Posted: Dec 20th 2006, 6:22 pm
For anyone who might be interested, I hope to have my next episode done in the next week or two. I'll post it as soon as I get it finished.
Steve
Steve
MSCL.com
There's LIFE after death on the 'net
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Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Page 2 of 2
Posted: Dec 22nd 2006, 3:41 pm
great i am always interested in new fan fiction can't wait
Posted: Dec 26th 2006, 1:08 pm
thats good news, i am really looking forward to reading the next part,stburr91 wrote:For anyone who might be interested, I hope to have my next episode done in the next week or two. I'll post it as soon as I get it finished.
Steve
Re: Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Posted: Aug 5th 2009, 1:30 pm
Steve,
Ok, so....I have only read Day 1(so far!). But I want to thank you for this because I truly loved it. I generally have a hard time reading fan fics in script form, but yours flowed!
I especially loved Graham and think you got him down perfectly! As an adult now watching the show, I have to admit to a mini-crush!
Your VO's and dialogue are perfection! I laughed out loud when the counselor asked Jordan if he kissed all of his "friends!" Of course he's just not going to come right out and say Angela is his girlfriend!! It's kind of random, but I liked Rickie's line, "So, Brian told you how he feels. I mean, how does he feel?" SO RICKIE to immediately change a statement into a question and hope that Angela doesn't notice!
I always felt that Angela truly did not havefeelings for Brian-but would have come around eventually after some growing up. And that bubbling under the surface was what made her so mean to him(aside from, of course, the fact that he was the geeky neighbor kid!
). IMO, you captured that.
I'll post comments for Day 2 when I get a chance to read it. I can't wait!
Ok, so....I have only read Day 1(so far!). But I want to thank you for this because I truly loved it. I generally have a hard time reading fan fics in script form, but yours flowed!
I especially loved Graham and think you got him down perfectly! As an adult now watching the show, I have to admit to a mini-crush!
Your VO's and dialogue are perfection! I laughed out loud when the counselor asked Jordan if he kissed all of his "friends!" Of course he's just not going to come right out and say Angela is his girlfriend!! It's kind of random, but I liked Rickie's line, "So, Brian told you how he feels. I mean, how does he feel?" SO RICKIE to immediately change a statement into a question and hope that Angela doesn't notice!
I always felt that Angela truly did not havefeelings for Brian-but would have come around eventually after some growing up. And that bubbling under the surface was what made her so mean to him(aside from, of course, the fact that he was the geeky neighbor kid!
). IMO, you captured that.I'll post comments for Day 2 when I get a chance to read it. I can't wait!
Re: Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Posted: Aug 5th 2009, 8:04 pm
I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it.4alifetime wrote:Steve,
Ok, so....I have only read Day 1(so far!). But I want to thank you for this because I truly loved it. I generally have a hard time reading fan fics in script form, but yours flowed!
I especially loved Graham and think you got him down perfectly! As an adult now watching the show, I have to admit to a mini-crush!
Your VO's and dialogue are perfection! I laughed out loud when the counselor asked Jordan if he kissed all of his "friends!" Of course he's just not going to come right out and say Angela is his girlfriend!! It's kind of random, but I liked Rickie's line, "So, Brian told you how he feels. I mean, how does he feel?" SO RICKIE to immediately change a statement into a question and hope that Angela doesn't notice!
I always felt that Angela truly did not havefeelings for Brian-but would have come around eventually after some growing up. And that bubbling under the surface was what made her so mean to him(aside from, of course, the fact that he was the geeky neighbor kid!
I'll post comments for Day 2 when I get a chance to read it. I can't wait!
One of my main goals for this fanfic, is to write it as closely to the way the show was originally written, so your compliment about my VO's and dialogue, are best compliment I can receive. Thank you.
So you noticed how I wrote Rickie's line, good, because I wrote it that way very deliberately, because you're right, it's just so Rickie.
I look forward to your feedback of day two.
Steve
Re: Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Posted: Aug 7th 2009, 11:03 am
Day 2: Brian and Danielle were my favorites! You do a great job of setting up setting up for what may be coming next!!!!!
Allison
Allison
Re: Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Posted: Aug 12th 2009, 10:29 am
Final thoughts:
FINALLY! We know the "whole truth" about the letter, what a relief!
I agreed with the earlier comment that it was very hard to see Graham reject Patty, but it was very realistic. I always thought Graham would need to lose Patty to in order to realize how much he needed her. I always wanted to write a fan fic where they split up and then find their way back together. I'm sure there are some of these out there already but I digress...
I don't think Shane was in the band either. They showed him holding drum sticks once but he was never in the "rehearsal" scenes.
I actually agreed with Jody Barsch's comment that it didn't seem logistical that Jordan would go get Angela when he did and play that song for her in front of the band, at first when I was reading it. Then I had this thought: if that famous scene where Jordan walks up to Angela in the hallway and asks her to go somewhere and then takes her hand(in front of everyone) had never happened in the show- and then someone wrote it in a fan fic it would probably have gotten the same reaction...no way! But that's why it's such a famous scene, because it blows you away when you are least expecting Jordan to do something like that. That's how I see what you wrote, it's so wrong that it must be right! Does that make any sense? At the end of the day, Jordan is gonna do whatever the hell he wants to do!
Anyway, if there had been a contest after the last episode had aired to write the next one I think this would have won!
FINALLY! We know the "whole truth" about the letter, what a relief!
I agreed with the earlier comment that it was very hard to see Graham reject Patty, but it was very realistic. I always thought Graham would need to lose Patty to in order to realize how much he needed her. I always wanted to write a fan fic where they split up and then find their way back together. I'm sure there are some of these out there already but I digress...
I don't think Shane was in the band either. They showed him holding drum sticks once but he was never in the "rehearsal" scenes.
I actually agreed with Jody Barsch's comment that it didn't seem logistical that Jordan would go get Angela when he did and play that song for her in front of the band, at first when I was reading it. Then I had this thought: if that famous scene where Jordan walks up to Angela in the hallway and asks her to go somewhere and then takes her hand(in front of everyone) had never happened in the show- and then someone wrote it in a fan fic it would probably have gotten the same reaction...no way! But that's why it's such a famous scene, because it blows you away when you are least expecting Jordan to do something like that. That's how I see what you wrote, it's so wrong that it must be right! Does that make any sense? At the end of the day, Jordan is gonna do whatever the hell he wants to do!
Anyway, if there had been a contest after the last episode had aired to write the next one I think this would have won!
Re: Life of Jordan, Episode #20
Posted: Aug 16th 2009, 5:12 pm
It was a bit of a stretch to have Jordan bring Angela to the loft and play the song for her, but I feel the story was worth the stretch. It shows Jordan was making an effort, as you pointed out, he has done it before. You put it perfectly, Jordan is gonna do whatever the hell he wants to do!4alifetime wrote:Final thoughts:
I actually agreed with Jody Barsch's comment that it didn't seem logistical that Jordan would go get Angela when he did and play that song for her in front of the band, at first when I was reading it. Then I had this thought: if that famous scene where Jordan walks up to Angela in the hallway and asks her to go somewhere and then takes her hand(in front of everyone) had never happened in the show- and then someone wrote it in a fan fic it would probably have gotten the same reaction...no way! But that's why it's such a famous scene, because it blows you away when you are least expecting Jordan to do something like that. That's how I see what you wrote, it's so wrong that it must be right! Does that make any sense? At the end of the day, Jordan is gonna do whatever the hell he wants to do!
Wow, that's the best compliment I think I've ever gotten on my writing, thank you so very much.4alifetime wrote:Anyway, if there had been a contest after the last episode had aired to write the next one I think this would have won!
Now I just need to find the time to re-write my episode 21.