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starbug wrote:

candygirl wrote: But it IS possible to love someone without fighting, cheating, or emotionally abusing. It's called being mature. I know that I was guilty of that kind of crap when I was in high school/college. Once you are secure with who you are and don't feel the need to control/manipulate others, it is very possible to have a normal healthy relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for years and I can count on one hand how many times we have fought. Not because we agree about every little thing, but because we don't feel the need to be petty and competitive and turn everything into a conflict, have tons of drama, etc.

Seconded and thirded! Well said...

I'll add a fourth! Once again Candygirl speaks eloquently for many.

Best,

Lance Man

lance wrote:

starbug wrote:

candygirl wrote: But it IS possible to love someone without fighting, cheating, or emotionally abusing. It's called being mature. I know that I was guilty of that kind of crap when I was in high school/college. Once you are secure with who you are and don't feel the need to control/manipulate others, it is very possible to have a normal healthy relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for years and I can count on one hand how many times we have fought. Not because we agree about every little thing, but because we don't feel the need to be petty and competitive and turn everything into a conflict, have tons of drama, etc.

Seconded and thirded! Well said...

I'll add a fourth! Once again Candygirl speaks eloquently for many.

Well then slap my ass and count me in as a fifth!

Though me and my girl have been dating for 8.5 years and we have had huge fights, but I see those as good things in a weird way. I love that my emotions over her and us can go so high on both ends of the spectrum. I feel that if there is such emotional attatchment there then it is all good. Don't know if that made sense...

Well then slap my ass and count me in as a fifth!

Ahem... I hate to burst your bubble, but there will be no slapping here.

Carry on.

And instead of counting myself in, I'll just give a big

Gary

Speak for yourself Gary! I'd be more than glad to give fnordboy's booty a little smack (if for no other reason than his freaky new av!)

uh... um... <sigh>

It's all you fnordboy! Go for it!

(though we may not meet for lunch for loooooong while...)



Gary

While we're on the topic, I can explain a little why conflict in relationships can be a good thing. My parents never fought in front of us. Never. They're still married and still have a decent relationship - unlike about 99% my friends' parents. So considering probably many of you have divorced parents, the idea of your parents NEVER fighting probably sounds pretty great. But it's not, believe me. I was brought up with the notion that conflict is a very bad thing, and it's taken me years of therapy to be able to speak my mind when I disagree with people. To this day I will have an anxiety attack after arguing with my husband about half the time.

Disagreements are normal and natural and when you're in a mature, healthy relationship arguments still happen, just in a mature and healthy way.

As far as why do people need love, feel the need to be needed, what is this whole "I need this person" thing ... I can't answer for anyone else, but personally, I need my husband because he is the most emotionally stable person I know. He's my therapist and he keeps me sane. I'd hazard a guess that he'd say he needs me becuase he's so calm and I'm so exciting that I keep him from going comatose. Basically, we even each other out. I think that solid relationships usually have that in common.

Lastly, I was noticing while watching MTV today how many songs there are that are devoted to the idea of waking up to love, in a sense. Of breaking down that wall of fear to be able to take the chance on love.

"Miss Independant" by Kelly Clarkson and Evanescence's "Bring me to life" both come to mind as pretty stark (and passionate) examples, though this really is a major theme in music.

Meg

fnordboy wrote:

lance wrote:

starbug wrote: Seconded and thirded! Well said...

I'll add a fourth! Once again Candygirl speaks eloquently for many.

Well then slap my ass and count me in as a fifth!

Though me and my girl have been dating for 8.5 years and we have had huge fights, but I see those as good things in a weird way. I love that my emotions over her and us can go so high on both ends of the spectrum. I feel that if there is such emotional attatchment there then it is all good. Don't know if that made sense...

I agree, f. My husband and I have been together since our teens, and have had some whoppers. Sometimes it had to do with immaturity, but not all the time. We are both passionate, stubborn, and headstrong people, who love a good argument. I love it that we can get that passionate with each other.

meggrrrl wrote:As far as why do people need love, feel the need to be needed, what is this whole "I need this person" thing ... I can't answer for anyone else, but personally, I need my husband because he is the most emotionally stable person I know. He's my therapist and he keeps me sane. I'd hazard a guess that he'd say he needs me becuase he's so calm and I'm so exciting that I keep him from going comatose. Basically, we even each other out. I think that solid relationships usually have that in common.

Yet another way that we are alike. My husband is the sane one, I am the insane one. He is the most emotionally stable person I know. We balance each other out. He is the extrovert, I am completely introverted. These differences have caused disagreements in the past when we were less mature and didn't know how to deal with the differences.