They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers!!

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wicked
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Joined: Sep 12th 2004, 11:37 pm
Location: Ontario
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They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers!!

Post by wicked » Dec 15th 2004, 8:20 pm

They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers!! Thank goodness for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services.


>>>Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

>>>**********

PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer Conference includes meals."
>>>**********

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: Searching for Jesus."
>>>*********

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

>>>**********

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.

>>>**********
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
>>>**********

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
>>>**********

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

>>>**********

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>>>**********
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>>>**********

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

>>>**********

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
>>>**********

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
>>>**********

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

>>>**********
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>>>**********

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

>>>**********

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

>>>**********

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>>>**********

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>>>**********
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

>>>**********
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
>>>**********
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

>>>**********

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>>>**********

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>>>**********

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

>>>**********

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>>>*********
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
>>>lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
>>>**********

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.

>>>**********

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

>>>**********
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

>>>**********
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
"So this is hell. I'd never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the "burning marl." Old wive's tales! There's no need for red-hot pokers. HELL IS - OTHER PEOPLE!"

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emmie
Liberty High Graduate
Posts: 606
Joined: May 27th 1999, 10:34 pm
Location: NYC
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Post by emmie » Dec 16th 2004, 12:32 am

you find the funniest stuff, Wicked!! thanks for keeping us entertained. :lol:

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SanDeE*
So-Called Addict
Posts: 989
Joined: Sep 24th 2002, 4:40 am

Post by SanDeE* » Dec 16th 2004, 12:59 pm

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.



This one is my favorite!
Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's, like, destroying me.

~~Kristin~~

User avatar
wicked
Catalano
Posts: 263
Joined: Sep 12th 2004, 11:37 pm
Location: Ontario
Contact:

Post by wicked » Dec 16th 2004, 5:06 pm

I have entirely too much time on my hands!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love these!
"So this is hell. I'd never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the "burning marl." Old wive's tales! There's no need for red-hot pokers. HELL IS - OTHER PEOPLE!"

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