New idea for customer service

[pgh kenny]

I just had an idea for anotheruniverse.com to try out. Basically, I think they should start using ELIZA as their customer service engine. ELIZA is a computer program designed to act like a therapist, and as you can see is almost as good as anotheruniverse.com customer service. Here's my session, if someone else wants to do one, here's a link to an online ELIZA:

http://www.manifestation.com/neurotoys/eliza.php3

Key:
> = Customer Service
* = Customer

> Hello, I am ELIZA.
* Why haven't you sent my DVD's?
> Oh... sent your DVD's?
* That's right, put them in a box and mailed them.
> What does that suggest to you?
* That you are a very bad company.
> Does it please you to believe I am a very bad company?
* Not really, I just want my DVD's.
> I see.
* So are you going to send them?
> Would you prefer if I were not going to send them?
* NO, NO, NO. That's what I want you to do. SEND THEM.
> We were discussing you, not me.
* For the love of god, just send my DVD's!
> What does that suggest to you?
* We are talking in circles.
> I'm not sure I understand you fully.
* I'm losing it!
> How long have you been losing it?
* Oh, since I ordered in February.
> Say, do you have any psychological problems?
* Why won't you listen to me?
> You're not really talking about me, are you?
* Okay, one more time, I am asking you to send my f***ing dvd's!
> Did you come to me because you are asking me to send your f***ing dvd's?
* Yes.
> Are you Sure?
* Very sure.
> OK... "Okay, one more time, you are asking me to send your f***ing dvd's". Tell me more.
* Wow.
> Tell me more...
* No
> Are you sure?
* yes
> I understand.

[Jason R]

Holy crap. That's like talking to Rojek. Gives me the jibblies just thinking about it.

I just had an idea for anotheruniverse.com to try out. Basically, I think they should start using ELIZA as their customer service engine. ELIZA is a computer program designed to act like a therapist, and as you can see is almost as good as anotheruniverse.com customer service. Here's my session, if someone else wants to do one, here's a link to an online ELIZA:

http://www.manifestation.com/neurotoys/eliza.php3


Key:
> = Customer Service
* = Customer

> Hello, I am ELIZA.
* Why haven't you sent my DVD's?
> Oh... sent your DVD's?
* That's right, put them in a box and mailed them.
> What does that suggest to you?
* That you are a very bad company.
> Does it please you to believe I am a very bad company?
* Not really, I just want my DVD's.
> I see.
* So are you going to send them?
> Would you prefer if I were not going to send them?
* NO, NO, NO. That's what I want you to do. SEND THEM.
> We were discussing you, not me.
* For the love of god, just send my DVD's!
> What does that suggest to you?
* We are talking in circles.
> I'm not sure I understand you fully.
* I'm losing it!
> How long have you been losing it?
* Oh, since I ordered in February.
> Say, do you have any psychological problems?
* Why won't you listen to me?
> You're not really talking about me, are you?
* Okay, one more time, I am asking you to send my f***ing dvd's!
> Did you come to me because you are asking me to send your f***ing dvd's?
* Yes.
> Are you Sure?
* Very sure.
> OK... "Okay, one more time, you are asking me to send your f***ing dvd's". Tell me more.
* Wow.
> Tell me more...
* No
> Are you sure?
* yes
> I understand.

[starbug]

That's friggin' hilarious. I have circulated that link to my office...



Thanks Kenny

[katy]

Kenny,
I just had to try this out for myself. Here's my experience with Eliza (aka AU customer service)

>Hi, I’m Eliza.
*Can you help me get my MSCL DVD’s?
>Don’t you believe I can help you get your MSCL DVD’s.
*I don’t think so. You’ve proven yourself to be quite ineffectual in the past.
>Does that trouble you?
*Yes, as a matter of fact it does.
>Are you sure?
*Yes, I’m quite sure.
>Do you believe it’s normal to be quite sure?
*Yes, most people at the mscl.com forum would agree with me.
>I see.
*So can you help me get my DVD’s? I’ve been waiting 8 months now.
>You want me to help you get your DVD’s? You’ve been waiting 8 months now?
*Yes, I want my DVD’s. And yes, I’ve been waiting 8 months.
>I sometimes also want your DVD’s. And yes, you’ve been waiting 8 months.
*Well you can’t have my DVD’s. They’re mine. I paid $100 for them. Please send them now.
>You’re not really talking about me.
*No, I’m talking about me, and my DVD’s.
>Do you think it’s normal to talk about you, and your DVD’s.
*Who cares? I just want my DVD’s. Are you going to send them?
>Would you prefer if I were not going to send them?
*No, I would prefer you to send the DVD’s now.
>Oh, to send the DVD’s now?
*Yes now.
>Are you sure?
*I’m positive. I WANT MY DVD’S NOW!!!

...at this point I hung up, because I couldn't handle it anymore...(actually, Eliza asked a really dumb question, and I thought it best to end the debacle here)

[pgh kenny]

I don't know why, but when I read these lines, I lost it. Very funny. :D

Kenny,
I just had to try this out for myself. Here's my experience with Eliza (aka AU customer service)

snip

>I sometimes also want your DVD’s. And yes, you’ve been waiting 8 months.
*Well you can’t have my DVD’s. They’re mine. I paid $100 for them. Please send them now.