Posted: Aug 15th 2007, 12:21 am
I decided to take a try at what might have taken in place in Jordan's car after he and Angela drove away at the end of "In Dreams", here it is.
Possible events following the conclusion of episode #19…
[Angela and Jordan are sitting in his parked car, not much later than the end of In Dreams. They aren’t talking; Jordan seems content to just be sitting, not especially tuned in to his surroundings, but not absent either. They’ve already spent most of the day making out and its nice now to just sit there and not be alone. Jordan doesn’t register awareness that Angela is sitting there mulling things over while she stares out the dark window. In time she speaks, possibly after several formations of words and sentences before finally making herself audible. Her tone is less confrontational than matter of fact. She’s not out to pick a fight necessarily, but she does intend to be answered; her voice I calm and quiet, and she takes brief pauses between her sentences.]
A: Why did you let me think that that letter was from you. I know Brian Krakow wrote the letter. You never wrote that letter. [When no response immediately comes she reacts, abandoning her original approach and her frustration and humiliation begin to betray her, but she is still not angry or accusatory – rather she recognizes their scenario and the seeming futility of sitting there] What are we doing here? [Jordan kind of looks around, obviously taking her question to mean location and not circumstances, she clarifies] No. I mean here. What are we doing here?
J: I don’t get it…
A: [First hint of anger] No, I don’t get it. Why are you doing this?
J: [Going on the defensive] Doing what?
A: That note, the stopping me after class, what is going on? [Her momentum fades and she deflates] Uh—
J: [Totally confused at this point having taken it for granted that they were past all of this, and trying to get around saying anything too explicitly] You know…
A: No, really I don’t. I know you slept with my best friend. I know you broke up with me because I wouldn’t. I know that I have never once understood where I stood with you since I met you. I know you infuriate me. I know I thought you sent me a tremendously heartfelt letter apologizing. I thought you were sorry. … I know I feely incredibly stupid. … [She is open, almost vulnerable as she continues – she is not angry at this moment] But I do not know why you’re doing this.
J: Look— … [Either at a loss or unwilling to say anything closer to the truth] I thought we were friends. [Jordan’s failure to say all that he meant makes the word “friends” come out sounding limp and ineffectual, but he tries not to hear it]
A: I don’t know what you call this, but I don’t feel like you're my friend. I feel – I feel terrible, all the time when you’re around.
J: That’s not true. [She rolls her eyes and huffs.] What about today?
A: [Her voice has become numb] Misunderstanding.
J: [Challenging her] A ‘misunderstanding’?
A: False pretenses.
J: [In response to her lack of emotion, Jordan’s words become aggressive] So because I didn’t write a letter, you hate me?
A: [Still matter-of-factly and disinvested] I hated you because of Rayanne. Now, I just want it to be over.
J: [Trying to break through to her] Look, the Rayanne thing was a mistake. I’m sorry.
A: [Worn out] It’s not about that.
J: You haven’t talked to me for weeks, you don’t even look at me, and it’s not about that?
A: [Acquiescing] Yeah, I was mad, but it doesn’t matter now.
J: [Gruffly challenging her] How do you figure?
A: Because you do whatever you want to do, and it has nothing to do with me. [This last part is aloud, but is not exactly directed towards Jordan] None of this is about me.
J: [Still challenging her] If it’s not about you, then why am I here?
A: You’re the only one who knows that.
J: [Fully irritated] All right, forget it.
A: Forgotten.
J: [After a few moments he asks, not exactly nicely] So, you want to go home?
A: I’d rather walk. [She’s angry and relishes the opportunity to be difficult]
J: [This has pissed him off] What, you can’t even be in the same car as me? You’re that angry. So what was today about?
A: [Tired] Nothing. It wasn’t anything.
J: [Frustrated] God. You know you like me.
A: I used to like you.
J: This is about Rayanne.
A: It’s about everything. It’s just all over. Like you said, ‘forget it’.
J: God damn it Angela, stop. [This startles her – she’d been in control for a while and had taken it for granted] Stop being so damned defensive. It doesn’t have to be like this.
A: [For the fist time she’s open-minded, but still sounds detached and subdued] Maybe not. But this feels like the only way I can be right now.
J: I want – I want things to be okay.
A: I don’t feel at all safe around you.
J: I’m sorry.
A: Yeah.
…
[They sit there in his car, quiet for a really long time. It feels like the end of the conversation. Once or twice Jordan’s hand moves towards the ignition, but he never starts the car. Angela is mostly looking out the window, wanting to be away from there, but relatively willing to wait until Jordan decides to leave.]
J: This is not what I expected tonight to be like.
A: I know. [More time passes]
J: [Aloud, but not especially to her] I was actually happy today.
A: I was too.
J: [Challenging her] And now you don’t feel safe? Now I do whatever I want screw everybody else? [He looks at her, partially waiting for an answer, then shakes his head] You want it this way. [Angela looks at him and he continues, trying to bully her into responding] You’re scared, and you like all the conflict because it makes you feel grown up.
A: Shut up.
J: You want it this way.
A: Believe me, I don’t.
J: [Determined] Then, just move past it.
A: [Aggressive] Why?
J: [This is the moment he either says it or he doesn’t and there will not be another chance] Because … [She thinks this is all there is, and it is nowhere near to being enough] I want you. Angela.
A: [Open] Why?
J: I don’t know. … There’s something about you.
A: [Shakes her head] We’re too different. And I can’t meet your certain expectations.
J: We’ll work it out. And you have expectations too. … But we can try… [He’s finally reached her -- she looks at him softly in spite of herself, almost momentarily wantonly]
AVO: I could kill myself caving this way– after everything. [Jordan reaches across the car to touch her face, he kisses her slowly, she doesn’t move away] But then, maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing. [This kiss lasts a bit longer and then she breaks away.]
A: I better get back.
J: [Jordan considers this a bit before responding] Okay. [Jordan turns and starts the car.]
[Jordan’s car is now parked across the street from Angela’s house. It seems as if Angela has been quiet for a while and has slipped back into her subdued state as she mulls something over by herself.]
J: What?
A: Nothing. [Beat] Only, not lying was something I thought I could count on you for.
J: [In earnest] It is.
A: Yeah?
J: Yeah.
A: Okay.
J: [Touching her hair] Okay. [He kisses her and she lets him, guardedly returning the kiss until she pulls away]
A: Is this a mistake?
J: Shh. [He kisses her again, his hands in her hair. After a moment or two she breaks away.]
A: I’ve gotta go.
J: [Balanced between meaning and characteristic Catalano-nonchalance ] Should I swing by in the morning?
A: [Looking at Brian’s house, answering a little drawn out and distracted.] Yeah, okay. [She closes the door. There is a short moment when they look at each other, and then she’s walking up the path to her door. Jordan’s car remains parked on the street. Just as she’s opened the door and turned around, he’s driven off.]
[Angela pops her head into her parent’s room. Patty’s in bed reading.]
A: I’m back.
P: How’d everything work out?
A: I don’t really want to talk about it. [Adding] Is that all right?
P: Of course. [Graham comes out of the bathroom having just showered]
G: Hey.
A: Hi. [Subdued, but interested] So how’d your thing go?
G: It was … great. I’m starving though. [He places a hand on Angela’s shoulder as he passes by her in the doorway to head downstairs.]
A: [After a little while just lingering in the doorway] I just wanted to tell you I’m home.
P: Thank you.
A: Jordan’s giving me a ride to school tomorrow. [She says it casually, a kind of ‘by the way’ thing, but it communicates much more than what she is actually saying, and Patty understands the full meaning.]
P: Okay.
A: Well, ‘night.
P: Good night.
[The next morning Angela is sitting on the front porch with a mug of coffee or hot chocolate, Jordan pulls up and she stands and walks to the car and gets in.]
A: Morning.
J: Hey. [Angela’s putting her seat belt on and juggling the hot beverage] Come here. [She turns in his direction and he kisses her] Morning. [He turns back and starts the car] Don’t spill that. [They drive away]
J: Angela, I wanted to be clear about where we left things last night…
A: Okay…
J: Cuz, it still seems like, you’re – it seems like you don’t care.
A: You’re right, I don’t.
J: Because…?
A: I was angry, and I was hurt, and I’ve lost a friendship, and it’s all very recent, and I don’t know how well I knew you in the first place, and it’s recent, and so there’s a certain point where you have to stop caring.
J: Okay, but you kissed me. Last night, and today. You’re in my car now, so…
A: It’s hard.
J: See, part of you is angry, and part of you is hurt or scared; part of it’s pride, but part of you just wants to be here. I’m not going to say anything to convince you.
A: I know.
AVO: I almost got out of the car. I almost told him to go to hell. Or maybe for him to have a great life. But who would I be kidding, I want him so damn much and I’ve never been closer to having him. Sometimes, our hearts want what they want, more than they want to be safe, or careful, or right.
A: Don’t – mess me up.
Possible events following the conclusion of episode #19…
[Angela and Jordan are sitting in his parked car, not much later than the end of In Dreams. They aren’t talking; Jordan seems content to just be sitting, not especially tuned in to his surroundings, but not absent either. They’ve already spent most of the day making out and its nice now to just sit there and not be alone. Jordan doesn’t register awareness that Angela is sitting there mulling things over while she stares out the dark window. In time she speaks, possibly after several formations of words and sentences before finally making herself audible. Her tone is less confrontational than matter of fact. She’s not out to pick a fight necessarily, but she does intend to be answered; her voice I calm and quiet, and she takes brief pauses between her sentences.]
A: Why did you let me think that that letter was from you. I know Brian Krakow wrote the letter. You never wrote that letter. [When no response immediately comes she reacts, abandoning her original approach and her frustration and humiliation begin to betray her, but she is still not angry or accusatory – rather she recognizes their scenario and the seeming futility of sitting there] What are we doing here? [Jordan kind of looks around, obviously taking her question to mean location and not circumstances, she clarifies] No. I mean here. What are we doing here?
J: I don’t get it…
A: [First hint of anger] No, I don’t get it. Why are you doing this?
J: [Going on the defensive] Doing what?
A: That note, the stopping me after class, what is going on? [Her momentum fades and she deflates] Uh—
J: [Totally confused at this point having taken it for granted that they were past all of this, and trying to get around saying anything too explicitly] You know…
A: No, really I don’t. I know you slept with my best friend. I know you broke up with me because I wouldn’t. I know that I have never once understood where I stood with you since I met you. I know you infuriate me. I know I thought you sent me a tremendously heartfelt letter apologizing. I thought you were sorry. … I know I feely incredibly stupid. … [She is open, almost vulnerable as she continues – she is not angry at this moment] But I do not know why you’re doing this.
J: Look— … [Either at a loss or unwilling to say anything closer to the truth] I thought we were friends. [Jordan’s failure to say all that he meant makes the word “friends” come out sounding limp and ineffectual, but he tries not to hear it]
A: I don’t know what you call this, but I don’t feel like you're my friend. I feel – I feel terrible, all the time when you’re around.
J: That’s not true. [She rolls her eyes and huffs.] What about today?
A: [Her voice has become numb] Misunderstanding.
J: [Challenging her] A ‘misunderstanding’?
A: False pretenses.
J: [In response to her lack of emotion, Jordan’s words become aggressive] So because I didn’t write a letter, you hate me?
A: [Still matter-of-factly and disinvested] I hated you because of Rayanne. Now, I just want it to be over.
J: [Trying to break through to her] Look, the Rayanne thing was a mistake. I’m sorry.
A: [Worn out] It’s not about that.
J: You haven’t talked to me for weeks, you don’t even look at me, and it’s not about that?
A: [Acquiescing] Yeah, I was mad, but it doesn’t matter now.
J: [Gruffly challenging her] How do you figure?
A: Because you do whatever you want to do, and it has nothing to do with me. [This last part is aloud, but is not exactly directed towards Jordan] None of this is about me.
J: [Still challenging her] If it’s not about you, then why am I here?
A: You’re the only one who knows that.
J: [Fully irritated] All right, forget it.
A: Forgotten.
J: [After a few moments he asks, not exactly nicely] So, you want to go home?
A: I’d rather walk. [She’s angry and relishes the opportunity to be difficult]
J: [This has pissed him off] What, you can’t even be in the same car as me? You’re that angry. So what was today about?
A: [Tired] Nothing. It wasn’t anything.
J: [Frustrated] God. You know you like me.
A: I used to like you.
J: This is about Rayanne.
A: It’s about everything. It’s just all over. Like you said, ‘forget it’.
J: God damn it Angela, stop. [This startles her – she’d been in control for a while and had taken it for granted] Stop being so damned defensive. It doesn’t have to be like this.
A: [For the fist time she’s open-minded, but still sounds detached and subdued] Maybe not. But this feels like the only way I can be right now.
J: I want – I want things to be okay.
A: I don’t feel at all safe around you.
J: I’m sorry.
A: Yeah.
…
[They sit there in his car, quiet for a really long time. It feels like the end of the conversation. Once or twice Jordan’s hand moves towards the ignition, but he never starts the car. Angela is mostly looking out the window, wanting to be away from there, but relatively willing to wait until Jordan decides to leave.]
J: This is not what I expected tonight to be like.
A: I know. [More time passes]
J: [Aloud, but not especially to her] I was actually happy today.
A: I was too.
J: [Challenging her] And now you don’t feel safe? Now I do whatever I want screw everybody else? [He looks at her, partially waiting for an answer, then shakes his head] You want it this way. [Angela looks at him and he continues, trying to bully her into responding] You’re scared, and you like all the conflict because it makes you feel grown up.
A: Shut up.
J: You want it this way.
A: Believe me, I don’t.
J: [Determined] Then, just move past it.
A: [Aggressive] Why?
J: [This is the moment he either says it or he doesn’t and there will not be another chance] Because … [She thinks this is all there is, and it is nowhere near to being enough] I want you. Angela.
A: [Open] Why?
J: I don’t know. … There’s something about you.
A: [Shakes her head] We’re too different. And I can’t meet your certain expectations.
J: We’ll work it out. And you have expectations too. … But we can try… [He’s finally reached her -- she looks at him softly in spite of herself, almost momentarily wantonly]
AVO: I could kill myself caving this way– after everything. [Jordan reaches across the car to touch her face, he kisses her slowly, she doesn’t move away] But then, maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing. [This kiss lasts a bit longer and then she breaks away.]
A: I better get back.
J: [Jordan considers this a bit before responding] Okay. [Jordan turns and starts the car.]
[Jordan’s car is now parked across the street from Angela’s house. It seems as if Angela has been quiet for a while and has slipped back into her subdued state as she mulls something over by herself.]
J: What?
A: Nothing. [Beat] Only, not lying was something I thought I could count on you for.
J: [In earnest] It is.
A: Yeah?
J: Yeah.
A: Okay.
J: [Touching her hair] Okay. [He kisses her and she lets him, guardedly returning the kiss until she pulls away]
A: Is this a mistake?
J: Shh. [He kisses her again, his hands in her hair. After a moment or two she breaks away.]
A: I’ve gotta go.
J: [Balanced between meaning and characteristic Catalano-nonchalance ] Should I swing by in the morning?
A: [Looking at Brian’s house, answering a little drawn out and distracted.] Yeah, okay. [She closes the door. There is a short moment when they look at each other, and then she’s walking up the path to her door. Jordan’s car remains parked on the street. Just as she’s opened the door and turned around, he’s driven off.]
[Angela pops her head into her parent’s room. Patty’s in bed reading.]
A: I’m back.
P: How’d everything work out?
A: I don’t really want to talk about it. [Adding] Is that all right?
P: Of course. [Graham comes out of the bathroom having just showered]
G: Hey.
A: Hi. [Subdued, but interested] So how’d your thing go?
G: It was … great. I’m starving though. [He places a hand on Angela’s shoulder as he passes by her in the doorway to head downstairs.]
A: [After a little while just lingering in the doorway] I just wanted to tell you I’m home.
P: Thank you.
A: Jordan’s giving me a ride to school tomorrow. [She says it casually, a kind of ‘by the way’ thing, but it communicates much more than what she is actually saying, and Patty understands the full meaning.]
P: Okay.
A: Well, ‘night.
P: Good night.
[The next morning Angela is sitting on the front porch with a mug of coffee or hot chocolate, Jordan pulls up and she stands and walks to the car and gets in.]
A: Morning.
J: Hey. [Angela’s putting her seat belt on and juggling the hot beverage] Come here. [She turns in his direction and he kisses her] Morning. [He turns back and starts the car] Don’t spill that. [They drive away]
J: Angela, I wanted to be clear about where we left things last night…
A: Okay…
J: Cuz, it still seems like, you’re – it seems like you don’t care.
A: You’re right, I don’t.
J: Because…?
A: I was angry, and I was hurt, and I’ve lost a friendship, and it’s all very recent, and I don’t know how well I knew you in the first place, and it’s recent, and so there’s a certain point where you have to stop caring.
J: Okay, but you kissed me. Last night, and today. You’re in my car now, so…
A: It’s hard.
J: See, part of you is angry, and part of you is hurt or scared; part of it’s pride, but part of you just wants to be here. I’m not going to say anything to convince you.
A: I know.
AVO: I almost got out of the car. I almost told him to go to hell. Or maybe for him to have a great life. But who would I be kidding, I want him so damn much and I’ve never been closer to having him. Sometimes, our hearts want what they want, more than they want to be safe, or careful, or right.
A: Don’t – mess me up.