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raineedazed~ I enjoyed reading this draft of your story, it is a good start. You've already read my earlier notes, so I will not bother to repeat those. There are moments with Brian and Rayanne's characters when i think they are very true to the show. I think you may want to further develop what you see going on with Rayanne -- things between her and Angela seem to move very quickly. Explore what you see going on with her -- how does she feel, what is she thinking and why, who does she turn to, etc...? Also, maybe establish more clearly what Brian wants, feels, and thinks at this moment. Of course, the main thing is that you need a focus, a purpose for your story. If you don't have at least a general idea of where you'd like your story to go, you'll never know when you get there or how. Without a purpose or an end in mind, the writing just continues with no structure or focus. Anyway, good luck writing more, I look forward to reading it. What are some possible story lines you see developing?

JODY BARSH , hi i just wanted to say u write way to much like in other storys i see ur quotes 4 like every sentence the person who like wrote it, and like ask questions about it, not to mention u give way 2 much advice on storys or whatever... like okay i just wanted to say that or whatever.

People post their fanfic here so that they can get feedback on their stories. Jody gives very detailed constructive criticism so that the writers can improve their stories. She is more than welcome to do so. It is not your place to say that Jody gives "too much advice" or writes "way too much" since people are soliciting feedback - the purpose of the fan fiction forum is to give people a place to post their stories and receive input.

Feedback is life, BeverlyHills. All writers are feedback whores, and Jody is our happy enabler.