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Jody Barsch* wrote:Anyway, it made me uncomfortable. (Sorry to you gents who think he was just trying to be a nice guy. I’m sure he was. But he was more concerned with how he wanted to see the operation play out than with my comfort level.)

That is what it really comes down to: are you comfortable? If you aren't then there is not a lot that needs to be said.

There’s a lot of things I’d still like to learn in my life, but I do feel that at my age, I’m no longer going to do anything that I don’t want to just because it seems like that’s what’s expected of me, or just easier to do.

Jody, again there it is. IMHO you absolutely correct. Its not about other people's perceptions its about what you are comfortable with. Doesn't have to be a huge production number, nobody is keeping score, the bottom line is that you have to be true to yourself.

I know many people enjoy it and get a thrill from it, but so far, for me, dating strangers has been awkward, uncomfortable, confusing, and fruitless.

I doubt strongly you are the only one who feels this way.

Really what it boils down to is that I was open to hanging out as friends and seeing if that worked, and then possibly exploring if there was the potential for anything else. But he skipped the friends thing, he skipped checking in with me to see how I felt about any of this, and shifted straight into dating mode. I don’t think that’s right. He doesn’t even know me.

Yeah, sounds like he's trying waaay to hard.

-LanceMan

I thought the npr show was funny in its generalizations. And I believe it resonates with how my friends have been and how I have been, occasionally, with boys(I would hardly call them men, hell Im not a woman either). However, I uphold communication at all levels, friends, more, and even those that I am not close to: if something wrong is taking place we should talk.
But I don't think it is just females. I believe it is an illness of our society to be passive aggressive. We live in a world where television and the computer have become the way we communicate with one another. It seems we spend more time with inanimate objects than we do with living and breathing human beings. we seem to live only to work jobs that drain our souls. or we live always wanting, coveting the grass on the other side. Communication is hard because we don't know how to communicate, at least with my generation, believing it is a bad idea to be direct because you might hurt someones feelings; it isn't good to be too passionate about any one thing because if you talk about it people might think you strange; it isn't right to know what you want and tell someone just how you want it. Our generation, at least mine and my parents, is afraid to talk about sex and yet we cannot turn on the television without seeing reference to it. There is more going on in the world than Britney's shaved head than the news stations reveal. and in school we learn about a history that is only half true. and some high schools (the one i graduated from, for example) that don't talk about pressing matters of gender, sexuality, human rights, race, etc hurt any form of creating difficult dialogs. and so, all of these things contribute to our illness as a society and thus, as individuals to not tell others what we need, how we feel.
i believe gender might have a bit to do with it. but, Ive seen guys be just as presumptuous if not more so than a few girls i know. but I don't believe it is a-typical for males to be this way.
-N