Chinese food & toothaches

[Natasha (candygirl)]

Do you mean like your family's country of origin?

That's exactly what I mean. I kid you not when I saw that there was a period in my life where I was asked some form of that question at least three times a week. That's when I started getting touchy about it. Don't get me wrong - I'm not ashamed of my cultural heritage, but I don't see how it's anyone's business, especially a total stranger. I mean, what exactly is a stranger going to DO with that information? Go home or call your friends and say, "Guess what? I saw this chick today and guess where she's from?" It was ridiculous and relentless - I got asked this question in every possible situation: at the racetrack ordering a burger, at the mall, in an elevator, you name it.



My friends all know my ethnicity, but that's because it eventually came up in conversation, not because they felt entitled to know that information. I really don't understand how people can be so rude that they will approach a complete stranger in public for the sole purpose of asking a personal question like that. I don't walk up to people and ask, "How much do you weigh? How much money do you make? Is that a toupee? I just want to know." And damn, people are persistent. After a while, I had a whole routine of stock answers. The conversations went something like this:

Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: California.
Stranger: No, I mean originally.
Me: Oh, Chicago.
Stranger: No, I mean where are you REALLY from?
Me: I'm really from here. I was born in Chicago.
Stranger: Well, where are your parents from?
Me:

My boyfriend told me to start making up ridiculous answers like Zimbabwe or Lake Titicaca. Every once in a while I would say I was from Mongolia. If you give people an answer that they are geographically unfamiliar with, they tend to back off.

[SanDeE*]

"What are you?"

~ human
~ a woman/man
~ alive
~ happy/sad/funny/silly/pretty/etc.
~ a musician/artist/accountant/bus driver/bowler/bathroom attendant
~ none o' ya bidness!
~ what are you?

"Where are you from?"

~ planet earth
~ a city/a farm
~ a hospital
~ my mother's womb
~ none o' ya bidness!
~ where are you from?

hahaha!

No seriously, I agree that it's rude for strangers to ask that kind of thing. It's personal information, and if you want someone to know it you'll tell them. I've only been asked if I'm Irish, because I have red hair. Even though most Irish people have black hair. Whatever. I am a 1/4 Irish, but generally I'm a mutt, and I'll tell strangers that if they ask. I am proud of my heritage, but I don't prefer strangers knowing details about me. Friends I'll tell them all of it, but they're my friends. I find it odd what inappropriate things people think they have the right to know or do. Where did that self-importance come from? Who taught them they could just ask whatever personal thing they want of whomever they see? Working in a customer service job, I've had my share of people butt into my business. I've been told I shouldn't eat meat or cheese and I've been told my lip gloss is wrong/bad. Uh, who asked you? There was this one particularily creepy older guy who developed this crush on me, and he would say things like "I'll do anything a redhead wants me to" and other inappropriate things like that. I reported him to my manager.

Another time I picked up my brother from the bar he worked at, and while Bro was punching out this guy (older than my father I think) approached me and said "do you play pool?" in this what's-your-sign kinda way. I said, "Sorry, I'm just here picking up my brother." But he persisted "Yeah, but do you play pool?" So I said, "No." He was definitely trying to pick me up. I mean, please buddy, do you think that a young woman in her early twenties really wants to get with an old guy like you? And I said no. Plus, I tried to be nice with my first answer, and it was the truth! Take a hint! Sorry mscl guys, but I get sick of men who are in totally different worlds/generations from me trying to pick me up. ...And I've officially gone off on a tangent here!

[Natasha (candygirl)]

~ my mother's womb

This was one of the many smartass responses that my boyfriend suggested.



It really sucks when you get stuff like that at work and you have to go with that "the customer is always right" theory. I once worked at a convention where I had to dress as a pirate. I got all kinds of dirty pirate jokes and guys hitting on me. I just rolled my eyes when they said things like "Would you like to walk my gangplank?" and "I'd like to shiver your timbers!" In situations like that, I try to remember all the stuff Miss Manners says about not being rude in return, but sometimes I can't control myself.

I also hate getting hit on. I don't see that going out in public makes me an open target for that kind of crap. It does make for some funny stories later (pick up line so lame that it was funny: "You're a really great dancer. Have I seen you on MTV?"). One guy I worked with (who was twice as old as I was) totally tried to hook up with me at an after work happy hour. He did not want to take no for an answer, and then instead of slinking away in defeat, he proceeded to tell everyone what happened the next day at work. No shame. And did I mention he knew I had a boyfriend? Again I say he had no shame. After a while I learned that even when you think you are saying no politely, there is a certain breed of guy that only hears "yes," and keep on trying. They ruin it for all the other guys because eventually I started being quite blunt when I turned guys down just to speed the process along.

[starbug]

It's incredible what people have the nerve to ask... Owing to the british reserve it's not really a problem here but when I go to the states I notice it much more (particularly in the western less-populous states - montana (sorry nothingman), idaho etc). At the top a mountain in Glacier national park this woman came up to me and Mr. S, and said 'I couldn't help overhearing you talking; where are you from?'
Me: London
Her: [to husband] See, I knew it! I spent a summer in London and I can pick that accent anywhere.
Me: really. Actually I get mistaken for being Australian all the time.
Her [to Mr. S]: And where are you from? See, you don't sound the same at all.
Mr. S: Ulster.
Her: what?
Mr. S: Erm, Northern Ireland.
Her: Oh, Irish. I love the Irish accent.
Mr. S: No, actually, northern ireland isn't Ireland.... oh, never mind, yeah, Ireland.

When I think about it what really offended us was that she had clearly been listening to our conversation, and then felt she would interrupt our viewing of the spectacular vista to interrogate us on our heritage. I wouldn't walk up to a vistor from the states and say 'you sound like you're from the deep south. Am I right?'

My cousin is adopted, and she gets it all the time. Her parents are white, and she's korean and they adopted her when she was a tiny baby. She's lived in america apart from like, the first month of her life. Anyway, when they are out as a family (with sisters who are all white), people think nothing of saying stuff like 'So, are you on holiday here?' believing she must be an exchange student or something. Then she's forced to explain that these are her parents, and she's american. So, where is she from originally? I mean, do they really expect her to say 'well actually, these good folk adopted me after I was put on a boat in Korea by my parents, in order that my life might be saved. I have no idea where they are now, but I know I came over on a boat.' I mean, please.

Actually, it's one of the things I value about the UK - I have always found that people are very hesitant to even approach you in public, let alone ask personal questions. I like that. I like to be left alone if I don't want to share my life's story.

Agreed: getting hit on (chatted up, as I would say) is a giant pain. I have twice been hit on while wearing my engagement ring, which is particularly offensive. It's like they haven't even looked before wading in. I'll give them the brush-off, and then get 'no, really, can I buy you a drink?'. I have had to actually wave my hand in their faces, and then they go off in a sulk. Plus, one was a guy at work who was at least twice my age. He doesn't talk to me now, thankfully.

A radio station over here, Heart, did this thing that if you were being hit on and a phone number demanded, you gave out this number provided, and when the poor guy called it, they left a message, and it would be played out on sunday morning... some of them were hilarious It's a wonder some men have the nerve to walk the earth. Some of them were SO cocky it was incredible.

[Nostradamus]

My ex-boyfriend was friends with Rachel from the SF Real World

Wow, now I can honestly say that I know someone who used to know someone else who knew someone on Real World. That is so freakin' awesome!

[SanDeE*]

I have twice been hit on while wearing my engagement ring, which is particularly offensive.

Wow, that is really appalling, starbug. That's partly why I hate to go out to bars (unless there is a really great band playing and I'm with a bunch of friends), and I don't even really like to walk around outside much by myself. I've actually been honked at by cars driving past ("hey baby!"), just walking to work. The worst was when I was 15-18 years old, my dad would take me to bars so I could hear bands. If my dad went to the bathroom or left my side at all, an old guy would come up to me and start hitting on me. It was great when I was a teenager, because I could just say that and then they'd avoid me the rest of the night. Or I would point to my dad and say "That's my dad over there, I'm with him tonight." Dad is 6' 4", 240 lbs = BIG guy. The creeps hitting on me left me alone after I said that, too. Sometimes I still use that line now when I'm out with my dad! Another thing is that I ALWAYS go out with guys I know. Just friends, but going out with guys helps. (I have a lot more male friends than female.) We usually have a deal - if a nasty person starts hitting on one of us, then we're a couple. That works too, because if my friend were actually trying to hook up with someone, I don't think he'd go out to a bar with me.

A radio station over here, Heart, did this thing that if you were being hit on and a phone number demanded, you gave out this number provided, and when the poor guy called it, they left a message, and it would be played out on sunday morning...

That is freakin' hilarious!!! I wish the radio station I listen to here in KCMO did that. I bet they would, too - they have a thing called "F. YOU Fridays," where you call and say F YOU to whoever is bothering you that week. Bosses, Bush, and exes are common. The F YOU Friday is funny.

[Natasha (candygirl)]

A radio station over here, Heart, did this thing that if you were being hit on and a phone number demanded, you gave out this number provided, and when the poor guy called it, they left a message, and it would be played out on sunday morning... some of them were hilarious It's a wonder some men have the nerve to walk the earth. Some of them were SO cocky it was incredible.

Hee, this radio station in San Diego used to do that too but they had to stop because the guys finally caught on (it probably didn't help that the radio station doing it had a very heavy male following). They would play the messages on Monday morning, and although they were all pretty funny, the best one was some guy saying, "Hey, I met you on Friday night...wait a minute, this is that 91X phone number...Sh!$ <click>"

[wicked]

that is just too funny!