New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Discussion and questions about the FanFiction section of MSCL.com. You can also post excerpts of your unfinished stories here if you're looking for feedback or ideas.
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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 16th 2008, 3:17 am

That's a really great detail...I mean transitioning from saying Cherski to Sharon. I love how much thought you put into your fanfic!
The Simpson's movie was great! I don't know, Simpson's never "moved" me...but I take your word for it.

No it's not all Chinese people, but a lot of old Chinese women are similar. I've known many, Lol. My roommate is actually my bestfriend's boyfriend. She's been dating him for almost 5 years and so I've known him all throughout high school. His mom was one of those Chinese women who's not so stingy and know-it-all-ish. I liked her. She just recently died of Cancer. It's a really tough time for my roommate. I think that's why he got the puppy a couple weeks ago cuz he's a little lonely...and he grew up with two dogs. It's actually his puppy but I walk it, clean it up, and play with it almost as much as he does. His name is Jet and he's a miniature dachshund, all black. He's only 12 weeks old.

To answer your question: No it never ends!

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 16th 2008, 3:56 am

First Part of Chapter 4
Feedback appreciated..

CHAPTER 4: HAPPINESS, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT (part 1)

I was wrestling with my hair when Cherski stepped into the girls' room at school.
"Please tell me you are going to the dance this Friday," She pleaded.
"What's it to you?"
"Please, Rayanne, just tell me! I organized it, and I am worried it's going to suck."
"Well, I hate to break it to you but school dance and sucks are like synonyms."
"So you're not going?"
"I am, but not 'cause I want to. Because I'm on a mission."
"Really? What sort of mission?" I answered her with a devious grin. She smiled and leaned closer to me. She was a sucker for gossip. I never had any intention to tell her anything of my plans, besides Rickie's issues were too personal to talk about with Cherski. But, oh how I loved making her eyes fill up with curiosity, she was like starved for a juicy story.
I finished drying my hands and strutted towards the door without satisfying her craving. Cherski called after me, "So great! At least someone is going!"
Outside, at lunch time, Rickie, Angela, and I further discussed Operation Vasquez. We would invite Corey Helfrick to come with us, but Angela and I would need dates, so that there would be a sort of natural coupling affect placing Corey and Rickie together.
"I don't think…I mean, well do you think?" Angela asked.
"What?"
"Do you think Jordan would go…to the dance?"
"Um, you've got a better bet asking Brian."
"Brian Krakow? Do you realize what you just said?"
"Well, he'd go with you…and besides, this is about helping Rickie."
Just because they kissed once, didn't mean that Catalano was gonna like change himself into this god I knew Angela pictured in her head. Besides, to me it was obvious. Brian Krakow had the hots big-time for Angela. Why not reach out and help two people at once? I'd help Rickie and Brian find happiness! Then, I'd end world hunger. But first, I had to find me a date!

to be continued...
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 16th 2008, 6:16 am

This just keeps getting better and better. I love that Rayanne is playing matchmaker! And oh Cherski. "Well, I hate to break it to you but school dance and sucks are like synonyms." Nice. Do I sense a date right in front of Rayanne? Lol. No seriously... who's she going with? Don't keep me waiting, woman! "Then, I'd end world hunger." Hee!

Yeah, well the way I look at it, you have to pay attention to every sentence you write. You have to treat it like a novel. Even if it's not. Because how else does it mean anything? You know... in my humble opinion.

Oh, Daschunds are so cute! I have an evil little mutt--a Cocker Spaniel-Bichon Frise mix. She's the cutest thing in the entire universe--and no, I'm not exaggerating. Dogs are really the best cure for loneliness. I just saw this movie like ten minutes ago, "Year Of The Dog". Basically about the love between humans and their pets. It was so sad and sweet.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 16th 2008, 5:00 pm

Hey,

Yea. That's true. No point in writing if you are not going to take it seriously. Otherwise you'll end up with a product that's not as good as it could have been. So, is writing something you really enjoy in general? Or is your writing sparked by the desire to write fanfiction?

Yea, I don't really like small dogs, but this one is so cute. At least it's not a toy dog, it's in the hound family. I'm not sure what a Cocker Spaniel-Bichon Frise mix would look like, lol.
Cocker Spaniels are like Lady from Lady in the Tramp right?

Oh, and as soon as I figure out who Rayanne is going to the dance with, I'll write the next part. I don't think it will be Cherski...sorry :P

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 16th 2008, 9:02 pm

Writing is something I've loved since I was little. I think it started when I was eight; I'd write stories for class, and people would love them. I had all sorts of ideas in my head for books. Now they've sorta dried up, and I get my best ideas for fanfic. Go figure. I hope to someday publish something, but I have all these doubts in my head. So what about you?

Aww, little dogs are the best! My dog is fairly small. Her breed is called Cockachon. Um, how to explain them? They're white and fluffy, and look like a dog's dog, know what I mean? Here's one that looks almost exactly like Daisy. And yeah, just like Lady. I love that movie!

I know! I know! Put her with Tino! He won't show up, of course. Or she can go dateless and be jealous of Angela for having Krakow. That'd be cool. Krakow deserves to have girls fighting over him. :P
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 16th 2008, 9:11 pm

Yea. Writing is something I think I got into when I was 8 or 9 also. I had this teacher in 4th grade that made us write stories that we actually made these cool hardback bindings for. I also got an award at the end of the year for most improved in writing. When I was 7 I was put in remedial reading class with all the ESL (English Second Language) kids, mostly made up of Mexican immigrants...because I scored really low on the reading comprehension standardized exam. That really helped me hone in on my verbal skills, and now they are fairly good. By 6th grade my writing had matured a lot. It's something I've always loved. It's what I do when I'm bored. Or to relax. I've written a couple short stories...and have a million more unfinished ones. I always run out of steam...I've never had anything published either, but I wish I did.
Do you have any other hobbies, talents, interests?

Wow, Daisy's lookalike looks like a little ball of fluff. Must be good to cuddle with. :)
Yea. I don't think Tino would work out. I'll have to figure something out. I'll try to hurry for your sake :)

Cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 16th 2008, 10:10 pm

Wow. That's quite an interesting story. So you overcame the obstacles to be a great writer! I have lots of unfinished stuff too. When I was around nine, I won an award honouring disabled children for the first story I ever wrote. It wasn't big or anything, but pretty cool for a kid.

Hobbies... hmm. I'm actually a very boring person. :P I do the usual. I play videogames, play with my dog, surf the web. In the summer I swim. I used to play piano and I should really get back into it... What about you?

Yep, Daisy is very cuddleable. Or whatever. But when I said she was evil, I meant it! She bites. I'm afraid to have her on my lap. She's still nice to look at. Heh.

Okay, okay, idea numero three: Rayanne gets desperate and asks Cherski to go stag (meaning, just as friends). Awkwardness ensues. But awkward and school dance are like synonyms. :lol: And that way, the whole gang's together! Or not. Ah well, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

We should really try for the longest thread on here... lol. Or at least the longest thread that's only semi-related to MSCL.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 16th 2008, 10:48 pm

Hey

That Cherski idea it very interesting. I'll consider it.
Wow, I disagree, winning and award for a story when you are nine is a big deal!
What was the story about? When I was 9 I was writing stories about Eggs that could walk.
I've always written what people call depressing stories. When I was 11 I wrote a story about a homeless girl. When I was 14 I wrote on about a family who loses their dad to a fire....etc.

Yea, i think reading does help with writing. I know my writing style developed out of the styles I liked in some of my favorite authors.

My only other interest really is drawing. Mostly I try to do portraits, but I've got no underlying technique and I am impatient and I still need to work on proportions. I also like to doodle cartoony looking stuff. I've had 4 comics published in my college newspaper so far...
I used to play soccer, but I sucked. Lol. And I haven't played for about 5 years.
I cannot play any instruments.

Yea, lets do it! Try for longest thread. We got a pretty good one going so far.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 16th 2008, 11:41 pm

I keep chatting with you 'cause I'm stumped with like one line in my fic and it's destroying my life like that seam of wallpaper. Lol.

Um, the story was about this girl and her dog (of course) finding a miracle cure for cancer. It contained the great line, "He forced it down his grandmother's gullet." :lol: What can I say? I was eight. Wow, walking eggs. Like Humpty Dumpty? Let's see... I wrote a story when I was twelve about a girl getting lost in the forest and getting rescued by gypsies, then a gypsy horse saves her. Another one that year was about these kids finding this guy's long-lost wife or something. Maybe it was their father. Oh yeah! One of the earliest stories I wrote when I was seven. I had this great teacher who gave us all beanie babies and got us to write stories about them. Mine was a Bluejay; I called him Dewey. So in my story, Dewey went to Mars and met some aliens.

Drawing? Man, I wish I could draw. That's a great accomplishment, to have your work published! So what kind of comics do you do? I played peewee soccer when I was seven. I don't think I ever got to kick the ball during a game. Lol.
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 17th 2008, 6:05 pm

Wow, a girl and dog cure cancer! Wow, what an inspiring story. I don't think I knew what a gullet was when I was 9. Lol.
It was like an chick that hadn't hatched yet, and it rolled around exploring, and it ran into this aligator that wanted to eat it, but it used clever trickery to outsmart the aligator. Eventually i think it hatched and the aligator only liked to eat eggs, not chicks so it was safe.

Yea drawing is fun. I just couldn't make art or creative writing into my major or anything because when you make anything an obligation is basically sucks :)
My comics are basically random. I can send them to you later.

Hope you fix that one sentence soon!
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 18th 2008, 9:18 am

I got your comics, they're cute! My fave is the goldfish one. "Bobby Nobody" is a great title. In middle school we had to draw editorial comics and I forget what mine was, something about the government treating us like dogs?

That story sounds good, actually! Very creative. I so wish I had better ideas sometimes. I always did love English, even if it's a sucky obligation, lol. But the grammar part was kinda boring. I still don't have the best grammar. I just go with my gut, basically.

Favourite books--"The Outisders" by S.E Hinton ranks up there. "Call Of The Wild" by Jack London is great too. Both are very harrowing books, powerful powerful stuff. And I love the Narnia series! It just describes this lush fantasy world that you can escape to. If only we had heroic, talking lions here on Earth!

I finished the chapter, so it should be ready for betaing soon. Just haveta get it exactly where I want it first. How's your writing coming?
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 18th 2008, 2:51 pm

Thanks.
The only problem with comics is I never can think of funny jokes to go with my drawings. Bobby's character is based off this guy I have a major crush on named Bobby Nguyen, lol, but I don't like those comics, they aren't too funny.

Oooh, I hate grammar too! I'm not too good at it, but I'm better than some, and I'm good at editing. I just like to free-form write. I hate making things complete sentences. Sometimes thoughts just sound better as phrases or run-ons haha.

Yay! Can't wait to see your story.
I've got a couple more sentences, but not finished with chapter 4 yet.

cam
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 18th 2008, 10:57 pm

Ok...so this is how I chose to end chapter 4. I know I know I'm leaving you hanging.
Also the title...I'm thinking of changing it from
"Happiness, or Something Like It"
to :"The Search"...what do you think? Do you have any suggestions for a catchy title?

I searched out by the track, under the bleachers for Phil, or was his name Bill? Let's just say I searched for some jock that might be willing to take me to the dance. Unfortunately, the only person I ran into out there was Catalano smoking a cigarette.
"Hey, Catalano! Can I have a drag?" He handed me his cigarette. Jordan's brain was like so simple and pea sized that I didn't feel obligated to say anything in his presence, since he wouldn't notice the difference. So it gave me a chance to think of someone to go to the dance with, but after a good ten minutes standing there, I was still lost…so I walked back towards the school to continue looking for another jock. When I had almost reached the double doors, I heard a someone crying.

END CHAPTER.

P.s. I'm probably gonna go on like a week long hiatus...I won't be around much because I finished finals and It's gonna be Spring Break, and at home my parent's computer is hella slow...so sorry if i take longer to get back to you on things.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by ikilledkennyandjr » Mar 19th 2008, 4:57 am

Ooh, I hope Bobby Nguyen doesn't read the MSCL boards, lol! Or maybe he likes you back. :wink: I agree, being funny is hard work. I wonder how the stand-up comics do it. And worse yet, humour is such a subjective thing. I wonder how the stand-up comics do it. But I'd just advise to write/draw whatever makes you laugh. Gives you pleasure. That's what I do. I have no idea if the jokes in my stories are corny, but they make me happy so I keep it up.

Grammar is terribly constricting. There are all these rules... it's so complicated! I agree, sometimes bad grammar actually helps. Many rules you don't have to take as hard and fast.

Anyway... good installment. I love the Phil/Bill crack. "That's guy's name is Phil." "WHATEVER!" Also the Catalano diss. Cute. Hmm, Rayanne doesn't smoke, or at least she hasn't on the series. Who's crying? I'm saying either Rickie or Sharon. Damn, am I gonna have to wait a week to find out?!

The title: how about, "Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?" :lol:
"You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous. It's really low... or dark... whatever it is that happens to karma."

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Cami A.
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Re: New Rayanne FanFic in Progress

Post by Cami A. » Mar 19th 2008, 7:47 am

Haha. Doubtful. I don't think Bobby would read the message boards. Don't even think he know's what MSCL is...I hope he likes me back. He drunk dialed me once, good sign eh?

Yea scripted humor is difficult.
That's good that you enjoy your jokes, that's all that really matters.
Understatement of the century--"grammar is terribly constricting"....grammar is the devil! Like seriously--I hate grammar to death. It's so not necessary as long as things sound natural and are clear.

Oh yea i guess she doesn't smoke...or at least not that we see. Judging that she drinks I don't see why she'd be opposed to smoking. I guess I was trying to convey that she was stressed out...do you think that's implied by her smoking?

I'll try to get on here, but you might have to wait a week.

Cute title, I'm seriously thinking about it. Thanks for the suggestion.
"So, the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing?...I can relate."

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