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Instant Messaging Dating?

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 3:48 am
by andrewgd
Has anyone ever picked someone up over instant messenger? I'm in the situation where I sort of met someone, but the only way to contact her at the moment is online. Anyways, I can tell my story later, I'm more curious if anyone else has been in a similar situation where they were either contacted, or did the contacting over IM to start a potential'd it work for you?

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 6:30 am
by starbug
Nope I haven't but a friend of mine did over an internet dating agency... is that the same thing?

Anyway, the guy turned out to be a real weirdo and she ignored all the basic rules (meet in a public place, don't give out too much personal information until you're sure you trust them, take a friend etc) and invited him to her house after they'd only met once.

He became quite obsessive and constantly rang her and wouldn't leave her alone. When she tried to tell him to leave her alone he called her a bunch of awful names and wouldn't let up.

I'd just say be careful. I think it's more that my friend was naive and this guy was one bad example but definitely think carefully about what you're doing before you're doing it.


Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 1:06 pm
by lance

Interesting. No, I have never dated someone through instant messenger. I have known some people who have met online first and then in person with mixed results.

I have used a dating service before, interesting stories there by the way.

The more I chew on this though, this meeting through instant messenger might not be a bad idea. The logic on this goes something like this:

IMHO the best way to meet someone is to do something you like (church, art museums, opera, political campaigns, clubs, etc.) and meet people "there" who have similar interests. Doesn't necessarily land you a "hot date" but you can gain some friends and do some nice networking.



Lance Man

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 1:54 pm
by Natasha (candygirl)
I have never dated someone that I met online, but I know people who have. I think that meeting someone online is no weirder than meeting someone at the gym, at the grocery store, at a bar, etc. because the way that you meet someone is no guarantee that this person is not a psychotic serial killer.

True, you don't know how much of what they're telling you is the truth, but then again the same is true of freshman year in the dorm - all you know is what they tell you. Only time will tell. (I even worked with a girl who met her husband online)

I'm not saying go to a chat room and start giving out your address/phone number/personal info, but it IS possible to develop relationships online. I have met some great people at online forums and then met them in real life and remained friends with them. Weird? Maybe. Welcome to the 21st century :wink:

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 2:45 pm
by andrewgd
I guess what I'm having trouble with is making this sound good; "Hi, I don't know if you remember me, but we sort of met a couple times at a theater, and I've been kicking myself for not getting to know you better then, but I got your screen name from my brother (who you worked with), and wondered if, next time youre in town, if you'd like to go and do something together?"

Ha ha. :D Basically, there's a lot of information I need to make sure she knows before she thinks I'm just a freak IMing her. I'm sure I'll figure out a way.

So this isn't really some anonymous girl online. My brother knows her and worked with her.

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 3:44 pm
by Megs
Can't you get her phone number from your brother and call her? That might not feel as weird.

Good luck!

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 4:35 pm
by andrewgd
I would but she's at school now, and I doubt he has her number there. I should probably do this soon before I think about it too much.

Posted: Apr 23rd 2003, 4:36 pm
by meggrrrl
Just wanted to throw in that I met my husband online. We met in a chat room on aol and talked through aim for a few days before meeting in person, and the rest is history. Just wanted to let you know that it can happen with really great results! Good luck!


Posted: Apr 24th 2003, 12:32 pm
by ducksqueak
I met my current boyfriend in an Staind forum b/c I had extra tix to this concert thing. We started talking through AIM for like two weeks and then met in person. We've been dating almost two years now. It's been great. Be careful and follow all the rules of online dating. Also, make sure you have an escape plan if something bad happens or you aren't interested.

Posted: Apr 24th 2003, 1:01 pm
by TomSpeed
I haven't done IM dating, but I have used internet personal ads. I met many interesting women. I didn't get along with all of the women I dated, but it was a good way to get out of the house. I met Jen, my strongest love, through a personal ad. I've been thinking about using the personals again. Be smart though. You should always meet in a public place. Don't drink too much. Don't get your hopes up too high. But don't get too disappointed if things don't work out on every date. Have fun!

Posted: May 22nd 2003, 3:12 pm
by andrewgd
Well, she got back from school, and we're going to see Down with Love after going to Applebees for dinner. It would be wierd to just meet her, and end up sitting in a dark room watching something, and not talking. (Candygirl, thats your cue!) Of course, she ended up 'name dropping' her "psuedo-boyfriend" when I mentioned the movie. I guess since he's in Boston, 3 hrs from here, they're keeping it "psuedo". So who knows what that means for me.

I think just today I realised that I've never done anything like this before; going out on a 'date' with a girl I've never really met. Everyone I've dated, I knew as a friend for at least a month. I'm actually a little nervous about this, even though it isn't really a date-date. Which is dumb cause I'm like 24, I should be able to do this stuff...


I mean, dinner and a movie, thats a date right? She did agree to it, so its not like I'm forcing her into this... Even if she isn't expecting anything other than being friends (if that) it is still sort of a date, huh?

Plus I have a cold. Blah. Maybe I should have postponed. Hopefully the Robitussin and Afrin will hold up and keep the waterfall of snot from coming out (nice image, huh? :D )

She's sooo super cute though. Sort of an "indie" girl, for anyone that knows the type. Hopefully I won't end up getting awe-struck and will still be able to chat my way through dinner... Hmm, I don't even know if she smokes. What do I do if she does? I've never had friends that were really smokers. I'm not sure I could even sit through dinner if she's smoking. Is that wrong?

Nothing like giving running commentary for whats going on in my head while I'm getting ready for this 'date' huh? Maybe it'll be interesting/remenicient for some of you :)

Posted: May 22nd 2003, 3:29 pm
by fnordboy
andrewgd wrote:She's sooo super cute though. Sort of an "indie" girl, for anyone that knows the type. Hopefully I won't end up getting awe-struck and will still be able to chat my way through dinner... Hmm, I don't even know if she smokes. What do I do if she does? I've never had friends that were really smokers. I'm not sure I could even sit through dinner if she's smoking. Is that wrong?
:::Humming shes an indie rocker and nothing is going to stop her (archers of loaf)::::

Well good luck on your date. And if she smokes, just try to be cool about it. Hopefully it won't bother you too much. And you are just beign paranoid lol. Just go with the flow of it and see where it takes ya.

Posted: May 22nd 2003, 4:00 pm
by andrewgd
fnordboy wrote:Just go with the flow of it and see where it takes ya.
Yeah, I'm trying really hard to keep that mindset. Its hard not to have certain expectations for something like this, even when you know they're probably unrealistic. Hope for the best, expect the worst, right?

Posted: May 22nd 2003, 4:06 pm
by Megs
Sounds like a date to me! Good luck! When is it, tonight?

And she mentioned a "pseudo-boyfriend"? In those terms? Ugh. Hopefully after she meets you and discovers your charm, it will be more pseudo and less boyfriend.

Super-cute is good. You know you have to give us a detailed description of the date, right? You've pulled us into this and you can't leave us hanging. We want details!

Good luck and try to relax, I am sure it will go great. :D

Posted: May 22nd 2003, 4:13 pm
by Natasha (candygirl)
Hmmm, a pseudo-boyfriend, eh? Does that mean the 500 mile rule has been invoked? :wink:

Seriously, Andrew - don't stress too much about it. Try to relax and have a good time. Don't worry about the pbf or the smoking or anything - cross those bridges if/when you get to them.

Re: the pbf (which does not stand for peanut butter fandwich), honestly a lot of women hang on to their boyfriends, be they abusive, boring, long distance, pseudo, or a host of other things, until they find a replacement. I'm not saying completely disregard the fact that someone else is in the picture, but don't worry about it too much either. The fact that she is tacking the "pseudo" in front of the "boyfriend" title says a lot already.

Have fun & let us know how it goes!