I've been ignoring them lately. But I still think they're the cutest (and second-best) pairing on MSCL.

Now on to your next installment. Not much to say here, other than I like the suspense, and am worried for Rickie. The "Jerk!" was funny and just-right. Save Rickie!

Have you been making any more fanvideos? I hardly get a chance to. Ooh, I just remembered I still have to answer your PM about Windows Movie Maker. Sorry 'bout that.

PS: Actually, the "Like, constantly" line is a Cherski-ism. And no, I didn't have to look it up. I'm a dork like that. :wink:
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 12th 2008, 6:30 am

I hardly remember the particulars of the dream. Except that Hilary Clinton was winning some big states in her campaign and I think I was watching it on TV. My roommate has been watching the news in the evening, so I think that's where that came from because I don't really follow politics. At some point Rickie, Rayanne, Sharon, Patty, and Graham were there- I think I might've been Angela because Patty and Graham were acting like my parents. And then at some point I was on my college campus talking to a random girl about my accounting midterm.

Really the Simpsons? That's awsome! Are they like animated and yellow in your dreams?

I'd be honored to have you as a beta reader! If you don't mind that is...
Yea, i wasn't sure about Angela's lines with Krakow, I'll go back and fix it.
Who is the best pairing on MSCL?

Re: Fanvideos, I'm making one right now...about to post it. I saw you subscribed to my "channel." I subscribed to yours also.

Cherski-ism, huh? so does she say it "like, constantly"? lol...

thanks for the feedback
Cam
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 14th 2008, 9:22 pm

Here's Chapter 3 in it's entirety.
Please lend your thoughts :)

-Cam

(p.s. Kenny--I'm send this to your email so you can Beta it. Take your time. Thanks)

CHAPTER 3: OPERATION VASQUEZ
Rickie's cousin dropped me and Angela off, and sped off before Angela fully got out of the car.
"Jerk!" I screamed after the car.
"Rayanne," Angela shook my shoulder, "come on, what's Operation Vasquez or whatever?"
"Come on, I'll show you," I grinned mischievously, as we climbed the stairs of my apartment complex. I told Rickie to meet me at my apartment, but when we got to the front door he was nowhere to be found. This was peculiar because Rickie was never late. No one answered the phone at his uncle's house either.
"Angela, we can't do Operation Vasquez, without Vasquez! Where the hell is he?"
We searched the whole complex, but there was no sign of the kid, and it was getting dark.
Thirty minutes later we finally found him outside coming up the stairs to the main door of the complex, like nothing was even out of order.
"Rickie!" Angela squealed as she dived into his arms, "thank god!"
"Nice to see you too," he chuckled, but there was a gloomy shadow on his face and his eyes were bloodshot as if he'd been crying.
"Where've you been Vasquez? We both nearly had heart attacks!" I didn't mean to come off so harsh because I knew Rickie was never late without a good reason, but I was feeling angry. Not angry with Rickie, but with myself for not being able to protect him from his messed up uncle and all of the other crap he had to endure…being how he was. But what could I do? In the mean time, while I thought up a solution to the larger issues of his life, I decided I would provide him with happiness outside the home.
"I know," he hung his head, "I'm sorry. I missed my bus."
"Stop apologizing, let's go inside." The three of us ran back upstairs and I put on my important face. "So, you were all called here today to discuss a very important issue." Angela and Rickie exchanged wide-eyed glances. "Well, as you all know, there's a dance coming up." Angela was trying hard not to laugh.
"How is a stupid school dance an important matter?" Rickie howled.
"You mean this World Happiness thing?" asked Angela.
"Yes, Angelika, the World Happiness Dance. So, I wouldn't normally go, but I have obtained information from a valuable source that Cory (sp?) Hellfrick will be attending said dance." Rickie looked uneasy. "And, so you, you, and me are going to go to this…World Happiness shindig, and you Vasquez are going to make your move on Mr. Cory Hellfrick."
"Rayanne, I don’t think this is such a good idea," Rickie complained, but I knew he'd go anyways…and I hoped my plan would work out for him. I hoped I could find him some happiness. He deserved it more than anyone I knew.

END CHAPTER
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 15th 2008, 6:10 am

Dude, you totally nailed Rayanne! I could really picture her saying those things, and scheming. Should I be worried for Rickie? I feel that this may not go down well...

Digression: The Simpsons. Once I had a dream based on some of the driving games, where Homer was running into things. And yes he was yellow and animated. :P I think Bart was there too. Greatest show ever, seriously. Even better than MSCL. Homer and Marge = best couple ever! But again, I digress.

PS: No, the "Like, constantly" line was said like, once. I think. That's one of my favourite Angela and Sharon scenes. Even better is the one where Cherski's rambling to Delia about The Betrayal, and she opens the stall and there's Angela. Lol. So funny.

What's your favourite, like, quote? Besides the one in your signature?
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 15th 2008, 6:47 am

I'm a little worried for Rickie too. I love doing this blind, so that it remains interesting and I'm surprised just like a reader would be. Also, I like to feel like I'm there directly observing the characters instead of manipulating them. That's why I never plan anything. It limits the possibilities too much. It separates me from the subject I'm writing about.

Oh and to answer your question from your beta--about Sharon. I purposely call her Cherski all the time because it seems like Rayanne does/would and because it makes it less personal...since they are sort of unfriendly it seems unnatural for her to say Sharon even when she's just talking ABOUT Sharon.

Thanks for the thoughtful grammatical corrections and suggestion of how to better SHOW some emotions and expressions.

The Simpson's is a pretty great show too. I grew up on it. (I grew up on it...That sounds weird, I still feel like a kid even though I'm 20, I don't think I'll ever stop feeling like one.) But seriously? Better than MSCL? I don't know about that. It's been going downhill too...I haven't watched the last few seasons because they aren't as clever. It's funny, but it will always just be a cartoon...so it can't really move you emotionally. In my humble opinion.

Well my signature is just my favorite quote at this moment...which is why I keep changing it. I'll have to do some rewatching and get back to you on my all-time favorite quote...lol.

See ya,
Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 15th 2008, 5:17 pm

Ok. favorite quote--i might change my mind, but it is a tie between.

"Brian, go inflate your tire!" Angela from Strangers in the House
and
"But thats all human beings are, just blind people." Rayanne from Betrayal

Ah, I'm so stress out, I've got a final on Monday and a final on Tuesday and my roomate's relatives are crashing at our apartment for the weekend because they are going to a wedding nearby. It wouldn't be so bad, but he's not even here, cuz he's away at a Rugby game. Old Chinese women are like the most annoying people ever...they like stuffed our fridge full of groceries they bought from home, as if there was no food here...they go to sleep at like 10pm and wake up at 7am, and they were trying to tell me how to take care of our puppy. Also they try to force food on you, like you wouldn't think of eating if they weren't there to offer food. They walked the dog and cleaned up his cage when I was still sleeping, but they did a horrible job and his poop was all hardened under a layer of newspaper they spread down. So i had to scrub at it to get it off. Thankfully they'll be gone at this wedding for like 7 more hours!
I mean i love Asian people, I've been to Vietnam, my friends always joke that I want to be Asian, all my friends are Asian, my roommate is Chinese. My boyfriend in high school was Taiwanese, I'm in love with this Vietnamese guy, and I practically live with my best friend who's Vietnamese at her parent's house when I'm home from College...but I cannot stand old Chinese Women!

sorry just had to rant.

p.s. I just watched "Georgia Rule" and it's now one of my favorite movies. If you haven't seen it, you should!
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 16th 2008, 2:38 am

That's true. Sometimes it's good going in blind--provided of course you don't run outta ideas. I have my fic all mapped out. It helps, because I can't wait to write the good parts, you know? But there's nothing better than strokes of inspiration, when you feel that the characters are really talking to you. You're living the story.

And re: about Cherski. I do it too. I'm kind of gradually shifting to calling her Sharon, as things get more intense. I just thought it was funny because you call Brian both by his first name and his last. But Rayanne wouldn't have as much of a problem with that, as there's no guilt. So, carry on!

Oh yeah, I totally agree about feeling like a kid. I still think of myself as one, too! I grew up with The Simpsons, which is maybe why I love it so much. You're right, it has been going downhill for a few years now, but it had several years of brilliance. Who knows how long MSCL could've stayed fresh? Probably not eight years. I disagree that cartoons can't move you emotionally. They are meant to be funny, but they can also be dramatic. Just like MSCL is meant to be dramatic, but it can also be funny. Several Simpsons episodes have really moved me, personally... as well as the movie.

Haha sorry to hear about your rough time with those old women. I don't think it's all Chinese people that are the problem, just these ones in particular. But sadly, I haven't interacted with many Asian people. You have a puppy?! What kind? I love dogs!

Oh man, I fixed that video I was telling you about, and was about to upload it... but then I found out I'd accidentally deleted a scene right in the middle! ARGH! Does it ever end???
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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