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They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers!!

Posted: Dec 15th 2004, 8:20 pm
by wicked
They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers!! Thank goodness for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services.


>>>Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

>>>**********

PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer Conference includes meals."
>>>**********

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: Searching for Jesus."
>>>*********

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

>>>**********

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.

>>>**********
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
>>>**********

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
>>>**********

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

>>>**********

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>>>**********
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>>>**********

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

>>>**********

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
>>>**********

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
>>>**********

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

>>>**********
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>>>**********

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

>>>**********

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

>>>**********

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>>>**********

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>>>**********
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

>>>**********
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
>>>**********
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

>>>**********

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>>>**********

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>>>**********

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

>>>**********

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>>>*********
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
>>>lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
>>>**********

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.

>>>**********

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

>>>**********
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

>>>**********
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Posted: Dec 16th 2004, 12:32 am
by emmie
you find the funniest stuff, Wicked!! thanks for keeping us entertained. :lol:

Posted: Dec 16th 2004, 12:59 pm
by SanDeE*
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.



This one is my favorite!

Posted: Dec 16th 2004, 5:06 pm
by wicked
I have entirely too much time on my hands!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love these!