New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

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ikilledkennyandjr
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 19th 2008, 2:18 pm

Yeah, I'd say it's a good sign that he drunk-dialed you. Obviously you're at least in his subconscious. HEY! That gives me an idea for my fic. :wink:

Rayanne smoking... Well, I always thought that she'd find it kind of a nasty habit. Actually, there's a topic on the forum about that. But it's just personal, I guess. Amber smoked, which may or may not have been a deterrent. Yeah, it's true that people smoke when they're stressed out. Is that the only reason Catalano was there, so she could bum a cig off him? Because he seemed kinda... out of place. Unless you want her to ask him to the dance.

Okay.

Now I'm scared. :lol:

Anyway, if you're going away for a week, should I still send you my fic? It should be ready by tonight. Keyword: should.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 19th 2008, 3:30 pm

Glad I gave you a fanfic idea :)

Ok...so i think I need to rethink the end of the chapter a bit...like why is Jordan really there? And why does rayanne decide to smoke?

You can go ahead and send me your fic. I will try my *best* to get it betaed asap.

cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 21st 2008, 4:05 pm

Hey Kenny!

I'm about halfway done betaing your chapter. I'll send it to you when I'm done. As soon as I can, I'll post my fixed Chapter 4 and what i've started of chapter 5...

I love your story so far...Rayanne and Sharon are so cute together. You really accentuate their chemistry well. :)

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 21st 2008, 5:06 pm

Haha sweet. And thanks! So do I have a convert? Do I? Do I?! ...I'm seriously considering starting a cult. "The Church Of Duh-Squared". (No one would join. But it'd be wicked cool. :lol:)

Speaking of cute, I just got back from seeing Juno. And awww. It was so adorable. There was a reference to Tino, too! I'm dead serious.

Post your story soon! You left us on a huge cliffhanger, oh evil one. :wink:

Okay, I shouldn't be calling you evil when you're betaing my story. Did I mention thanks???
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 22nd 2008, 11:48 pm

Hey!

I'll join the "Church of Duh-Squared." You can be #1 and i'll be #2....I'm sure you've seen the Stonecutters episode of Simpsons, lol. It's one of my favorite episodes. In short--Yes, I think you've converted me.

Hmmm...maybe i'll see Juno also. Is it out for rental?

I'll try to hurry with the beta and the next part of the story. I'm trying to fix up chapter 4 first. Sorry for leaving you hanging....

Get back to you as soon as I can.

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 23rd 2008, 1:13 am

fixed chapter 4, new title is "LOST"
to go with chapter 5's title "FOUND"
but no I'm not done with the first part of chapter 5, sorry...

watcha think?

CHAPTER 4: LOST

I was wrestling with my hair when Cherski stepped into the girls' room at school.
"Please tell me you are going to the dance this Friday," she pleaded.
"What's it to you?"
"Please, just tell me! I organized it, and I'm worried it's going to suck."
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but school dance and sucks are like synonyms."
"So you're not going?"
"I am, but not 'cause I want to. Because I'm on a mission."
"Really? What sort of mission?"
I answered her with a devious grin. She smiled and leaned closer to me. She was a sucker for gossip. I never had any intention to tell her anything of my plans, besides, Rickie's issues were too personal to talk about with Cherski. But, oh how I loved making her eyes fill up with curiosity; she was like starved for a juicy story.
I finished drying my hands and strutted towards the door without satisfying her craving. Cherski called after me, "So great! At least someone is going!"
Outside, at lunch time, Rickie, Angela, and I further discussed Operation Vasquez. We would invite Corey Helfrick to come with us, but Angela and I would need dates, so that there would be a sort of natural coupling effect placing Corey and Rickie together.
"I don't think…I mean, well do you think?" Angela asked.
"What?"
"Do you think Jordan would go…to the dance?"
"Um, you've got a better bet asking Brian Krakow."
"Brian Krakow? Do you realize what you just said?"
"Well, he'd go with you…and besides, this is about helping Rickie."
Just because they kissed once, didn't mean that Catalano was gonna like change himself into this god I knew Angela pictured in her head. Besides, to me it was obvious. Brian Krakow had the hots big-time for Angela. Why not reach out and help two people at once? I'd help Rickie and Brian find happiness! Then, I'd end world hunger. But first, I had to find me a date!
I searched out by the track, under the bleachers for Phil, or was his name Bill? Let's just say I searched for some jock that might be willing to take me to the dance. Unfortunately, the only person I ran into out there was Catalano smoking a cigarette.
"Hey, Catalano!" He nodded in acknowledgement. Jordan's brain was like so simple and pea-sized that I didn't feel obligated to say anything in his presence, since he wouldn't notice the difference. So it gave me a chance to think. I saw some smoke float passed me and glanced up at Jordan who seemed lost in his thoughts of nothingness. For a second I wished I was Angela, because then I'd be so happy at that moment, to be standing in his presence. There was no one individual's presence that could make me truly happy the way Jordan's presence made Angela's heart soar. I felt a wave of emptiness surge through me again.
"So…Catalano, you going to that Dance?"
"What dance?"
"You know this school dance thing."
"Oh, I don't know." Suddenly my brain was screaming at me. What was I doing? Jordan is Angela's "man." What was I thinking? Ah! I needed to find a date. I walked back towards the school to continue looking for another jock, but when I had almost reached the double doors I heard someone crying.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 23rd 2008, 1:51 am

Here's first part of chapter 5:

CHAPTER 5: FOUND

Then I spotted her. It was Cherski squatting by some shrubbery. I pretended not to see her. I looked left, then right, whirled around in a circle and looked skyward. Then I mustered up my most serious voice and said, "God? Is that you?"
The crying stopped and I made eye contact with her. She was smiling despite herself.
"I hate boys." I raised an eyebrow, and she carried on, "Kyle is such a butthead! When I asked him why he hadn't asked me to the dance he said just said, 'Because'" She paused to sob. "And we had this big argument, and I told him to just leave me alone. So now I'm dateless…and I organized it!" I'd pretended like I wasn't really paying attention, but I felt really sorry for her. I mean, for all girls who got their emotions caught up in boys.
"Why don't we go…like together…like stag" I don’t know what came over me; I was in this like giving mood-this REALLY giving mood.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 23rd 2008, 3:04 am

CHAPTER 5 (continued)

Plus, misery loves company. I seemed like she was about to refuse my offer, or laugh it off, but she didn't. And that's how I took on the responsibility of three different people's happiness. I just wondered what Angela would think of it--Sharon being her ex-best friend and all.
Later, I ran into Phil.
"Hey Graff! You wanna go to the dance with me, and afterwards you can come over?" He winked.
"No thanks, I've got a date already."
"Oh, ok. Later, Graff." I was actually glad that I wasn't going to the dance with some jock. I was glad I was going with a friend…I mean, not friend, but…you know with Cherski.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 23rd 2008, 3:20 am

So luckily I finished chapter 5.
it's hella short, but it just had to be.
so yea, im still gonna be gone for a week, but not so much of a cliff hanger this time.

END CHAPTER 5

Rickie was a mess before the dance. He rubbed off his eyeliner a million times and reapplied it. We were all in Angela's room. Angela was obsessing over what she should wear in case Jordan should show up. And Rickie was obsessing over how he should comb his hair. The two of them were sickeningly girly. But, then I guess they both had these mad crushes on these boys or whatever, and once again I was jealous.
I had a totally different pressure on me. The pressure to make the night perfect. For Cherski, for Brian, and most of all for Rickie.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 23rd 2008, 11:29 pm

Thanks again for the speedy beta! I have to work on a few things. Namely, making myself clearer. And my sarcasm. Or should I say, Rayanne's sarcasm. Like the first note you made... it's incredibly hard to tell I was joking. That's one of the pitfalls of writing--you can't even write "lol" without sounding like a complete tool. But some of my jokes are just in bad taste. What can I say? South Park is a staple of my education. :P

Speaking of almost-which, STONECUTTERS! I freaking love that episode. "Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do... we do!" Damn, now I'll be singing that for days. So hmm... we gotta work out the particulars of our cult, don't we? Lol.

Okay, on to your story. I loved the latest chapter! Aw, Rayanne's so nice, helping all her friends (even the ones she doesn't admit she's friends with, which is another nice thing--"I mean, not friend, but…you know with Cherski"). Sharon's perfectly in character. I like the idea of them just "chilling". Of course my inner fangirl squealed when she told Phil/Bill/whatever that she already had a date, but what are ya gonna do, huh?

Perhaps my favourite line in this chapter: "The two of them were sickeningly girly." I get the sense in this chapter, and in the revised Chapter Four, that Rayanne really desires, um, desire. Or whatever. It's sad that she feels none. Part of my reason for writing my story is, she felt so cockily immune to love on the show that I just wanted to knock her down a few pegs. But friendship > romance, anyway.

"For Cherski, for Brian, and most of all for Rickie." YES!

I can't wait to read your version of the World Happiness Dance! The whole gang together. What fun! And tension between all three girls, no doubt. I can't wait, either, to see if Rickie or Brian get lucky in love. But I'll have to wait a week, so I shall. I'll keep busy by betaing this and revising my own story. See ya real soon!
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 24th 2008, 12:55 am

Kenny,

Yea, I'm not a South Park fan. Probably why your humor in that part totally went over my head. Haha. Yea, what activities would we do as "The Church of Duh-Squared"? lol.

Thanks for the props on my fixed up fic...what did you think about Jordan and Rayanne's interaction? Do you think that made sense? I was trying to portray how she was jealous of what Angela, and pretty much everyone else who seemed to have which is this ability to obsess and be happy about having an obsession.

Yea, I'm a little bit intimidated by the situation, like how am I gonna pull off tension between these 6 characters who are gonna go to the dance together? It a lot of different relationships to pay attention to!

talk to you soon, can't wait to see the finished product of your chapter 8!

Cam

P.s. I just got the MSCL DVD box set! Yay!
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 24th 2008, 9:30 pm

Hmmm... we'll need our own theme song, and cool uniforms. Oh, and the real number to 911. :wink: We could metaphorically hold our meetings in public washrooms, like, a different one every week. And do important, top-secret stuff to help "The Cause" (such as playing pool and watching MSCL). But our biggest duty is to write! So write we shall... right? :P

I liked the interaction with Jordan. It makes more sense that he's there now. Wonderful skin-crawling reference to "Betrayal" (or at least, I thought it could be a bit of foreshadowing). Three minor grammar nitpicks: "There was no individual's presence..." (or just, "No one's presence"), "I saw some smoke float past me..." and "Jordan was Angela's..." Sorry, I'm just a nut. :P Anyway, yeah, you nailed all you were trying to convey.

Hey, intimidation is good. It makes us grow as people. Think of it as a challenge! Take your time so that you're satisfied with the result. Have fun, and learn.

Yay, DVD! It's good, huh? I love the special features. The gang sure grew up, especially little Danielle! I would have been happier with some deleted scenes and more commentaries ("Betrayal" and "In Dreams" deserved one more than "Weekend"), but I love it.

I'll return your fic soon, and finish mine soon as well. Have a nice Spring Break. Oh, and happy belated Easter!
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 24th 2008, 10:06 pm

I sort of think we should use Hum Hallelujah as our theme song, since it fits so well with that video you made of Rayanne and Sharon, you know? Our motto could be "a teenage vow in a parking lot, 'til tonight do us part." Of course I'm not sure that's very telling of what we are about lol.
What kind of uniforms would we wear?
Yes, I agree, our biggest duty should be write, to represent the beliefs of the Duh-Squared.
We are such dorks :P

Thanks for the feedback on the Jordan part. Yea, I don't think I'll have her betray Angela, but I think I'll constantly tempt her to. We'll see though.

Yea, the dvd is great! I haven't watched the special features yet, but I will for sure. I started with the Pilot and watched though Father Figures with my parents. I plan to convert them. They bought it for me for Easter. Btw, Happy belated Easter to you too!

What's your family like, I know you mentioned you had a sister, but any other siblings?

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 25th 2008, 12:59 am

Yeah, Hum Hallelujah is a good song. There's better songs that fit them (I'm making a soundtrack to SDTS), but I was thinking more like a ripoff of the Stonecutters song. If I think up funny lyrics, I'll let ya know. For uniforms, we could wear like plaid and tie-dye, Rayanneish clothes, since her fashion is so badass. Oh, and we need to come up with a Sacred Oath! All the cool cults have one. And hey--it's good to be a dork!

So are you gonna make more vids with your new DVD set? I miss your beautiful work. :D

I have one sister, but that's it--not including my dog. But I think of my brother-in-law as my bro, and their dog is kind of like my "niece". :P What about you--do you have any siblings?

Yes, convert your parents! Haha, my mom was watching Dancing in the Dark with me one time, the part where Brian's asking Angela over and Rayanne's making fun, and she thought they were little "buttheads". Or... equivalent. She rants about practically all the shows I like, though. Hated Buffy as well.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 25th 2008, 5:44 pm

Haha. I'll take a stab at writing a theme song too.
I'm gonna try to make more videos with my DVD set, but I don't know if I'll be able to import it into WMM? I don't have my laptop here with me to test it out.

That'll be fun! A soundtrack to your fic?
I think i will make a tailer for mine, like you said you were doing.

I have one brother, he's my twin. No pets [unless you count my roommate's dog at school], that's it. (I had 3 guinea pigs growing up)

That sucks that your mom doesn't like it. My parents really liked it, at least they said they did, and they laughed out loud a lot. Hopefully they weren't just being nice. My parents aren't into a lot of the shows I watch, but I watched Gilmore Girls all the time with my mom, that was our thing. Have you ever watched Boy Meets World...that's one of my all time favorites. I love Topanga (well at least her awesome name).

well talk to you soon,
Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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