Carrying On
Posted: Jul 28th 2007, 4:08 pm
-cut story. new one on new post.
I liked this scene, I think you captured the feel, and dialog of the show. Not many people can do that. I didn't like the Angela VO in the beginning of this scene. The Brian VO was good, but I'm not sure about adding VO's for the other characters.BANGBANG wrote: NEXT SCENE.
Brian is outside riding his bike.
Angela: (Angela goes outside and walks over to Brian.) Hi.
Brian: Hey.. hi. (Circling up and off the pavement with his bike.)
Angela: You know I, ..
Brian: Look, don't. What happened last night was nothing, plus you're probably dating Jordan again, right?
Angela: No I, well kind of, but..
Brian: So why are you talking to me?
Angela: Because, (pause), Brian, why did you write the letter? (Angela gets that usual frowny, almost puppyish, looking up face.)
Brian: Because, Jordan asked me to, OK? It's nothing more than that.
Angela: But Brian..
Brian: But what? What do you want to know? (Brian gets sort of angry because of the blatant obviousness of the letter that Angela just can't seem to notice.) I have to go. (Said dismissively, Brian bicycles off.)
Angela is left standing there, doing that thing that her legs do, kind of pointing together at themselves.
When I read, "So I officially feel like killing myself", I thought, wow what a great start to an Angela VO, it just seems like something Angela would say, but the rest of the VO didn't seem right to me. I don't think Angela would say something like that.Angela (VO): So I officially feel like killing myself. Today has probably been the most inactive day of my life, and ..
Not a bad scene, I especially liked the part I quoted in bold.(Angela goes off to her room.)
Patty: (Patty points her finger, about to finish 'Ange' and then goes 'uh' instead.)
There's a ring at the door; and Patty opens it.
Patty: Oh, (pause) hi.
Jordan: (Looking around, holding his hands together.) Oh, um, hi.
Patty: Would you like to come in?
Jordan: (Looking preoccupied) Could you just like, tell Angela, I wanna talk to her or whatever. It's nothing important, but, yeah..
Patty: Alright.. Are you sure you don't want to come inside?
Jordan: No, I'm.. good. Bye.
Patty: Bye.
(Angela runs downstairs.) Angela: Who was that?
Angela (VO): My feet always seem to move when I don't realise it, and then it's too late. I should've predicted it was Jordan Catalano.
Patty: It was Jordan. Apparently he wants to talk to you. Make sure to come back for dinner. (As though, predicting Angela would go outside.)
Angela: (Angela goes outside to Jordan's car as he was about to leave, and leans in the window.) Hi.
Jordan: (Jordan looks sideways, and takes about 3 seconds to respond.) Hi.
(Angela gets inside of the car.)
Angela: Brian told me he wrote the letter.
Jordan: (Jordan doesn't say anything.)
Angela: Why didn't you tell me? Or why didn't you just, write the letter yourself?
Jordan: I..
Angela (VO): He always has nothing to say when he should have the most to say.
Angela: I can't believe you let Brian Krakow write a love letter for me.
Jordan: Well it's like, he said all the words I wanted to say. So, you know. (Looking up at her hopefully.) Right?
Angela: It doesn't excuse the fact you let someone else tell me how you felt. You could've written something yourself, it didn't need to be, perfect..
Angela (VO): And Brian's was. It was, perfect.
Angela: Why didn't you just write it yourself?
Jordan: Because it seems like whenever we try and, I dunno, talk, it never seems good enough. And Brian's letter was like, he said all the words I wanted to, but better. (He bites his lip.) I have to go to band practice though.
Angela: (Angela shifts her hair behind her ear.)
Jordan leans in to kiss her; but doesn't, and opens the car door.
Angela gives a very displeased look, and gets out face first, then just walks off to her house, not even bothering to watch him leave.
Jordan sighs, (for some reason wishing for a more hopeful reaction.) And then drives off.
PART 1 - OVER.