Disclaimer... No disrespect is intended in this parody. Really! All of Candygirl's lines are lines used by Delen in B5. Candygirl please don't throw me out a window!
Host: Hello and welcome to Interview Tonight on this week’s episode we are lucky to have with us Ambassador Candygirl. Please join me in welcoming Ambassador Candygirl.
<Applause and cheering as Candygirl enters>
<Interviewer has a very surprised look on his face as he greets her>
Candygirl: One would think you have never seen a pregnant Halfhuman/Halfminbari before!
Host: Well I can't say that I have, but that’s not what surprised me. It was your dress! It’s quite stunning!
Candygirl: Yes. The woman, who sold me this, told me that I would definitely turn heads.
Host: I must agree. I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable bringing attention to beauty of your body, I understand mimbari are a rather conservative people?
Candygirl: Yes, but you may continue to repeat it for as long as you like.
Host: Well I'm glad we're off on the right foot. And I'll say it again that you have a lovely body!
Candygirl: This body is only a shell. You cannot touch me. You cannot harm me. I'm not afraid.
Host: Well that’s good to know. On the subject of looks you may have noticed we changed our set design since we did our pre-interview, what do you think?
Candygirl: Curious thing, humans. Minbari cities remain untouched and unchanged for centuries. I leave for three days, and you redecorate!
Host: Yes. Yes. Hahaha. So you like it then?
Candygirl: It's fine, I didn't come for the decor.
Host: Great... and you're right we're here for and interview, so are you ready?
Candygirl: Why do your people always ask if someone is ready right before you're going to do something massively unwise?
Host: I'm not sure. But I hardly believe this interview is unwise. Could you tell me why you think it might be?
Candygirl: I would never tell you anything that was not in your best interest.
Host: Well if you believe it to be unwise why are you here?
Candygirl: I was meant to be here.
Host: You were meant to be here... Did you agent schedule this interview for you?
Candygirl: I don't know.
Host: So why exactly did you agree to do this interview
Candygirl: Doesn't matter!
Host: So your saying that this interview is unwise and that you don't know why you agreed to do it. So why exactly are you here now?
Candygirl: I believe I am here now for a reason...
Host: <A confused look on his face> But you won't tell us what that reason is? Or is it that you don't know yourself?
Candygirl: Summoned I come. In Valen's name I take the place that has been prepared for me. I am gray. I stand between the candle and the star. We are gray. We stand between the darkness and the light.
Host: Ah yes.. Mimbari believe that things happen for a reason but we don't always understand those reasons. Am I correct?
Candygirl: The universe puts us in places where we can learn. They're never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, is the right place and the right time. The Pain that sometimes comes, it is part of the process of constantly being born.
Host: That quite deep. I'm not sure I can say that I understand it.
Candygirl: You have been trying to think logically about illogical possibilities and illogically about logical possibilities.
Host: I guess so... Speaking of self reflection, a video has surfaced recently of you during your college years that is not very flattering... can you tell us how old you were when it was filmed?
Candygirl: Twenty years.
Host: Hmm... well we happen to have the a clip of the video to watch...
< A screen rises up from the floor behind them and fades in to a shaky shot of a college party... after a few minutes Candygirl enters the shot visibly intoxicated>
Someone off screen: Hey Candygirl... you want another beer?
Candygirl: Abso-fragging-lutely damn it. Since our last discussion, I have been be studying your use of language! Do you approve?
<laughter is heard.>
Another off screen: Candygirl, tell some more mimbari poetry!
Candygirl: Ah, There once was a man from Nantucket...
<pauses then falls over, spilling the beer cup she is holding on herself. After a moment she manages to sit up>
Candygirl: They showed no mercy. Strike them down. Follow them to their bases and kill them! All of them!... All of them!! No mercy! No mercy!!!
<Candygirl manages to get to her feet>
Someone Yells: Candygirl is gone!
Candygirl: No, not gone. Now we make our own magic. Now we create our own legends. Now we build the future... Now we stop ..."
<Candygirl falls over and passes out... the screen fads to black>
Host: Do you have anything you'd like to say about this?
Candygirl: Bastards!
Host: I'd just like to know...
Candygirl: You do not wish to know anything! You wish only to speak. That which you know, you ignore, because it is inconvenient. That which you do not know, you invent!
Host: Wow... I must admit that this is not how I pictured this interview going...
Candygirl: And, the picture always ends with your head imploding.
Host: You don't appear to be happy that the world is not taking this well?
Candygirl: The world is wrong!
Host: But...
Candygirl: Butt...butt. I butt, you butt, he or she butts...
Host: Please let me finish!
Candygirl: Butt, butt, butt, butt.
< Candygirl leaps from her seat and throws the chair she was seated on out a nearby window, grabs the host by the jacket and drags him to the window>
Candygirl: A dear friend say to me, if you are falling off a mountain, may as well try to fly. Here, at the end, I offer you one final chance to fly.
Host: What... what... I can't fly!
Candygirl: Then there is no hope!
Host: WAIT... I just wanted to know more about you...
Candygirl: Here is a copy of everything I have. It may be of use. If anyone asks -- say it fell from the sky.
<Candygirl throws the host out the window and turns to the camera>
Candygirl: Never start a fight, but always finish it.
Off Screen Announcer: Tune in next week for our Interview with Commander Gary!
<Credits Roll>