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Episode 18 - Weekend 

 

v.1.0 (last revision 3/2/95)


Angela = Angela Chase
Rayanne = Rayanne Graff
Sharon = Sharon Cherski
Camille = Camille Cherski
Rickie = Rickie Vasquez
Patty = Patty Chase
Graham = Graham Chase
Danielle= Danielle Chase
DaniaVO = Danielle Chase voiceover
Brian = Brian Krakow
Neil = Neil Chase
Cheryl = Cheryl Fleck
Warren = Warren, Bed and Breakfast Man
Kyle = Kyle Vinnovich
Phil = just Phil, Kyle's buddy
-----------

[in Patty's bedroom]
DaniaVO : My whole life, is waiting for something to happen.
Camille : Patty?
Patty : Oh, no way.
Camille : Come on, this is a killer dress. This could very well be what
gave Andy his heart attack.
Patty : [laughs]
DaniaVO : It's so easy to listen in on grownups' conversations. You just
act like you're playing some boring game.
Patty : It's so backless.
Camille : Exactly. Patty, men love backs, okay? This will drive Graham
insane. You will have an incredible weekend.
Patty : Uh uh, no, no. I, I, I just, I, I don't think it's me. God, I
wonder why Graham isn't back here yet.
Camille : Well, where is he?
Patty : Oh, he's at another meeting with another potential restaurant
investor.
Camille : Oh, he's with that Hallie Lowenthal person?
Patty : Yes, and shut up.
Camille : I didn't say anything!
Patty : I'm not upset because he's with Hallie Lowenthal, I'm upset
because Neil and Marla are gonna to be here any minute and he
hasn't come home yet. And I'm not upset.
Camille : Okay. I can't believe Marla is still dating Neil, I mean, how
many years has it been?
Patty : Six. I know, it's like a prison sentence.
Camille : How about this? I got it from that catalog.
DaniaVO : It's truly amazing. I have the power to be invisible.
Patty : Honey, why don't you go get yourself a piece of fruit?
Danielle: Because Angela's in the kitchen with Rickie, and she kicked me
out.
Patty : Danielle, you go get yourself a piece of fruit. I'll be down
in a minute to talk to Angela.
Patty : Oh, I don't know.
Camille : Oh, come on!
DaniaVO : My life is different people kicking me out of different rooms.
Patty : It's just been so long since Graham and I have had any time alone
together. And I know we won't technically be alone, but I'm
pretty comfortable with Neil and Marla, well Marla. And I just,
I feel like our marriage needs this, you know, like we need this
time to reconnect, or something.
Camille : Patty, I know exactly what you need. [guess what's in the box!]
Patty : Oh my God! Oh my. You actually own these?
Camille : No, I rent them. Well you said you needed to reconnect.
Patty : [laughs]

[in the kitchen]
Angela : Yay, or nay?
Rickie : Yay.
Angela : Oh, [laughs] in such a big way. [enter Danielle] Danielle, why
don't you go help Mom pack?
[phone rings]
Angela : Hello? Yeah, he's here. Just a second. It's Rayanne.

Rickie : Hey.
Rayanne : Hey, it's the Ray-gun. What's shakin'?
Rickie : Uh, nada.
Rayanne : So, Angela, like, barely said hello.
Rickie : Look, Rayanne, don't put me in the middle of this, okay?
Rayanne : Hey, I didn't put you there, that's just where you are.

[in the foyer]
Patty : Yeah, I know, I'll try them, I will.
Camille : Girls, are you sure you don't want to come and stay at my house?
Angela : Oh, yeah.
Camille : Bye.
Patty : I'll see ya.
Angela : Bye. [Camille leaves. Patty gives a look.] What?
Patty : Did you kick your sister out of the kitchen?
Angela : No. Mom, she was being impossible.
Patty : Angela, this is a really big responsibility being here alone all
weekend.
Angela : Mom, I've been alone with Danielle before.
Patty : Yes, and I can't help but recall the time you put her in the dryer.
Angela : Oh Mom, that was so long ago! I can't believe you're still talking
about that. Anyway, she begged me to do it.
Patty : Whosever idea it was, I don't wanna come home and find anyone
in an appliance. Angela, you have to be the adult this weekend.
Now you're going to have to prove to me that you can handle this,
all right?
Angela : It's just going to be me and Rickie, what could possibly happen?
[hug and kiss] Enrique, what do you want for dinner? Oh.
Rickie : [still on the phone] Uh, hold on a sec. Uh, look, I'd better not
tie up their line, you know?
Rayanne : Oh what, you're not allowed to talk to me now?
Rickie : Just, um, try me at Katimsky's later, okay?
Rayanne : Yeah, right, later. Much.

Danielle: Hi, Daddy. You're late.
Graham : I know.

[in Patty's bedroom]
Patty : Hi. Oh my God, your new shirt.
Graham : I'll be ready in five minutes. You would not believe what happened.
Car trouble.
Patty : Oh no, the wagon?
Graham : No, actually it was Hallie Lowenthal's car.
Patty : Oh.
Graham : I know. It, it, it's infuriating. She's got this really loud,
obnoxious car, of course it won't start in the cold, and so, I
look under the hood.
Patty : You looked under Hallie Lowenthal's hood?
Graham : Well, I couldn't just leave her there. You would not believe
Hallie Lowenthal's engine. It is held together by string,
literally.
Patty : Well, now, uh, couldn't she call Brad if her car broke down, isn't
that what fiances are for?
Graham : Oh right, well, they broke up. [pause] Didn't I tell you?
Patty : No.
Graham : Are you sure? I thought I did.
Patty : No.
[doorbell rings]
Graham : That must be them!

[in the foyer]
Cheryl : Hi.
Neil : Hey.
Danielle: You're not Marla.
Patty : Uh, Danielle!
Graham : Hi!
Neil : Hey everybody, this is Cheryl Fleck. My brother Graham,
sister-in-law Patty, and this is Danielle. Here, catch Cookie!
Danielle: Thanks. [catches the Cracker Jack box -- retail value, $0.75]
DaniaVO : God, Uncle Neil gives the lamest presents on Earth.
Patty : Come in, come in.
Cheryl : Well, it's great to meet you. I've heard so much about both of you.
Patty : Oh, yes.
Graham : Uh well, um, Neil, could you help me with our bags?
Neil : Aren't those your bags over there?
Graham : Just help me a second.
Neil : Sure.
Cheryl : I love your foyer.
Patty : Excuse me just, uh, one minute.

[in another room]
Graham : Where's Marla?
Neil : You know, actually, we broke up again.
Graham : Neil?!
Patty : Neil, where is Marla?
Neil : We broke up again. Don't worry. I mean, Cheryl is incredible.
You spend five minutes with her in the car, you're gonna love her.

[on the road with some ganja]
Cheryl : I hear this honk, right, and here's this cute guy in the car next
to me rolling down his window. So I roll down my window, so then
he holds up this piece of paper and he shouts out to me, "Hey,
this flew out of your car." And I'm thinking, "My God, what did I
lose?" And then right before the light turns green he holds the
paper out and I reach my arm out and all these people behind us
are HONKING. But he gives me the piece of paper so then I pull
over to the side of the road, and I look at the paper and you know
what it says?
Graham : "Hi, I'm Neil. Call me."
Cheryl : Yeah, how did you know that? How did he know that? [laughs]
Oh, I think I got a couple of doobies in here somewhere.

[in Angela's room]
Angela : Yay or nay.
Rickie : Nay.
Angela : You know, if you wanted to, like, do something with Rayanne this
weekend, it's not like I'd take it personally or anything.
Rickie : Angela, I wanna hang here, okay?
Angela : Okay. So, does she ask about me?
DaniaVO : It is so cool to be hanging with my big sister and her cool friend.
Rickie : That's better.
Angela : Oh, do we like this?

[in Patty & Graham's room at Warren's]
Patty : Oh, I know, Camille forced me to wear it. It's not me.
Graham : I think it's great.
Patty : Really?
Graham : Yeah. [smooches] I love sex in a different bed. [Cheryl and Neil
doin' it]
Patty : You know, I wish that Neil could have just waited until after this
weekend was over to break up with Marla.
Graham : Patty, your concern for Marla is...touching.
Patty : Well...
Graham : Oh Patty, look. We're here, we finally have a weekend. This is our
opportunity to be together. Don't let the fact that this girl's
here ruin it for us.
Patty : You're right. [return to smooching]
Cheryl : [through the wall] Oh, Neil.
Patty : [laughs] DOOBIES! [Graham & Patty both laugh -- cease smooching]

[knock on door -- back at the Chases']
Angela : Coming.
Rayanne : I'm only here 'cause Katimsky said Rickie spent the night and
Rickie, like, still owes me $6.50 that I really need. And 'cause
this thing Tino's got going? [big smile]
Angela : He's upstairs.
Rayanne : Cool.

[in Patty's bedroom]
Rickie : [on phone with Katimsky] So, I'll be home tomorrow night for dinner.
Okay, you too. Bye Mr. Katimsky.
Rayanne : So, I gotta get that $6.50 you owe me.
Rickie : Um, Rayanne, I gave that to you, like, four years ago.
Rayanne : I wouldn't mind spending a few hours here with someone special.
I love sex on a different bed.
Rickie : I'm sorry, does Angela, like, know you're here?
Rayanne : She knows. God. So, you coming out with me tonight?
Rickie : Rayanne, I told you. I'm, like, here this weekend.
Rayanne : Cool. So, does Angela ask about me? [finds box] What's this?
Rickie : Rayanne, put it back.
Rayanne : [opens it] All right Graham! This answers a lot of questions about
those two.
Rickie : Rayanne, give 'em to me.
Rayanne : "Oh Graham, Graham, don't hurt me Master!" [click on her wrist]
Rickie : Rayanne!
Rayanne : Wait, maybe it's the other way around. "Graham, that dinner you
prepared just wasn't tasty enough slave boy." [click -- chained to
the bed] "Patty, I've been bad. Punish me."
Rickie : This is, like, SO unfunny.
Rayanne : [laughs]
Rickie : Uh, where'd you put the key? What did you do with the key?
Rayanne : What?
Rickie : I can't believe this. I cannot believe this!
Rayanne : Vasquez, calm yourself. It's gotta be around here. We'll find it.
[Angela walks in] Looks like I might be staying a little longer
than I thought.

[at Warren's Place]
Patty : [on phone with Camille] No, Camille, everything is going just fine.
I'm not [stops whispering] whispering. I was just wondering if
you could go over to the house and check on the kids for me.
[Graham flushes] Thanks. Oh, and um, while you're there, I left
those, um, handcuffie things, you know, on the bed, and I feel
really weird about the kids finding them. Thanks. Gotta go. Bye.
Graham : Ready for breakfast?
Patty : Yup!
Graham : Who was that?
Patty : Oh, I was just, uh, checking on the kids. They're fine.

[in the dining room]
Cheryl : You're not listening to what I'm saying. Look this is what I
believe, it is part of who I am and you've just, you have to accept
that.
Neil : I cannot believe you are saying this. I mean, I have to tell you,
you are clutching onto some very distorted ideas.
[Patty & Graham are looking uncomfortable]
Cheryl : I am entitled to my BELIEFS. [I love how she says that!]
Neil : No, th... Sit.
Cheryl : I mean, you're being a little unrealistic, aren't you? Calling the
'71 Pirates one of the great teams?
Patty : Oh, they're just...
Cheryl : You know, after Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell, the team got
extremely thin. There has not been a more overrated team.
Neil : Over-rated? Oh, just stab me, somebody please stab me.
Patty : Don't tempt me. [All laugh] So, you know what I think? Ice
skating. [All grunt] Apparently, there's this really incredible
frozen pond that we can hike to. [all laugh except Patty]
Neil : I say we play that one by ear.
Patty : Well, we only have a limited amount of time up here, so I think
that we should really plan what we want to do. I mean, you know,
we should have a really nice, fun day and if we plan, we can fill
it full of all sorts of fun things.
Graham : Uh, I haven't been ice skating in a while.
Patty : Oh, c'mon.
Neil : C'mon, it's freezing out there.
Cheryl : Oh, I think it's a cute idea. She is so cute.
Patty : Great. Oh, come on, Graham, you're so athletic. You'll be great.
Graham : Fine, fine, fine.
Neil : Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Cheryl : You are such a cutie.
Patty : We're going to have so much fun.

[in Patty's bedroom]
Angela : You don't have the keys to your own handcuffs?
Rayanne : Well, they're not exactly mine.
Angela : Right, I guess they belong to some really perverted guy you know
or something.
Rayanne : Yeah, or your parents.
Angela : What?
Rayanne : I found them right here on the bed.
Angela : They were not.
Rayanne : Ask Rickie.
Rickie : [nods] Uh huh.
Angela : Those things do not belong to my parents.
[Danielle walks in]
Danielle: Wow.
Angela : Danielle, leave.
Danielle: No way.
Angela : Danielle, I'm serious. Mom left me in charge.
Danielle: Duh. I'm not leaving. I live here.
[doorbell rings]
Angela : Great. Wonderful. There's gotta be a key. Find it. And I'll
explain this to you later. Like when you're thirty.

[in the foyer]
Camille : Angela? Danielle? Anybody?
Angela : Uh, my mom's not home. Hi.
Camille : Hi, we just stopped by to make sure everything was okay with you
and Danielle.
Angela : Oh, well, it is. So, thanks.
Sharon : Wait, you have got to see this jumpsuit I got. I know what you're
thinking, jumpsuit, barf, but look!
Camille : It's so cute. [goes for the stairs]
Angela : Uh, wait, where are you going?
Camille : Oh, I left something up in your mom's room so I'm just gonna go get
it.
Angela : Oh, I'll get it for you.
Camille : That's all right.
Angela : No, I want to.
Camille : Why?
Angela : Why? Why? That is so exactly the point. Why? Because of
respect, for elders, which I just feel is totally lost in, like,
today's world. So, what did you need?
Camille : It's not important. I'll get it myself.
Angela : Oh, I've got to talk to you.
Camille : About?
Angela : Justice.

[in Patty's room at Warren's]
Cheryl : Wow, I cannot believe that you actually run your own company.
Patty : Everyday.
Cheryl : Oh, I would love to do that someday. That or have a cappucino cart.
Patty : Well, I'm sure you could do anything you put your mind to.
Cheryl : I mean, you've got this great job, you've got this husband and
children. It must be so satisfying. Like with me, there's so
many, like, paths I could choose. Every single possibility of
life is, like, open to me. But, you, I mean, your choices have been
made. Your life is totally settled. It must really be
like...comforting.
Patty : Yeah, it is.

[in Warren's living room]
Patty : Okay, it looks like we can book spelunking for the afternoon. It
starts at 3:00, so if we were to get back from ice skating by say
1:00, we'd have time to grab a quick bite before we go.
Cheryl : Could you, like, plan my entire life for me?
Neil : You're not gonna believe this. This place doesn't serve alcohol.
None.
Graham : Well, it's really not that big of a deal, right?
Cheryl : This is my worst nightmare.
Patty : Oh, come on now, we're adults. Do we really need alcohol to have
a good time?
Cheryl : Yeah.
Neil : Absolutely.
Cheryl : It's Saturday night, I want to party down!
Neil : There's gotta be some liquor in town. Give me the car keys.
Graham : Oh, no way. No, you're not driving my car. Not after what you did
to my Duster, man. No.
Neil : That was so long ago. I can't believe you still talk about that.
Graham : No no.
Neil : Oh, fine. We'll all go then.
Cheryl : Oh yeah, it'll be fun.
Patty : Oh, come on! Is this the way we're going to spend our weekend,
hunting for liquor? [laughs -- by herself] Fine, I'll stay
here. I'll rent the skates. I mean, you'll be back soon, won't
you?
Graham : Of course. I mean, how long could it take?
Cheryl : Can I sit on your lap in the car?

[on the stairs at the Chases']
Angela : The point is, do I have to keep a top that I truly don't like, just
because I'm beyond the 30-day exchange policy? I mean, is that
justice?
Sharon : Why are you, like, obsessing over this?
Camille : I gotta go.
Angela : But, I, do I go to the person and tell them, "Look, you know, I
really don't like the top. Can I have the receipt back?" Or does
it just become this thing that sort of sits in my closet that just
erodes like...
Sharon : Wait a minute, is this that lavender top that I got you for your
birthday?
Angela : No.
Sharon : Because if it is, you know, like, I really don't care.
Angela : No, I like the top. No, WAIT! Wait, please don't go in there!
Camille : Angela. [goes in] Oh my, are you all right?
[Rayanne moans and groans]
Danielle: Rayanne's not feeling very well.
Rayanne : Water, water, water, water. [Angela sees her and cracks up]
Rickie : Oh my God, I think she's choking. [smacks Angela on her back]
Angela, can you breathe? Can you breathe?
Angela : Rayanne's really, um, it's really...[laughs]
Danielle: She just fainted.
Rickie : Well, not so much fainted as...swooned.
Sharon : [finally catching on] Oh, oh, so this is that thing that's going
around, right? This is that, um, that thing?
Camille : Angela, could I see you for just a moment, please?
Angela : Sure. [loud Rayanne moan as they shut the door to step outside]
Camille : Uh, is that the same Rayanne that has the drinking problem?
Angela : Oh, this has nothing to do with that, no, I promise.
Camille : Does your mother know that she's here?
Angela : Oh, of course.
Camille : Good. Okay, um, well, keep your eye on her and if she's not
feeling better by tonight, you call me, okay?
Angela : [nods]

[in Warren's living room]
Patty : Hi again. I guess no one's called for me, right?
Warren : Not since the last time you asked, no.
Patty : Well, maybe we'd better cancel that spelunking reservation.
Warren : Yes, I think so. The tour started an hour ago.
Patty : This is really a great place.
Warren : Thank you.
Patty : Have you been here your whole life?
Warren : Not yet.
Patty : Bye.
[lovely couple crashes in, kissing -- shot of four pairs of skates, fade to
black]

"There will be more of My So-Called Life here on ABC." -Bess Armstrong

[in Danielle's room]
Rickie : You might be confused and we don't want you to think that...
Angela : See, they're not even actually mom and dad's, okay, they're...
Sharon : Right, right, they're just, they're like...for fun, they're
like...a toy.
Angela : A toy!
Rickie : A toy!
Danielle: Hey, I don't even care. I'm not even interested.
Rickie : Oh. Good. [they leave]
DaniaVO : Thanks. Now I'm interested.

[in Warren's living room]
Patty : [to an annoyed Warren] Look, I made a swan.
[the liquor patrol barges in]
Cheryl : That town is so weird.
Graham : We all got tickets for jaywalking.
Patty : Well. Did you at least get some wine?
Graham : Wine? [all except Patty laugh] No, but we did manage to scare up
some um...[with Neil & Cheryl in unison] Doctor Allen's
Ginger-Flavored Brandy.
Cheryl : Ta-dah!
Patty : Is that Graham's sweater that you're wearing?
Cheryl : Oh, it's so comfy and cozy.
Graham : Uh yeah, Cheryl got kinda cold.
Patty : Awwww. Why didn't you loan her your jacket?
Neil : What, are you kidding? I was freezing.
Cheryl : You jerk. [all laugh sauf Patty]

[chez Chase -- Patty's bedroom]
Rayanne : Rickie, will you go down and help Sharon and, uh, Danielle with
lunch? I need to talk to Angela alone.
Rickie : Uh, sure.
Rayanne : Look Angela, I know we're not that close right now, but I just...
Angela : Look, I don't want to get into this right now, all right?
Rayanne : Get into what?
Angela : Some big discussion about what happened between you and
Jordan Catalano. Because the truth is, is that it happened and
nothing can change that. I don't want to talk about it.
Rayanne : Neither do I.
Angela : Oh, so why did you ask Rickie to leave?
Rayanne : I have to go to the bathroom. I need you to get me a jar.
Angela : I can't believe you.

[in Patty's room at Warren's]
Graham : What's that?
Patty : Oh, it's nothing. Okay, this is pretty embarrassing. Um, when
Camille brought over that negligee, she also brought over some
handcuffs.
Graham : Camille Cherski has handcuffs? Well, let's see 'em.
Patty : Oh, I didn't actually bring them.
Graham : Oh.
Patty : Should I have?
Graham : No. No. I mean, you know, it might have been...
Patty : I, yeah, I guess, oh, um...
Graham : Camille Cherski?

[back at the Chases' -- Patty's room]
Angela : I'm telling you, those handcuffs do not belong to my parents.
Sharon : Of course not.
Rickie : Oh, never.
Rayanne : How much more of this am I supposed to take? Anyone? Cherski?
Sharon : Pass.
Rayanne : Bachelor #2, same question.
Rickie : [no response]
Sharon : I hate to say it, but you know who could actually be, like, capable
of figuring this out?
Angela : Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Forget it.
[enter Brian]
Brian : Oh my God.
DaniaVO : Oh my God. When he walked through the door, part of his arm
touched my shoulder. I thought I would faint, I mean swoon.
Rayanne : Auughh, gentle.
Brian : Sorry. Well, this is really simple. I mean, a child could get her
out of this. [looks at Danielle, she's got a goofy grin, shakes
his head] Um, all we need is wire shears. Uh, I mean, any dad has
them, you know. I mean, not my dad, but a normal dad, like your
dad, probably has them.
Danielle: He doesn't.
Brian : Oh, so, fine. Well. Well, we can just go to the hardware store
Monday.
Rayanne : Great, Monday. Perfect.

[in Warren's dining room]
Patty : I just think this place is beautiful. You know, I know that we got
off to a rocky start today, but I spoke to Warren and he's willing
to be flexible about the checkout time. So, we can have seven full
hours of daylight tomorrow to have fun.
Graham : [trying the brandy] Whoa, it's really bad.
Patty : [as Graham offers the bottle] No, I'm an adult. I'm not gonna
break the rules.
Cheryl : I have never met anyone like you.
Graham : Patty's not a big drinker.
Neil : Too mature for us.
Cheryl : By a lot.
Patty : Oh, come on, you make me sound so stuck up, or something.
[Damn, is that tumbleweed rolling through the dining room?
Crickets chirping? Another stupid cliche for dead silence?]
Fine, gimme that...hooch.
Graham : Aww, honey, you said "hooch" in a sentence.
Patty : [tries it, chokes] Hey, that's not so bad.
Cheryl : Yes, whooo!
Patty : Cheers.

[back to the gang in Patty's bedroom]
DaniaVO : He was a genius. I had goosebumps. Just watching him think.
Brian : Maybe we could find a place that sells handcuffs by the same
manufacturer. Maybe they would use the same key.
Sharon : Well, there's this place called the Pleasure Center that might have
that sort of stuff.
Rayanne : Oooh, Cherski, Pleasure Center?
Sharon : I've passed by it, jeez.
Angela : Well, fine. So, someone has to go.
[all look at Brian, who's looking down -- Rayanne would go but indicates that
she's cuffed]
Brian : Hey, I don't even know where the Pleasure Center is.
Sharon : Don't worry. I'll show you.

[Patty & Cheryl are toasted]
Patty : Oh, no. It's all gone.
Cheryl : Uup, no problemo. [produces another bottle]
Patty : Ohh, I love you Cheryl. Let's just break this puppy open, yessirree.
Graham : Honey, honey, maybe you've had enough.
Patty : No. Oh. Oh, you think that I'm drunk. [Warren approacheth]
Whoa, mayday, mayday, play it cool.
Warren : How are you all enjoying the dinner this evening?
Graham : It's, it's terri-
Neil : Great.
Cheryl : Yummy. Isn't it yummy?
Graham : Oh, it's very, very...[laughs] No, I'm sorry. It's really good.
It's really good.
Patty : Oh, [whispering to Warren] that means that he hates it. But I
don't want you to feel bad, Warren, because you see, he's a food
snob. And he hates anything that he doesn't fix himself.
Graham : Patty!
Patty : No. Warren is a very sensitive person, and he's my friend. And we
speak all the time now. As a matter of fact, we speaked today when
you left me here, all alone. Right, Warren?
Warren : [not amused]
Graham : Uh. [all are laughing]
Patty : Well, we pulled that off. Okay. That was close.

[chez Chase]
Brian : You would not believe who we ran into around the corner from the
Pleasure Center.

Sharon : Oh, Kyle. Kyle. Oh God, that feels good. Kyle, no, I told you.
You have to go. You can't come in. Uh, Kyle, no. Down.
Kyle : Well, can't I come in to, like, use the bathroom?
Sharon : Oh.

[in Patty's room]
Brian : Hey, wake up, I got 'em.
Rayanne : Oh, Krakow, we never did it with you on top before.
Brian : Hey, could we just keep this professional?
Rayanne : Oh, but you're my knight in shining armor. Wait a second. This
key is too big. It won't fit. Krakow, you're such an idiot.
Brian : Quit moving, will you?
Rayanne : No, it's too big! [Kyle walks in]
Kyle : Oh, hi. [looks over to his left -- lo and behold, it's
Rickie Vasquez, Angela Chase, and her little sister Danielle
looking on, eating Cracker Jack (a prize in every pack!)]
[he leaves]
Phil, Brian Krakow has Rayanne Graff chained to a bed, and they're
all watching.
Phil : [laughs]
Rayanne : [through the door] Krakow, stop, it's too big. It won't fit.
[the two jocks laugh]

Patty : Whoa, wait a second, wait a second. So, after you broke up with...
Cheryl : Kirk.
Patty : Kirk...
Cheryl : KIRK.
Patty : Why didn't you go back to the one with freckles? I like freckles.
Cheryl : Well, it all worked out for the best because Neil is so sweet. You
are so sweet.
Patty : Ah, yeah, wait a second 'cause you know Neil here has got, like, an
old commitment problem, you know. I mean, he just doesn't wanna
step up to the bat.
Neil : Hey.
Cheryl : [can't stop giggling -- Warren approacheth]
Patty : Whoaa! It's Mr. Bed & Breakfast Man! [gives fanfare and applause]
Warren : Can I get you folks anything else?
Graham : Uh, we were just going up to our rooms, actually.
Warren : What a wonderful idea -- for our OTHER patrons.
Patty : No, wait a second, I want an ice cream sundae.
Cheryl : Ohh.
Graham : Patty, uh, maybe we should call it a night.
Warren : One ice cream sundae.
Patty : Yes, mm hmm. [Warren departs] Yeah, okay, what we need to lighten
this situation up is an after-dinner drink.
Cheryl : Cheers.
Patty : Down the hatch, honey. [drinks from the wrong side of her glass]
Oh, no.
Cheryl : Oh, baby.
Patty : I spilled. No, wait a second, I know, somebody loan me a sweater!
[the ladies laugh] Did you get that? Did you get it? This, this
is gonna stain. Oh, God. I think I'd better soak it.
[starts to strip]
Graham : Aw, Patty. Don't.
Patty : I really think...
Warren : All right, that's enough! I'm sorry, but I have to ask you all to
GO TO YOUR ROOMS!
Patty : Go to my room, excuse me, I am an adult!
Warren : That is a judgement call, ma'am.
Patty : No, no, no, no, what about my ice cream?
Warren : Nobody is getting any ice cream, tonight!
Patty : [singing] Ice cream! I want ice cream. [being hoisted away by
Neil & Graham] Aw, c'mon Warren, how about one little scoop, hmm?
I thought we were friends, Warren. Hey, this isn't so bad. This is
fun.
Cheryl : I really admire her. [Patty laughs]

[Danielle looks in on Rayanne, then walks away]
Rayanne : Wait, come in.
Danielle: You're awake?
Rayanne : I can't sleep. Too bored to sleep. Could you do me a favor?
Danielle: I could for money.
Rayanne : Girl after my very own heart. Okay, here's what you do. You go
down to the liquor cabinet. You give me a bottle. Anything brown.
I'll give you a dollar.
Danielle: Nope.
Rayanne : Two dollars.
Danielle: It's wrong to drink.
Rayanne : You have a real miserable side to you, you know that?
Danielle: My parents say you're a bad influence. I heard 'em talking about
the things you do. Why do you do 'em?
Rayanne : I don't know. See, okay, when I look at myself, I see everything
in, like, slow motion, and I think, "Something has to happen."
Only, it never does. So I have to make it happen.
Danielle: Wow. [grabs the Cracker Jack] They're brown.
Rayanne : That they are.

[it's Sunday, at Warren's]
Graham : Good morning sunshine. Uh, by the way, we've been asked to leave.

[back at Chase House, Angela wakes up to find Danielle snuggling next to
Rayanne]

[in the hallway, at Warren's]
Patty : Oh, um, I would just like to apologize for what happened, um, last
night. And uh, also Cheryl, I'd like to say that I think I didn't
give you a fair chance.
Cheryl : To do what?
Patty : Um, why don't the four of us get together when we get back, you
know, um, go out?
Neil : Actually, Cheryl and I decided to keep things casual for now.
Patty : Oh.
Cheryl : [laughs] We didn't decide to keep things casual. We broke up!
You don't wanna see me anymore. I got out of the shower this
morning, and Neil was on the phone with Marla. I guess it was
partly my fault. I take really short showers.

[at the Chases']
Angela : I'm really having second thoughts about you taking apart my
parents' bed.
Rayanne : Just do it.
Brian : I told you, that's the beauty part. I don't have to take apart
the whole bed, just the headboard.
[bed falls apart -- alas, Rayanne is still chained]

[at a gas station, on the road back]
Patty : Look, can I just say, oh God, how do I put this, I acted totally
like an idiot. I made a fool of myself. But, you still shouldn't
have left me alone all day while you were on your liquor hunt.
Graham : Honey, I had no idea it would take so long. Anyway, it didn't seem
to matter to them.
Patty : What about what matters to me? I mean, there I am, I'm waiting,
and I'm waiting, and I'm worrying, and I'm feeling like the minutes
are ticking by, and then you tell me that you're late because you
had to LOOK UNDER HER HOOD!
Graham : Wait a minute, what are we talking about here?
Cheryl : You know, I have to say, I think it was really fun. I think we
should all do it again sometime, but only without Neil.

[yet another scene change, back in Patty's bedroom]
Brian : Okay, on three, 1...2...3. [they lift the top of the headboard]
Rayanne : Yes, I'm free! Krakow, you're a genius! [plants one] Okay, I'm
outta here.
Angela : You're leaving?
Rayanne : I can still make something out of this weekend.
Angela : Don't you dare leave now. [grabs Rayanne's purse]
Rayanne : Hey, c'mon, hands off. [the tug of war begins]
Angela : My parents will never trust me again.
Rayanne : Come on, now you're crossing the line, girlfriend.
Angela : I can't believe you! You're like this curse that's just, just
destroying my life! [phone rings] You can't just walk out and
expect us to clean up after you. You're like this living,
breathing bad luck omen!
Rayanne : Don't mince words! Tell me how you feel.
Sharon : Rayanne, calm down.
Danielle: [on phone] Okay.
Rickie : Hold it together. Angela!
Angela : I can't take it anymore.
Danielle: Hey!
Sharon : Rayanne, just don't talk!
Danielle: Hey! Hey! Mom's gonna be home in twenty minutes!

[the cleanup begins]
Brian : I can't get it in, hold on.
Rayanne : Rookie.
[Sharon & Rickie grunt]
Brian : Lower, lower.
Rickie : Okay.
Brian : Higher, higher, higher.
Sharon : Ow, ow! Finger, finger.
[lot of cleaning]

[enter Patty and Graham -- front door]
Patty : Hello? [everybody piles onto the bed]
[enter Patty and Graham -- bedroom door]
Angela : Hi.
Rickie : Hi.
Danielle: Hi.
Patty : Hi.
Angela : Oh, oh, Rayanne came over.
Patty : Great.
Sharon : And I did.
Graham : Hi. Hi.
Brian : Me too.
Rayanne : Hey.
Graham : Hey.
Patty : [gives the room the once-over, finds Cracker Jack box] Ahem.
Danielle: Sorry.
Patty : What are you kids doing up here?
Angela : Oh, we were just...
Sharon : Um...
Patty : I would really prefer it if you all wouldn't watch TV in my room.
[puts the key for the handcuffie thing on the dresser]
Angela : You're really right. I'm really sorry. We were only up here
because...
Danielle: [after stealing the key] Angela!
Angela : So, how was your weekend?
Graham : Nothing special.
Patty : Uh, yours?
Angela : Just the usual.
Danielle: ANGELA!
Patty : What, Danielle? What is it?
Danielle: Uh, I really missed you. [gives Patty a hug, gives Angela the key]
Patty : Oh, Danielle, sweetheart.
Angela : [gives Rickie the key, quickly hugs Patty to shield her from the
bed] I really missed you, too.
[the cuffs are off!]
Rayanne : Well, we'll just get out of your way.
Sharon : Bye, Angela. Bye, everyone.
Rickie : Bye, see ya. [everyone bolts out the door]
Graham : What a weird weekend.
Patty : I know. And we never even had a chance to reconnect. [they smooch
and fall to the bed] Ow!
Graham : Ow!
Patty : [she finds the cuffs still on the bed] Oh my God. Camille never
picked them up!
[Graham gets sinister look on his face -- through the door, you hear them
cuffs clicking]
Graham : Uh, uh, Patty, wait a second. Where's the key?
Patty : Oh my God.

[in the foyer]
Angela : Thanks. [plants one on Sharon -- touches Brian on his arm, he
stands there like a doof] Um, can I talk to Rayanne for a minute,
alone? [Rickie leaves]
Rayanne : Look, I don't want to get into any big discussion or anything.
Angela : Oh, neither do I.
Rayanne : Oh, then why'd you ask me to stay?
Angela : The key? [gets it after a little charade] I knew you couldn't
resist.
Rayanne : Party pooper.
[everybody's out!]
Angela : Weekend from hell.
DaniaVO : That was the best weekend of my entire life.
Angela : By the way, thanks.
Danielle: So, what are we doing next weekend?
Angela : Danielle, WE are not doing anything.
Danielle: We could see what Brian's doing.
Angela : Danielle!
Danielle: I kinda like Rayanne.
Angela : Danielle!

[in the bedroom -- shackled]
Patty : Graham, come on, this isn't funny.
Graham : I'm sorry, look, come on, you know, it's a little funny.
Patty : Ohhh.
Graham : Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking.
Gosh, honey, I, I, I just don't see a key.
Patty : Oh, I don't believe this. It's gotta be there. I just had it.
Did you check behind the dresser? Graham? Graham?
Graham : Wait a sec.
Patty : Oh Graham, will you forget that fishing stuff?
Graham : Whooa, will you look at the size of that baby? That's a keeper.
Patty : I don't believe this.
Graham : See you fry that up.
Patty : Oh, I don't believe this.
Graham : Oh, ooh, hey, you know, you know what we need? Wire shears.
Patty : Wait, wait, don't leave yet.
Graham : You know, I'll tell you the type of guy who has wire shears...
Bob Krakow. I'll ask Bob Krakow if I could borrow his wire shears.
Patty : Graham. Graham. No, wait.
Graham : It'll be okay, it'll be fine.
Patty : No, don't, don't leave yet.
Graham : I'll be right back.
Patty : Can, can you just see...what else is on?

[The End.]

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“My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him.”

Angela Chase, Episode 1: "My So-Called Life (Pilot)"