Kristin wrote:Nostradamus wrote: ... The "Ladder Theory" ...
In other words ---- nice guys finish last?
Ding, Ding, Ding! We have a winner!
Nostradamus, kudos on bringing up ladder theory. In terms of it being a scientific theory, it is a joke, but in terms of it being applicable in real life, it is dead on. Many people do find it offensive, however, I firmly believe it is the truth, and many people don't want to hear the truth.
I love this thread, male/female interaction is one of my favorite things to dissect. Let us delve into the male mind for a moment. There are of course exceptions to every rule, but they are few and far between and I will speak in generalities here.
Every male friend you have wants to have sex with you. Some may be in a relationship and can't act, some may be too shy, but given an opportunity every one of them would jump you. This is why guy's you date don't like male friends, you may not see them that way, but we know as a guy, what their intentions truely are. This is why we talk to you, because we want to have sex with you. We may also enjoy your company, but it doesn't change the fact we want more. Now, many women keep that male friend who they know wants them, but they keep them at bay; or the ex-boyfriend around so that they always have a backup plan. That's a whole other topic for another day.
Kristin wrote:My biggest problem is I can't tell whether a guy really truly likes me for ME and my personality, or just wants to have sex with me. That's a tough one. (mscl guys? any thoughts/insights?)
This is an easy one, but hard for women to understand because they don't think like we do. Every guy initially just wants to have sex with you. We have many ways to make you think we are interested in you, we're not, we just want to get you home between the sheets. It is only after we have obtained that primary goal that we evaluate if we really like you as a person. We do this because if the sex was good now we are thinking, I could do this on a regular basis, can I tolerate or even enjoy this person's company when we aren't having sex. If we can, great, now we are interested in a relationship.
Women want to see if they like the person before they have sex. Men want to have sex and then see if they like the person.
Women get worried that if they give it up early, we'll think they are easy and loose interest, unlikely. We aren't really evaluating you on personality up until that point anyway. It is more likely that by withholding we will loose interest and move on. Leaving you thinking, well he must have not liked that much anyway. Maybe we did, and maybe we didn't, odds are we hadn't given it much thought yet. Another thing is why would we think less of you for wanting to have sex with us, we'll do it with just about anything that moves, who are we to judge you on it. With the exception of the devout religious people and momma's boys you don't have any respect for anyway, guys don't care.
For guys sex and and emotional connection are separate items. Is sex better with both, sure, but we don't need and emotional connection to enjoy it. So if we get in a relationship is because we liked the sex, then we developed an emotional connection, now with both, it's better than it was when we were single. If either item drops off, we get the urge to move on. For me, sex with an emotional connection out ways variety, but if it gets boring, or infrequent, variety has a very strong allure again.
If any of this is offensive or seems rather abrupt, it's not meant to offend anyone or fire anybody up. I'm speaking frankly because I think this is a topic that is often sugar coated and that doesn't benefit either side because we don't the real answers. I was fed the fairy tail of being a nice guy and a gentleman, being chivalrous and respectful. I’ve learned it doesn’t get you anywhere. That guy still exists somewhere in me, but it’s not the person I choose to let everyone have access to. As men we are old that we shouldn’t be able to separate sex and emotion. That initially just being interested in sex is wrong. I don’t think there is anyway to deny that we are just wired differently, it’s not wrong, it just is.