Engagements

[SanDeE*]

Here, I'll start!

[SanDeE*]

My boyfriend and I have a friend that was engaged last year. He was engaged to a girl he had been dating since high school. We were all 20, so that's scary enough in itself. Anyway, she left him in April this year, and of course he was devestated. I told him that it's better this way - she could have left him at the altar or worse, it could have ended in divorce after a very short marriage.

ANYWAY, now our friend started dating another girl here at school just a few weeks ago, and they are ALREADY talking about getting married. They have known each other for a couple years as just friends, but I don't think that makes a difference. It's a separate thing from being romantically involved.

I guess I just don't get why more people (at least around where I am) aren't satisfied just dating. It has to come to engagement and marriage, and it has to happen soon. My boyfriend and I have talked about this (our friend and his second engagement, I mean) and we both agreed that they are too young and have not been dating long enough. My boyfriend and I are nowhere near getting engaged, and we've been dating for almost two years. I'm not saying that people need to date a long time before getting engaged - my parents were married within 15 months of meeting each other. BUT ---- my parents were 29, NOT 21. BIG BIG BIG difference.

[fnordboy]

Heh...now the women of the board will start hating me

I really don't know what to think about marriage. When I was younger I alwasy thought I would be married by this point, just because it is what we are supposed to do. Of course younger people these days just don't seem to be growing up the same way our parents did. The majority of us (atleast from people I know and talk to) just don't feel ready for marriage...or more importantly that stage of life and adulthood until we are much older.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 years this coming January, we are still not even engaged. We have of course discussed marriage and engagement, but it just isn't something that is important to us. It really means nothing to us. It is a piece of paper, a contract, that in reality is not necessary to prove loyalty or love to each other. We have both been faithful to each other (atleast I hope so ) And have lived together for awhile now. The only reasons we can honestly see for getting married are health insurance and if by some chance we get pregnant (which we both do not plan on happening). Then we will probably do it, even then it will be nothing more than a trip to townhall and possibly a party. We are not religious in any sense so that totally takes out a church marriage. Maybe if we did get married we would get some discordian or subgenius priest for the hell of it, but she wants a ceremony less than I do.

Of course, who knows, maybe I will be engaged in a month...if the mood hits me.

[SanDeE*]

I don't see anything wrong with that arrangement, fnordboy. You are 28 - that's about when I can see myself serisously just starting to THINK I could get married. No really, I agree with you mostly. I can see advantages to both being married and being unmarried yet together. Me, I'd probably want to get married someday. Several years down the road, of course. I am NOT going to be a super-young bride. As for a proposal, I don't really care how that happens... whether it's me or the guy proposing, if there is a ring involved. Actually, come to think of it, I don't know that I'd want a ring at all. I could wait for the wedding ring.

Here's what you said, fnordboy, that isn't the case with people I know:

The majority of us (atleast from people I know and talk to) just don't feel ready for marriage...or more importantly that stage of life and adulthood until we are much older.

In my experience, several people around me (25 yrs old and YOUNGER) have this crazy need to be married. It's like their biggest dream. Last year I lived with two girls who had all their wedding details planned out... but no boyfriends. It was the weirdest thing. I just felt sorry for the guys they had over. All those huge fantasies and expectations projected on them. Poor suckers.

I love my boyfriend so much, and I don't see a breakup in the future or anything, but he knows how I feel about getting engaged. I have to get an education first, and so does he. I'm just way too young, that's the bottom line. I'm going to graduate college in 1 year, and I don't think I will be ready then, either. A lot of people get engaged during college and married right after, and I think (sometimes) that's because they are afraid of going out into the "real world" all by themselves. Excuse me, but I'm going to college for a BMA degree, not an MRS degree.

/rant

[starbug]

I'm an old married woman

Mr. S asked me after we'd been living together for about 3 months (we'd been seeing each other just over 2 years) and to be honest it was a total shock. I certainly never hinted to him, although I'd already concluded that there wasn't anyone else I wanted to be with. I've never been that fussed about marriage: as far as I'm concerned it is just a piece of paper - the important thing to me was living together, and once we'd got that far, I really wasn't bothered. We bought a house together, which in my mind is a huge commitment in itself. Divorcing, in reality isn't any more procedurally difficult to end than trying to split your assets and sell a house you both own. I think the thing that suddenly makes it tons tougher is when kids are involved... but that's sort of independent of the marriage factor in my book. The fact is the law puts you in a different situation but that doesn't account for the emotional factors (or lack of!). I had thought marriage vaguely but always viewed it as something far off in the future, if ever. But apparently it was more important to him... we got engaged in Paris on my 25th birthday. I was pleased, and words cannot express how surprised I was.

I suppose because he's nearly 3 years older than me, and because many of his friends are married/getting married, it might have brought it more to the forefront of his mind. I've often asked him but he isn't great at talking about his feelings, and just says he wanted everyone to know how he feels about me, that we're together, that it's the long term etc.

I often consider that I got married young - I was 26 when I actually walked down the aisle. In comparison to most of the rest of my family though, I'm actually relatively old. my dad was 2 weeks past his 21st birthday when my parents got married, and they are still together 35 years later. My uncle and aunt married when she was 19. One cousin of mine is on marriage number 3 in his late 30s, and another is on his 2nd in his mid-30s. In terms of friends, I'm the first to get married of mine... but the majority of Mr S's friends are married (I think it's because they are that bit older). I definitely didn't feel there was a rush to get married at all, in fact I tried to delay it by another year and argued for a long engagement, but that was mainly on financial grounds (our wedding ended up costing in the region of £20,000 - $38,000 - and we always knew it would be expensive to have what we wanted, in London).

Interestingly, the first of Mr. S's friends to get married did so straight after university. He and his wife divorced around 3 years ago, when she ran off with someone else - by that time they were living in NZ. By all accounts it ended because the wife was a bee-atch (I never met her)... but still. If you're a little older maybe you have more chance of filtering out the wasters. I don't know. Anyway, even at the time all his friends knew she wasn't right for him, but nobody said anything. She was already digging at him when they were walking back down the aisle after the service and I'm assured that isn't an exaggeration.

Last year I lived with two girls who had all their wedding details planned out... but no boyfriends.

Now that is just plain scary. Ew.

I've kept my surname too - which is still considered relatively maverick over here, for some reason. When I correct people who presume I changed it, they always raise an eyebrow, which I don't understand. Mr. S and I argued about it, but he couldn't come up with a reason other than 'tradition' and that isn't good enough for me. I could come up with lots of reasons why I didn't want to change my name. I eventually agreed that I will change my passport, so we can travel as a proven married couple, which might result in ease in the many (non-western) countries we plan to visit where being unmarried does erode your rights (thinking in case of disaster etc). But that's as far I'm willing to go.

Heh...now the women of the board will start hating me

Never!

Hey, isn't Mglenn getting married soon? Wonder how it's all going...

[TooCool4Skool]

Last year I lived with two girls who had all their wedding details planned out... but no boyfriends.

That is so funny! I was watching this show once, and the lady on it had no boyfriend, husband, etc- just like those girls. She took it to an extreme. She bought a fake engagement ring, planned what her kids were going to be like, where they were going to school, names, wedding details, their car, house... all of that. She even bought a designer dress- that put her debt big time. Now, if I was a guy, I would run away screaming. Who in the hell is she going to attract with a vail already stuck on her head??

It was so funny, when she went to buy her dress, the lady was like, "Congrats! When is the big day??" She was like, "Um... some time this September." She then went on and on about this non-exsitant man. I think his name was Max.

[SanDeE*]

Last year I lived with two girls who had all their wedding details planned out... but no boyfriends.

Now, if I was a guy, I would run away screaming. Who in the hell is she going to attract with a vail already stuck on her head??

That's what I thought! My boyfriend even mentioned that it freaked him out. Once in a while one of them would bring a guy over, and I'd never see him or hear about him again. I have a feeling all the lists of "100 things to do with your boyfriend," Anne Geddes posters, and crappy romcom chick flicks scared the guys away. Hell, it scared me away, and I'm not even a guy! If I recall correctly, one of my roommates (the younger one, she was 19) said, "I want to have lots of kids, and I'm ready right now. I just need the guy!" <shudder> I'm not surprised none of those guys ever came back.

[emmie]

I guess I will get in on this little conversation. I have to say that I have a few details of my wedding worked out in my head. but unlike Monica Chandler (from Friends, in case you haven't watched TV since MSCL) I don't want a big lavish wedding, but something simple. that said, even though I might have ideas already, I am no where near ready for marriage. and a good thing too, since I'm not dating anyone.

my best friend was one of those people that got married just because she felt it was the next step in her life. she loved the guy, but wasn't in love with him. fortunately, she realized this and divorced him 2 years after they were married.

for me, I'm beginning to wonder if my age is starting to give ideas to guys. I was telling a friend of mine about a guy I was interested in. immediately she said that he wasn't long-term relationship material. I was like, woah, I just want to hang with the guy, not marry him. so I wonder if when you get past a certain age guys get nervous because they assume marriage is on your brain. certainly not for me! I am very happy single. plus, I'm in graduate school and don't have time to date, much less get married and plan my entire life out. I want to get married someday, but only if I fall madly in love with someone. I wouldn't ever settle for someone just because I felt it was my time or whatever. and I feel sorry for people who just go from one life step to other, regardless of whether or not they are ready for those steps.

let's just blame it all on society! yeah!

[lance]

Marriage, is what brings us together. (-Princess Bride)

Having been married once I can honestly say that I would like to be married again. I am a bit more cautious than I was before but many aspects of marriage appeal to me.

-LanceMan

[wicked]

(snerk)

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.
______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

[starbug]

That is brilliant!!

[lance]

That is brilliant!!

Very funny, I have heard several versions of this all good.

-LanceMan