MSCL.com

Jody Barsch* wrote: I kind of had the reverse thing happen to me last winter. Maybe a week after my best friend proposed to his girlfriend of five years, he told me he had feelings for me -- to the extent that he was talking about what our future lives would be like together... I had always thought there was a little crush between us, but what he started telling me took me completely aback. They were married this spring, and I'm still reeling.

That would throw anyone for a loop, but that's his issue not yours. Sounds like he wasn't ready to be married. Tough to always have that elephant in the room.

emmie wrote:I was going to write that I'm the same person no matter how many men are interested in me. but that's not exactly true. I find that I do gain a bit of confidence when some is interested. and confidence can be quite attractive.

It's not that you are really a different person, you just give off a different vibe. You interact with people differently. We tend to be more open and welcoming and intiate body contact more when we aren't looking for someone than when we aren't, which when you think about it, makes no sense. Also, people see you interacting with people of the opposite sex and they respond to that by thinking others desire him/her, should I? Try and experiment. Go out with some friends guys and girls, joke around with, give the guys a hug, touch them on the arm, maybe a friendly peck on the cheek, then seperate yourself from the group and wait for other guys to come up to you, they will. We're watching, and appearing approachable by how you act with the people your with goes a long way.

For instance, when I'm downtown for the evening I always give my friends that are girls hugs and maybe a little complement to make them smile, not because I'm interested in them but because other girls are watching. What they see is me making someone happy, they have no idea how I know them and it doesn't matter because my friends wonder off and it's apparent I'm not there "with" any of them. Plus by hugging my friends it makes it much easier to intitate touching with girls I meet. They see that it was ok for me to do it to someone else and that it's natural behavior for me so they let their guard down a bit. How people react to each other just facinates me, it's fun to try different things to see how will react.

special_k wrote:Nothingman should have a There Might Be Giants song written about him.

I got cut in the final version, partical man, universe man, and triangle man all made it instead. Luckly Pearl Jam picked me up off the cutting room floor.

Nothingman wrote:Ideally you want to always appear in demand, even if you aren't. The better you get at this, the more sustained the interest in you becomes.

The flipside to that being that you might appear unattainable to someone who would otherwise court you. I tend toward the shy side of the spectrum, so competition, real or perceived, is one more excuse I can give myself to not take chances. Perhaps the challenge then is to find a balance between boring availability and attractive popularity, if that makes any sense...

Nostradamus wrote: The flipside to that being that you might appear unattainable to someone who would otherwise court you... Perhaps the challenge then is to find a balance between boring availability and attractive popularity, if that makes any sense...

Good point. Appearing approachable is very important, but appearing unattainable isn't necessarily bad. Think about how many times you were attracted to someone but didn't think you had a shot, then when they showed the slightest bit of interest you all about them. Of course it depends on what type of unattainable we're talking about. Be so unattainable that you would never lower yourself to speak to them doesn't work. I'm thinking more along the lines that you open and fun, but unattainable to lock into a serious relationship, perhaps not being easily attainable is a better way to say it.

I see a lot of what you are talking about in this thread in MSCL. The Angela/Jordan/Brian/(briefly)Delia/(briefly)Sharon web is immersed in these issues. Brian is in love (or lusts after) Angela, who is in love with Jordan. Angela generally ignores Brian until Delia becomes interested in him. She's also distressed (maybe only mildly) of the attention Brian pays to Sharon. When Brian seems desirable to others and Angela's monopoly on Brian's affection becomes threatened, Angela becomes more interested in Brian. Of course, Angela's attraction to Brian is weak when compared to her attraction to Jordan. But I would not go so far to say that there isn't an attraction between Angela and Brian.

hmm, well, ok, this is what i still dont get.

i am 23 and ive known this guy since i was like 15, so, my question is, why is he suddenly interested now, lol, i mean, we;ve known each other for forever, hes hot and all... but, lol, i dont know.

i just really dont get guys, at all.

World Population Estimate 2003:

Total: 6,301,463,000

Male: 3,169,122,000

Female: 3,132,342,000

Source: Population Division of the Department of Economic and Social Affairs of the United Nations Secretariat (2003). "World Population Prospects: The 2002 Revision Highlights". New York: United Nations.

http://www.geohive.com/global/linkg.php ... enderratio

IMHO, don't bother trying to understand all 3.16 billion guys; your cranium will explode. There is plenty of challenge in understanding the handful of guys you know directly, and greater reward for it as well.

special_k wrote:Why is it that just when guys start to notice you, someone you care for dearly comes to realize how much you mean to them? Sometimes it feels like dealing with men requires a passport.

Timing, timing, timing its all about timing, at least it has been in my experience.

Each person you meet or know is caught in a brief moment of their reality. Your reality and theirs may not been in the same frame of mind, feeling or experience. Tough stuff but there it is.

I would think a translator device might be more handy than a passport.

-LanceMan

There's the doctor who obsesses over how into him I am in his perception. "You're interested, right?" It's, like, no matter how many times I assure him he still frets.

Flyboy surfaces after a few months accusing me of having pushed him away, making little time for him. Um...excuse me, but it's called having a life of your own. He wants everything right this very moment. I won't let myself be vulnerable to him. He hates that.

"You don't talk much anymore..." say's a dear friend who can't get past my moving on. He sulks because I don't fawn over him.

Enter someone who may see me as his geisha. Friend, maybe. I'm not going there with him.

*Groan*

Can you tell me where I can order one of these translator devices?

I tell ya it's that pesky "Y" chromosome
"Men Ya can;t live with them...

but I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

( present carriers of the "pesky" Y chromosome excepted)

Hang in there! Personally I've kinda gone off any "high maintenance "friends be the male female or other. If I'm having to work all the time to be around somone I just don't hang out with them anymore.
BUT taht took a long time to get to.

( and I'm married to my best friend...although even he makes me angry from time to time...hmmm MAYBE I'M THE HIGH MAINTENANCE PERSON???? )

Ha! I know what you mean. Thing is, none of these started off as high maintenance. In at least one case, I don't mind. Gods, I never should have read that Chernobyl site. I need to get out in the sun...be around people. Hello, Starbucks!

wicked wrote:I tell ya it's that pesky "Y" chromosome
"Men Ya can;t live with them...

but I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

( present carriers of the "pesky" Y chromosome excepted)

BWA-HA-HA! So true! Before you met your DH, you must've had men banging on your door every night...

...trying to get out.

BWA-HA-HA! So true! Before you met your DH, you must've had men banging on your door every night...

...trying to get out.

damn , how'd you get those record I was sure they were sealed!

Angela: But that's the part that's so unfair. I have nothing else on
my mind. How come I have to be the one sitting around
analyzing him in like microscopic detail, and he gets to be
the one with other things on his mind.

I'm totally feeling this right now. and it's driving me crazy. I hardly ever get crushes on guys, but when I do, I fall fast and hard. ugh. the frustrating part is that I am 25 years old! yet I feel like I'm 16 when I'm around him. that's not true, when I'm around him, I'm able to act like myself for the most part. but later, I'm all giddy like a little girl. "he sat by me in class" .... "he laughed at my joke"... grr argh, I sicken myself! ha ha

I hardly ever get crushes on guys, but when I do, I fall fast and hard. ugh. the frustrating part is that I am 25 years old! yet I feel like I'm 16 when I'm around him. that's not true, when I'm around him, I'm able to act like myself for the most part. but later, I'm all giddy like a little girl. "he sat by me in class" .... "he laughed at my joke"... grr argh, I sicken myself! ha ha

it never ends...just changes slightly.LOL! I'm old and married an I still get crushes..I don't act on them...but I'm married not dead after all!

emmie wrote:

Angela: But that's the part that's so unfair. I have nothing else on
my mind. How come I have to be the one sitting around
analyzing him in like microscopic detail, and he gets to be
the one with other things on his mind.

I'm totally feeling this right now. and it's driving me crazy. I hardly ever get crushes on guys, but when I do, I fall fast and hard. ugh. the frustrating part is that I am 25 years old! yet I feel like I'm 16 when I'm around him. that's not true, when I'm around him, I'm able to act like myself for the most part. but later, I'm all giddy like a little girl. "he sat by me in class" .... "he laughed at my joke"... grr argh, I sicken myself! ha ha

Yes it is amazing when a grown adult, that I consider myself on occassion, loses all syntax ability around very attractive women with whom I have nothing in common.



-LanceMan